Adam Riff™

34. The Adam Project (The Rehearsal, S01E06)

Honourable Mention

• Joker sitcom main title (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• Silent birthday party (The Rehearsal, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "Fucking camper." (Westworld, S04E08)
• ♫: Ramin Bahrani – "Pyramid Song" (Westworld, S04E08)
• </Westworld, S04>
• "This is how you get back at me, huh?! You go and find some lite-brite to fuck?!"
  "Hey, who the fuck you calling 'lite-brite'?" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Mm-kay, Barack!" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Don't mind me. White liquor makes me a little cunty." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• ♫: Lil Murda – "Seven Pounds of Pressure" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Sponsorships expire, but royalties last forever." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Smell like bussy up in here." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Ah! Guh-guh-guh-yuh-gah! Six feet apart, now."
  "Africans don't get it." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• ♫: Sam Cooke – "Bring It on Home to Me" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "'Don't ever forget…just 'cause a bitch good at keepin' the peace don't mean she ain't good at wagin' war.'" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "That ain't no decision. That's impulse…which is the sister of stupidity." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "I don't want you to make love every night to regret." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "You ain't fuckin' dreamin'." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• </P-Valley, S02>
• "Like, I work consistently, despite the fact that I'm not good at anything."
  "It's true."
  "Do you know why?"
  "'Cause you white?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Why would I want to smell Erykah Badu's pussy at a time like this?""
  "Why would you not want to smell Erykah Badu pussy? Have you heard Mama Gun? Can't wait 'til they make her gooch." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• Drew's surname is Hill (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Honesty is nice, but job interviews, they're more about just, like, leaning into the lies. So, just like a nice…like an exaggeration."
  "So let's say I used to work security for Barack."
  "Okay, let's lie, let's lie a little less."
  "Say Michelle, then." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "This nigga the one lying."
  "What? Okay, no, no. Kevin, you know we do not use the N-word at No Negro Left Behind."
  "I don't want to be called a Negro either."
  "What? Why?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Take this fucking wack-ass EBT tree with you, too." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Can't you leave it with Blue?"
  "I don't shit where I eat, bro. No."
  "Well, y-you can't shit in the bike shop."
  "Yes, I can."
  "I guess you just did." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "You know what? Let me make it up to you over some Red Lobster." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• Nancy kissing and flirting with the Morris Chestnut poster (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Where do you see this ending?"
  "Where do I see it ending? Um… With me on top. Like always." (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• "And you think jurors are gonna buy that?"
  "One. All I need is one." (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• "The fact is, Walter White couldn't have done it without me." (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• The flame of the lighter and the cigarette are the only color allowed into the Jimmy-Kim timeline (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• </Better Call Saul, S06>
• "Oliver, I do not have anything in the apartment that goes to the bathroom out in the open! It's a rule I have!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "Dorothy threatened to walk because she says the Scarecrow shouldn't be played by neurotypical actor." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "I'm so Greek, I could go bankrupt, and no one in the world would help me." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "And who are you supposed to be? Rocky Zero?" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "Oh, my bone!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "Tell me, Teddy, how many other women in the building did you impregnate with your oily Grecian sperm? (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "On your worst day, you didn't drag your son into a criminal enterprise or cover up his involvement in someone's death."
  "True."
  "But I did recently encourage him to get involved in the theater, so…" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• ♫: Fiona Apple – "Criminal" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "It's always sad when a Polish fellow gets cataracts." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "Well, you see, that theory betrays an ignorance for the many Polish fellows that have done very well vis-à-vis bowling competition money."
  "Agree to disagree."
  "Boy, do your thing."
  "Hey, Siri, search 'Polish bowlers top cash prize earners.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "¿Te llamo Shit Bag'?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "I haven't a clue who this Gena Lee Nolin is, but…" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "Why is there so much fucking sharp wood in this house?!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "We never hang anymore."
  "Bro, I'm not very comfortable with emotional flamboyance, as well you know." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "Kill him, get his button cock."
  "It's working, I'm draining him."
  "I'm draining him, too." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "What the fuck is that?"
  [My So-Called Life poster] (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• ♫: Bryan Paul Bell – "The Devil’s Gotta Dance" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• Cheese wearing an Attack on Titan shirt (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• "All the ways back in my day, when I was a young warrior on the plains, I once had an engorged testicle. Fuckеr was about the size of a cantaloupe. And I didn't talk about my pain. I swallowed it, and it got worse and worse. And my friends…they didn't say nothing about it because we didn't communicate with each other. And then, that testicle was the first part of me to go on to the spirit world. My point is, your friend in there…she's got that testicle pain. That pain in her heart. Her heart nard." (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• Mariko Aoki (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• ♫: Unidentified song at 25:00 (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• ♫: Ya Tseen – "Look at What the Light Did Now" (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• Eating Cheetos with chopsticks (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• "Steve Rogers did not have a girlfriend before he went into the service. So, he becomes Captain America. And from that moment on, a symbol of America, he is rushed to the front lines, he becomes a war hero. Then he is frozen in ice. So, based on everything you've told me, after he gets unfrozen, he goes from world-threatening disaster to world-threatening disaster. That's when he's not a fugitive from the law, right? So it seems like he was pretty, pretty busy. Obviously, Captain America was a virgin." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• "These transformations are triggered by distressed emotional states so we need to know the exact threshold that causes it for you."
  "Ooh! Put on a Pixar movie. When Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon in Inside Out."
  "Bing Bong. No. No." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• Hulk saying "bruh" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• "I know you didn't ask for this, but whether you like it or not, you're now a superhero. And who's gonna protect the world if it isn't people like us."
  "Are you quoting a comic right now?" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)

(She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)

• "Steve Rogers did so much for his country and he never got to experience ssex. Did you see that ass? Like, that ass did not deserve to die a virgin."
  "Steve Rogers is not a virgin. He lost his virginity to a girl in 1943 on the USO tour."
  "Yes. I knew it. Captain America fu–!" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• Joker sleeping with a CPAP machine (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Better luck next year, or as my maid says, 'Escupo en tu comida.'" (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "I tried meditation and then… Actually, that almost worked until the app I was using started charging." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• The Joker: "I am a socialist." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Oh, God, is my own daughter some kind of Jo-Bro?"
  "They prefer to be called 'Sane Clown Posse.'" (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Two-Face, crimes like these are considered especially heinous. You have to let him go."
  Christopher Meloni as Two-Face: "No fucking way. We can't go back now because we're in too deep, and I'm trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under! Instead of going under! I'm sorry. Sum 41 was playing in the car on the way here." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Do you think he died just because he was impaled by a pole? He was taut for 62. That guy had cum gutters." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Superman! Dad, we're saved!"
  "Oh, no. It's just Gordon, keep screaming, son." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• ♫: Sebastian Mikael – "Exit" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "Actually, I got a group I manage. They like Cardi B and C. Man, they like Tia and Tamara Thee Stallion. That ain't even make sense, but look, you feel me." (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "No! No! Super Smash, Sista!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "You can say whatever you want, Captain Save-a-Bird, but your friend was still wrong for her shit."
  "Okay, and your friend was wrong for wearing a jumpsuit with Huaraches. Where the fuck was she even going?!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "I got some shrimp, snapper, lobster… Broccoli if y'all trying to be healthy. I mean, it's fried, but it's still broccoli."
  "Did you get the fried conch? I sent a text."
  "The what?"
  "Can you at least act like you from Miami?"
  "It's conk!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "I am a cat. I keep my own counsel." (The Sandman, S01E11)
• "But you promised."
  "Writers are liars, my dear." (The Sandman, S01E11)

» "It was strange being in a real child's home after being in a fake one for so long. I wasn't used to this level of detail. Every object was perfectly placed but nothing was by design. It was a work of art." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)

• "Do you feel like, I'm like, believable as a dad, like…?"
  "I mean, you're a great scene partner." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• "My TV friends are leaving." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• "Did you get enough?" (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• "And I'm always gonna be here for you, okay? 'Cause I'm your dad."
  "I— Wait, I thought you were my mom."
  "No. I'm your dad." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• Ending on Nathan's butt crack (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• </The Rehearsal, S01>

