Adam Riff™

45. Age Progression Specialist (Nathan for You, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

• Locking the picture (Project Greenlight, S04E08)
• You Break It, You Buy It (Nathan for You, S03E04)
• "Lose Yourself" debate (Master of None, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "Why don't you put the gun down and we'll talk. Umm, have some falafel?" (The Walking Dead, S06E04)
• Brett Butler! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
• ♫: Regina Spektor – "Laughing With" (The Leftovers, S02E04)
• Doctor Who's penis! (The Leftovers, S02E05)
• Project Greenlight Season Grade: B
• "Let me ask you a question. How long have you been a two-faced slut?" (Gotham, S02E07)
• Death by stiletto heel (Gotham, S02E07)
• The closing credits song – Holly Hunter sings it as a lullaby in Raising Arizona (Fargo, S02E04)
• "I'm their Kramer." (Grandfathered, S01E05)
• "You didn't get that line from a book, did you? You got it from a little show Entertainment Weekly called 'one of the more competent legal dramas in quite some time.'" (The Grinder, S01E05)
• "This is not a Long Duk Dong situation." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
• Gak – "Of course there's hair in it." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
• "When I was two, what breakfast cereal did I accidentally breathe into my lungs and nearly die? …I…X."
  "Dix? You choked on dix?" (Scream Queens, S01E07)
• "News flash, felchers. Rat poison only works because rodents don't have a gag reflex. If you gave a human rat poison, they would immediately puke it all up. So not only would I have survived your attempt on my life, it would have also made me skinnier." (Scream Queens, S01E07)
• "Her treacherous slatch already droops like wet clay." (The Bastard Executioner, S01E08)
• "You put me in charge."
  "No, I put you in place. Don't confuse the two." (Empire, S02E06)
• The Burp King of Westchester is ubiquitous (American Horror Story, S05E05)
• "Bitches want pâté?" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
• "You don't lack beauty; you lack commitment." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
• ♫: Kim Carnes – "Bette Davis Eyes" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
• "Goddesses don't speak in whispers; they scream." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
• Nick Kroll clearly negotiated a reduced schedule when re-upping (The League, S07E09)
• "I met with Cornelius Ladd, an age progression specialist I found on Craigslist." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
• "My wife and my kids, they died in space. It was an accident." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
• "I could be very helpful in securing a long future for you here at the Knick." [accidentally sets himself on fire] (The Knick, S02E04)
• "I ate a lot of diapers. A lot. That dirty diaper taste in the back of your mouth, there's just nothing like it. But I'm here to say that you can have a life without walking around munching on every dirty diaper you come across." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
• "I'd like to sing a few songs for you, songs I knew from when I was just a little girl." [sings "Three Blind Mice"] (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
• ♫: Original song written by Eric Wareheim and performed by Bonnie "Prince" Billy (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
• "It's not for people to just take it and go. This isn't New Orleans." (Master of None, S01E02)
• "Taye Diggs? He hates celery." (Master of None, S01E03)
• "Dude, it's a Father John Misty show. There's gonna be white people everywhere." (Master of None, S01E03)
• "'XOXO' – that's good. It means 'hugs and kisses.'"
  "No, 'XOXO' means 'go fuck yourself.'"
  "Hmm. Well, if that's true, then all the letters my grandmother wrote me ended with 'Go fuck yourself, Grandma.'" (Master of None, S01E03)
• Booty Call! (Master of None, S01E04)
• "Indians, Asians, gays – there can be one, but there can't be two." (Master of None, S01E04)
• "You're being a bit of an Uncle Taj." (Master of None, S01E04)
• "Is Mindy Kaling real?" (Master of None, S01E04)
• Carrie Mathison is married to Stan Beeman (Master of None, S01E05)
• "Batman has a Batmobile. Thor has a Thor-mobile."
  "I don't think he does." (Master of None, S01E05)
• "Colin Salmon is Car-man." (Master of None, S01E05)
• Television Episode of the Year nominee (Master of None, S01E09)
• "I'm over here trying to listen to my CM Punk interview, dude." (Master of None, S01E10)
• Master of None Season Grade: C+

#clipoftheweek

44. Porn? (Nathan for You, S03E03)

Honourable Mention

• Jessica tries to punish the teen boys (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• Devil's Night dinner (American Horror Story, S05E04)

Stray Observations

• "He's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, Harry Pop-tart." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
• "My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
  "What?"
  "My lip reading is not flawless." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
• Rickroll! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
• ♫: Lo-Fang – "You're the One That I Want" (The Leftovers, S02E04)

(The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

• "Look at this dumb outfit I borrowed from Melissa. This needs, like, a pineapple on it, or a giraffe, or children sliding down a rainbow. I mean, this is not me." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)
• "So I pulled a gun on him – you guys know I do that from time to time." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

"A mallet. That's, uhhh, useful." (Gotham, S02E06)

• "Say, you wouldn't by any chance be Mike Milligan and the Kitchen brothers, would you?
  "You make us sound like a prog rock band." (Fargo, S02E03)
• "We're a very friendly people."
  "Pretty unfriendly, actually. But it's the way you're unfriendly, how you're so polite about it, like you're doing me a favour." (Fargo, S02E03)
• "I am not a crook." (Fargo, S02E03)
• "Don't you want to experience the one thing white people do better than us?"
  "Begging for candy in a disguise to hide your shame?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• "I'm going as Humpty Hump from the Digital Underground."
  "I love Burger King bathrooms!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• "Tic Tacs to the face! Tic tacs in your face!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• "She's so cool."
  "I bet she drinks Zima." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

"UPS delivery lamb. Nice costume, Emery. You too, Evan. A lazy goalie."
[…]
"Go on. Deliver that goalie." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

• "Aren't you embarrassed? A grown woman dressed as a pig?"
  "I'm Miss Piggy. Kermit's girlfriend?"
  "Pigs don't date. Pigs feed a crowd at a reasonable price." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• The Mask = "Jazz Gumby." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• "Jeff friggin' Lynne…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
• "What are thooooooose?!" (Black-ish, S02E06)
• "They're just children. They don't have arts programs. They can't help themselves." (Black-ish, S02E06)
• "Your refrigerator game has exploded in the last 5-7 years." (Black-ish, S02E06)
• 1999: Tweek vs. Craig. 2015: Tweek x Craig (South Park, S19E06)
• "Wow. Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks and we already have our first gay kids." (South Park, S19E06)
• "The Asians decide who's gonna be gay?" (South Park, S19E06)
• Karaoke video (South Park, S19E06)
• "He's a genius, like Galileo or Peter Frampton." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
• "I don't eat salad."
  "Jeffrey likes dark meat." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
• "What am I supposed to do without a quarterback?"
  "I dunno… Pick up Andy Dalton off the waiver wire."
  "You know that I'm a card-carrying member of the ADL."
  "What is the ADL?"
  "The Andy Defamation League, where I get together with a group of people and talk shit about Andy Dalton." (The League, S07E08)
• "We missed you at the bibimbapluck." (The League, S07E08)
• The book is available on Amazon for $11 (Nathan for You, S03E03)
• "Chapter 9: Baboons." (Nathan for You, S03E03)
• "A while ago, I was working with a jungle child. His name was Dendy. He was a great inspiration for me. Unfortunately, he tragically died when baboons kidnapped and ate him." (Nathan for You, S03E03)

(Nathan for You, S03E03)

• "I'm just about to haul noogies." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E01)

#clipoftheweek