Dag Mah

on

Previously on Adam Riff™ [Jan 2008]:
I was carded twice – once in a sports book and once at a roulette table. I wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or dismayed. 25 going on 18…

// Las Vegas, NV

I'm playing Pai Gow Poker at the Flamingo. A cocktail waitress passes by.

Waitress: Drinks? Drinks?
Me: Can I get a Diet Coke?
Waitress: Just a plain Diet?
Me: Yes.

The waitress asks the dealer if he carded me.

—

Dealer change.

The new dealer asks the departing dealer if he carded me.

—

I cut through Harrah's on my way back to the Palazzo and stop to see how a spin of roulette plays out, during which time a floorwoman approaches me and asks to see identification.

36 going on 18…

I'm playing Craps at the Downtown Grand when the man to my left cracks a joke that incenses the woman to my right.

The man then spends the next two hours trying to get back in the woman's good graces with me standing between them the whole time.

"Baby…"
"Baby…"
"Baby…"
"We good?"

"Lover…"
"Lover…"

Didn't help that the woman was chain-smoking.

Simon Gotch Buries Enzo Amore

on

// Las Vegas, NV

The dude who played Raymond's brother on Everybody Loves Raymond has a comedy club with nightly performances by naked magicians.

[reading about Criss Angel's new show]

Angel's sinister alter ego, Xristos, stops by to cut a woman in half with a giant industrial buzzsaw.

I assume that's Xristos on the right.

Criss Angel is 51.

Ben: I hear that Park MGM is trying to assemble a 2020 Rat Pack: Justin Timberlake, Seth MacFarlane, Bruno Mars, and one other. They would perform both together and separately.

Jon: Has JT reached the Vegas residency stage of his career?

Ben: Hey, Drake and Cardi B have Vegas residencies…

Apogee

on

// Las Vegas, NV

"Suggested attire: Desert festival inspired costumes and arid climate survival gear."

Lucky Dragon Hotel and Casino is a closed Asian-themed boutique hotel and locals casino in Las Vegas, Nevada

Developer Andrew Fonfa had initially purchased the property as part of a five-acre parcel in 1987. At the time, Fonfa planned to build a hotel on the property, as he expected Circus Circus Enterprises to construct the Excalibur Hotel and Casino nearby, thus increasing tourism for the northern Las Vegas Strip. The Excalibur was ultimately built at the southern end of the Las Vegas Strip.

In 2008, Fonfa and his sister, Gudren, revealed plans for a potential hotel-casino on the property. The $1.2 billion resort would be called Q, standing for "queer," and would cater to gay and lesbian people.

None of Lucky Dragon's phone numbers contained the number 4, and its granite sidewalks were designed to imitate dragon scales.

Imagine how Q would have catered to gays and lesbians. Iced coffee makers in every room. The pool deck is a PokéStop.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

10. First Kiss (PEN15, S01E08)

Honourable Mention

  • Thong Struts (PEN15, S01E05)
  • Killing Paul F. Tompkins (You're the Worst, S05E09)

Stray Observations

  • "No more 'thon." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S02E09)
  • ♫: Peter Oren – "Pictures from Spain" (You're the Worst, S05E09)
  • "I'd be jealous too if someone was better than me at everything their whole life."
    "Oh, no."
    "Not everything. I have more allergies than you."
    "Not the best brag."
    "I have so many allergies, I just found out I'm allergic to chia seeds."
    "But apparently effective."
    "I'm allergic to chia and acai berries!"
    "Yeah? My throat gets scratchy when I eat stone fruit!"
    […]
    "What, afraid to use your forearms?"
    "Pretty good. You're not using enough elbooooow!"
    "Guys, those aren't the parts people feature when they dance." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E09)
  • "Oh! Here comes Selleck's groin." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E17)
  • "I'm the former cha-cha king of Taipei." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E17)
  • "Why is your grandpa saying 'clit'?" (PEN15, S01E03)
  • PEN15 Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Diper911

on

// Las Vegas, NV

The PIT maneuver, or Pursuit Intervention Technique, is a pursuit tactic by which a pursuing car can force a fleeing car to abruptly turn sideways, causing the driver to lose control and stop. Other names include pit block, pit stop, and blocking.

Choose to ride in the police car performing a pit maneuver or drive the getaway car and get spun out. [source]

In the garden of evil, I'm gonna be the greatest

on

[browsing SXSW's 2019 short film line-up]

Incel

Sam is a reclusive, anti-social young man who has been absorbed into a toxic web forum.

Nah.

It's Not Custard

The darkly comic story of Louise, a teenager suffering the dual blows of unrelenting acne and continual bullying.

She wishes to quiet those who bother her and is presented with such an opportunity when she awakes to find her acne gone.

This magical gift has a bizarre consequence that grants her the most delicious of revenges.


Does she feed them pus? It's Scott Tenorman?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

9. The Ceremony (You're the Worst, S05E08)

Stray Observations

  • "I was doing real good without no head-shitting birds in here." (True Detective, S03E08)
  • ♫: Jon Batiste – "Saint James Infirmary Blues" (True Detective, S03E08)
  • True Detective Season Grade: C
  • "A good drunk is fun. A bad drunk wants to have a fight. A good drunk lives in the present. A bad drunk is thinking about yesterday. It's all about gas and the brakes. Bottoms up. How you feel?"
    "Great."
    "Wanna do another one?"
    "Yeah."
    "No! You feel good, right? So take a break, driver eight. Take your foot off the gas for a couple of seconds. Coast." (Shameless, S09E12)
  • "And just like that, the tone of the evening turned sexual." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S02E08)
  • Batista's blue nose ring (WWE Raw, 02-22-19)
  • "DeRay Mckesson. [pause] DeRay Mckesson… And that's a black person you should know?" (Black-ish, S05E14)
  • Vernon drowning his sorrow with Crème de Menthe (You're the Worst, S05E08)
  • "You can never watch too much DuckTales." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E08)
  • "This is the most dangerous man in America: 5'8" hunched over, 93 pounds, with grey hair and blue-grey skin." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E08)
  • "Now it's a Christian dating website. Now it's Chicago Med. Now Chicago Fire. Now Chicago P.D." (The Other Two, S01E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Rolabi Wizenard

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

TLC's DR. PIMPLE POPPER, featuring Instagram and YouTube's popular dermatologist Dr. Sandra Lee, will premiere on Wednesday, July 11.

Lee is tasked with removing life-altering growths from her patients' skin so they can try to reclaim their lives.

March 5:

A&E Network is set to premiere THE TOE BRO, a docuseries following YouTube sensation Jonathan Tomines, a foot specialist who treats a range of shocking foot problems.

Each episode follows four patients on a mission to fix their hidden and painful secret who look to the Toe Bro for help.

We're doing this now, eh?

Did you know that Robert Irvine has his own magazine?

"Is" should be capitalized.