Adam Riff™

15. Oh, farts (Andre the Giant, 04-10-18)

Honourable Mention

• Clancy the Robot Dog (The Last Man on Earth, S04E14)
• David and Farouk battle on the astral plane (Legion, S02E02)
• Conan and Jordan Schlansky's Italian Wine Tasting (Conan Without Borders: Italy, 04-11-18)
• White girlfriend confrontation (Atlanta, S02E07)
• Diner Lobster (Saturday Night Live, S43E18)

Stray Observations

• "In a garbage bag in the middle of the woods. My horoscope was right." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
• "See? This is why we're a great team. I have sugar, and you, you know about breathing." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
• "Ooh, maybe I confessed something fun in my sleep, like I'm really a Russian agent, like, like Felicity." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
• "He let me stay on his couch when Anna Kournikova and I broke up."
  [scoffs] "Well, I mean, she never won a major, so…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
• Will Shortz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
• "So, it would seem that we have become frenemies. Do you know what that means?"
  "Are you trying to imply that I'm too old to understand a portmanteau? I am not, but I am too dignified to use one, friend-enemy." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
• Mike (The Last Man on Earth, S04E14)
• "You'd tell me if you harboured nativist feelings, wouldn't you?" (Silicon Valley, S05E03)
• "Consommé!" (Barry, S01E03)
• "I hear that TNA is hiring." (WWE Raw, 04-09-18)
• "I do not want another lizard situation." // "What is your purpose?!" (Black-ish, S04E19)
• "How do we know that one of these dogs isn't just gonna snap on somebody?"
  "Oh, Duke would never snap at anybody. Would you, David Duke?" (Black-ish, S04E19)
• "Sorry, no speak English." (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 04-10-18)
• "What is that?"
  "A Bakersfield mimosa. Sparkling wine and orange Jell-O mix." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "What's a Jayden?" (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "Wow, it is rough out here. No one will even look at us."
  "I know. Is this what it feels like to be a seven? Answer me, Ronnie." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "I'll make Bakersfield Marys. It's just vodka and ketchup." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "You guys look like I feel. Well, not you, Bernard. You're always a stunner." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "Also, from my time as a roadie for The Huh?, a Who cover band. (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "Where'd your shin go, man?!" (New Girl, S07E01)
• "This party is a disaster. Our guests have no questions for the panel." (New Girl, S07E01)
• "Try playing musical chairs with no music! It's just chairs!" (New Girl, S07E01)
• "Cake beats mail." (New Girl, S07E01)
• Guest starring Brian Huskey as Merle Streep (New Girl, S07E01)
• Directed by Ana Lily Amirpour (Legion, S02E02)
• Juniper (The Last O.G., S01E02)
• Malik Yoba (The Last O.G., S01E02)
• "Things are changing back home, opening up. And it's not just politics, it's, it's the young people, it's music, it's, it's different. I mean, they're talking about opening a Pizza Hut in Moscow. You see the papers."
  "What, the Washington Post?" (The Americans, S06E03)
• "I got an IUD to block them K-I-Ds." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "First of all, my breasts are already on Tumblr." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "This pizza has to go inside him." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "Mm-mm. Chew." (Atlanta, S02E07)

(Atlanta, S02E07)

• "Drake's nutritionist is my cousin." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• Bostrom's simulation argument (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "It's all fake. There's no Drake. So don't ruin your high and just enjoy yourself." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• Walking home in Puma slides (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "Drake's Mexican!" (Atlanta, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

14. Obamacare (Legends of Tomorrow, S03E17)

Honourable Mention

• Bushworld Adventures (Adult Swim, 04-01-18)
• Delusions (Legion, S02E01)
• Owl's Casket (Atlanta, S02E06)
• Black Jeopardy (Saturday Night Live, S43E17)

