Empty Lots City Blocks

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Idea: Liam Neeson film magnetic poetry.

I think it would be funny if the host of Saturday Night Live just played one cast member's recurring characters.

Drake is hosting this week. What if he played a recurring Kenan Thompson character in every sketch and no one acknowledged the substitution?

Kenan, meanwhile, doesn't appear on the show at all, or only appears behind Drake as he's closing the show. Maybe they hug.

Kissing babies and hugging fat girls

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Danielle e-mailed me out of the blue.

i want you to have stronger opinions about movies. almost every single movie is "okay."

You want me to feign enthusiasm or aversion?

i want you to talk about movies more.

Well, when you don't have strong opinions, there is little worth talking about.

i was hoping you'd write about her.

[grumbling]

My thoughts during Her:

—If this film is nominated for "Best Picture," Chris Pratt will have appeared in a "Best Picture" nominee for three consecutive years.

—Who is voicing Samantha? She sounds like Rashida Jones.

—This actress playing the surrogate has bad teeth.

—That building looks familiar. I think we drove past it in China.

—Guh. Fuckin' break up already!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

2. Jumping Jacks (Enlisted, S01E01)

Stray Observations


(Sherlock, S03E02)

  • "A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious, and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world." (Sherlock, S03E02)
  • Pulp Fiction reference (Sherlock, S03E02)
  • "Bland, boring Jessica. If she were a spice, she'd be flour. If she were a book, she'd be two books." (Bob's Burgers, S04E09)
  • "This moment is so chill and absent of drama, I want to call it 'Tim Duncan.'" (New Girl, S03E11)
  • "You look like a Boyz II Men Easter album." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E12)


(Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E12)

  • "Don't quote Die Hard." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E12)
  • "I didn't take you for a tennis fan, Mr. Crowder, but the only reason I can see you calling at this hour is to discuss Azarenka's last match." (Justified, S05E01)
  • "Can I get you a blow job or something?" (Justified, S05E01)
  • "I start arresting girls, how's that for business, Dewey? You and Wade the only two pussies in this whorehouse." (Justified, S05E01)
  • "It's called growing up and having your own interests, like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose."
    "Wow. Using my own movie against me. [claps] Let's hear it for the boy." (Modern Family, S05E11)
  • "I'm a huge Eminem fan. When's he get here?"
    "Marshall? You're not his type." (American Horror Story, S03E10)
  • "Put out that cigarette. Now stick it in your vagina." (American Horror Story, S03E10)
  • Patti LuPone drinking bleach (American Horror Story, S03E10)
  • "It's like what Sir Ian McKellen said to me the day I sold my boat to Karl Lagerfeld: 'Parting is such sweet sorrow.'" (Parks and Recreation, S06E10)
  • "Is it done? Well, how many times did he turn the paper over? Oh… That is disappointing." (Parks and Recreation, S06E10)
  • "Enrique Shockwave." (Parks and Recreation, S06E10)
  • RT: #ParksandRec fans have a new pilgrimage site in Paris. pic.twitter.com/0q4l6D842J (Parks and Recreation, S06E10)
  • "'Jonas Morehouse. Your fat.' Your fat? Why did you put that?"
    "Let me see that. It's supposed to be 'your father.' Damn fool ran out of space."
    "Oh."
    "He should have managed his space better." (The Spoils of Babylon, S01E01)


(The Spoils of Babylon, S01E02)

  • "No one likes an ironic name!" (Enlisted, S01E01)

#clipoftheweek

Go to another party and hang myself

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Is this the Shane Carruth film? I think so. How many films titled Upstream Colour can there be?

It looks like a direct-to-video horror film.

"Starring Porn Stars."

According to its cover, the four-DVD set is "100% commercial free."

Oh, it's a series!

16 Hours of Hairy TWO? That's a lot of…hairy.

I'm tempted to spend a day live-blogging one of these. How long is a flight from California to India?

Low Winter Sound

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[looks at date]

[shrugs]

I am chuffed to present The 20/13 Experience, a two-part, three-hour audio celebration of the past year.

Part one (Walt), which I produced, is a scruffy mix of songs, film/television snippets, and Weird SoundCloud amusements.

Part two (Jesse), which our mate Ben produced, is a professional DJ mix.

The two parts only share three artists, and different songs at that.

Oh and hey, for the first time, you can stream an Adam Riff™ mix! Let's test our web host's "unlimited bandwidth."

1"Comedy Bang! Bang!" - Senatorial Candidate Felix Dewhurst
2Chance The Rapper - Good Ass Intro (feat. BJ The Chicago Kid, Lili K., Kiara Lanier, Peter Cottontale, Will from The O'My's)
3Shone - Baby Shakes
4Ciley Myrus - Brecking Wall (D.J. Detweiler Remix)
5Blaenavon - Prague
6Bo Burnham - From God's Perspective
7CHVRCHES - The Mother We Share
8Keaton Henson - Lying To You
9"Spring Breakers" - Look At My Shit
10Danny Brown - Smokin & Drinkin
11Ideaot - Same Love Yourself
12Frameworks - Preamble
13HAIM - If I Could Change Your Mind
14"The Eric Andre Show" - Hannibal's Pretzels
15Parquet Courts - Stoned And Starving
16"Enlightened" - The Ghost
17JJ DOOM - Banished (Beck Remix)
18Oscar Isaac And Marcus Mumford - Fare Thee Well (Dink's Song)
19TheGearGabber - BLURred Lines
20Stinky Smelly - Nevada Test Site
21Ta-ku - We Were In Love
22"This Is The End" - Franco vs. McBride
23Deafheaven - Vertigo
24"Nathan For You" - Sean Connery
25John Newman - Love Me Again
26Crystal Fighters - You & I
27Coma Cinema - Virgin Veins
28Thomas Ripper - tech_support.wav
29Kanye West - Hold My Liquor
30FIDLAR - No Waves
31"Breaking Bad" - Badger's "Star Trek" Script
32Lorde - Bravado
33The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die - Getting Sodas
34"The Kings Of Summer" - Biaggio
35Run The Jewels - A Christmas Fucking Miracle

