Thirsty Thursday, I'll drink away my demons

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Adam Robot and I recorded a 2016 summer film draft for our podcast, which is now on Google Play Music, and…

Jon: Oof. This is dire radio. We needed more people.
Jon: I'm-a re-purpose it for Adam Riff™.

On May 1, Adam Robot and I each drafted 10 films set for release between May 1 and August 31. Whoever's slate earns the most money domestically by Labour Day wins. I won a pre-draft game of rock-paper-scissors to select Captain America: Civil War first, after which we alternated selections.

Let's check the board:

Jon
1. Captain America: Civil War – $206,192,138
2. Finding Dory
3. Suicide Squad
4. Independence Day: Resurgence
5. Star Trek Beyond
6. Jason Bourne
7. Now You See Me 2
8. The Purge: Election Year
9. The Conjuring 2
10. The Secret Life of Pets
——————————
$206,192,138

Adam Robot
1. The BFG
2. Alice Through the Looking Glass
3. X-Men: Apocalypse
4. Ghostbusters
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
6. Warcraft
7. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising
8. Pete's Dragon
9. Central Intelligence
10. Ice Age: Collision Course
——————————
$0

[rubs hands] Methinks the ref will have to stop this fight.

That Adam Robot selected The BFG with his first pick flabbergasted me. Finding Dory just fell into my lap.

He says everyone he knows is stoked for The BFG. I say James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, and Fantastic Mr. Fox all did not recoup their budgets domestically — fool's Roald.

I'll update after Memorial Day weekend, when Adam Robot's second and third picks go head-to-head.

Tear gas Tuesday, I think I found Jesus

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Jon: Does this band know that its name is misspelled?

Rory: It's a stylistic choice?
Jon: To look like idiots? For Google to show results for "The Millennium" instead?

Rory: Maybe The Millennium with two Ns was taken.

Jon: According to Wikipedia, The Millennium with two Ns was a band, that released only one album, in 1968. I'm pretty sure The Millenium with one N could've been The Millennium with two Ns without any confusion.

Rory: Maybe they liked the name "The Millennium," but couldn't trademark it, like why Sci Fi became Syfy.

Live-Thog: Captain America: Civil War

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» Who the heck wants to see a film about a drilling rig explosion/oil spill?


» This is unreadable.

» Wow, they filmed in Nigeria? [Update: Nope. It's actually Atlanta.]

» Why did Scarlet Witch direct Crossbones into the building instead of into open air?

» Holy de-aging. Why not Harrison Ford as young Han Solo?

» Community Easter egg.

» How did this black woman know that Tony Stark would exit her way?

» Chadwick Boseman's African accent is…not good.

» I don't buy the blast radius of that news van bomb.

» Dear Beloved Friend,
I am T'Challa son to late King T'Chaka of Wakanda who was murdered during a recent bombing in Vienna in May 2016, before the incident, my late Father came to Cotonou Benin republic with the sum of USD4, 200,000.00 (US$4.2M) which he deposited in a Bank here in Cotonou Benin Republic West Africa for safe keeping.
I am here seeking for an avenue to transfer the fund to you in only you're reliable and trustworthy person to Investment the fund.

» Scarlet Witch tasted the paprikash and then put the spoon back in the pot. Unsanitary!

» Aunt May is Benjamin Button.

» The actor playing Spider-Man reminds me of Anton Yelchin.

» Scarlet Witch's change of heart to leave with Hawkeye…

» I'm still not sure what, exactly, Scarlet Witch's powers are.

» This airport sure evacuated quickly. Absolutely no one stuck around?

"Look, kid, there's a lot going on here that you don't understand."
"Stark said you'd say that."
» Peter Parker is too smart to be blindly following someone. And what are Ant-Man's motivations?

» Where is Nick Fury during all of this?

» Paul Rudd in supermax is an odd sight.

» A Mark Fuhrman reference. It truly is the year of O.J. Simpson.

» Did the bad guy go to all that trouble just to obtain a videotape? Because he could've just sent video of Bucky killing Stark's parents to Stark. The end result would've been the same. Iron Man seeks revenge, Captain America defends his friend.