Stray Observations

• "This is not the time for stories about your digital squash, Peralta." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
• "I can't believe you thought I was the dumb cop. I mean, I've watched Planet Earth – with the British narrator!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
• Counterpart Season Grade: C
• "Your lower back hair is catching the light in the most beautiful way. It's like I'm seeing it for the first time."
  "Must be some residual push sweat. I don't know if you heard, but I just took a pretty aggressive dump."
  "I did hear." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E13)
• "Look at the last guy to create a new internet: Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn. Look, the point is, you need to lead with passion. When you set your mind to it, you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met, and I have met Ira Glass." (Silicon Valley, S05E02)
• "Now I wish I could say that this was the first time that one of my students was gunned down in the street, but it's not, and as much as it pains me to say it, it is most likely not the last." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Brought to you by wolf attacking a horse." (Barry, S01E02)
• "I'd love to play a priest that's molesting little boys." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Siri, what is 'off-book'?" (Barry, S01E02)
• "I thought this was, like, supposed to be funny."
  "A man molesting children?"
  "Yeah, like how Family Guy is funny." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Are you doing Doubt? Oh, let's not do Doubt." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Webster's Dictionary defines 'death' as 'a permanent cessation of all vital functions.' It defines 'remember' as 'to bring to mind or think of again.' So, even though Ryan's vital functions have ceased, if we think of him, he will always be with us." (Barry, S01E02)
• "He could be a legacy kid at my Zamunda."
  "You mean, the fake country that Eddie Murphy left when he wanted to go work at McDowell's?"
  "You watched it?"
  "No, I, I read about it on Wikipedia. You know I can't watch Eriq La Salle!" (Black-ish, S04E18)
• "You can pick one of three reasons to break up with me: I'm too jealous, I'm too clingy, or I didn't laugh enough at Rick and Morty." (LA to Vegas, S01E11)
• "The force of the bolt exiting her body blew off her big toe." (The Mick, S02E20)
• The Mick Season Grade: C
• Waffle boat (Legion, S02E01)
• "Wait, were there women with mustaches singing?" (Legion, S02E01)
• "So I'm supposed to find the Shadow King from inside a daiquiri?" (Legion, S02E01)
• ♫ Legion Cast – "White Rabbit" (Legion, S02E01)
• Gay little niggas (The Last O.G., S01E01)
• "Why everything with you gotta be about dick?"
  "What?! The phallus is the number one piece of universal comedy gold. Everybody love a good dick joke. You know it's like Tom, Dick, and Harry. You heard about that, right? Nobody gives a shit about Harry. Everybody wanna know who Dick is." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
• "You don't want your rectum turned into a parking garage, man." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
• "What are you doing?
  "What Prometheus did."
  "Whore-crotching."
  "Horcruxing." (The Magicians, S03E13)
• The Magicians Season Grade: C
• Donald Glover as Teddy Perkins (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Oh, I don't have a butler. I just use this to remember things. 'Finish that hat for Dionne Warwick. Wash your hands, immediately.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "I have Fiji, and Evian. I'll mix it with some Poland Springs. Maybe a Voss?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "And let me get a 5 Cheese Krystal combo, no fries."
  "It's cheaper with fries."
  "No fries."
  "That's rich nigga shit, man!" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Look, man, if I leave, I'll regret it, and I got a two regret life limit pact. Somebody gotta take me out if I go over two." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "The nigga look like somebody left Sammy Sosa in the dryer." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "'Sammy Sosa hat.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Yo, why this nigga the same color as his fuckin' hat?"
  "Yeah, man, this nigga looks like a white man's penis."
  "Yo, man, why this nigga look like what's under a scab, though?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Feel free to Twitter or Blogspot any of it." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "I want this wing of the museum to be dedicated to great fathers: My father, Joe Jackson, Marvin Gay Sr., Tiger Woods' father, Serena Williams' father, the father that drops off Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club…" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• Darius' phone background (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "You know, not all great things come from great pain. Sometimes it's love. Not everything's a sacrifice." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• ♫ Stevie Wonder – "Evil" (Atlanta, S02E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

• Finally, someone has charted the exact path of the creature in It Follows

13. The Baby Boss (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E05)

Honourable Mention

• True Romance (Barry, S01E01)
• Karate Act by Sudarshana Deshapriya (Sri Lanka's Got Talent, S01E01)

Stray Observations

• "That's lip gloss? I thought you'd always just finished eating rotisserie chicken." (Bob's Burgers, S08E11)
• Hitchcock shaving a burger (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E13)
• "Famous kids are monsters. You do not wanna meet Young Sheldon." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E13)
• "Karl, we send you our thoughts and prayers as you hurtle, screaming, on your terrifying journey to Hell. Heck, you're probably chewing on Bill Cosby's gallbladder right now, washing it down with a warm cup of diarrhea." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E12)
• "Señor Clean" (The Last Man on Earth, S04E12)

(Trust, S01E01)

(Trust, S01E01)

• "You're gonna look like Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Maybe tonight you'll fall for a radiant sex worker." (Silicon Valley, S05E01)
• "We never had pizza 'cause my stepmom said Italians aren't real white people." (Silicon Valley, S05E01)
• Magnolia (Barry, S01E01)
• "K-PAX." (Barry, S01E01)
• "I mean, do you think Meryl Streep and Kaley Cuoco became stars just because they're the best?" (Barry, S01E01)
• "Delta Burke is a lot of work!" (Barry, S01E01)
• Chopped (Black-ish, S04E17)
• "You just don't throw together an avant-garde Bible-themed 'Fashion of the Christ' costume party. Speaking of which, what's the costume?"
  "Well, I was thinking of being a sexy Rachel from Laban, Genesis 29:16. It's a deep cut."
  "No deep cuts! Stick to the hits." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "Are you tired of the same old restaurant experience? Then do what I do, and head down to Broth, Vegas' finest new eatery, where everything's soup, including you, because the dining room's a Jacuzzi." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "The best revenge is an act of social media." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "The party's tonight? But it's my bowling championship. You promised that if I advanced, you would come."
  "Well, you advanced and hopefully I will." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "We were nervous to tell you, for obvious reasons, because he's so, so old."
  […]
  "We were nervous about telling you, for obvious reasons, because she's so, so old." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "So, Dave, tell me, what made you decide to become a pilot?"
  "Well, Patricia, it all started when I first read the story of Icarus, who flew so close to the sun with no repercussions." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "Oh, God, I am gonna tell you what you told me when I tried singing Dreamgirls in the shower: You have to stop." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
• "I don't wanna be Mexican!" (The Mick, S02E19)
• "Oh, these cabins look so rustic. Kinda makes you realize how cosmopolitan Bakersfield is." (Baskets, S03E10)
• Baskets Season Grade: B
• Grown-ish Season Grade: C
• Lenny and Carl (Riverdale, S02E17)
• "Wait, Kevin, can you lead us to this secret gay hook-up tunnel?" (Riverdale, S02E17)

(Riverdale, S02E17)

• ♫ Ann Marr – "Bullet" (Riverdale, S02E17)
• "Cheryl, Toni, there are a bunch of nuns coming. We have to go." (Riverdale, S02E17)
• Diegetic "previously on" (The Magicians, S03E12)
• "I come bearing gifts."
  "This is, like, 80% taco supplies."
  "I'm sorry, do they not have Tuesdays in Fillory?" (The Magicians, S03E12)
• "I will say what I wish my father had said to me: I'm so happy you're dating a bear." (The Magicians, S03E12)
• "Giving people shit is easy. Taking it away is almost impossible. Like Obamacare. Or herpes." (The Magicians, S03E12)
• ♫ Peter Gabriel – "We Do What We're Told (Milgram's 37)" (The Americans, S06E01)
• "Key and Peele put a movie out with a cat in it, they put the cat on the poster. They dressed the cat up like a nigga instead of putting two niggas that made the movie on the poster."
  "So was it a cat in a suit or just looked like a nigga?"
  "It was, you know, you know a cat, what a, what a nigga cat look like!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Raindrops peach emoji?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Toothpick? 50 cent." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Yeah, he had queef engine or something like that, and his carburetor had jaundice." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Hey, you like Zaxby's?"
  "Nigga, don't be rude. Of course I love Zaxby's." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Nigga, three? You better pick up five. Use your back too, bitch." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Well, do it then, beige lady!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "You think I work hard at these three jobs so you can walk around town with your little nigglet friends skipping school all day? I work hard, man. But y'all think y'all grown, don't it? Huh? Well, since y'all grown, please tell me you put up the street team posters I gave you today." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "We ain't gonna never get this $35 now." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Come inspire the youth!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "I got a fire mixtape. I'm like Lonzo Ball." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Don't tell your mama? Well, I'm calling her right now. She gotta know."
  "Do you have minutes?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Son, could you not jack off with my good lotion?"
  "Oh, really? Right in front of Paper Boi?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "Anybody else pee a little bit when we had that wreck? Just me? Hey, sorry about the hit-and-run thing, but you know I can't go back to jail, baby. I just can't do it. I don't weigh enough. You know, I'll be somebody girlfriend immediately in jail. I don't fuck with no jails. Just passing by the Atlanta pen make my boy hymen hurt." (Atlanta, S02E05)
• "You ruined my whole goddamn day."
  "Ruined?! Nigga, we had a good day today! I took you to mentor to some kids. You're welcome. And then we, we ate at that white lady house. And then we hit that Asian lady from the back, you know what I'm talking about…" (Atlanta, S02E05)
• Thundercat and Flying Lotus composed an original score for the episode (Atlanta, S02E05)
• Babylon Berlin Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Looking forward:

I can't do another season of Archer.

• A Five-Year Collection Of Anime Women Going 'Ohoho'