• DOWNLOAD THE 20/13 EXPERIENCE: 1 OF 2 (WALT) 1:53:34
• alternate download link

1Ben Cohen - The 20/13 Experience

• DOWNLOAD THE 20/13 EXPERIENCE: 2 OF 2 (JESSE) 1:01:45
• alternate download link

Thanks to Corbin Portillo for the artwork; and Steven, Pinder, Matt, Jon Wilcox, and Adam Robot for their help.

see also:

Calm Like A Bomb

on

Elizabeth: Have you been to the cupcake vending machine in Beverly Hills?
Jon: What?

Cupcake ATM
For Sprinkles addicts on the go, the Cupcake ATM is continuously restocked day and night with a variety of freshly baked cupcakes

And just a few miles away…

January 18th… That's MLK weekend. I have a dream indeed.

  • Male Chef
    a site dedicated to displaying disgusting images of home-prepared meals

Jesse Cornell Blues

on

I can't fall asleep nowadays without feeling like I'm gonna die. At some point every night, while lying in bed, I feel my heart failing and freak out internally.

McKern successfully guilted me into standardly tipping 20%.

20% should be easier to calculate than 12% or 15%, but I increasingly find myself multiplying by hand.

6 times 2 is 12, carry the 1…

As someone who was classically trained in arithmetic (i.e. Kumon), struggling to calculate 20% in my head is mortifying.

While it's the right thing to do, tipping 20% feels like paying a hidden fee. I feel stung by my generosity. When you add tip, an innocuous $82.00 bill balloons to…

0 times 2, 2 plus 6…

To almost $100.00!

In my youth, my mother hired someone to tutor me in using an abacus. In retrospect, why did my mother want me to master use of an abacus in the '90s?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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[pause]

A fifth year of this, Jon? You are the Vin Scully of negligible shit.

1. Korean Sauna (Unhung Hero, Showtime)

Stray Observations

  • Brock Lesnar's scream (WWE Raw, 12-30-13)
  • "I like my mattress plain and straight up." (My Strange Addiction, S05E02)
  • "Do you guys feel weird about doing this without…Magnitude?" (Community, S05E01)
  • "You trust-funded, body-sprayed, Eli Roth DVD owner." (Community, S05E01)
  • Chevy Chase? Is this repurposed footage? No. Huh. (Community, S05E01)


(Community, S05E02)

#clipoftheweek

My Most Anticipated Entertainment of 2014

on

The Magician's Land
the conclusion of Lev Grossman's fabulous Magicians trilogy

Inherent Vice
Paul Thomas Anderson adapts Thomas Pynchon

Gotham
Batman prequel television series

Silicon Valley
HBO comedy series by Mike Judge

24: Live Another Day
Jack Bauer returns – in England

The Trip to Italy
Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon go on another trip

Louie: Season Four
"One multi-part story for the new season was originally an idea for a movie." Could it be Annie's Beard?!

Damon Albarn's Solo Album

Olympic Curling

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

on

To recap:
1. The Eric Andre New Year's Eve Spooktacular
2. Bob's Burgers
3. Utopia
4. Modern Family
5. Utopia
6. Parks and Recreation
7. Banshee
8. The Jeselnik Offensive
9. Shameless
10. Nathan For You
11. The Ben Show
12. Justified
13. Loiter Squad
14. WWE Raw
15. Nathan For You
16. Game of Thrones
17. Game of Thrones
18. Hannibal
19. The Office
20. The Office
21. Mad Men
22. Arrested Development
23. Game of Thrones
24. Vice
25. WWE Raw
26. Mad Men
27. Total Blackout
28. Sharknado
29. Ray Donovan
30. Ray Donovan
31. The Killing
32. Childrens Hospital
33. Breaking Bad
34. The Bridge
35. Breaking Bad / Southcliffe
36. Futurama
37. Dexter
38. Bad Education
39. The League
40. Survivor
41. Eastbound and Down
42. American Horror Story
43. American Horror Story
44. The Eric Andre Show
45. Sons of Anarchy
46. The Eric Andre Show
47. Eastbound and Down
48. Boardwalk Empire
49. The Eric Andre Show
50. American Horror Story
51. Key and Peele

And finally, from our Television Episode of the Year:

52. ??? (Black Mirror, S02E02)

Adam Riff™ Television Episodes of the Year
1. "White Bear" (Black Mirror, S02E02)
2. "The Claw of Shame" (Nathan For You, S01E07)
3. "The Ghost Is Seen" (Enlightened, S02E05)
4. "Scott Porter; Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake" (The Eric Andre Show, S02E10)
5. "The Hermit Kingdom" (Vice, S01E10)

Looking ahead:

Archer vs. Raw during WrestleMania season! And not just any Archer…

Season 5 of Archer sends the cast on the lam, attempting to sell drugs after the government shuts down ISIS. [source]

#clipoftheweek