» Don Cheadle was only available for two days, evidently.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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19. Still Life (NBA on TNT, 05-04-16)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations


(Game of Thrones, S06E02)

  • "How do you know this?"
    "That's what I do. I drink and I know things." (Game of Thrones, S06E02)
  • "I feel like Pablo" hoodie (The Carmichael Show, S02E09)
  • "I'm sorry, but she was very mean. She called me 'Triscuit.'"
    "What does that mean?"
    "Brown cracker." (The Carmichael Show, S02E09)
  • "We used to have a million nicknames for this guy. We called him 'Fatty Dicksuckle' and 'B-B-Benny and the Jizz'… 'Buttfucker.'"
    "Buttfucker – that's me." (Veep, S05E02)
  • Kent trying to establish Sue's age (Veep, S05E02)
  • "I'm not that kind of a president." (Veep, S05E02)
  • "He fucked me, and then he fucked me? What is he, trying to fuck me?" (Veep, S05E02)
  • Dr. Frankenstein and Mr. Hyde (Penny Dreadful, S03E01)
  • …and Dracula (Penny Dreadful, S03E01)
  • "It's a little Kardashian." – Richard Blais describing a pasta dish (Cutthroat Kitchen, S12E10)
  • The cannibal's lip-licking/smacking (Mr. Pickles, S02E03)
  • "Now go to N'awlins, you nosy bitch." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E22)
  • "'Hey, you guys, let's help poor people.' I don't remember saying that."
    "Hey, so, you ready to get up there?"
    "Oh, I don't know. I thought these Jimmy-isms would help me crack the eulogy, but… I know I said more profound things. I don't ever remember being this obsessed with side boob." (Grandfathered, S01E21)
  • "You wouldn't make a dime as a French whore."
    "You would make zero dollars."
    "I'd make millions. Millions. Bonjour. Croissant. Millions." (New Girl, S05E20)
  • "He just shows up out of the boo, and then all of a sudden, expects—"
    "Blue. It's blue."
    "Well, thanks, Eistein." (New Girl, S05E20)
  • "If it goes poorly, I'm not putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. Also, nowhere in that rhyme does it say he's an egg."
    "He's most definitely an egg, Nick."
    "So what kind of king uses all those resources to put together one egg?"
    "It's a parable. Humpty Dumpty is the king."
    [pause]
    "Who told you that?" (New Girl, S05E20)
  • "As they say, 'wine is fine, but bourbon is shwourvon.'" (New Girl, S05E20)
  • Lucious sleeps in a do-rag (Empire, S02E16)
  • This episode is titled "The Magic of David Copperfield V: The Statue of Liberty Disappears" (The Americans, S04E08)
  • Flash forward! (The Americans, S04E08)


(Archer, S07E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Breathe out so I can breathe you in

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In Super Mario Bros. 2, you dig paths through sand.

The sand, however, just disappears, when it should be displaced.

Rory: Did you never finish the game? It was all a dream.

Idea: A three-dimensional Mario game in which Mario can enter any character's mind. The worlds in the game are characters' minds. Super Mario Inception. A modest home world is, in fact, a labyrinthine nesting doll of worlds to explore. It's an open world as concentric circles.

If you knock out a character before entering his or her mind, you can explore a dream version of said character's mind. A Magikoopa might trigger a nightmare version of a character's mind while you are exploring it.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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18. Boys in the hoods (United Shades of America, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Fuck everyone who isn't us." (Game of Thrones, S06E01)
  • "Working class people don't get depression. Depression is a luxury of wealth and free time."
    "Depression is a disease of the opulent." (The Carmichael Show, S02E08)
  • "Your braids and aggressive demeanour tell us you've been through a lot of pain." (The Carmichael Show, S02E08)
  • "Hi, and welcome to the White Youth Focus TV show." (United Shades of America, S01E01)
  • "We don't think making Harrison more like West Africa is an improvement." (United Shades of America, S01E01)
  • "Did you guys put the sign up?"
    "Yeah–no." (United Shades of America, S01E01)


(Silicon Valley, S03E01)

  • "I'm a big fan."
    "Oh, really? Of what? Metamucil? Polio? The phonograph? A nice piece of fish? Segregated water fountains? Senior citizen discounts at Perkins family restaurants? Erectile dysfunction because of corroded penile arteries? Deviled eggs as an entrée? [pause] Liking Ike?" (Silicon Valley, S03E01)
  • "With your help, we think we can cut our 'stache lag to just…20-millisecond motion-to-photon?" (Silicon Valley, S03E01)
  • "I don't think we're 'symposium on race' desperate yet…" (Veep, S05E01)
  • "I LBJ'd you, okay? I'm the LBJ queen." (Veep, S05E01)
  • "Catherine, why is that your hair?" (Veep, S05E01)
  • Bar wordplay – white Russian, logger, bloody Mary (Mr. Pickles, S02E02)
  • "I was just making a Pop Tart bagel sandwich. The Pop Tarts were the bread, and the bagel was the meat." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E20)
  • "Yes, Frank, that's my name – seafood." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E20)
  • Jalen Rose (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E20)
  • "Bagel is a meat." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E20)
  • Busta Rhymes with fake dreadlocks (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E20)
  • "Beans are nothing but soggy nuts." (New Girl, S05E17)
  • "Return of high Jess." (New Girl, S05E18)
  • "Stripper ass smells good." (Empire, S02E15)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek