Adam Riff™

27. The Tedros Method (The Idol, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

• Tom Hanks' niece (Claim to Fame, S02E01)
• Ah Sahm vs. Long Zii fight (Warrior, S03E01)

Stray Observations

• "How the fuck did she let this guy in?"
  "I have no fuckin' clue. I thought she only fucked white boys." (The Idol, S01E04)
• ♫: Deftones – "My Own Summer [Shove It]" (The Idol, S01E04)
• "I don't know what you think Jesse told you, but my conscience is clean, chick." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)

• "No, there ain't gonna be no fight. There's just gonna be a 187." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "Heimlich his ass!"
  "Lick his what?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "Chuck, I was so scared. I couldn't breathe."
  "That's why we're always saying, 'Chew your food.'" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "Can we get some waffles after we get some ass?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "I smelled the meat that came out of your cousin." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "I've been feeding him donuts. This is, like, their natural diet." (The Eric Andre Show, S06E07)
• "This is the woman that introduced us. Her name is Ghislaine. She's a little bit eccentric." (The Eric Andre Show, S06E08)
• "I think your mic, I think your mic is feeding back. It's a metal thing. You have any metal in your outfit?"
  "No."
  "I think, if you eat fish, that sometimes does it." (The Eric Andre Show, S06E08)
• "If Slovakia rolls its eyes at me one more time, I'm gonna put on the suit and carpet bomb it." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "The reason we wrestled this power from mediocre men who don't look like us was not simply to turn around and hand it to mediocre men who do." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "I'm Nick Fury. Even when I'm out, I'm in." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "Who are you?"
  "I'm above your pay grade." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "What's their name?"
  "I can't, please. Gravik will kill me."
  "I'm terribly sorry, but if I don't get a name, Gravik won't get the chance to kill you." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "Why is the Slopp's logo a raccoon wearing a monocle, coming out of a trash can, holding a sloppy joe?"
  "Focus groups really thought that imagery stayed with people."
  "Man, that lobster's shredded. Look at the pecs." (Platonic, S01E08)
• "Get your phones, everybody." (Platonic, S01E08)
• "He was not frightened. He sounded very calm and relaxed."
  "That's how they sound."
  "Pilots?"
  "British people. Zero emotion. Tells us nothing." (Hijack, S01E02)
• Thinking Aaron Paul is Malcolm in the middle (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "What's this?"
  "Oh, that's an old can of oysters from another flight."
  "A can of oysters?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "Don't pitch Gritty!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "That can is from a shellfish company I started with Tony Danza back in the '80s."
  "Tony's Oysters in a Can-za?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "So, I ask you…bitch…who is really in charge here?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "Whoa, he's been Australian this whole time? No wonder he books." (The Other Two, S03E10)
• "Fuck, all my fans are now posting angry videos about me on Instagram."
  "And all my fans are trying to but don't know how."
  "Shit. We lost another one. 'We at Big Lots were sickened to learn…'"
  "Oh, shut up, Big Lots. You sell piss and shit."
  "Fuck! I also just got an email from iTunes."
  "What?"
  "A new episode of Potomac is ready for download. Oh. Okay. So that'll be nice after all this." (The Other Two, S03E10)
• "And I searched everything I would type into an e-mail to a publicist. 'Sorry to bug, girl.' 'Not to be annoying, but…'"
  "I don't email like that, B. I just write, 'Hi, Sharon,' then succinctly ask for what I want."
  "Oh, to be a straight man." (The Other Two, S03E10)
• </The Other Two, S03>

Looking forward:

26. Groove (I'm a Virgo, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

• Drew Barrymore (The Eric Andre Show, S06E06)
• Gay Blade (The Eric Andre Show, S06E06)
• AI-generated title sequence (Secret Invasion, S01E01)
• The crisis of capitalism monologue (I'm a Virgo, S01E04)
• Capitalism monologue (I'm a Virgo, S01E07)

Stray Observations

• "I'm driving down the road, he's eating her out in the back of the car, like, I don't know what to do." (The Idol, S01E03)
• "I'm fuckin' shitting more blood than a kid at Epstein's island." (The Idol, S01E03)
• "Maybe you need to stop talking about Baron Munchausen." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E01)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S03E01)

• "What if we're not Leno? What if we're just Conan?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E01)
• "But Daddy, you're alive right now. You ain't even drooling yet. You ain't even squirting piss against your will." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E02)
• "Well, you know, I'm not even 40 in human years. I haven't even gone on my midlife crisis shopping spree yet. Hey. What'd you get for yours?"
  "The Avengers." (Secret Invasion, S01E01)
• ♫: Kalisway – "Can't Tell Me Nothing" (Platonic, S01E07)

(Platonic, S01E07)

