Dink's Song


Hmm… Might want to re-think your plans, Jon.


INT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – DAY

I remove my laptop from its case and remove my shoes to pass though security, like I normally do, and a TSA agent informs me that I didn't have to. I then notice a sign informing me that I can now keep my laptop in its case and keep my shoes on.

After passing through security, I realize that I forgot my carry-on chocolate pecan pie at baggage drop and go retrieve it.

Passing through security again, I am directed up a flight of stairs and down a hallway to an annex security checkpoint.

"Was I sent here because I look suspicious?" I wonder. "Is it my flat brim hat with the sticker on it?" (Ed. Note: It was a new hat!)

But the travelers queued behind me followed me to the annex checkpoint, where a TSA agent instructs me to remove my laptop from its case and remove my shoes. I look for but see no sign informing me that I need not do so anymore.


On my way to LAX, I passed this place:

Chicago Style Chinese Cuisine: Deep-dish scallion pancakes.

California Style: Beef and broccoli and avocado.

Kansas City: Sweet and spicy chicken.


So UCLA is a fashion brand overseas.

Menswear, dresses… Knit gloves!

UCLA Clothing is available in boutique and department stores in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia. Unlike domestic buyers, international buyers are interested in UCLA clothing because it is indicative of Southern California college lifestyle, not because they have a personal connection to the school. [source]

Meanwhile, in America:


UCLA Thor T-Shirt

Buyers are interested because they have a personal connection to both the school and Thor?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


48. Eli vs. Knox (Boardwalk Empire, S04E12)


Stray Observations

  • "I've been working on Tina's talking points. How's this one: 'In this economy?'?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E05)
  • "Adult" Tina (Bob's Burgers, S04E05)
  • "Sailors in your mouth." Seamen, heh (Bob's Burgers, S04E05)
  • "The truth is what those in power wish it to be." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E12)
  • Goodnight, sweet prince (Boardwalk Empire, S04E12)
  • "Girls call me 'Katrina' 'cause I flood them hoes." (China, IL, S02E10)
  • "My potential!" (China, IL, S02E10)
  • "Despite this establishment's nomenclature, this resembles no Scottish meal I've ever eaten." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E09)
  • "This arrived for you this afternoon. More treasures from the Amazon, perhaps." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E09)
  • "Release your sweets!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E10)
  • "Mayo nut spoonsies." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E10)
  • "Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?"
    "Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E10)
  • "My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E10)
  • This episode was directed by Emil in RoboCop (Glee, S05E07)

#clipoftheweek

An Adam Riff™ Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Sandwich (Ike's Place / SF)
cranberry sauce, havarti, sriracha, turkey, dutch crunch

Thanksgiving Sandwich (No. 7 Sub / NYC)
turducken, roasted brussels sprouts, potato chips, cranberry jelly, duck fat

Two of the more interesting Thanksgiving sandwiches I've eaten, both of which I wish also contained stuffing. If Ike's added stuffing to its Thanksgiving sandwich, it would be perfect.



Mexican Thanksgiving Sandwich (Mexicue / NYC)
house-smoked turkey, chipotle cheddar mashers, chorizo stuffing, chili cranberry relish

The chipotle overwhelmed everything else. All I tasted was chipotle.


Thanksgiving Panini (Bully's Deli / NYC)
turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy, ciabatta

I was thankful for the gravy, because bites of this panini lacking it were super dry. This panini needs cheese.



Thanksgiving Croissant (Momofuku Milk Bar / NYC)
white meat turkey, dark meat turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, and the dough is made with celery salt, so it tastes like stuffing

They can be heavenly or just sufficiently Thanksgiving, depending on your luck.



Thanksgiving Donuts (Zucker Bakery / NYC)
spiced pumpkin donut, turkey and cranberry filling
spiced pumpkin donut, turkey and gravy filling

The turkey and cranberry donut [pictured] is the better of the two. The gravy in the turkey and gravy donut tasted oddly mushroom-y.



Thanksgiving Pizza (Pizza by Cer Té / NYC)
turkey meatballs, mashed potatoes with giblet gravy, butternut squash fondue, cranberries

It didn't evoke Thanksgiving, but it tasted pleasant.



Thanksgiving Burrito (La Flaca / NYC)
turkey, mashed potato, stuffing, corn, smothered in gravy and cranberry sauce

A failure pile in a sadness tortilla. Since when is corn a Thanksgiving food?



Thanksgiving Taquitos (Taquitoria / NYC)
turkey and brussels sprouts taquito with gravy and cranberry sauce
+ latka taquito with apple sauce and sour cream

Alas, I am not around to try these.


Thanksgiving Po' Boy (Queens Comfort / QNS)
smoked turkey, stuffing, cranberry chutney, lettuce, tomato, pickled red onion, remoulade

…and this was unavailable when I visited.



Thanksgiving Macaroni and Cheese (S'MAC / NYC)
turkey, swiss cheese, topped with herbed stuffing, served with sides of homemade gravy and cranberry jelly

Winner, winner, Kraft dinner.



Thanksgiving Chicken and Waffles (Sweet Chick / BK)
confit turkey leg, cornbread stuffing waffle, mashed potatoes, cranberry compote, gravy

I couldn't discern stuffing in the waffle, and the gravy was putrid, but a heap of fried dark meat atoned for their sins.


#eatersdigest

We are not perfect but we sure try

I have spent, oh, five years of my life in Los Angeles, and drove in Los Angeles for the first time today.

The friend whose flat I'm staying at fled early for Thanksgiving and left me the keys to her car.


Why is the brake warning light on?

[checks parking brake lever]

It's not the parking brake. Hmm…


[presses brake pedal]

Oh fuck!


[consults user manual]

"The brake system indicator will stay lit if you do not fully release the parking brake." It's released.

"You will feel the brake pedal go down much farther before the vehicle begins to slow down, and you will have to press harder on the pedal." Yes.

"Because of the long distance needed to stop, it is hazardous to drive the vehicle. You should have it towed and repaired as soon as possible." GUH.

Do I need this car's registration for towing?

[ruffles through glovebox]

Where is the registration document?

Aaaaand my AAA card is in NorCal. [sighs]

Let me try driving back to the flat.


[slams brake pedal]

Brake brake brake brake brake!


Jon: I noticed the brake warning light, checked that the parking brake lever was pulled all the way up, and then brake pedal sensitivity plummeted. I can't stop your car at will, only slow it.
E: The parking brake lever was up?
Jon: Yes. All the way up.
E: Jon, the lever is supposed to be down.

[pause]

Asians, amirite?

E: You've never used a parking brake?!
Jon: Why would I use parking brake?! I don't drive stick, and I don't park on hills!

Jon: Pushing a lever down to release a brake is unintuitive. So you press down to apply and release brakes on your car?
Jon: You pull a ship's anchor up. You flip a bicycle's kickstand up.


[mobile rings]

Jon: Hello?
Pepe: Jon, where are you?
Jon: I'm driving around Los Angeles. What's up?
Pepe: When you disposed of my bed, what did you do with the red rug underneath it?
Jon: I disposed of it too.
Pepe: WHAT?! Jon, that was a Jonathan Adler rug!
Jon: I…that means nothing to me. Blank stare.
Pepe: It cost $600!
Jon: Well, it was filthy.

I've been fighting him on rugs for months.

I don't think you should have rugs in your flat if you don't remove your shoes upon entry. I can measure the cleanliness of a hardwood floor, but an everyday rug is a filth mystery.


Idea: Other countries produce their own Doctor Who series and every few years, the various Doctor Whos unite in a film, à la The Avengers.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


47. Hollywood Ending (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "You can make yourself live with anything." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E11)
  • "I want you to be the next Ellen DeGeneres."
    "Well, she's pretty dope, but she's a lesbian."
    "I know she's a lesbian. I was in the meeting where we decided she should be one, and I was in the meeting where we decided that Ryan Seacrest should be straight." (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
  • "I want you to break him like he's a teenage hymen." (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
  • "Fucking duck's clit!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
  • "WorldStar! WorldStar!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)


(China, IL, S02E09)

  • "The cell is secure. Thomas Jefferson designed it. He foresaw holding the worst type of demons that may walk the earth – a product, no doubt, of his years trying to reason with the French." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E08)
  • RT: "david blaine's best magic reveal was that kanye and woody harrelson hang out" (David Blaine: Real or Magic?, 11-19-13)
  • "You're kissing a sectional, you dummy." (New Girl, S03E09)
  • "Friends don't call friends pathetic." (New Girl, S03E09)
  • Clay! (Sons of Anarchy, S06E11)
  • "Jax loves you, Nero."
    "Yeah, well, I'm too old to adopt."
    "You could always marry me."
    "No offense, mama. I've seen what happens to your husbands. It ain't pretty." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E11)
  • Game of Thrones spoiler alert! (South Park, S17E08)
  • "A wounded animal will rip you apart if it's cornered." (American Horror Story, S03E07)
  • "Dump buddy Bible study." (The League, S05E12)
  • Party Down reunion! (The League, S05E12)
  • "Let's turn this G.I. Joe into G.I. Joe: Retaliation." (The League, S05E13)
  • "Now that I keep a kosher toilet kitchen, my life is amazing. No more live pig for this guy. Just dead pig, pig milk soup."
    "You can't eat pig if you're kosher, and you can't eat a live pig ever."
    "I was totally kidding. I don't eat any of that stuff. All I eat pretty much now is, like, shrimp and lobster." (The League, S05E13)
  • "Oh, God, what did you eat?"
    "I ate a raw onion earlier that I found on the street." (The League, S05E13)
  • "Let's do it in the back."
    "You're not even drunk."
    "No, the back of the van!" (The League, S05E13)
  • "This is gonna fulfill a fantasy I've had since I was on welfare. You're a fat black woman. You're really mad at me because I haven't been looking for a job." (The League, S05E13)
  • "You don't want to talk to that guy? He plays in the NFL."
    "He's a linebacker. Skill positions only for Donna Meagle." (Parks and Recreation, S06E08)
  • "So you're black. That must be interesting. Do you know – this is a shot in the dark – do you know Mercedes Jones?" (Glee, S05E06)

#clipoftheweek

Quarantine

Greetings from Los Angeles, where, in what has become an annual tradition, I am sick on holiday. Last year, sick in Vegas. The year before, sick in Los Angeles again.

"Duke is playing now? But it's only… Oh. Right. Pacific Time."

I'm still re-acclimating.

Against my better judgment, I extended my stay through Thanksgiving Eve so I can catch a free advance screening of Inside Llewyn Davis.


Previously on Adam Riff™:
What began as an excursion down to Philly to try Drew's sandwich ballooned into an all-day food crawl, and the latest episode in the "Jon dines out with someone he just met in person for the first time" series.


S03E04: Jon and Hugo eat at Lukshon in Culver City (November 2013)
Hugo: My biggest fear is a terrorist attack in which someone leaks records of everyone's private digital activity.
Jon: Ego-terrorism.

This should be an episode of Black Mirror. Everyone's secrets become freely accessible. Explore the aftermath.


I found this at the Fairfax Goodwill: