is gonna build a mountain
"Press F to pay respects." (Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare)
"Press A to pay your respects." (Batman: Arkham City)
"Press □ to kiss your wife stealthily." (Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor)
"Press F to cut leg." (Battlefield 4)
"Press E to jump in mass grave." (Homefront)
"Press A to make a stink pickle." (Deadpool)
"Press X to 'Jason!'" (Heavy Rain)
"Press △ to John Bender." (Ace Combat: Assault Horizon)
hat tip GamesBeat
Previously on Adam Riff™: Eater's Digest: Toronto
September 2014
fat pasha / big crow / 416 snack bar / the black hoof / la carnita / sneaky dee's / banh mi boys / second cup / linwood essentials / oddseoul / seven lives / chantecler / patois / bar isabel / hero certified burgers / poptopia / beast / porchetta & co. / this end up / big smoke burger / smoke's poutinerie
Thanks to Nick the Butcher for his tips.
Gold Stars
Sweetbread Karaage (The Black Hoof)
compressed watermelon, white anchovy, scallion mayo
The Black Hoof has become my go-to restaurant in Toronto. No duds yet.
[Ancho Chili Powdered] Tortilla Chips (La Carnita)
guacamole, corn salsa, serrano and cashew bean dip
"Poutine" (Beast)
fried gnocchi, bbq beef brisket, cheese curds, creme fraiche
Porchetta Sandwich (Porchetta & Co.)
4 oz. of porchetta, crackling
Basque Cake (Bar Isabel)
sherry cream
Spicy Popcorn Shrimp (Chantecler)
popcorn, morita pepper
Shrimp breaded in popcorn and deep fried – EH?!
This was the best thing I ate in Toronto this visit. So wonderfully crunchy. All deep-fried food should be breaded in popcorn.
I effort to try a chocolate pecan pie in every city I visit.
Chocolate Pecan Pie Popcorn (Poptopia)
chocolate and caramel coated kernals, crunchy pecans
Twist!
This mostly just ate like caramel corn.
Whole Sea Bream Ceviche (Bar Isabel)
Fish served in the fish from whence it came.
Fat Pasha is the Middle Eastern / European Jewish third of Anthony Rose's "Dupont Holy Trinity," which also includes a diner (Rose and Sons) and a barbecue joint (Big Crow).
Nanaimo Bar (Big Crow)
—Heavenly.
Chopped Liver a la Sammies Roumanian (Fat Pasha)
schmaltz, gribenes, onions, radish, egg, grateful bread challah
A gut-buster of a spread, done in the style of Sammy's Roumanian Steakhouse in New York City, and mixed tableside. That yellow dispenser in the photo is schmaltz [liquid chicken fat], which the contents of the bowl are doused in.
I really dug the addition of gribenes [chicken crackling].
Ice Cream Sandwich (Fat Pasha)
caramelized chocolate matzoh, boreal gelato, manischewitz jelly
Not sure how to eat. The treated matzoh is adamantine and the jelly is…garnish?
Nutella Babka Bread Pudding (Fat Pasha)
maple syrup, vanilla yoghurt, hazelnuts, shredded halva
The halva was seductive-tasting.
The Breakfast Sandwich (Beast)
grilled pork belly, pickled onions, kozlik's sweet and smokey mustard, lettuce, and a fried egg in an apple fritter, with house potatoes
Sounds way better in print. The apple fritter was a feeble apple fritter – and a dry one – and the pork belly was tough.
Patois is an Asian-Caribbean fusion restaurant. The chef is a Chinese dude who grew up in Jamaica.
Kimchi Potstickers "Pierogi Style" (Patois)
caramelized onions, bacon, kimchi sour cream, scallions
Dirty Fried Rice (Patois)
red sausage, sweet soya sauce, cajun trinity, peas, farm egg
—Didn't taste Cajun-y enough for my liking.
O.G. Fried Chicken and Watermelon Pickle (Patois)
thai basil, sweet sriracha
Toronto is straight killing the fried chicken game right now.
Eat also:
Catalan Fried Chicken (Linwood Essentials)
dark meat, prunes, almonds, brandy
Eggplant Double Down (416 Snack Bar)
quinoa-studded fried eggplant, buffalo mozzarella, arugula, housemade tomato sauce
Missed Connections
Jamaican Patty Double Down (Patois)
two cocktail patties, bacon, swiss cheese fondue, sriracha
Jerk Chicken Chow Mein (Patois)
Pineapple Bun Bread Pudding with Boozey Raisins (Patois)
Crispy Frog Cobb Salad (America)
avocado, cactus, smokey blue, sauce piquante
Chicken Liver Agnolotti (Porzia)
honey mushrooms, 15 year old balsamic
Blood Taglietelle (Porzia)
'nduja, zucchini sofrito, burrata
Labatt Breakfast (Beast)
your choice of smoked beast bacon, grilled luis suarez chorizo, or peameal bacon served with two eggs any style, toast, house potatoes, and an ice cold bottle of fifty
Crackie (Porchetta & Co.)
pork crackling, chocolate chips
A chocolate chip pig skin cookie. Yessir.
Cupertino School Board Candidate Admits Violent Past
In 2009, an infuriated [Chris] Zhang, then 35 years old, marched down to a badminton class to confront a man he knew on the Internet as George Wu, an online comments moderator for a Chinese immigrants forum.
Zhang, who kept arguing with other users on the website, was kicked off for "being abrasive." But then he started directing his angst at Wu, sending him increasingly nasty comments, like, "Fuck your mother for being an unfair bitch … I'll fuck you up," and, "You better not run into me in real life … I got your picture now, you little piece of shit."
Unlike most online trolls, Zhang made good on his threat. He tracked Wu down through a message board comment saying that Wu was going to play badminton that day in Milpitas. Zhang went down to tell him off and rough him up. When he arrived, he put his arm around Wu and said in Chinese, "Do you know who I am?" That set off a scuffle that left both men with swollen wrists.
Zhang put Wu in a chokehold, pushed him to the floor, punched his stomach and somehow injured his wrist. "I don't have a perfect past," Zhang admitted, dismissing the incident as a symptom of him being "a reckless bachelor."
I can't decide what my favourite part of this story is:
Confronting an online comments moderator for a Chinese immigrants forum at a badminton class?
The line "fuck your mother for being an unfair bitch"?
The scuffle leaving both men with swollen wrists?
Attributing the incident to reckless bachelorhood at age 35?
Cupertino is heavily Taiwanese. I wonder if George Wu is mainland Chinese.
44. Too Many Cooks, 10-28-14
Honourable Mention
Stray Observations
Time is a flat circle.
I see that Our Lady Peace is still closing shows with (yecch!) "Starseed." Such a shit chaser to "4am."
How about closing with "Middle of Yesterday" or "Innocent," Raine?
I just remembered my music video idea for "Innocent": HBO's Oz, if the prison was populated only with toddlers and octogenarians. It ends with a toddler being fried in an electric chair.
Jon's Our Lady Peace phase #ScaryStoriesIn5Words
Most-watched among Afr-Am LW (L+SD)
1. Scandal (3.8M)
2. HTGAWM (3.7M)
3. Love+Hip Hop (1.8M)
4. 60 Min (1.79M)
5. Grey's (1.76M)
— Joe Adalian (@TVMoJoe) October 28, 2014
One of these things is not like the others…
Most-watched prime series LW/Hispanic viewers (L+SD)
1. TWD (2.4M)
2. Talking Dead (941K)
3. DWTS (879K)
4. Voice (886K)
5. TBBT (826K)
— Joe Adalian (@TVMoJoe) October 28, 2014
Steven: wow, no sons of anarchy
Jon: you know a lot of hispanics who watch soa?
Steven: yes, my whole feed
I bet the Asian top five is similar to the Hispanic one.
White top five:
1. The Good Wife
2. The Mindy Project
3. Last Week Tonight
4. Parenthood
5. Key and Peele
Pepe: Guess who I ran into today? Jenny E_____. I mentioned you in conversation and her face soured. She was like, "He joked about my father dying of cancer."
Jon: What?
Jon: Okay, while I wouldn't put it past young me to do that, in 13 years of public school together, we barely associated. Why would I have joked about the father of someone whose life I was more or less unconscious of?
Jon: And what could I possibly have said that she's still pissed 14+ years later? "It might be a headache"? Cancer humour is not a strength of mine. AIDS, sure, but not cancer.
Jon: My lasting memory of Jenny E_____ is her repulsion when, during a rainy day lunch period in, like, fifth grade, I drew dicks on sheets of paper and then beheaded them with a paper cutter, mistakenly thinking I was circumcising them.
Vince explained that he'd seen a video on the internet of a man having sex with a large, home-made lasagne.
He added: "It looked rather good fun, so I went to Tesco on the way home from work and invested in a lasagne. I'm not made of money, so I got one from their Value range."
