Adam Riff™

32. Y2K in Monaco with Gene Hackman (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E09)

Honourable Mention

• Cherry's reaction to a pull-apart pecan and raisin sticky bun (Crime Scene Kitchen, S02E08)
• Cannon Man (How To with John Wilson, S03E02)
• Procrasti-bator video categories (This Fool, S02E05)
• Ball pit sex scene (Twisted Metal, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "You're the best fucking husband I ever could've imagined. And believe me, I imagined quite a few. Ryan Phillippe, Savion Glover the tap dancer…" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E08)
• "You know what, this is gonna take too long. There, now no one look at the cards 'cause they got my cock cooties on them." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E09)
• "Jesse, where are you going?"
  "I gotta find my daddy!"
  "What did he say?"
  "He went to find some titty!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E09)
• </The Righteous Gemstones, S03>
• "It's Albanian tooth extractor."
  "Well, what makes it Albanian?"
  "The fact that I'm holding it." (Justified: City Primeval, S01E04)
• ♫: James Carr – "The Dark End of the Street" (Hijack, S01E07)
• </Hijack, S01>
• "I will eat two hot dogs in your honor today." (Reservation Dogs, S03E01)
• ♫: Blaine Bailey – "Cigarettes and Roses" (Reservation Dogs, S03E01)
• ♫: Zach Bryan – "Cold Damn Vampires" (Reservation Dogs, S03E01)
• Crying Indian (Reservation Dogs, S03E02)
• "Superman wishes he had those cumgutters." (Harley Quinn, S04E04)
• "It's a lanyard for the conference. Look. Steppenwolf hasn't picked his up yet. Classic move."
  "Mmm, intergalactic dom shit." (Harley Quinn, S04E04)
• Badge for Peter Thiel (Harley Quinn, S04E04)
• "Hiding Farts at the Office: Evil Edition" (Harley Quinn, S04E04)
• "You need to take better care of yourself. Here. OJ and speed." (Minx, S02E03)
• "Wait, but Bert argued that you could drink Roundup?" (How To with John Wilson, S03E02)
• "Gracias, Esperanto y de nada y Buenos Aires."
  "Buenos Aires to you, too." (This Fool, S02E06)
• "When that hyna gave birth, and I saw that baby busting through her pussy close-up, it reminded me of that one part from Ace Ventura 2, you know, when that fool Jim is climbing out of that rhino's ass. That scene used to make me laugh. But now I know, for that rhino, it wasn't funny at all." (This Fool, S02E08)
• "Temptation is a pulsing python that looms betwixt my thighs." (This Fool, S02E08)
• "Fuck you and your Godzilla dick." (This Fool, S02E08)
• "That show makes me wanna stab myself in the heart, Elliott Smith-style." (This Fool, S02E09)
• "It's not your fault you can't call me a cunt." (This Fool, S02E09)

(This Fool, S02E10)

• "So that's when I looked you up on LinkedIn. But turns out I needed an account. So I go to set up a password, but it said the password wasn't strong enough. So then it gives me a suggested password. But I'm like, 'How the fuck am I supposed to remember all this?' It was like Z-Y, um, like, four sevens in a row and then, um, dash, a little T—" (This Fool, S02E10)
• "That's a human masa on the floor. Who did this human masa?" (This Fool, S02E10)
• </This Fool, S02>
• "I knew a milkman that fell asleep on an anthill, and those little shits ate 'em alive from the insides out. Poor bastard betrayed by his butthole." (Twisted Metal, S01E04)
• The Master of Disguise (Twisted Metal, S01E04)
• Blankman (Twisted Metal, S01E04)
• ♫: t.A.T.u. – "Not Gonna Get Us" (Twisted Metal, S01E04)
• "Dear Jon,"
  "What kind of psychopath spells John without an 'H'?" (Twisted Metal, S01E05)
• "I should lube up with oil and dick your muffler."
  "Dick her muff! Dick her muff!" (Twisted Metal, S01E08)
• "Bababooey." (Twisted Metal, S01E09)
• "Do you like wine?"
  "Uh, toilet or sink?" (Twisted Metal, S01E10)
• </Twisted Metal, S01>
• </Heartstopper, S02>

31. Energy Vampire Council (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)

Honourable Mention

• Self-cleaning toilet (How To with John Wilson, S03E01)

Stray Observations

• "Attention, pharmacy! I need some salves and shit for intense body beatings!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• "It's filthy as fuck in here. Chicken doo-doo is getting all ground into my fucking seduction dress." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• "Look. It's Kelvin's friend, Chief."
  "Oh, I think his name is Quiche."
  "I always heard it as Heath." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• "Please, dear Lord, help Kelvin to find some sanitary wipes with aloe. He chafes real bad, and a burnt rectal from cheap TP could make him very despondent." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• "I don't want my kids to be one of those kids that loses a parent like somebody in a fucking Disney movie. I don't want my sons to be Bambis." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• "You know, I kinda can see that. That you would just shut down mentally 'cause you're so terrified and you would just silently roll over and, I don't know, tearful pull down to the jeans." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• "I'm just gonna go into beast mode and start biting faces and dicks. If I die, please don't remember me that way." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E07)
• ♫: Protomartyr – "Feral Cats" (Justified: City Primeval, S01E03)
• "I know a little Albanian."
  "I heard that joke."
  "No, no. It's an actual word. Pordhe. It means 'fart.'" (Justified: City Primeval, S01E03)

