Once You Pop… That's Great!

on

etwards on Instagram:

I think I'd lie for you
I think I'd die for you
Jodeci "Cry for You"
Do things when you want me to

FOR CYBORG!

Did Lifetime mash up two existing romantic comedies?

No, it's just a Christmas variation on Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Idea: Shakespeare in Love Actually – interconnected Christmas variations on nine Shakespeare plays.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

48. Naked Josh Hutcherson fights hung version of himself (Future Man, S01E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Dude, I'm telling you, everything I wear, I get for free, down to my modal boxer briefs."
    "Modal."
    "It's this new fabric. It's three times softer than cotton."
    "Damn, three times?"
    "Yeah."
    "My drawers feel like construction paper." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "How do they know each of these packs of almonds are exactly 100 calories? They don't know. They can't know." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "Man, that's full nuts, like the phone booth on Doctor Who."
    "Yeah. Wait a second, you watch Doctor Who?"
    "I saw one on accident. I was flipping through channels." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "Smells weird."
    "You sure that's not what your hand always smells like?"
    "You know what? I have no idea. That's a really good point. Do you know what your hand smells like?" (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "We're in total agree-wo-ment." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "He's changing all the manatee art to wo-manatee art." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "Wo-man, oh, wo-man, is it hot out! Yeah, plus all the pollen. Think I might have to go take an anti-her-stamine." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "Vagina-doodle-doo! Rise and shine, everyone! What a beautiful daughter-rise." + "This is what a feminist drinks like" mug (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "I feel like Bill Clinton right now – a simple man between two legendary Bushes, one of them a little older." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "As they scissor through the chains of ignorance, strap on, it's gonna be a wild ride. The three of you will form an unbreakable bond that nobody can penetrate." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "That's not a wife; this is a wife." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "I will break through the symbolic glass ceiling by shattering this actual glass ceiling." + subsequent toilet-papered facial cuts (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • Seinfeld finale (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E08)
  • ♫: Blanck Mass – "Please" (Search Party, S02E01)
  • "GWAR has no mothers!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E08)
  • "All pitching comes directly from the ass." (The Mick, S02E07)
  • "All dip is just mayo!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "Wow, the unhygienic apple doesn't fall far from the unhygienic tree."
    "Did you just call my mom a tree?"
    "I called her an unhygienic tree." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "My son is a basic bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "There's nothing better than a plain scone!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • ♫: Knight Rider theme song (Mr. Robot, S03E07)
  • "I'm supposed to be on a Jdate with Juanita at Ruby Tuesday as we speak. She's probably worried about me."
    "What are you doing on Jdate? You're not even Jewish. It doesn't sound like she is either."
    "I told you, my 23andMe said I'm 6% Ashkenazi, and for your information, her full name is Juanita Rosenberg." (Mr. Robot, S03E07)


(Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E05)

  • "New plan: Torture her here."
    "Oh, what a waste. I had electric current, scalpels, this awesome scorpion I found…"
    "Hey, [points at heart] torture comes from here." (Future Man, S01E06)
  • "I watched Badger interrogate a million times. God dammit, he could get under people's skin. Just relentless."
    "How did he die?"
    "AIDS." (Future Man, S01E06)
  • "He programmed me with a sophisticated understanding of dramatic structure, but he never takes my notes on his screenplays. Know what you get when you ignore me? Unobtainium and characters who fornicate with their ponytails." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "Hey, SIGORN-E, teach me more Na'vi words. What's 'wolf'?"
    "There is no Na'vi word for 'wolf,' but there is one for 'website,' which I assure you makes perfect sense." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "I would recommend performing CPR."
    "English, please!"
    "Or very basic Na'vi." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "We are going to get back up, we are going to dust off our clits, and we are going to complete this mission." (Future Man, S01E10)
  • "I'm fucking you with your own dick!" (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "Dingo, do not take my baby! " (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "A myrm eats its way through your brain lobe by lobe. If he's having an orgasm this intense, it can only be because the myrm is chewing on his amygdala. That's the brain's clit." (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "Destiny isn't something that just arrives on your doorstep in a wooden box from Japan. It's something that you seize in a moment, a moment where you realize you have to murder or suicide your former boss and mentor." (Future Man, S01E13)
  • Future Man Season Grade: C+
  • "It has changed a bit. There's a music festival now every summer. It has four stages."
    "Like cancer." (Back, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Eater's Digest: November 22, 2017

on

// San Francisco, CA

Salted Caramel Thanksgiving Turkey Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
we cook turkey stock mixed with sugar, spices, and onions down until it bubbles into a caramel, which creates the base of the salted caramel ice cream; we roast turkey skin until it's crispy and then candy-coat it and mix bits of that in

