Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

43. Invisible Car (Atlanta, S01E08)

Honourable Mention

  • Diana Cross' death (American Horror Story, S06E06)
  • Paul = floor worm (You're the Worst, S03E08)
  • Black Jeopardy! (Saturday Night Live, S42E04)

Stray Observations

  • The young New Zealand actors' bad American accents (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E03)
  • Ian Gallagher (Son of Zorn, S01E04)
  • "Before I was a doctor, I was a production assistant on Living Single." (Son of Zorn, S01E04)
  • "Hummus sucks!" (Son of Zorn, S01E04)
  • "You know what? You're right, Alangulon. Not cool for an adult to do that to a kid, no. Hey, but you know what is cool? A little Blues Traveler!" (Son of Zorn, S01E04)
  • Young Anthony Hopkins (Westworld, S01E03)
  • "This pain… It's all I have left of him." (Westworld, S01E03)
  • Big Mouth Billy Bass alarm system (The Last Man on Earth, S03E03)
  • "I took all the bullet holes and I turned them into daisies. Watch your back, Martha Stewart [rest in peace]. And rather than get rid of all the angry messages, I thought maybe we should reclaim them. So instead of 'we're all going to die,' I wrote, 'we're all going to diet.'" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E03)
  • "Dear God, thank you for daddy Frank. He's the best new daddy we've ever had. And please let him let me be a boy named 'Dan' starting tomorrow." (Shameless, S07E03)
  • "Is you Khaleesi or that other bitch whose name I don't remember?" (Insecure, S01E02)
  • Commissary (Insecure, S01E02)
  • "Bought a bunch of new movies at the barbershop. Bootleg and chill?" (Insecure, S01E02)
  • "Lawrence, we are not about to be the black couple fighting in Rite-Aid." (Insecure, S01E02)
  • "We watch Lemonade, and then we go to Lemonade, and we eat." (Insecure, S01E02)
  • "Me and Nala were just about to go watch the Bare Bears."
    "Care Bears, daddy."
    "Uh-uh-uh-uh-uhhh! We use no C words, sweetheart. This a Blood house." (Insecure, S01E02)
  • "She know her A-B-Bs and shit." (Insecure, S01E02)
  • "I thought that was No Way Jose's less threatening cousin, Perhaps Not Jorge." (WWE Raw, 10-17-16)
  • The governor of Colorado chanting for Goldberg (WWE Raw, 10-17-16)
  • "Who do you work for, pizza man?!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E05)
  • "Cabbage." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E05)
  • "30 grams of fat?! Hummus is dumb!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E05)
  • "You remind me of my friend back in Indiana."
    "He was Chinese, wasn't he?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E02)
  • "Every time you smile, you're showing off your skeleton." (Channel Zero, S01E02)
  • Chinless James Ellsworth slipping out of AJ Styles' chinlock (WWE SmackDown Live, 10-18-16)
  • "Somebody smells like a Wendy's Double Stack." (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "Question: Have you ever had to throw out another bouncer?"
    "Yeah."
    "How was it?"
    "Hard. He knew all the moves." (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • The usual type (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • ♫: Jeremih – "Impatient (feat. Ty Dolla $ign)" (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, Marcus Miles has just bought the entire bar tonight. So…we will no longer be serving drinks. He owns all the liquor in the club, and, uhh, I think he's leaving!" (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • Zoo Tycoon (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "Nigerians, man…" (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "Let's exchange information or something."
    "Yeah! You can follow me on Instagram."
    "Come on…"
    "I'm for real gonna check out your music on SoundCloud." (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "I just don't scare people like you, man. Like, niggas know I drink juice and shit." (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • ♫: Baby Huey and the Baby Sitters – "Hard Times" (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • Miller High Life (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "Hey, man, you should really practice better business habits." (Atlanta, S01E08)
  • "They don't really have haircuts in Thailand. Have you noticed how all Asian guys basically have the same hairstyle?" (Crazyhead, S01E01)
  • "Have you ever slept with a guy with cold semen? If a guy's possessed, the semen's cold." (Crazyhead, S01E01)
  • ♫: Weaves – "Drag Me Down" (Crazyhead, S01E01)
  • "She's come to take my Saturn!" (American Horror Story, S06E06)
  • "Let's come together as a school – and terraform Mars." (South Park, S20E05)
  • Zoo Entrepreneur (You're the Worst, S03E08)
  • "You got me in with the pot people. They're the worst people. Worse than people who study abroad or atheists." (You're the Worst, S03E08)
  • "There's an old Chinese proverb: Lies are like tigers – they are bad."
    "That's it?"
    "It's more poetic in Mandarin." (The Good Place, S01E07)
  • 24-year-old with a boy voice (Shark Tank, S08E05)
  • "A twat is not a butt." (Quarry, S01E07)
  • RT: If you liked David Pumpkins, please thank Streeter Seidell, the co-writer of Kevin Roberts. (Saturday Night Live, S42E04)
  • James Norton or Matt Saracen? (Black Mirror, S03E01)
  • James Norton's bad American accent (Black Mirror, S03E01)
  • Czech Home Improvement (Black Mirror, S03E01)
  • Cherry Jones oscillating the steering wheel while driving straight (Black Mirror, S03E01)
  • Big Ass Spider! (Black Mirror, S03E02)
  • ♫: Radiohead – "Exit Music (for a Film)" (Black Mirror, S03E03)
  • Bubble Bobble (Black Mirror, S03E04)
  • Black Mirror Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Chuck Norris with a thesaurus

