I'm a lot like you were

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

By my calculation, on August 17, 2018, this website will have consumed exactly half of my life.

And from August 17, 2018 on, this website will have consumed over half of my life.

Well, today is the day.

Half of my life devoted to Adam Riff™ – at the expense of any meaningful adulthood, perhaps.

Kinda fitting that the "over half of my life" era will begin in the company of the first people I befriended through this website.

Only about two years until its 20th anniversary.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

32. Hide, Infiltrate, Violence (Who Is America?, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Listen, I look at you and I see Weimar. I see hyperinflation. I mean, I look at your face and, no offense, but I see dead babies." (Succession, S01E10)
  • "Guess who just didn't kill anyone, but maybe only lost a couple of thumbs?"
    "I don't know."
    "This guy!" (Succession, S01E10)
  • Succession Season Grade: B
  • "Is Naomi, um, a male or a female?"
    "Uh, she identifies as a female."
    "Okay. Is she, uh, physically female?"
    "She has, um, a…round vagina." (Who Is America?, S01E04)
  • "This is for you. Uh, international package."
    "Oh, it's from Vietnam! I love their soup! Is it pronounced 'foh' or 'fuh'?"
    "I really don't know."
    "'Cause there's two restaurants by my house, and one's called 'What Have You Done Pho Me Lately?,' and the other one's called 'Phoget About It.'" (Alone Together, S02E03)
  • "Okay, I'll have some of that lemonade."
    "Is it good?"
    "No, it tastes like guacamole."
    "Oh, I forgot to wash the mortar and pestle."
    "That's so gross!"
    "Well, it's…California style." (Alone Together, S02E03)
  • "She heads towards the TV to stream season two of True Detective, but mercifully, she dies." (Alone Together, S02E04)
  • Jim Harbaugh (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • "Mitchell" Albom (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • "And I think for the tag, we go with: 'It's not just a slice of pizza. It's a little slice of home.'"
    "Oh, it's great. It's so much better than 'slice of house.'" (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • Carl Anthony Payne III (Detroiters, S02E09)
  • ♫: Jon Bap – "Don't Run into the Dark so Quick" (Random Acts of Flyness, S01E02)
  • ♫: Moses Sumney – "Incantation" (Random Acts of Flyness, S01E02)
  • "I've never been to a shop that sells dried puppy heads before." (Dark Tourist, S01E07)
  • Dark Tourist Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

snorting cocaine off the street

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Anthony Michael Hall: You've never seen Man on Fire?
Jon: I think I've only ever seen two Denzel Washington films: Virtuosity and John Q.
Anthony Michael Hall: [pause]
Jon: No, I've also seen Courage Under Fire and The Manchurian Candidate.
Anthony Michael Hall: All the hits…


The Denzel Standoff

Jon: Oh, jeez… Okay.
Jon: Left to right: American Gangster, The Book of Eli, Training Day?, Man on Fire, dunno, dunno, The Magnificent Seven.
Jon: When was he bald?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

31. Quinceañera (Who Is America?, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Kendrick Lamar playing a crackhead (Power, S05E05)
  • "I'm in a fuckin' knife fight here; I'm holding a dildo made out of American cheese." (Succession, S01E09)
  • "Pleased to meet you."
    "Likewise, your excellency. Gregory Hirsch."
    "Greg! You're Greg Egg!"
    "Excuse me?"
    "You're Greg the Egg! When you were born, you looked like a little misshapen egg."
    "I…did. Yeah, I did hear tell of…of lore…"
    "Oh, God, and your dad used to try and sleep with all the men in Sausalito."
    [pause]
    "How's your mother?"
    "Uhh, good. Okay. Yeah. Solvent, currently." (Succession, S01E09)
  • "Alabama has always been a place for equality." (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • "What was your favourite scene in Moonlight?" (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • Quoting "Wild Wild West" (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • "Touch my pussy panties." (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • "Go ahead, make my 15th birthday!" (Who Is America?, S01E03)
  • ♫: Tom Waits – "Clap Hands" (Castle Rock, S01E04)
  • "We call him the Shit Bandit."
    "Shit Bandit? That goes on official police documents?"
    "We put an asterisk where the I is." (Alone Together, S02E01)
  • "You don't have to do this."
    "I do. I'm a beta cuck pushover. This is what we do."
    "No, you're not. You're an empath. You know who else is an empath? The Rock." (Alone Together, S02E01)
  • "I got the password."
    "So what was it?"
    "Kobeshaq."
    "Huh. You don't like basketball… Kobeshaq?"
    "Oh, it's an all-you-can-eat Japanese beef place I used to go to." (Alone Together, S02E01)
  • ♫: Three covers of "Come Sail Away" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E10)
  • "It's mayhem, O'Reilly." (Cloak and Dagger, S01E10)
  • Cloak and Dagger Season Grade: C
  • ♫: The Treacherous Three – "At the Party" (Snowfall, S02E03)
  • "Promotional consideration by Quicken Loans." (Detroiters, S02E08)
  • Bronson (Dark Tourist, S01E05)


(Dark Tourist, S01E05)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Houstonfornication

on

A childhood friend of mine is getting married next March in Byron Bay, Australia (her fiancée is Australian).

As I have never visited Australia, and flights to and from Australia are 14 hours long, I figured I should stay a while.

It was only after booking a non-refundable ticket arriving March 4 and departing March 28 that it occurred to me that I won't be able to use my phone at will for basically an entire month.

Oof. Verizon's TravelPass is $10 per day.

I'm spending a week in Portland, Oregon this month prior to my hero Tony Fader's wedding, staying in a Airbnb because hotels in Portland are unwelcomingly priced.

My one issue with Airbnbs is that they don't uniformly have gyms.

Idea: MoviePass, but for accessing gyms while traveling. $10-15 drop-in fees rack up, and I don't want to fill out a fitness analysis and have an orientation with a membership counselor before using a multiple-day trial pass.

Netflix Original Film Idea: A remake of the 1992 film Stay Tuned in which Roy and Helen are sucked into Netflix and must survive its programming for 24 hours.

Overwatch Me

on

Idea: Juul Camel.

You know what you never see in unearthed tweets? The word "kike." It has seemingly been eradicated from discourse, like smallpox, whereas "nigger" and "faggot" persist, like measles and pertussis, because of irresponsible parents.

[searches Adam Riff™'s archive for "nigger"]

23 results.

[searches Adam Riff™'s archive for "faggot"]

30 results.

I can never be in the news.

Haunted House Idea: In one room, two black men barbecuing. In another, a black girl selling water. Every room is just black people doing mundane stuff.