Buttered Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
we make a potato-flavoured ice cream, thanks to the real potatoes we boil down until the starch turns to sugar, and then stir in our own homemade gravy fudge

Neither tasted like anything. Having not read the description of the Salted Caramel Thanksgiving Turkey Ice Cream beforehand, I detected a bit of candy-coated turkey skin in my mouth and thought it was a bone.

Okay, it's not a bone. [bites down] Toffee? Brittle? Is this the turkey ice cream? Did she scoop a different salted caramel flavour?

Trick or Treat Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)
swedish fish, candy corn, twizzlers
—Saw this on Instagram earlier this week. Not broken up that it wasn't available when I visited.

I stopped by Ayesha Curry's restaurant (International Smoke) for happy hour.

Chili and Garlic Hominy (International Smoke)
—I didn't taste any chili or garlic, only lime. Easy on the squeeze.

Buttered Curry Cornbread (International Smoke)
—I thought this cornbread contained curry and am just now realizing that it's Curry cornbread, as in Ayesha's recipe. It should be called Ayesha's Buttered Cornbread. I see "international" and "curry" and think Indian cornbread.

"How Much For One Rib?" (International Smoke)
—Pleasantly unexpectedly spicy.

#eatersdigest

Going to the dump to watch the bears

on

This is my favourite store in Toronto:

Rory: I see your favourite store in Toronto and raise you

Meanwhile, in San Francisco:

Dim Sum and Dabs combines piles of delicious bao and har gow with constantly reloaded dab rigs.

"Since we have the heavier porks, the soy sauce, and the savory, I'm using a hybrid which has pinene and citrene in it, which are terpenes that are more uplifting and euphoric. They match well, and they cut through some of the saltiness."

And I thought the water sommelier was white nonsense…

Eater's Digest: October 7, 2017

on

// Vancouver, BC

My third[?] time in Vancouver during Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.


Showstopper Salad (The Mackenzie Room)
farmer's cheese, pistachio vinaigrette


Chicken of the Sea (The Mackenzie Room)
sea urchin paté, ink brioche, hazelnut, pear

^ Faux liver.


Have Your Cake (The Mackenzie Room)
zucchini cake, nectarine ice cream, black pepper cream

Saffron Honey Panna Cotta (The Mackenzie Room)
plum, mezcal sorbet

(The Black Lodge) is a Twin Peaks-themed vegetarian restaurant and bar in Vancouver. A second Black Lodge location opened in October. Two Black Lodges? Why not a White Lodge?

(La Casa Gelato) serves 238 flavours:


Chocolate-covered fried chicken skin for dessert at (AnnaLena)

#eatersdigest

I rock yellow on some yellow like what purple is to Prince

on

I see this decal on cars in my area:

I just realized today that it reads "he is greater than I" and not "Heki."

Last Black Friday, I bought this hoodie, not knowing what the letters meant:

I just liked the design. "YO M-B."

I didn't realize until, like, May of this year that I had been misreading the letters. It's not "YO M-B," it's "MYOB," as in "mind your own business."

Oh… That's why it was called "Business Hoodie."

Darrell Hammond was on Saturday Night Live for 14 seasons, during which time no one ever thought of this as a Celebrity Jeopardy! category?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

