Openly French-Canadian

on

// Toronto, Ontario, Canada


With green papaya, comes great responsibility.


Thai and Italian is not a combination I'd encountered before.

That Italian classic, Cajun Tilapia.


[pause]


Uzbek cuisine and photographs of technology and sexuality is also not a combination I'd encountered before.


Canada's first coffee vending machine?


"If you ain't no drunk, holla 'We want Prenup!'"

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

38. Fish Love (Reservation Dogs, S02E08)

Stray Observations

  • "My name is Kevin! I'm a Marine. I'm 30. I'm a little racist but my best friend is an immigrant that translated for me in a generic overseas war." (Rick and Morty, S06E02)
  • "It's not every day one meets a fellow Die Hard enthusiast, Ms…"
    "Call me Die Hard."
    "Okay. Die Hard. Tell me. What do you know about Die Hard?"
    "What do you care? You writing a book about Die Hard?"
    "As a matter of fact I've written several. Every sentient civilization across the galaxy eventually develops the same myth. In Centauri, it's known as Tower Man. The Orionese have their Thornberg Cycle, and in Andromeda, it's called Foolish to Have Imagined You'd Be Able to Kill…all of them what you'd call Die Hard. The difference being that cultures like mine are aware of its importance whereas I'm starting to doubt you could even recall a single line."
    "Walkie talkie Die Hard, motherfucker." (Rick and Morty, S06E02)
  • "You're fine leaving eight percent of me to die?"
    "It's not your finest eight percent, Morty. And eight percent of anything is expendable. Eight percent of pizza is crust. Eight percent of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming." (Rick and Morty, S06E02)
  • "Why isn't anyone attacking him?"
    "It's fucking freezing out."
    "No, I think it's the sign."
    "Well, the sign from Die Hard 3 was clearly racist."
    "Obviously. But I think we went too broad. 'Everybody.' I mean who is that offending?" (Rick and Morty, S06E02)


Marvel sneakers (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E05)

  • A Hard Wayne's Gonna Fall (Harley Quinn, S03E10)
  • "Suffice it to say, the scale of potential devastation was enough to make even me soil my boxer briefs."
    "And you don't shit your pants for anything." (Harley Quinn, S03E10)
  • "I'm both a maniacal force of nature, and I want free universal health care." (Harley Quinn, S03E10)
  • "Does she still put one giant cardboard box in the recycling bin so that nothing else can fit?"
    "Oh, my God, yes, she does do that."
    "But it's, it's just, it's like, what's so hard about breaking down a box? You know what I mean? Just hit it with your fucking bat." (Harley Quinn, S03E10)
  • "Let my death…define your entire life." (Harley Quinn, S03E10)
  • "Let's go get blackout on bulk champagne." (Harley Quinn, S03E10)
  • </Harley Quinn, S03>
  • "It is pretty wild in here. Kind of looks like a Marshalls now." (Atlanta, S04E01)
  • "Jamaica's a good one."
    "Mm."
    "But… Overrated is their weed, overrated is that movie Shottas."
    "Yo, that's a dab point."
    "It be doing too much."
    "Too motherfuckin' much, bruh." (Atlanta, S04E01)
  • ♫: Earl Sweatshirt as Blueblood (Atlanta, S04E01)
  • "Gyu-Kaku. We went on three dates, and I ghosted him." (Atlanta, S04E01)
  • "And he's the last American white I've kissed." (Atlanta, S04E01)
  • "I love spite. It's a pure, powerful thing."
    "Hmm."
    "It gave me courage. You know, I can count on it. I used it when I came back to Atlanta, you know?"
    "Spite can be…spite can be very powerful. But it can also leave you…depressed and empty. Goals stop becoming yours. You start becoming a…a book written by somebody else. Someone with no incentive for your well-being." (Atlanta, S04E02)
  • "Is this an 'eat the rich' thing? Are you AOC?" (Little Demon, S01E05)
  • "And with what authority do you speak, Elf? That of your people? Or are you a castaway, grasping for a handhold in a tempest?"
    "There is a tempest in me. It swept me to this island for a reason. And it will not be quelled by you, Regent." (The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, S01E04)
  • Mi Puta Suegra (Los Espookys, S02E01)
  • "I can't bear listening to that woman and her little chunks of ham." (Los Espookys, S02E01)
  • "Allow me to take your Toshiba." (Los Espookys, S02E01)

Antidepressant Thursdays

on

// Toronto, Ontario, Canada


How do you do, fellow marts?

Toronto has a 24-hour Popeyes, but not a seven-day public transit pass.

Also, what do you mean the subway doesn't begin running until 8:00am on Sundays?!

Cannabis shops and notices of proposed development are absurdly ubiquitous here. In 10 years, Toronto will just be condos and dispensaries.

"As you get high, we encourage you to reflect on the land that you are on. These luxury condos are located on the Treaty Lands and Territory of the Mississaugas of the Credit and the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe, the Wendat, and the Haudenosaunee."

Zack Panther

on

// Toronto, Ontario, Canada

It's early afternoon on the second day of the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival. I'm at the Hyatt Regency Toronto, where TIFF's Press and Industry Centre is, pooping.

Someone enters the toilet stall beside mine.

…

What is that noise?

I hear what sounds like—

Is he… Is he masturbating?

I notice a shadow of his right arm.

Oh, he's definitely masturbating.

He knows I can hear him, right? Because he could definitely hear me…

After he softly orgasms, I see his bare right foot, then said right foot in a light blue sneaker.

Was he naked? Or did he… Did he ejaculate in that shoe?

[pause]

So: Press or industry?

It's early afternoon on the second day of the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival. I'm at the TIFF Bell Lightbox to see a film.

I go to pee before the screening begins.

Which washroom is…?

Nope, that's the women's washroom…

I notice a sign.

TIFF is committed to maintaining an inclusive environment for all of our visitors.

To solidify this commitment, TIFF Bell Lightbox washrooms are now only labeled by the facilities available in each room.

Please continue to use the washroom that is most appropriate for your needs.

Left: Handicap-accessible, stalls, urinals, sinks.

Right: Handicap-accessible, stalls, sinks, baby change table.

Dare the mystery masturbator use the right washroom?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


37. Michael Sheen's rousing speech to Wales' football team (A League of Their Own, S17E04)

Stray Observations

  • "And how have you served the realm of late, Lady Redwyne, by eating cake?" (House of the Dragon, S01E03)
  • "What role have you played in his council, uncle, other than Master of Complaints?" (House of the Dragon, S01E03)
  • "Nobody quits Twitter." (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "This is how we go. Bear it with grace. Spinal cord: Robitussin as a base, then surprise me." (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "You think the concept of 'family' matters to me? I'm not even your Rick!"
    "I'm Denial Rick!" (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "Fatality… Jerry wins!" (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "But tell me, Mahatma, when was the first time you tried Blue Apron?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E10)
  • </What We Do in the Shadows, S04>
  • Marc Maron (Reservation Dogs, S02E07)
  • "I just lost my mind. I literally lost my mind. And I chased those midgets out of my house." (Reservation Dogs, S02E07)
  • "What kind of dude hangs out with underage boys all day and night? 'Billie Jean'-ass dude, K-PAX, House of Cards-looking ass, God." (Reservation Dogs, S02E07)
  • "And what is your name, young lady?"
    "Madisynn, with two N's, one Y, but it's not where you think." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • Wong watching The Sopranos (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • "I'm having an issue with a 'magician.' Notice how I used the word 'magician' in quotes."
    "I did, yes."
    "It's because he's not an actual magician." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • "He's now performing cheap human tricks here in Los Angeles at the 'Mystic Castle.' Notice how I…"
    "Not mystic. Not a castle. Got it." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • Wong watching This Is Us (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • Wong's favourite drink is a gin and tonic (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • "Teens, right? Oh, right. You died when I was eight." (Harley Quinn, S03E09)
  • "Extra reading tonight. On Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. Dissect the Rosenbergs' timeline and see how it lines up with the show The Americans." (Little Demon, S01E04)
  • "So what's the plan? Do I pull Chrissy aside and we do a heart-to-heart about how, popular or not, true friends will—"
    "No, no. Get up on stage and read this speech I wrote."
    "'Friends, as the new popular kid, I must warn you about the scourge that is Chrissy Feinberg. Her impression of Charles Barkley is the most racist thing I've ever seen'? Wait, wait, no. You want to cancel your own daughter?" (Little Demon, S01E04)
  • "Armadillo murderer!"
    "Not cool!"
    "Wait, no, no, no. I can explain. That armadillo did a Charles Barkley impression, and it's the most racist thing I've ever seen." (Little Demon, S01E04)

Lunatic Country Music Person

on

The most-viewed post was a 2018 clip from Family Feud about a 69 joke, which had 53.2 million views.

…This is not who we are?

It's like how Orange Chicken always wins "Best Overall Product" at Trader Joe's Customer Choice Awards.

BATWHEELS (HBO MAX)
Premieres Saturday, September 17

Follows a group of young sentient super-powered vehicles as they defend Gotham City alongside Batman, Robin, and Batgirl.

Notable for being DC's first-ever animated Batman preschool series.

FIREBUDS (DISNEY JUNIOR)
Premieres Wednesday, September 21

Follows a group of friends who are the children of first responders who work and play with talking vehicles to help their community.

Where are the animated shows about kid pedestrians and anthropomorphic bicycles and scooters?

The series "will center on a shy quarterback with a secret power — a magic arm — who leads a team of unlikely players from all backgrounds through heroic adventures."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

36. Sofia Coppola (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)

Honourable Mention

  • She-Hulk twerking with Megan Thee Stallion (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • Reina Reign video (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)

Stray Observations

  • Re-using Game of Thrones' theme music? (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • Crabs and human flesh (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • Maggots and human flesh (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • "Your Grace, it would be a great honor to join our houses as they were in Old Valyria. I would give you many children of pure Valyrian blood so that we might strengthen the royal line and the realm."
    "Is that what your father told you to say? What did your mother tell you?"
    "That I wouldn't have to bed you until I turned 14." (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • "We are the realm's second sons, Daemon. Our worth is not given. It must be made." (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • "It's how all the best vampire acts started. Gloria Estefang. Bloody Holly. Bat Stevens. Batboy Slim. Hall and Throats. Tame Impaler. The Undead Kennedys." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "Fuck them kids." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "'The clown who can suck himself off.'"
    "I put a little comedy into it as well." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "Hey, Sofia, so it turns out it's just some guy sucking his own dick." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "Impaler Swift. Bruno Scars. Lindsey Suckingham. And that's not even mentioning the wraith acts. Bonnie Wraith. Wraith Hill. Wraith Evans. Billy Wraith Cyrus. Wraith No More. Wraith Charles." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • Amber Midthunder (Reservation Dogs, S02E06)
  • "But before we get started today, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the traditional caretakers of this land, the Caddo, the Osage, and the Muscogee, of course. But before them were our Neanderthal relatives, so acknowledge them. And before that, even, the Dinosaur Nation, Dinosaur Oyate, you know? Before that, the Star People."
    "Mm." (Reservation Dogs, S02E06)
  • "Follow me at Augusto Fire Keeper exclamation point."
    "And me at MissM8tri@rch. That's @M-A-8…riarch. The other spelling was taken." (Reservation Dogs, S02E06)
  • Wong's LinkedIn page: "Target Sales Associate" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "I have no problem with female heroes. Just saying make your own." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "I can't talk to a 10 about embarrassing man stuff." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Hey, man. I think somebody towed my Cybertruck." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "'Wong'" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Now the library is more than just a quiet place to shiv someone."
    "Instead of toilet wine, prisoners make toilet kombucha." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Have you ever heard of a kumite?"
    "Mm-mmm." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Thor's inspirational speeches are not admissible in court." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "I will kill for you, Megan Thee Stallion." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • Frasier titled card (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "I don't trust clowns with secrets."
    "I am barely clown-themed anymore, I just think I look hot like this." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "Why do we fall down, Master Bruce?"
    "To pick ourselves up?"
    "Yes. That's what I was going to say." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "We can CGI the moustache in post." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "Put me down for the fish."
    "You're not supposed to order the fish. They just put it on the menu to not seem cheap." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • Robin wears a thong (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "That night, Father wanted me to attend a shareholders meeting, but I begged he take us to the movies, The Mark of Zorro."
    "To think all this trauma from an Antonio Banderas film."
    "No, that's the '90s one, I'm talking about the black and white…it doesn't matter." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "Wayne hired those fucking latchkey Bat-kids to do his dirty work." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • Zombies? (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • Plants vs. zombies! (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • ""My pussy taste like beans and greens from your mama house." (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • ♫: City Girls – "You Tried It" (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • "That eye shadow is giving me '90s diva, bitch. It's "Killing Me Softly,"" sis! It's "Unpretty," sis!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • "You gonna cancel Drink Champs?" (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • "You better suck his soul, bitch."
    "Full-out washing machine, bitch."
    "That nigga deserve lockjaw, bitch." (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • </Rap Sh!t, S01>
  • "Had a bit of a thrill in here, Trewsday last. Bit of a row over a girl. His eye was lazy, hers overactive" (The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, S01E01)
  • "After my first marriage ended, I was terrified to get back out there, leave the house. I'd make up excuses: 'Gotta fix a leaky pipe.' 'I have syphilis.'" (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "Get your Choochie tchotchkes." (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "What do you want more than anything in all the realms?"
    "We wanna fuck a corpse!"
    "I can't hear you!" (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "Don't forget to rip your bartender." (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "Shit just got real…ID." (Little Demon, S01E03)