(Secret Invasion, S01E06)

• "Yes, let's be sure not to repeat the mistakes of Talos and Fury and leave love and friendship out of this." (Secret Invasion, S01E03)
• </Secret Invasion, S01>
• </Full Circle, S01>
• "Did Harley end up killing Sheryl Sandberg in Jackson Hole last year, or did she survive?"
  "No, that was Andy Sandberg." (Harley Quinn, S04E01)
• "Last night was the launch party for her Hard Corn Water, hello?"
  "You mean whiskey."
  "Legally, she can't call it that. She explained it all on her live-stream." (Harley Quinn, S04E01)
• "That's where Martian Manhunter and Grimes just got in a huge fight. Mar-Man told Grimes that he could never love her and she threw a bananas foster on his lap, lighting his penis on fire." (Harley Quinn, S04E01)
• "There is a place for everyone else's opinions. And it's in that tiny, waxy paper bag that's inside that little metal mailbox in that stall with my dirty tampons."
  "You know what, you're right. Everyone can get on board or they can fuck off to that tiny tampon mailbox." (Harley Quinn, S04E01)
• "In this cave, we believe in" sign (Harley Quinn, S04E02)
• Talkative Teddy Tilapia (Harley Quinn, S04E02)
• "Pasta maker! We meet again!" (Harley Quinn, S04E02)
• "I don't wanna polish silver or de-skin chicken breasts."
  "Master Bruce liked to smell it. A little treat without the cholesterol." (Harley Quinn, S04E02)
• "It brings me much joy to announce some new faces: Livewire, Meg Whitman, and Poison Ivy." (Harley Quinn, S04E02)
• "You've earned your Bat outfit."
  "Snitches get stitches." (Harley Quinn, S04E02)
• "This is my eating bed." (Harley Quinn, S04E03)
• Ted Lasso "believe" sign (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)
• "Here's me in the corner. Here's me in the spotlight at my circumcision." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)
• "I can speak 14 languages, as long as they are English. I can fashion any tree, any hedge, into a vսlva." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)
• "To cut this short and to get straight to the point, you can all go f-f-fuck yourselves." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)
• "Want one?"
  "No, I don't want a nonpareil." (Minx, S02E02)
• "Go clean the sad, flack-id pen¡s off, young blood." (This Fool, S02E01)
• "You're putting us in a difficult position, Don Emilio. We all know that if Darius killed your rooster, then me and the other Latinos gotta back your ass up and fսck up Darius' dog."
  "And when you fսck up my dog, my people gonna have to fսck up some of your people."
  "Then we're in a race war."
  "And you know what happens after that? Mr. Chen gonna have to pick a side." (This Fool, S02E01)
• "Man, you look like a Taiwanese James Bond." (This Fool, S02E01)
• "Anyway, enjoy. Bony tit!" (Twisted Metal, S01E02)

30. Naked and Afraid (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E06)

Honourable Mention

• Customer Service (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E08)
• Chinese vs. Germans (Warrior, S03E06)
• Nadja's Ghost/Colin Robinson performing "It's Raining Men" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)
• Foursome (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)

Stray Observations

• "Stay focused. Don't talk about cum." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E06)
• "You're out there trying to play fucking pretend therapist fucking farting in jars for people, and I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to exploit my dead mama so that people like us again!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E06)
• "Let us go or I'll kill her."
  "Oh, I don't doubt you for a moment. The males in my species are very similar. If they're not busy gaslighting you, they're threatening you with murder. That's what all the podcasts are about." (Secret Invasion, S01E05)
• [♫: Stormzy – "Audacity (feat. Headie One)"]
  "This is what we're doing?"
  "Yes, this is what we're doing." (Secret Invasion, S01E05)
• Teaspoon (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E08)
• "I'll take the tea without the covert diabetes delivery mechanism, please." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E08)
• "No, you cannot pressure-cook a French dip." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E08)
• </It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16>
• "According to my resources at the internet…" (Full Circle, S01E04)
• "Mind if I put on some music to get us in the mood?"
  [♫: Dave Matthews Band – "Ants Marching"] (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)

• Guillermo coughing up smoke when he says "god" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E03)

29. Hello Dolly (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)

Honourable Mention

• Bank Robbery (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E05)

Stray Observations

(The Righteous Gemstones, S03E05)

• "I DDT'd that dude from the top rope. Yeah, it was, like, Undertaker level." (Secret Invasion, S01E04)
• "Now, why don't you hobble your ancient ass on out of here before I have you defenestrated?" (Secret Invasion, S01E04)
• "She was wonderful. Very chill. Yeah. Let me get you her website. Oh, God. She's dead. Wow, 'Natural causes.'"
  "Oh, very chill. Like, literally chill." (Platonic, S01E10)
• "You're gonna create so many drinks I won't like."
  "I'll make one just for you. I'll call it the Sylvia. It'll be Riesling with apple juice, a Sun Chip rim, served in a full-size toddler's car seat." (Platonic, S01E10)
• ♫: Bleachers – "Hate That You Know Me" (Platonic, S01E10)
• </Platonic, S01>
• "It's a co-ed tournament."
  "So you'll be competing against men?"
  "Vaginas and penises together again." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E07)
• "I summon the very fact that I am a man!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E07)
• "I just fear that the hypnosis is making the borough dumber and dumber."
  "We live in Staten Island. Nobody will notice." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "No, I really don't think it's about his birthday. And if it is, what a bitch." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "How about we set you two up with some pro-sexy? It's a fun way of saying 'prosecco.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "I can't get something out of my mind that that little pipsqueak Gizmo said about not being around forever."
  "I mean, he could mean that he's gonna die soon. That's something that, uh, humans do."
  "All the time."
  "Or he could get his old job at Panera Bread back. That's another thing all humans do at some point." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "Could you imagine Grahame as a vampire?"
  "He would be just a little bat with diarrhea, like…"
  "Flying and then… [blows raspberry]"
  "Why do I always shit in your scenarios?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "It's got an ass-load of terroir." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• "So much cheap crap and old fish. It's like looking out the window of my childhood home." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• "I think I'll just have the tak…tak…"
  "Tzat…"
  "Tak…"
  "Tzatziki."
  "I'll get it. Tack…"
  "Tzat…"
  "Tacky tacky. Uh, but without the, uh, yogurt." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• Matt Berry's pronunciation of "chilaquiles" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• ♫: Jank Sinatra – "Hey! [I'm Dead]" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)

28. Daymond John (The Eric Andre Show, S06E10)

Honourable Mention

• Rico Nasty (The Eric Andre Show, S06E09)
• Sailor Moon transformation (My Adventures with Superman, S01E02)

Stray Observations

• "Are you sure I can't suggest something a little bit more fun?"
  "No, it's 1:00 in the afternoon. Water is very fun." (The Idol, S01E05)
• "Chaim, I mean, she's talented, but so was the fuckin' banjo boy in Deliverance." (The Idol, S01E05)
• "Scarface Miyagi over here found them?" (The Idol, S01E05)
• </The Idol, S01>
• "Hiya. I'll be today's leader for this ice cream and wiener party." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "I hate to think I'm responsible for your A-hole burning, brother." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "Whoa. Is that your caca?"
  "He's my childhood pet, Rags."
  "Is Rags an explosive diarrhea that you named?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "Ew, somebody sent me a dick pic. I better text this guy back, let him know he's got the wrong recipient."
  "No, BJ! Just block it."
  "Yeah, but some lucky gal's missin' out on that glorious cock shot." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "Mmm, this brie is the fucking tits." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "I was just doing what I thought you're supposed to do when you're a rock star. I thought, 'Hey, man, people want to fall in love with me, suck my dick? So be it.' It turns out I'm not Daniel Lee Rothson." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• </The Eric Andre Show, S06>
• "He needs to pay for this. Jewelry?"
  "Yeah? Is dry humping worth jewelry?"
  "Sounds like purse-level." (Platonic, S01E09)
• "Can you not see that we are virtually creating a meal with a pair of disembodied Caucasian hands?" (Platonic, S01E09)
• "I would not like my partner out there dry humping motherfuckers."
  "It kinda feels worse."
  "'Cause it's weirder."
  "It is. And it would make sense from Charlie, because he's, like, this handsome guy, and he's super nice. No one's like that."
  "It's true. He seems like the deprivation of wetness would kinda get him off." (Platonic, S01E09)
• Frank drinking fountain water out of a paper food boat (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)
• "And it's also good for the girls because then they know what they're supposed to look like."
  "It's aspirational." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)
• "But you're telling me I can't say a duck is retarded?"
  "Yes."
  "No? What do you mean? Suppose he walked up here, and his feet were on backwards and his beak was on the inside of his head, what, then I could call him retarded?"
  "Well, no. Then you're dealing with a mutant duck, and that's not funny." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)
• "These are not the boobs I saw, dude, these are not them."
  "This is so disturbing. They-they took her tits off. They literally sanded 'em off!"
  "They mutilated this poor woman."
  "That is disgusting. Goddamn libs."
  "Oh, my God."
  "Unbelievable."
  "And this could be the religious conservatives, too. You know, y-you don't know."
  "That's true."
  "Which kind of—"
  "Lopping tits off feels like a, feels like a religious move." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)