47. Brimful of Asha (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "How's it looking?"
    "Your girlfriend is gonna love this one, bro."
    "No, it's not my girlfriend, it's my mom."
    "Your mom?"
    "Mhmm."
    "Bro, you should've told me that before I started working on these titties." (Shameless, S08E02)
  • "Tandy, I appreciate your efforts, but I think I'm just too tired to be stimulated nipple-arily." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E06)
  • "Hey, Care Bear, would you feel better if I stayed up all night and watched your vagina?"
    "You would do that for me?"
    "I would do that for a lot of people, but tonight, yes, it's for you." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E06)
  • "Carol, columns could crumble, the moon could explode, a banshee could scream in the very face of time, and I will not stop watching this vagina." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E06)
  • "I follow the golden rule, okay? 'Do unto others as you'd have others do unto you' – the golden rule."
    "I follow the golden rule too – my friend Jasper Golden. 'Fuck them or they'll fuck you.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "I don't want some post-sex guy walking around my house, okay? Now get out."
    "First of all, there's nothing wrong with people having the scent of fuck on their body."
    "I don't like the scent of fuck, okay? Sue me. I don't like fuck scent." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "Gorgeous Romanian?! That's an oxymoron." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "You have two children, heating and air-conditioning. You have to pick one, the one you had an affinity for, and the other one goes into the concentration camp. Which one you gonna keep?"
    "Heat. Go with heat."
    "So air conditioning's going to the concentration camp." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "Fuck this $25,000 tiger." (Vice Principals, S02E09)
  • Vice principal Stevie Janowski (Vice Principals, S02E09)
  • Vice Principals Season Grade: C+
  • Jason Jordan fighting back tears and saying, "This is the one time that Raw and SmackDown go head-to-head in direct competition" (WWE Raw, 11-13-17)
  • "Grandma, I know what movie you should do for your ESL final monologue: The Sandlot."
    "I told you, nothing with Denis Leary." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E07)
  • "This is a huge opportunity. Governor Filucci is the real deal. He served in the Gulf War. He speaks Punjabi. He authored a crossword puzzle for the New York Times."
    "Let me guess. Monday?" (The Mayor, S01E07)
  • "A Nakatomi Plaza cake?! The groom is on a licorice hose!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E06)
  • "Kai, will you relax? Let me make you a Manwich."
    "Fuck a Manwich!" (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "Fortify yourselves with some vitamin A!" (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "It was your idea to cut off his face." (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "Killing people doesn't get the men hard and the ladies wet anymore, but Americans lose their ever-loving shit when you destroy their symbols, statues, flags, pledges of allegiance, $20 bills, white Jesus, and Merry fucking Christmas! You come for any of that stuff, you've got rioting in the streets and domination of the news cycle for weeks." (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "You were wrong. There is something more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man: A nasty woman." (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: B-
  • Mar-a-Lago (Mr. Robot, S03E06)
  • "Another fine choice of venue by Sergei."
    "Utterly tasteless."
    "I passed that buffoon of an owner in the lobby. You gonna take him up on his offer to go boating tomorrow?"
    "Oh, please, don't remind me. Those swim trunks he insists upon wearing, a bit too snug. And a bit too short, wouldn't you say?"
    "Mm. I believe the appropriate term is 'hanging brain.'" (Mr. Robot, S03E06)
  • ♫: Slothrust – "Like A Child Hiding Behind Your Tombstone" (You're the Worst, S04E13)
  • You're the Worst Season Grade: D+
  • Better Things Season Grade: C
  • The Walking Dead + Breaking Bad + Talking Bad (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E04)
  • "Why are Republicans trying so hard to protect Roy Moore from this case? It's not like he wrote the remix to 'Ignition'…" (Saturday Night Live, S43E06)
  • "I've always wanted to fuck Luigi. I love Italian dick. I bet Luigi's dick, the whole dick is hairy. The whole dick. He has a dragon that shits eggs like a chicken. That's fucking dope." (Future Man, S01E01)
  • "I'm really sorry, Stu."
    "Sorry doesn't re-swab those urethras." (Future Man, S01E01)
  • "Now, what was I talking about?"
    "Uh, herpes."
    "Oh, yes, of course. I'll never forget the night I contracted it. It was the night of the moon landing."
    "That is a historic moment to contract herpes." (Future Man, S01E01)
  • "I'm like, I don't even remember buying this. Then I realized it was my dad's Fleshlight." (Future Man, S01E04)
  • "It's like macaroons for my nose!" (Future Man, S01E04)
  • Kombucha-boarding (Future Man, S01E04)
  • "No more, please! I can't take it! It's too tart!" (Future Man, S01E04)
  • "Morris, 'buch him." (Future Man, S01E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek