My boss called me into his office. "What are your goals in life?" "Uh… I want to be described as 'a force of nature.'" [pause] "I'm putting you in charge of Macworld." "Our whole booth?" Good thing I'm going to Sundance a week before Macworld….
Date Archives January 2010
A Real American Hero
He poured scalding water down my [wet]suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down…
A Dustland Fairytale
The Flop "I'm beside the…uh…Eyebrows R Us kiosk." "The what kiosk?" "Eyebrows R Us. The pioneers of eyebrow threading in Nevada." » I saw a black woman dressed as a princess and holding a stuffed frog outside T.I. » The only people who grab any…
I Already Work Around the Clock
It has quickly joined the Pantheon of Quotes from Trailers that Supersede Interest in the Actual Movie/TV Show. Other Recent Inductees: – "You'll get the money when I get my family!", Firewall – "You're risking a patient's life!", House – "You're a cop because (longer…
Edit the Sad Parts
From the director of Iron Monkey: True Legend (in 3D!) Hubba hubba. • Examine Netflix rental patterns, neighborhood by neighborhood, in a dozen cities. • The Weirdest Zip Codes on the New York Times Netflix Map • Death Metal Rooster
Happy Hollow
"MacGyver is here." "Where?" "Oh. MacGyvertech. Lame…" • Celebrities, musicians and actors make appearances at CES Goddammit! I missed Lady Gaga today! TWICE! And Obama Girl! (Obama Girl?!) I am not missing Punky Brewster. At Sony's booth, I watched a live 3D video feed of…
I'm more consultant than son
That's why they get paid the big bucks. Loosely applied logic. There goes any chance of them wearing their Baltimore Bullets throwbacks. // Fine, I'll be the one to say it: I want to know if these people are found alive or dead. One word!…
A Curious Case
Previously on Adam Riff™: "My father said I'd be around a bunch of people my age. 27, 20 – same difference." […] "What grade are you in?" "Uh… No grade. I have a job." "Oh. I thought you were a junior or senior in high…
You're excluded from ravioli night
Previously on Adam Riff™: I'm surprised that Taco Bell hasn't tried selling a taco with a quesadilla as its shell – Stuffed Crust Soft Taco. I wrote "soft taco" because I didn't think a stuffed crust burrito was feasible. Welp… re: the ad for said…