Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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10. The Anzellans (The Mandalorian, S03E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "That is such horseshit."
    "Flawless horseshit." (The Last of Us, S01E07)
  • "What are you talking about, Riley? It's over."
    "It will be, but not yet. It ends this way for everyone sooner or later, right? Some of us just get there faster than others. But we don't quit. Whether it's two minutes or two days, we don't give that up. I don't wanna give that up. We can just be all poetic and shit and lose our minds together." (The Last of Us, S01E07)
  • Droids holding up Greef's cape (The Mandalorian, S03E01)
  • "Now that's using your head." (The Mandalorian, S03E01)
  • How Bo is sitting on the throne (The Mandalorian, S03E01)
  • "I've survived every trend – Spongebob, Adventure Time, gangsta Looney Tunes…" (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • Barbara's Mrs. Doubtfire and Jamaican accent (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • "I'm going to go to Bone Town with Mo, and then I'm going to break up with him."
    "Wow. Okay, well, that feels like too much information and also kind of cruel."
    "I know, but I figured if I got to do this, I might as well be full of meat and covered in sauce." (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • "Look, I loved Ed, Edd n Eddy, but that was elevated. You know, there are entire subreddits dedicated to the subtext of that show."
    "They're friends with a plank of wood with a face drawn on it." (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • "You're pretty dang defeatist for someone who votes third-party." (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • "Look, man, you can have my baby, but not my baby backs." (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • "And I did enjoy our time—"
    "Can I get some more ranch?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • "Well, I guess this Silly Sock brigade is this generation's Rug Vermin." (Abbott Elementary, S02E17)
  • ♫: Sons of Maria – "Days of Blues" (South Park, S26E03)
  • "I just needed to prove that my vagine worked."
    "Well, it works, Gaby. It's like a-a well-oiled machine."
    "Really?"
    "Yeah, it's humid and hospitable like Florida."
    "Hey, you can call my vagina any state, but you do not fucking call it Florida, you hear me?" (Shrinking, S01E07)
  • "You and I will never have feelings for each other, so you got what's called a safe dick."
    "I don't know about 'safe.' I like to think of him as kind of a bad boy, you know? Like Neil Diamond or something."
    "You think your penis is a bad boy like Neil Diamond?"
    "I picked the wrong guy." (Shrinking, S01E07)
  • "Did you get a new dog? What happened to Shit Rat?"
    "He was adopted by a family in Encino. They named him 'Cooper.'"
    "So, they're white?" (Shrinking, S01E07)
  • "I have something to make you feel better."
    "What? Some pussy?" (BMF, S02E08)
  • "You're gonna love where my lips go." (BMF, S02E08)
  • "I can't find my rhythm with this vibrating bed. Maybe we should put in another quarter?" (BMF, S02E08)
  • ♫: Run the Jewels – "Close Your Eyes [and Count to Fuck]" (Grand Crew, S02E01)
  • "What's in these?"
    "Basic sheet cake done in an on-sale, store-bought style with a center of ripened Camembert." (Party Down, S03E02)
  • "I took any gig. Secret weddings, illegal poker tournaments, goth raves, unpermitted underground brises, anything to keep Party Down afloat." (Party Down, S03E02)
  • "I mean, the whole reason Haley Joel Osment grew a beard is 'cause he shot himself in the face with a pellet gun, high on K, trying to rob a Chipotle."
    "Wait, I saw Haley last month up close. His face was normal."
    "Okay, well, a different former child actor." (Party Down, S03E02)
  • "What's with the card?"
    "Like, why is it weirdly big?"
    "No, this. What's 'Party Dowm'? With an M?"
    "Shit!" (Party Down, S03E02)
  • ♫: Keir – "Boys Will Be Girls" (Wreck, S01E01)
  • "She said I must've eaten something dodgy."
    "Did she now? Nurse is a fella. Nauseating, I know."
    "I didn't mean 'she.'"
    "He calls everyone 'she,' don't you? Because he's a homosexual."
    "Yep. Hey, girl! It's just our culture." (Wreck, S01E02)
  • ♫: Orchestral "Thong Song" (Wreck, S01E02)
  • "You don't say no to the mafia. You don't get a choice."
    "There's always a choice."
    "Trust me, Cormac, there isn't. You're white. That's the lowest difficulty setting." (Wreck, S01E03)
  • </Wreck, S01>

Let's Get Burger Today

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No Strings Attached
Celebrity guests read aloud for the first time erotic fan fiction penned by real fans in which they are the lead protagonist.

Puppets act out key scenes.

[browses Banijay Rights' programmes]

Sexy Hands
The world's first dating show in sign language.

One love-seeking single and three potential suitors cannot see each other. But…by placing their arms through a heart-shaped divider, they can still flirt, talk, and impress each other.

The Big Celebrity Redemption – Save My Reputation
11 bad mannered reality stars with scandalous histories battle it out to win £50,000.

Competing in gruelling challenges that threaten to tip them over the edge, they'll have to prove to the moral majesty that they regret their behaviour and are desperately seeking redemption.

Cognitive dissonance.

Deepfake Neighbour Wars
The world's first long-form narrative show that uses deepfake technology.

See celebrities as ordinary people embroiled in petty neighbour disputes. From dentist Billie Eilish and Taekwondo teacher Beyoncé, to wannabe strongman Chris Rock and farmer Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

Why neighbours?

Deepfake Celebrity Deathmatch.

They threw beans on him

on

The Pope's Wife's Exorcist doesn't work as a joke. The Pope's Ex-Wife's Exorcist?

The Hitman Pope's Bodyguard's Exorcist Wife. A pope who moonlights as a hitman is hired (by mother) to kill a possessed girl, whom his bodyguard's exorcist wife is hired (by father) to save.

Idea: Ferris Bueller's Bake Off. Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, and Mia Sara judge.

Idea: MST Deepfake. "Biden," "Trump," and "Obama" watch B movies.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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9. Disengaged (Shrinking, S01E06)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Dina? (The Last of Us, S01E06)
  • Teenagers watching The Goodbye Girl (The Last of Us, S01E06)
  • ♫: EDM version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" (Abbott Elementary, S02E16)
  • "Ooh. This seminar sounds awesome. It's called 'White Teacher, Black School.'"
    "Uh, yeah, I'm good on that. I already did four years of Black student, white school. Went to Penn, so…" (Abbott Elementary, S02E16)
  • "Where you think you're going, Janet Whack-son?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E16)
  • Sarcastic photographer (Abbott Elementary, S02E16)
  • "Need to meet up."
    "What for?"
    "Nigga…" (Snowfall, S06E01)
  • "And in that moment, I knew. Fuck Teddy, fuck the CIA, and fuck the government that supported them. I was gonna do whatever it would take to not only destroy him, but to make sure that he knew it was me, the inconsequential nigga, who did it." (Snowfall, S06E01)
  • "We destroy ourselves for them." (Snowfall, S06E02)
  • Hamburger phone (Snowfall, S06E02)
  • "I tried to give you a legacy, something more than a subwoofer and a weight bench." (Snowfall, S06E02)
  • Phil Tippett (Poker Face, S01E08)
  • Maury paternity test (Poker Face, S01E08)
  • "Whoever you are, come out, come out. I can smell your Hot Pockets." (Poker Face, S01E08)
  • "Horse, who are you?" (Poker Face, S01E08)
  • "Is that one of those sad 'you're fired' boxes?"
    "Yeah. You know, 40 years, man. She couldn't even look me in the eye when she did it."
    "Shit, man. I'm sorry, that's…"
    "I was sick of that basement, and I guess she was a murderer, so…time was right." (Poker Face, S01E08)
  • RT: "Besides inspiring the milieu of the ep, Phil and his team designed and created the Orpheus Syndrome creatures and did the stop motion sequences at the end. Also some of the close-ups of Nolte's hands on the creatures are actually Phil's" (Poker Face, S01E08)
  • "I can't drop everything I'm doing just because Narco Polo's back from his world travels." (BMF, S02E07)
  • ♫: The Jackson 5 – "I'll Be There" (BMF, S02E07)
  • "How do you know Mr. Bradway? Is it, uh, Hardier Boys or OC: The Return?" (Party Down, S03E01)
  • "People just don't get poetic rock lyrics."
    "Mm."
    "You know? And that is sadly why The Doors never caught on." (Party Down, S03E01)
  • "Manputer? Guyote?" (Party Down, S03E01)

Feelings Yakuza

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Paramount exec Chris McCarthy announced straight-to-series orders for two Dexter spinoffs and four offshoots of Billions.

Other franchises built around existing Showtime originals – like The Chi – are also said to be in the works, as McCarthy takes a page from the Yellowstone playbook has made the Taylor Sheridan western into a multiple-show hit for Paramount+. [source]

McCarthy's franchise frenzy is somewhat understandable when you remember how Paramount had to dig for intellectual property when it owned theme parks.

Days of Thunder kart racing.

Drop Zone drop tower.

The Italian Job roller coaster.

Conversely, Lionsgate's 2023 film slate – John Wick 4, The Expendables 4, Saw X, a Hunger Games prequel – makes you wonder about how it intends to grow its theme park business.

A Now You See Me roller coaster? Sure.

A Gods of Egypt coaster, though?

"The Escape Plan Zone" – Super Nintendo World it ain't.

Even Warner Bros. was outchea with an Eraser roller coaster, a Blazing Saddles Frisbee ride, and a Police Academy stunt show.

Proudly dreaming of genitals

on

Reading that Subway is exploring a sale led me to discover that it's a privately held company?!

The world's second largest fast food restaurant chain…

Who needs a sandwich brand?

Not Restaurant Brands International Inc., which owns Burger King, Popeyes, Tim Hortons, and Firehouse Subs.

Not JAB Holding Company, which owns Einstein Bros./Noah's Bagels, Krispy Kreme, Peet's Coffee, Pret A Manger, and Panera Bread.

Not Inspire Brands Inc., which owns Arby's, Baskin-Robbins, Buffalo Wild Wings, Dunkin', Sonic Drive-In, and Jimmy John's.

That leaves…Yum! Brands? Combination Pizza Hut and Subway?


KFC, Taco Bell, Subway, Pizza Hut, The Habit Burger Grill

Would McDonald's, the world's largest fast food restaurant chain, be interested?

Chipotle: The Definitive Oral History » The McDonald's Era (1998-2005)

Bless their hearts, McDonald's had a lot of suggestions, and we were always polite about it. They really wanted us to do drive-throughs. They really wanted us to do breakfast. But we just really didn't do any of that.

One of the McDonald's guys thought we should call it "Chipotle Fresh Mexican Grill," because the term "fresh" was such a great term.

Breakfast – check. "Fresh" – check. Drive-throughs, though…

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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8. Dirt McGirt vs. Robot Don Cornelius (Wu-Tang: An American Saga, S03E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "I took a series of catastrophe modules in my principal training. I'm also prepared for tidal waves, Facebook crashing – that's for the older teachers – and a lice outbreak…for the white teachers." (Abbott Elementary, S02E15)
  • "We'll just see how he deals with my blue penis!" (South Park, S26E02)


(South Park, S26E02)

  • "Man, karma's like some kind of…consequence."
    "I agree. Karma is like a consequence." (Poker Face, S01E07)
  • Jalen Rose (BMF, S02E06)

UNSEEN FR34KY HOURS

on

I'm fascinated by Yo! Egg's "world's first plant-based poached egg."

Like, how do you cook it? I assume it's sold fully formed. Do you still poach it? Is the yolk solid until heated? If not, can it solidify when heated? What is the market for poached eggs?

Coming soon!
The Sunny One
The world's first plant-based fried egg

Okay, the sunny egg is a substance that fries like egg white topped with a liquid yolk pod, so the poached egg must be the same yolk pod encased.

And the poached egg casing must be a different egg white substance, because otherwise, Yo! Egg could just sell artificial raw eggs.

Coming soon!
The Boiled One
Unlike anything you've seen before

I imagine this is the poached egg casing with a yolk truffle inside.

Idea: Plant-based dog meat.

Sour Cream Citizen

on


Metal and Beer.


Jazz and R&B and Funk and Wine.


Emo and Pop Punk and Cocktails and Grilled Meat.

Nic Adler, a restaurateur who doubles as Goldenvoice's vice president of festivals, made Forever Pie his love letter to the Balistyx hip-hop parties he used to throw as an 18-year-old with Married with Children actor David Faustino. [source]

'90s Hip-Hop and Vegan Pizza.