Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

32. Hide, Infiltrate, Violence (Who Is America?, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Listen, I look at you and I see Weimar. I see hyperinflation. I mean, I look at your face and, no offense, but I see dead babies." (Succession, S01E10)
  • "Guess who just didn't kill anyone, but maybe only lost a couple of thumbs?"
    "I don't know."
    "This guy!" (Succession, S01E10)
  • Succession Season Grade: B
  • "Is Naomi, um, a male or a female?"
    "Uh, she identifies as a female."
    "Okay. Is she, uh, physically female?"
    "She has, um, a…round vagina." (Who Is America?, S01E04)
  • "This is for you. Uh, international package."
    "Oh, it's from Vietnam! I love their soup! Is it pronounced 'foh' or 'fuh'?"
    "I really don't know."
    "'Cause there's two restaurants by my house, and one's called 'What Have You Done Pho Me Lately?,' and the other one's called 'Phoget About It.'" (Alone Together, S02E03)
  • "Okay, I'll have some of that lemonade."
    "Is it good?"
    "No, it tastes like guacamole."
    "Oh, I forgot to wash the mortar and pestle."
    "That's so gross!"
    "Well, it's…California style." (Alone Together, S02E03)
  • "She heads towards the TV to stream season two of True Detective, but mercifully, she dies." (Alone Together, S02E04)
  • Jim Harbaugh (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • "Mitchell" Albom (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • "And I think for the tag, we go with: 'It's not just a slice of pizza. It's a little slice of home.'"
    "Oh, it's great. It's so much better than 'slice of house.'" (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • Carl Anthony Payne III (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • ♫: Jon Bap – "Don't Run into the Dark so Quick" (Random Acts of Flyness, S01E02)
  • ♫: Moses Sumney – "Incantation" (Random Acts of Flyness, S01E02)
  • "I've never been to a shop that sells dried puppy heads before." (Dark Tourist, S01E07)
  • Dark Tourist Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

snorting cocaine off the street

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Anthony Michael Hall: You've never seen Man on Fire?
Jon: I think I've only ever seen two Denzel Washington films: Virtuosity and John Q.
Anthony Michael Hall: [pause]
Jon: No, I've also seen Courage Under Fire and The Manchurian Candidate.
Anthony Michael Hall: All the hits…


The Denzel Standoff

Jon: Oh, jeez… Okay.
Jon: Left to right: American Gangster, The Book of Eli, Training Day?, Man on Fire, dunno, dunno, The Magnificent Seven.
Jon: When was he bald?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

31. Quinceañera (Who Is America?, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Kendrick Lamar playing a crackhead (Power, S05E05)
  • "I'm in a fuckin' knife fight here; I'm holding a dildo made out of American cheese." (Succession, S01E09)
  • "Pleased to meet you."
    "Likewise, your excellency. Gregory Hirsch."
    "Greg! You're Greg Egg!"
    "Excuse me?"
    "You're Greg the Egg! When you were born, you looked like a little misshapen egg."
    "I…did. Yeah, I did hear tell of…of lore…"
    "Oh, God, and your dad used to try and sleep with all the men in Sausalito."
    [pause]
    "How's your mother?"
    "Uhh, good. Okay. Yeah. Solvent, currently." (Succession, S01E09)
  • "Alabama has always been a place for equality." (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • "What was your favourite scene in Moonlight?" (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • Quoting "Wild Wild West" (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • "Touch my pussy panties." (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • "Go ahead, make my 15th birthday!" (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • ♫: Tom Waits – "Clap Hands" (Castle Rock, S01E04)
  • "We call him the Shit Bandit."
    "Shit Bandit? That goes on official police documents?"
    "We put an asterisk where the I is." (Alone Together, S02E01)
  • "You don't have to do this."
    "I do. I'm a beta cuck pushover. This is what we do."
    "No, you're not. You're an empath. You know who else is an empath? The Rock." (Alone Together, S02E01)
  • "I got the password."
    "So what was it?"
    "Kobeshaq."
    "Huh. You don't like basketball… Kobeshaq?"
    "Oh, it's an all-you-can-eat Japanese beef place I used to go to." (Alone Together, S02E01)
  • ♫: Three covers of "Come Sail Away" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E10)
  • "It's mayhem, O'Reilly." (Cloak and Dagger, S01E10)
  • Cloak and Dagger Season Grade: C
  • ♫: The Treacherous Three – "At the Party" (Snowfall, S02E03)
  • "Promotional consideration by Quicken Loans." (Detroiters, S02E08)
  • Bronson (Dark Tourist, S01E05)


(Dark Tourist, S01E05)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Houstonfornication

on

A childhood friend of mine is getting married next March in Byron Bay, Australia (her fiancée is Australian).

As I have never visited Australia, and flights to and from Australia are 14 hours long, I figured I should stay a while.

It was only after booking a non-refundable ticket arriving March 4 and departing March 28 that it occurred to me that I won't be able to use my phone at will for basically an entire month.

Oof. Verizon's TravelPass is $10 per day.

I'm spending a week in Portland, Oregon this month prior to my hero Tony Fader's wedding, staying in a Airbnb because hotels in Portland are unwelcomingly priced.

My one issue with Airbnbs is that they don't uniformly have gyms.

Idea: MoviePass, but for accessing gyms while traveling. $10-15 drop-in fees rack up, and I don't want to fill out a fitness analysis and have an orientation with a membership counselor before using a multiple-day trial pass.

Netflix Original Film Idea: A remake of the 1992 film Stay Tuned in which Roy and Helen are sucked into Netflix and must survive its programming for 24 hours.

Overwatch Me

on

Idea: Juul Camel.

You know what you never see in unearthed tweets? The word "kike." It has seemingly been eradicated from discourse, like smallpox, whereas "nigger" and "faggot" persist, like measles and pertussis, because of irresponsible parents.

[searches Adam Riff™'s archive for "nigger"]

23 results.

[searches Adam Riff™'s archive for "faggot"]

30 results.

I can never be in the news.

Haunted House Idea: In one room, two black men barbecuing. In another, a black girl selling water. Every room is just black people doing mundane stuff.

Eater's Digest: West San Francisco Bay Area

on

June/July 2018

// San Francisco / North Beach


Unicorn Tuna Tartare (Comstock Saloon)
unicorn juice, strawberries, thai herbs, fried shallots

^ Not sure why my tuna was room temperature.


Green Curry Churros (Comstock Saloon)
coconut cream foam

^ Anemic.


"Eggs Benedict" (Comstock Saloon)

^ With a pleasantly citrusy queso instead of a hollandaise sauce and tots instead of muffin.


Caviar Chexx (Comstock Saloon)
tsar nicoulai caviar, whipped crème fraîche

^ $8.00.


Lo Mein Cacio e Pepe (Comstock Saloon)
pecorino, parmesan, szechuan pepper

^ A bowl of oil with some noodles in it.

// San Francisco / Financial District

Deviled Egg Salad Sandwich (City Counter)
crushed salt and vinegar chips, counter sauce, mustard greens, sliced sourdough
—It's an egg salad sandwich.

// Cupertino

Aloo Chaat Pizza (Curry Pizza House)
red sauce, marinated potatoes, mint, red onion, cheese, fresh cilantro
—The mint makes it.

Tandoori Wings (Curry Pizza House)
chicken wings marinated in special tandoori sauce
—Delectable.

// San Mateo

(Wursthall) is Internet food guru J. Kenji López-Alt's biergarten.


Plain Bratkartoffeln (Wursthall)
crispy fried potatoes, chives, mustard aioli

^ Deep-fried, not pan-fried.


Impossible Döner Kebap Sandwich (Wursthall)
vegan döner, turkish spices, döner sauce, pickled cucumbers, pickled chiles, arugula, red onions, cilantro, turkish bread, with mixed greens and house potato salad

^ My first experience with Impossible "meat." Endorsed.

Al Pastor Wurst (Wursthall)
pork, dried chiles, pineapple, speck-cherry pepper relish
—Un perro caliente.


Pumpkin Seed Sundae (Wursthall)
vanilla ice cream, pumpkin seed brittle, pumpkin seed oil, smoked sea salt

^ Great. Oil and ice cream really works for me.

// San Francisco / Pacific Heights

Pickled Strawberry Banana Natto Bread Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
fermented natto beans baked into a banana cake; vinegar and yuzu-spike, housemade pickled strawberries
—…As does vinegar and ice cream.

Breakaway Matcha and Black Raspberry Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
breakaway green tea, orange, roasted jam made with black raspberries and wild blueberries

Mt Tam Cheese with Toasted Acme Bread Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
cowgirl creamery mt tam cheese, homemade sour cherry and apricot jam, bits of acme bread's fruit and walnut bread that we toast and candy

Goat Cheese Marionberry Habanero Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
—Incohesive.

// San Francisco / Mid-Market

Chocolate-Habanero Soft Serve (Kaya)
pomegranate molasses and lime
—Seemed like the only heat came from the molasses drizzled on top.


Fried Plantains (Kaya)
black bean sauce and sour cream

^ Galaxy brain sweet and savoury.

// San Francisco / Ferry Building Marketplace


Pulled Pork and Pineapple Tacro (Viva La Tarte)
handcrafted croissant shell, pickled greens, fresh mango, house green and red salsa

^ Difficult to eat as a taco. The pulled pork was surprisingly good.

// Santa Clara

Potato Taquitos (Puesto)
guajillo chipotle tortilla, queso fresco, classic guacamole, salsa fresca, black garlic chile oil
—The salsa fresca and black garlic chile oil "sauces" are stupendous.


Filet Mignon Taco (Puesto)
crispy melted cheese, avocado, spicy pistachio serrano

^ Pro: Is tasty. Con: Is $7.75 each.


Charred Mango Cheesecake (Puesto)
almond corn crust, mango jamaica coulis


Chocoflan Piñata (Puesto)
dark chocolate cake, vanilla bean flan, cajeta

^ Chocolate cake topped with caramel topped with vanilla flan topped with sprinkles and pearls that you disseminate by cracking open a white chocolate sphere on a golf tee with a mallet.

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


30. Spencer Gifts (Who Is America?, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

  • Kingman, AZ Town Hall (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • Timberland Motor Court Trial (Castle Rock, S01E03)
  • Robot Hotel (Dark Tourist, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • Ghosted Season Grade: D
  • Pose Season Grade: C
  • "We should talk to some girls."
    "Hey, little tip: Ask 'em where they were on 9/11. If they don't know, they could be under 21." (Succession, S01E08)
  • "Hey, uhh, may I ask you, where were you on 9/11?" (Succession, S01E08)
  • "Greg tells me you swallowed your own load."
    "Yeah, it was… Yeah, it was pretty wild. It's cool, though, 'cause it's like I didn't cheat, 'cause all the sperm stayed in my own body, like a closed-loop system." (Succession, S01E08)
  • "How does it feel being the king of terrorist killers? I mean, you killed 100,000 actual terrorists and about 700,000 potential terrorists." (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • "It's okay if I just get a quick Dick pic?" (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • "Since he was adopted by Jessica Simpson, his life is much better." (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • Mostly 4 Millennials Season Grade: C
  • "What are Violent Femmes?" (Castle Rock, S01E03)
  • Stan Lee cameo (Cloak and Dagger, S01E09)
  • "We just had a little chica try to buy our product ho sale."
    "Is you trying to say 'wholesale,' nigga?"
    "That's what I said! A ho wanting to make a sale!" (Snowfall, S02E02)


(Detroiters, S02E07)

  • "We were like a spread of dicks all over." (Dark Tourist, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You

#clipoftheweek