"There were two staff members nearby when I bought it and neither warned 'Do not have sex with this product when it's piping hot.'"
"When I paid for it, the checkout girl did not say 'Do not have sex with this product when it is piping hot.' I got it home and saw the packaging said 'Check food is piping hot.' Again, NO mention of not having sex with the hot lasagne."
Is that a photo of the microwave lasagne that he stuck his dick in, or was someone assigned to style a microwave lasagne to look like a dick had been stuck in it?
Answer:
43. Hollywood Wrap Up (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06*)
* a 'television episode of the year' nominee
Honourable Mention
Stray Observations
(Gotham, S01E05)
(Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06)
Previously on Adam Riff™:
Eater's Digest: Philadelphia
What began as an excursion down to Philly to try Drew's sandwich ballooned into an all-day food crawl.
August 2014
pizzeria beddia / the yachtsman / serpico / vernick food and drink / hop sing laundromat / american sardine bar / dizengoff / beck's cajun cafe / zahav / cheu noodle bar / blue corn / tavern on camac / wursthaus schmitz / dutch eating place / spam night @ american sardine bar / good dog bar / magpie / the baker's jar / high street on market / beiler's bakery / meltkraft / the original turkey / kanella
» philly food crawl 2
Gold Stars
Peach and Lamb Confit Salad (Vernick Food and Drink)
frisee lettuce
Lamb Hummus (Dizengoff [a hummusiya])
pistachios, peas, mint, cinnamon
Hummus – Tehina (Zahav)
sesame paste, garlic, lemon, olive oil, cumin, parsley
Chocolate Halvah Mousse (Zahav)
sesame crisp, stewed cherries, machleb
Apple Fritter (Beiler's Bakery)
Deep Fried Duck Leg (Serpico)
hoisin, scallion, pickles, martin's potato roll
Shrimp Saganaki (Kanella)
shrimp roasted with feta, tomato, orzo, and oregano, served with crustini
Pizzeria Beddia's hours are wonky, its menu is limited, it's cash only, you can only order in person, and you have to wait about 30 minutes for your order, as Mr. Beddia makes pizzas to order and only has one oven.
Philadelphians, however, seem to want his pizza bad enough that his operation can thrive like this.
I'm a poor judge of pizza – all pizza satisfies me – but JC said that Pizzeria Beddia's pizza was the best pizza that he's ever eaten in Philadelphia, and he's a native.
I regret pacing myself drink-wise and only taking a sip of Drew's Narragansett Shandy.
Angry Crab Spaghetti / Green Tea Garganelli (High Street on Market)
peeky toe crab, old bay, scallions, bay leaf / smoked duck ragu
Bon Appétit named High Street on Market the second best new restaurant in America.
Pasta seasoned with Old Bay and matcha should not taste so anemic.
Potted Shrimps (High Street on Market)
whipped foie, nutmeg, shrimp toasts
This was delectable, though.
Passyunk
—How do you pronounce that? Pash-unk? Puh-sigh-unk?
Schuylkill
—Squeal-kill? I feel like the K is silent.
—The smell of Worcestershire sauce reminded Hermione and Laoghaire Krzyzewski of halcyon days charbroiling cicadas along the Schuylkill River.
Chocolate Coffee Cinnamon Pecan Pie (Magpie)
I effort to try a chocolate pecan pie in every city I visit. Alas, this one was not available when I visited. It's a seasonal flavour.
If not chocolate pecan pie, then bread pudding. My research turned up a Dark Chocolate Bread Pudding in a jar at The Baker's Jar. Alas, it too was not available. Another seasonal item.
What, people don't crave chocolate in summer time?
I settled for a
Key Lime Pie in a jar (The Baker's Jar)
strawberries
which was a belting confection, if a tad difficult to eat. Next summer, I suggest layering crust and curd like a parfait.
Blue Corn is a Mexican restaurant with blue corn, or pinole, all over its menu. For example:
Blue Corn Margarita (Blue Corn)
horitos tequila, lime juice, orange juice, blue curacao, rim with pinole
Pinole Cheese Cake (Blue Corn)
blue corn graham crust with mascarpone crème and guava sauce
You can tell that Blue Corn is authentic Mexican by its use of queso blanco.
La Raza's love for queso blanco confounds me. It doesn't melt, and yet they cover nachos with it and stuff it in quesadillas.
What I saw:
What I got:
Grilled Gelato Sandwich (Meltkraft)
When Benjamin Franklin died in 1790, he was buried in his family plot in the north west corner of the burial ground along with his wife Deborah and their two children Francis and Sarah.
In 1858, Franklin's descendants requested that an opening be placed in the brick wall so the public could see Franklin's grave day or night, and a metal fence was installed. After the opening in the wall it was much easier for Franklin's many fans to show their respect. [source]
—Hear ye, motherfucker. Future generations will want to take selfies in front of my grave, so I have to be buried beside a wall.
—Okay, okay! Beside a wall!
—All I have left is this corner plot.
Club 33 is a private club located in the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland. Officially maintained as a secret feature of the theme park, the club is located next to the Blue Bayou Restaurant with the entrance recognizable by an address plate with the number 33 engraved on it.
To enter Club 33, a guest must press a buzzer on an intercom concealed by a hidden panel in the doorway. A receptionist will ask for his name over the intercom and, if access is granted, open the door to a small, ornate lobby.
Club 33 has a full bar, although patrons must order directly from their server rather than the service bar. [source]
Hop Sing Laundromat is like Philadelphia's Club 33.
We were greeted behind the security door of a nondescript unmarked building in Chinatown by its owner Le, an eccentric Vietnamese fellow with a penchant for joking about smoking crack. He vetted what we were wearing and, having passed his dress code, led us into a waiting room with a floor lined with pennies, where he ran down the rules of his joint – no photographs, no phone calls. After we consented, he seated us at a table in the main room, which is equal parts old school Italian restaurant and mind of Criss Angel. The bar top is, heh, lined with nickels.
I lost my notes on the cocktails I ordered, but I think the Ivan Drago is vodka, freshly-pressed green grape and watermelon juices, and bitters; and the Box Brown is rum and freshly-pressed red grape juice.
Latka-nomiyaki (Cheu Noodle Bar)
potato pancake, bonito, kewpie
A Jewish play on okonomiyaki [freestyle Japanese savoury pancake].
The potato pancake was more hash browns than latke, but you can't go wrong with fried potatoes.
related: Lancaster Okonomiyaki, with a base of Pennsylvania scrapple cooked in a waffle iron (Ivan Ramen / Manhattan, NY)
Pho Sandwich (Serpico)
grilled beef, jalapeño, bean sprouts, thai basil
Pho sandwiches are having a moment.
related:
Pho Baguette (East Borough / Culver City, CA)
beef brisket, basil, onions, hoisin sriracha aioli, side car pho
Brisket Pho Sandwich (Smallwares / Portland, OR)
hoisin, jalapeño, basil, five spice
I can't speak for all pho sandwiches, but the ones I've tried have been Vietnamese variations on a French dip.
Evidently, a giant rat isn't demonstrative enough for Philadelphia unions.
The diamond ring on an extended pinky is a nice touch.
SPAM Night @ American Sardine Bar
—I'll have one of everything.
No one man should have all that SPAM.
SPAM Night offerings, ranked:
6. SPAM Mac and Cheese
I couldn't discern SPAM. This just ate like mac and cheese, albeit spiced with unneutered jalapeño pepper and topped with Fritos.
5. SPAM Corn Dog
Like the mac and cheese, this just ate like a corn dog.
4. Whipped SPAM
This was fine, but I wish it came with a jelly or a jam. I like a fruity component with spreadable meat.
3. SPAM Lumpia
I would never think to fill a spring roll with fried rice. Deep-fried fried rice?
2. SPAM Slider
The MVP of SPAM Night was this sandwich's homemade pandesal bread roll. It had a stale quality that was oddly ambrosial.
1. SPAM Tacos
The dish in which SPAM appeared most unadulterated – the dish I dreaded eating most – turned out to be my favourite of the bunch. It was so unexpectedly fresh.
The blokes sitting to my left bemoaned the lack of a SPAM dessert, whereas I felt what was missing was an army stew. SPAM, hot dogs, kimchi, instant noodles, and American cheese – who says "no"?
Missed Connections
Mac 'n Hash Sammy (Mac Mart)
bacon, pam pam's bam bam bangin buttermilk ranch
Jacked Mac 'n Burger (Flat Iron)
burger, bacon, mac and cheese bun
Hot Pocket Burger (PYT)
deep-fried "philly cheese steak" hot pocket buns, beef patty, american cheese, truffle-drizzled wiz wit cheesesteak
What kinds of things? Lentils?
Joker S'more / Red Bull Frozen Yogurt (Happily Ever After)