• "The dance never said anything about no beads." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E04)
• "You let a stranger hack your butthole." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E04)
• "Hi, Brookie. Guess what I'm playing? Apples to Apples!"
  "Ew. Literally, why?" (The Other Two, S03E09)
• "It's also like God's Own Country?" (The Other Two, S03E09)
• "Holy shit. Edie? Uh, speaking of, uh, one of my very best friends is here now."
  [Edie Falco] (The Other Two, S03E09)
• "Alright, okay, we're gonna have to find people that want to learn, which is gonna be impossible. But, you know, it's even more difficult to teach people how to give a shit, so…" (The Bear, S02E01)
• "I'm fine. Just, uh… Sometimes I look like February." (The Bear, S02E02)
• "Really want one of these bullshit stars?"
  "Yeah. Yeah, I really do."
  "You're gonna have to care about everything, more than anything." (The Bear, S02E02)
• "You know, maybe if I could provide more-more-more amusement or-or enjoyment for myself, it would be easier to, uh, to provide for others, you know?" (The Bear, S02E02)
• "I mean, I'm more into, like, kinda like Chingy, you know?" (The Bear, S02E05)
• "I'm not like this 'cause I'm in Van Halen. I am in Van Halen because I'm like this." (The Bear, S02E05)
• "The upside of barf is that you get some peace and quiet." (The Bear, S02E06)
• "Big Neil got 'em for us."
  "Yeah. Kohl's Cash." (The Bear, S02E06)
• "Eleven Madison Dickhead." (The Bear, S02E08)
• "It felt genuine. Like from his soul. No G and R." (The Bear, S02E08)
• "I don't need to provide amusement or enjoyment. I don't need to receive any amusement or enjoyment. I'm completely fine with that. Because no amount of good is worth how terrible this feels." (The Bear, S02E08)
• </The Bear, S02>
• "[AI responds in Bill Cosby voice]" (I'm a Virgo, S01E01)
• "Poo-butts are trying to stop lawful eviction down there." (I'm a Virgo, S01E01)
• "You imagine Marshawn Lynch having sex with the girl you're having sex with?" (I'm a Virgo, S01E03)
• "Evil loiters through the night, but The Hero wakes at dawn. New catchphrase."
  "So once evil sleeps, The Hero wakes back up?"
  "Nevermind." (I'm a Virgo, S01E06)
• "You want people to see Vin Diesel every time they Google you?" (I'm a Virgo, S01E06)
• "Yeah, well, uh… I would have caught you more off guard if I wasn't thrown off by your annoyingly anal assistant."
  "Well, anal is what I pay him for." (I'm a Virgo, S01E06)
• </I'm a Virgo, S01>

25. Salma Hayek (Black Mirror, S06E01)

Honourable Mention

• ♫: "The Gays Are Coming Home to Win the Night" (The Other Two, S03E08)

Stray Observations

• "You look like a treat. Imagine my tongue on your pussy. My fat tongue." (The Idol, S01E02)
• "Fuckin' stretch that tiny, little pussy. I want you to suck my cock." (The Idol, S01E02)
• ♫: Chloe and Izaak – "That's My Family" (The Idol, S01E02)
• "I'm from this town outside Denver called Columbine. Have you heard of it?"
  "I have."
  "Really?" (Platonic, S01E06)
• "I got you a sixer."
  "You got that for me?"
  "Yeah, I got a gift for you, buddy."
  "There's only four in here."
  "I drank two of 'em, of course."
  "Okay. All right. Well, thank you."
  "Oh, I'm gonna buy a six-pack and not drink two?"
  "Well, yeah. That's kind of the kind thing to… But I– Look, um, thank you for the four."
  "If I'm being honest, I drank four. Two of those are piss." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E03)
• "Featuring performances from singers who get anxious sometimes, like Lady Gaga, Ben Platt, and the cast of Hamilton, still. Plus, a powerful speech from Parkland survivor insert name of Parkland survivor we can get." (The Other Two, S03E08)
• "Thank you, John Legend. Another B+." (The Other Two, S03E08)
• "Fuck. He's giving Sia COVID." (The Other Two, S03E08)
• "How else can we distract a gay man?"
  "Oh, my God! Brooke, I'm a daddy!" (The Other Two, S03E08)
• "'Anyway, this is a lot of texts, and I know we're not together anymore, but I just wanted to say 'hi,' and that I miss you…and your dick. God I miss your big, fat dick.' Oh, my God. Those were all tweets again. Delete, delete, delete." (The Other Two, S03E08)
• "Mmm. Amazing. Is that salt?" (Black Mirror, S06E01)
• "They made me the gayest man on earth" – Jaboukie (Black Mirror, S06E01)
• "What was the name of that Netflix thing? About the guy that killed women?"
  "Maybe narrow that down." (Black Mirror, S06E02)
• "Looks like he wipes his arse with his house." (Black Mirror, S06E05)
• </Black Mirror, S06>