Thrashbird

on

Donald Trump receiving sports jerseys with his name on them.

Donald Trump pardoning a turkey.

Donald Trump reading to children.

Donald Trump watching tributes to dancers and opera singers at the Kennedy Center Honors.

Donald Trump filling out a bracket for the NCAA women's basketball tournament.

Donald Trump's library.

Bernie Sanders' library.

Bernie Sanders filling out a bracket for the NCAA women's basketball tournament.

Bernie Sanders watching tributes to dancers and opera singers at the Kennedy Center Honors.

Bernie Sanders reading to children.

Bernie Sanders pardoning a turkey.

Bernie Sanders receiving sports jerseys with his name on them.

Crybaby Squats

on

The Oscars gotta do a "crying Michael B. Jordan face" joke.


I can't stop looking at this image of The Seer on Vikings. Why didn't anyone tell me about this character? He looks like Kurt Sutter's character on The Bastard Executioner after being cycled through Google Translate.

Shut the fuck up and enjoy the greatness

on

"You're going to leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?"
Wade Wilson compares Angel Dust (former MMA fighter Gina Carano) to the two-time View cohost, but O'Donnell almost missed out on the dishonorable mention. Fifteen other names were considered, including Kevin Sorbo, Chyna, Jose Canseco, "Louise Ferrigno," Busta Rhymes, and Criss Angel.

Jon: The other names aren't much better, but…
Jon: "You're going to leave me all alone here with Busta Rhymes? [to Angel Dust] Put your hands where my eyes can see."
Jon: Eh?

Rory: "You're going to leave me all alone here with Busta Rhymes? [Francis walks away] [to Francis] This, is, serious! She can make you delirious!"

"All night long during the shoot, we were running in and whispering names in Ryan's ear." It was nonstop fun for everyone — except the person on the brunt of the joke. "God bless Gina Carano for being such a good sport. Gina took Chyna especially hard." [source]

Jon: To be fair, Chyna won a championship in her field.

Jon: We got an ultra-hard peen / We splooging ultra-light cream / This is a wet dream / This is a wet dream / This is a natural thing…
Rory: [pause]
Jon: BEAUTIFUL MORNING / Stains of cum on my new duvet…

Jon: Call me "Kal-El Yankovic."

Jon: POTUSserie – an American president-themed rotisserie.
Rory: Okay…
Jon: The Washington: classic rotisserie chicken.
Jon: The Lincoln: rotisserie free-range Silkie chicken.
Jon: The Obama: charcoil-broiled rotisserie chicken.
Jon: The W. Bush… What's the word for 'small chicken'? Poussin! Rotisserie poussin.
Jon: The W. Bush could also be The Quincy Adams.
Jon: The Clinton… Hmm…
Jon: The Clinton: rotisserie chicken cigars?
Jon: No, The Clinton: a rotisserie chicken wrap with a blue corn tortilla and ranch dipping sauce.
Rory: The Jefferson: two pieces – one white, one dark.
Jon: Heh.
Jon: The Taft: stuffed rotisserie turkey.
Jon: The Roosevelt (Teddy): a rotisserie turkey leg.
Jon: The FDR: slow-cooked "rotisserie" chicken.
Rory: The JFK: a chicken served with its head on – dangling.
Jon: The Nixon: plant-based rotisserie "chicken."
Rory: The Reagan: cold fried chicken.

Jon: "Woo-hah! Got you all-in!" – Busta Rhymes playing poker.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

8. Ground'd (American Crime, S02E07)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "What are you raising the money for?"
    "That's TBD. Either to help end hunger or repave the faculty parking lot."
    "Those are the big two."
    "Yeah, Sophie's choice. Sophie Martinson is the treasurer of the student council." (Bob's Burgers, S06E07)
  • "Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up! I'm dying!" (Bob's Burgers, S06E07)
  • That wasn't a dream sequence? (The Walking Dead, S06E09)
  • "You killed Cancer Puppy." (The Magicians, S01E05)
  • The painting in Saul's office is street art in India (Better Call Saul, S02E01)


"Oh my God. Louis did it. He's raising his own veal." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)

  • "B-?!"
    "That's a Chinese F." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)
  • Tim Heidecker (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)
  • "I can't believe www.phillipgoldsteinhasbadopinions.com wasn't taken." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)
  • Andre Braugher's pronunciation of "rubber bands" / Holt beaming as he cuddles a bag of rubber bands (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "I know a real 'cool' when I hear one." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "Sweet wieners?"
    "It's a normal hot dog with a little chocolate sauce." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "I'm going undercover as Tex Dallas, billionaire oil man from Dallas, Texas with ties to the cowboy mafia."
    "Oh boy."
    "Hitchcock's my middleman, Reno Vegas, mobster from Reno, Las Vegas."
    "I said my 'oh boy' too soon." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "John played oboe for Lynne Cheney." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "That was a nightmare. I ate a Caesar salad wrap." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "Classical musicians are savages." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "I'm not black. I'm O.J.!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E03)
  • Uncensored "motherfucker" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E03)
  • "Call the police! But before they come, you make sure they know a black man owns this house!" (Black-ish, S02E15)
  • "Suicide is not the answer usually." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • "Oo La La! Bar & Grill." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • "Nathaniel had accidentally fallen off that bridge while admiring the river." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • "Can I ask you a really important question?"
    "Sure."
    "Can I use your phone? There's someone else I'd rather talk to." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • GABRIEL IGLESIAS VS. RANDY COUTURE (Lip Sync Battle, S02E07)
  • Mr. Rosso and Mr. Kowchevski are flatmates (Love, S01E01)
  • "These Blu-rays have, like, exclusive, special features, ya bitch!" (Love, S01E02)
  • "Fuck you, Pleasantville!" (Love, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

This is my part, nobody else speak

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

Episode 10:


iTunes link

1. Pub Quiz / Kidney Stone
2. Children's Game Shows / Training Day / Cruel Intentions / MacGyver
3. Jarhead 3 / Cabin Fever Remake / Berlin Hotlist
4. Captain America: Civil War Cereal / Batman v. Superman Cereals / Deadpool Tie-ins / Amanda Chantal Bacon's Diet / Filled Cupcake Oreos
5. Fronzak

This one was cobbled together. I think if Adam had his druthers, he would leave in all the segments that bomb.

recorded on January 31/February 7, 2016

#backwash

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


7. "Chris Christie" (Triumph's Election Special 2016)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Rancid's Tim Armstrong (The X-Files, S10E04)
  • "Shake It Off"? "Shake It Off." (The Magicians, S01E04)
  • Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E12)
  • Drake and Josh reunion (Grandfathered, S01E15)
  • "You remind me of my stepbrother. He's in jail for stalking Oprah." (Grandfathered, S01E15)
  • "The two of you had a baby together?"
    "Yeah."
    "How did this happen? What, did he Revenge of the Nerds you with a Darth Vader mask?"
    "Listen, Kirk, I don't know what you're insinuating here, because I've only seen Nerds in Paradise." (Grandfathered, S01E15)
  • "Fraud dog! Fraud dog!"
    "Juice Ellen! Juice Ellen!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E15)
  • "So What'cha Want" and "Sabotage" in the same night (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E15 / The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E02)
  • "It took everything in my power not to just, like, drive back and forth over their nasty little yoga bodies and hear the crunch of their little quinoa bones." (Black-ish, S02E14)
  • Dario Cueto (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E06)
  • "If you were her boyfriend, Rosa would be a whole lot happier."
    "Thank you. I appreciate that."
    "And…wouldn't be no mosque at Ground Zero." (Man Seeking Woman, S02E06)
  • "Neil Diamond's 'Easter in Bakersfield.'" (Baskets, S01E04)
  • Rickety Cricket (Baskets, S01E04)
  • "I have never missed an Easter brunch at the casino." (Baskets, S01E04)
  • "I wonder what happens to all this when it's over? Don't answer that. My freezers are full." (Baskets, S01E04)
  • "She's French? French-Canadian?"
    "No. She's French-France." (Baskets, S01E04)
  • Original music by Andrew Bird (Baskets, S01E04)
  • "Mexico has more museums than any other country in the world." (The Amazing Race, S28E01)
  • El DeBarge (Saturday Night Live, S41E13)
  • "If Senator Sanders is here, who's gonna bring Marty back to the future?" (Triumph's Election Special 2016)


(Triumph's Election Special 2016)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Exile on H Street

on


"Gourmet man food"?

I am chuffed to announce my band The Blond Jews' fourth album, Midlife Vices. I re-learned how to play piano, trombone, double bass, and cello for it.

Track listing:
1. Nerd Preserves (feat. MC Paul Barman)
2. Stick to Sports
3. Fiscal Conservative, Social Liberal
4. No Homo, No Cry
5. Ish Taco
6. Friends with Benadryl
7. Two Paxil a Day
8. Circadian Blues
9. Lung Division
10. Midlife Vices

see also:

Vermin Supreme

on

The NBA All-Star Celebrity Game has become just a platform for Kevin Hart to promote his films.

Oh, he's coaching this year.

Oh, he's coaching against Drake.

Oh, it's USA vs. Canada.

Drake is coaching Win Butler and the Property Brothers! And Kris Wu! Who is Kris Wu?!

Oh, José Bautista is one of Drake's assistant coaches.

Team USA: Ice Cube's son, a co-owner of the Milwaukee Bucks, Muggsy Bogues, and Joel David Moore (The Hottie and the Nottie), who it seems replaced Michael B. Jordan.

Oh, Joel David Moore played in the 2010 Celebrity Game with Dr. Oz and Pitbull.

Update: Kevin Hart un-retired during the game and played in the second half.