on

Apropos of nothing, I re-scored Westworld's opening credits with The Weeknd's "Starboy":



Jon: How many seasons do you think The Walking Dead will run?
Rory: 12.
Jon: Oof. I'd be 40 when it ends.
Jon: Chris Hardwick would be 50.

Jon: The Walking Dead is about to begin its seventh season and has already been renewed for an eighth.
Jon: Stargate SG-1, currently the longest-running cable drama in history, ran 10 seasons.
Jon: 12 may be low.

Jon: Norman Reedus is 47. How old do you think he will be when the inevitable Daryl spin-off ends?
Jon: Over/under: Eligible for full Social Security benefits.

Eater's Digest: Austin, TX

on

September 2016
barley swine / lick honest ice creams / franklin barbecue / brew and brew / hotel san josé lounge / cheer up charlie's / the side bar / odd duck / noble sandwich co. / cow tipping creamery / torchy's tacos / sway / shake shack / veracruz all natural / gourdough's public house / baton creole / the hightower / prohibition creamery / via 313 / easy tiger / royal blue grocery / noble sandwich co. / odd duck / la barbecue / tiny pies / lenoir / snooze / alamo drafthouse / whataburger


Beef Rib (La Barbecue)

^ "What am I eating?" I wondered as I chipped away at it. $22.00/pound. Each rib weighs about 1.5 pounds.

Brisket (La Barbecue)
Brisket (Frankin Barbecue)
—The gold stars are only for brisket with some fat. Lean brisket is trash, even Franklin's.

Steven and his friend Marissa drove up from San Antonio to help me eat the four pounds of Franklin brisket that I pre-ordered. We managed to eat about half of it. In retrospect, The Amazing Race's "eat four pounds of meat by yourself" Roadblock in season seven was mental.

I ordered the 10-course chef's tasting at (Barley Swine) and a root beer that was unpalatably rooty.

Pictured:

Pig Skin Noodles (Barley Swine)
shrimp dumpling, hot sauce

Mid-Tasting Palate Cleanser (Barley Swine)
watermelon shrub, basil and mint pearls

Dry-aged Akaushi Ribeye (Barley Swine)
bone marrow hash
—A heavenly slice of red meat.

Koji Rice Porridge (Barley Swine)
honeydew
—Like a honeydew sago. Flashback to my childhood.

Potato Chip-Crusted Catfish Sandwich (Noble Sandwich Co.)
remoulade slaw, bread and butter pickles, tnp vinegar hot sauce, garlic bread

Smoked Duck Pastrami Sandwich (Noble Sandwich Co.)
russian dressing, rye pickles
—Odd-tasting duck.

(Odd Duck) is (Barley Swine)'s seemingly more popular sibling.

Pictured:

Pretzel (Odd Duck)
pig face carnitas, cheddar, fried egg puree

Beef Cracklin' Tater Tots (Odd Duck)
mustard bechamel, pickled mushroom
—I couldn't discern the "cracklin'."

Spiced Eggplant (Odd Duck)
sunflower butter, marinated feta, olive, sweet peppers

Chicken-Fried Fish Head (Odd Duck)
seeded dredge, salsa verde, mint, cilantro
—Much larger than I expected.

Coffee Croissant (Odd Duck)
pecan, whiskey, milk jam

Chocolate Layer Cake (Odd Duck)
mexican vanilla ice cream, chocolate potato chips
—The chocolate potato chips are just garnish, disappointingly.

Jon: I'm confused. This place (TOMS) sells coffee and shoes?


Activated Popsicle Shandy (Hotel San José Lounge)
charcoal lemonade popsicle, shiner blonde light

^ Charcoal, lemonade, beer.


'Son of a Peach' Dessert Donut (Gourdough's Public House)
peach filling, cinnamon sugar, cake mix topping

^ Cloying, even for my diabetic ass. My donut had, like, a ladle of icing slathered on it.

Peach Cobbler Pancake (Snooze)
peaches, almond streusel, vanilla cream, whipped raspberry mascarpone

Baked Potato Pancake (Snooze)
—A poor man's latke.


Jambalaya Baton (Baton Creole)
traditional rice-based dish smothered with the "trinity" of cajun vegetables along with garlic, tomatoes, and cajun spices; deep-fried on a stick and drizzled with remoulade sauce

^ I dislike how its chunks of sausage are skewered on the stick.

Cajun Poutine (Baton Creole)
seasoned waffle fries, melted brie cheese, badass brown gravy
—I ordered this to go and received the saddest box of waffle fries topped with a few slivers of congealed brie [gravy in a separate container].

Migas (Veracruz All Natural)
eggs, tortilla chips, avocado, pico de gallo, cheese
—Served as a taco.

(Torchy's Tacos) are…fine.

Green Chile Queso and Chips (Torchy's Tacos)
homemade chips with green chile queso topped off with guacamole, queso fresco, cilantro, and diablo hot sauce
—Torchy's queso, on the other hand, I still think about.

Fruit Cup (The Hightower)
mexican marigold ice cream, clementine sorbet, watermelon granita, chili and lime powder
—"What a curious play on a fruit cup," I thought, not realizing that it is a play on a MEXICAN fruit cup.

Banana Split (Sway)
milk chocolate five spice, condensed milk, and cashew caramel swirl ice creams; black sesame brownie, candied cashew, coconut milk jam, drunken cherries, bananas, whipped cream
—A Thai play on a banana split.

Its description as punctuated on (Sway)'s website –

– reads like it only features one flavour of ice cream [condensed milk and cashew caramel swirl], when it actually features three [milk chocolate five spice, condensed milk, and cashew caramel swirl].


"Bubble Cone" Stacker (Cow Tipping Creamery)
housemade vanilla egg waffle cone, green tea soft serve, toasted coconut dust, cornflake crumb, toasted sesame seeds, drizzle of white chocolate sauce, pocky stick on top

^ My bubble waffle was tough.

Signature Bourbon Ice Cream (Prohibition Creamery)
Sangria Sorbet Ice Cream (Prohibition Creamery)
Tiramisu Ice Cream (Prohibition Creamery)
Whiskey Chocolate Ice Cream (Prohibition Creamery)
—High-quality boozy ice cream.

Steven: This place (Star Seeds Cafe) has good food, but the wait staff treats you shitty if you don't have tattoos.
Jon: Soooo they hate Jews?


(Alamo Drafthouse / HBO)

Green Chili Lamb Sausage with Pretzel Bun (Easy Tiger)
lamb, queso blanco, escabeche
—The escabeche I can take or leave, but the sausage and pretzel bun are superb.

(Lenoir) is a wonderland of ingredient combinations.

Pictured:

Habañero Noodles (Lenoir)
cucumber lime broth, pepita-sesame crumble, mint oil

Braised Goat (Lenoir)
everything sourdough crepe, full-sour gherkin, thai chili mustard, barrel-aged beet hot sauce

Smoked Apple Crème Caramel (Lenoir)
chili coconut chicharrón, grape consommé

Brûléed Spice Cake (Lenoir)
cheddar ice cream, watermelon-fig salad, garam masala

Thai Lime Leaf and White Chocolate Profiteroles (Lenoir)
herb anglaise, cocoa nib

No dish I tried, however, was as wonderful as its optional

Miso Apple Sesame Bread (Lenoir)
eggplant pecan spread
—Scrumptious.

'The Detroiter' Pizza (Via 313)
smoked pepperoni under the cheese, natural casing pepperoni on top
—I knew that Detroit-style pizza was square, but was unaware that traditionally, a layer of pepperoni lines Detroit-style pizza crust – pepperoni under the cheese.

Texas Two Step Pie (Tiny Pies)
—Combination brownie and pecan pie.

Texas Sheet Cake Ice Cream (Lick Honest Ice Creams)
chocolate pecan icing, chocolate ice cream

(Whataburger) is the lean brisket of burger chains.

MISSED CONNECTIONS

(Lala's Little Nugget) – Christmas-themed bar.


Corndog Fish Collars (Barley Swine)
hot sauce


French Toast Fritter (Odd Duck)
butternut squash, coffee mayo, goat feta

^ COFFEE MAYO.

Housemade Twinkies (Drink Well)


Donut Cone (Cow Tipping Creamery)


Tiramisu Pops (Sophia's)
mascarpone, coffee, housemade lady fingers


Asian Movie Night (The Peached Tortilla)
popcorn ice cream, asian caramel, rice puffs

Kimchi Arancini Balls (The Peached Tortilla)
wasabi and sriracha aioli, roasted nori

Honey Walnut Shrimp Po'boy (General Tso'boy)
battered wild caught gulf shrimp, sweet mayonnaise, candied walnuts


Honey Walnut Sundae (General Tso'boy)

Mexican Coke Sweet Potatoes (Lucy's Fried Chicken)


The Real Deal Holyfield (Valentina's Tex Mex BBQ)
tomato serrano salsa, fried egg, potatoes, refried beans, bacon, mesquite smoked brisket

Whip-Indianized Nachos (Whip In)
el milagro tortilla chips, braised black beans, kashmiri pepper queso, pico de gallo, cilantro chutney

Kashmir Frito Pie (Whip In)
spicy goat chili atop fritos with black beans, melted cheeses, sour cream, and cilantro

Mumbai Migas (Whip In)
vital farms eggs soft scrambled with grilled onions, feta, totopos, and cilantro chutney; topped with pico de gallo and served with black beans and basmati rice

Bangalore Biscuit Sandwich (Whip In)
vital farms fried egg, house made goat chorizo sausage, grilled tomatoes, mixed greens, and melted cheese on a fluffy indian spiced biscuit; served with grilled crushed potatoes

Naan Burrito (Whip In)

Jon: You had sex with your Uber driver?
Steven: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Steven: She gave me five stars.

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

42. Dick Butt (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Nobody light a match or flick your butts over this way. You're leaking diesel all over the place."
    "Did he say 'flick your butts'?"
    "Excuse me, where can we flick our butts? 'Cause that needs to happen pret-ty soon." (Bob's Burgers, S07E02)
  • ♫: "Rip It" – heh (Shameless, S07E02)
  • ♫: Piano "No Surprises" (Westworld, S01E02)
  • "I'd like to lick your vagina and then tongue-dart your anus." (Divorce, S01E01)
  • "You know who you are? You're Jesse James, and I get to be Sandra Bullock. And I get to rise from the ashes of humiliation and win a fucking Academy Award." (Divorce, S01E01)
  • "Every black girl that went to college likes Drake." (Insecure, S01E01)
  • "Stupid idiom." (WWE Raw, 10-10-16)
  • "John Philip Sousa, the Skrillex of his day." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E04)
  • "I tried to make this fun. I even learned what Skrillex was." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E04)
  • "It's a perfect fall New York Day" – she says in what is clearly Downtown Los Angeles (New Girl, S06E04)
  • Coach (New Girl, S06E04)
  • WKRP (Channel Zero, S01E01)
  • Eva Air (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • Ghost (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • "Please call me by the English name I've chosen: Hennessy." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • "Economy?"
    "Plus." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • "There are no pedophiles in Taiwan. People are too busy getting things done to have time for any hobbies." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • "I guess I just have sweet blood." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • "That's why you work at Kinko's in the first place – because you're shady." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E01)
  • ♫: Pixies – "Velouria" (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E09)
  • Chekov's floorboards (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E10)
  • ♫: "The King of Wishful Thinking" (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E10)
  • ♫: Bob Dylan – "New Morning" (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E10)
  • Halt and Catch Fire Season Grade: C
  • The Eric Andre Show's "We'll Be Right Back" music (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "You ever heard my song 'Illuminati Sex'?" (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • Nileseyy Niles (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "So how do you embrace your identity?"
    "I dress a certain way. Patagonia. I wear a thick, brown leather belt. I like to envision myself after the surgery. 'Hey, excuse me, what IPA do you have on tap? Hey, did you see Game of Thrones last night?'" (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "Excuse me, this is definitely the guy. He doesn't even live in the area. I've never seen him before." (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "Rap is chickens coming home to roost." (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "You hate women."
    "[bleep], what?!" (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "Most people don't realize their chakras in another universe." (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "Come to our Liberty Centre and get a free juice and Nutella sandwich."
    "When I called Ahmad, my life was going nowhere fast. After a Nutella sandwich and juice, my life's a lot better." (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "If you'd like to be smart as a baby dolphin, call now." (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • "You look like a dying palm tree." (Atlanta, S01E07)
  • Doris Kearns Goodwin (American Horror Story, S06E05)
  • "But first, let's rouge each other's nipples." (American Horror Story, S06E05)
  • "Need I remind you that you are a servant as well. Do not think your velvet tongue and purple cock head are enough to make you any more than that." (American Horror Story, S06E05)
  • "It was said that madness always ran in the family. The line ended in scandal when the last Mott died in South Florida in 1952" – S04's Dandy (American Horror Story, S06E05)
  • "I was half-expecting you to be another high maintenance diva."
    "Oh, no, you're probably thinking of Ben Kweller." (You're the Worst, S03E07)
  • Ben Folds' famous smoked pork shoulder (You're the Worst, S03E07)
  • "Hey, folks, if you're gonna Instagram this, be sure to hashtag #BenFoldsSightings, #BenFoldsIsEverywhere, and #BenFoldsMovesToLA. If you do, I'll personally tell you what 'Brick' is really about."
    "Abortion."
    "…No." (You're the Worst, S03E07)
  • "If your Uber driver talks to you, the ride should be free." (The Good Place, S01E06)
  • "I've come to really like frozen yogurt. There's something so human about taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it." (The Good Place, S01E06)
  • "Well, since we're becoming friends, like Ross and Phoebe…"
    "Weird combo to pick, but okay…" (The Good Place, S01E06)
  • "I got her a painting of the best impressionist of all time: Frank Caliendo. He can do it all – fat Al Pacino, fat Jerry Seinfeld, regular John Madden…" (The Good Place, S01E06)
  • Ted Danson "pumping his fists" (The Good Place, S01E06)
  • "I give up. I can't help the people I promised to help. I feel like Friends in season eight." (The Good Place, S01E06)


(The Good Place, S01E06)

  • "Dude, I know you. You're Ramadan Steve." (The Eric Andre Show, S04E10)
  • Malfunctioning coffee mug (The Eric Andre Show, S04E10)
  • The Eric Andre Show Season Grade: B-
  • "CHONK!" (Saturday Night Live, S42E03)
  • Bruno Mars performing in basketball shorts (Saturday Night Live, S42E03)
  • "You wanna watch me whip and nae nae, Thembi?" (Luke Cage, S01E06)
  • "The ex-wife took all my money. She still needs the dick." (Luke Cage, S01E06)
  • Cottonmouth died so Mahershala Ali could appear in four 2016 film releases and be nominated for an Oscar (Luke Cage, S01E07)
  • "Domingo, sorry about the mess, hermano, but I have no doubt you have people that can clean up." (Luke Cage, S01E09)
  • "You think Peter Luger's is still open?" (Luke Cage, S01E09)
  • "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Luke Cage, S01E11)
  • Method Man (Luke Cage, S01E12)
  • Sway and Heather B. (Luke Cage, S01E12)
  • Diamondback's costume (Luke Cage, S01E12)
  • "Wait, wait, wait. Yo, the dude's talking about your moms, Luke. You reppin' Harlem, you better put it on him, son." (Luke Cage, S01E13)
  • Luke Cage Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Vegetated Swales

on

// California

Back home after three weeks on the road. How do wrestlers do it?

And I just visited four cities. In September, Chris Jericho traveled from Tampa to Detroit to Kansas City to London to Hong Kong to Manila to Shanghai to Baltimore to Tampa in the span of nine days.

Idea: Airline miles, but for television. The more television you watch, the more points you earn. Redeem your points for free months of cable/satellite television or a video streaming service, or free tickets to films or sporting events. Earn double points when you watch scripted television live.

Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar

on

// New York City, NY

Damn. BAM's Next Wave Festival looks dope.

Rememberer
Architecture doubles as instrument in this collage of offbeat pop songs and live construction. Building as they play, the band members coax an array of uncanny sounds from a set of amplified eight-foot-long sheets of Styrofoam wall insulation.

Kings of War
In director Ivo van Hove's clever merging of the plays Henry V, Henry VI: Parts I, II and III, and Richard III, three Bardian power players enter the fluorescent-lit corridors of the present.

Pavement
Balletic refrains inspired by Boyz n the Hood and the historically black neighborhoods of Pittsburgh. Clips of the film's dialogue mix with the music of Handel and Sam Cooke.

Plexus
Entangled in a dense field of 5,000 black nylon wires, a single body moves, incandescent and strange.

Memory Rings
A time-bending puppet fantasia on ecological themes.

The Magnetic Fields: 50 Song Memoir
Stephen Merritt and his seven-member band celebrate his 50th birthday with 50 new songs, one for every year of his melodious existence.

Oh. I'll be back in New York City the weekend of the Magnetic Fields event. Hmm…

Vaya Con Edison

on

// New York City, NY

Idea: A combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell in a combination Residence Inn and Courtyard.

There is a Broadway musical about the lives of Gloria Estefan and her husband?

According to Wikipedia, it climaxes at the 1991 American Music Awards.

The name "IT'SUGAR" irritates me mightily. It looks like a meme caption and combines two different pronunciations of the letter S.

I hate menus on which the items are just lists of ingredients. It's like paying to judge Chopped.