33. The Boys (This Fool, S01E02)

Stray Observations

• "Culture doesn't survive; cockroaches do. The second we stopped being cockroaches, the whole species went fucking extinct." (Westworld, S04E07)
• "Civilization is just the lie we tell ourselves to justify our real purpose. We're not here to transcend. We're here to destroy." (Westworld, S04E07)
• "No-no-no-no-no-no, not the lace-front, not the lace-front." (P-Valley, S02E09)
• "So… You ready for some twins?" (P-Valley, S02E09)
• "Hunh, sickly bitch!" (P-Valley, S02E09)
• Megan Thee Stallion (P-Valley, S02E09)
• "White niggah… What?" (P-Valley, S02E09)
• "Sometimes a bіtch just wanna sit back and be blessed by some art." (P-Valley, S02E09)
• "Yeah, aren't you just bursting with pride right now, representing these kids?"
  "I'm not from here, bro. Fuck them kids."
  "Okay, R. Kelly."
  "Well, you know, I mean, give me some credit. That's not fair. R. Kelly knew the kids." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "Let's hurry up and get out this poo-ass, weak-ass school. These dumb-ass kids is making me itch. […] I-I'm sorry. You know you don't want to work here." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "Who uses female condoms? The best of the best. Mary J., Meg Thee Stallion. Doja Cat." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "They said that there was a condom in there that expired eight years ago."
  "Eight years. Damn."
  "Huh? Oh, no, that's-that's not my wallet."
  "Mm."
  "I-I be… I be fucking raw." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "Art is lucrative, man. You never listen to 4:44?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "You cannot have promethazine at school."
  "Okay, Nancy Reagan, want to follow rules and shit, say no to drugs."
  "Nancy Reagan?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "Can you make it where the monkeys is wearing Timbs and fitteds?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• ♫: Unidentified song at 19:45 (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "Like, Drew, I fuck with him, but, bro, I need to not see that nigga again for at least two to three—"
  "Kev! Let me holler at you for a minute."
  "Fuck, bro, this nigga Candyman, fam." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E08)
• "Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep! Yep." (Better Call Saul, S06E12)
• The Amazing Race (Better Call Saul, S06E12)
• "Would you call that a fish taco? Could anybody call this a fish taco? I mean, legally?"
  "Stop waving that thing at me."
  "Look at this! There's one piece of goddamned pollock no bigger than the end of my thumb. Now, how can you even call that a…"
  "Like am I s'posed to do something? What do you want me to do about it?"
  "Well, I want you to look inside there and tell me what you see. Huh? W-Would you or would you not sell this to an unsuspecting public?"
  "Why do you persist in ordering fish when we're 1,400 miles away from the nearest ocean?"
  "Because it's on the menu, all right? Because I live in the 21st goddamn century, all right?" (Better Call Saul, S06E12)
• "What did Jeff tell you?"
  "Oh, he didn't tell me anything. Ask Jeeves told me." (Better Call Saul, S06E12)
• Life Alert (Better Call Saul, S06E12)
• "You guys might be fair-weather fans, but I am OMITB…for life." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E08)
• "What am I climbing towards anyway? As soon as the lights come on, my test results come in, and my identity implodes. No longer am I 'Will's Loving Dad.' I'm…'Dip Lover Cuckolded by King of Dips.'" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E08)
• "I can't abandon them!"
  "Hips before dips, Oliver." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E08)
• ♫: Yodeling "The Sound of Silence" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E08)
• "The nightclub needs cheaper drinks."
  "No, we want the drinks to be very expensive, so then we attract rich humans. Am I right? They gorge themselves on sauces and creams, and get their muscles massaged. Oh. Rich humans are basically like veal – conceptually repulsive, but so buttery on my tongue." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E06)
• "Guillermo, did you kick five holes in the wall and then fuck a chicken?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E06)
• The Wedding Singer Hall and Oates dress montage (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E06)
• "Please give it up for Baron Afanas!"
  "I'm as stiff as a board." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E06)
• ♫: "Who Will Cum First on the Wedding Night?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E06)
• "No, I-I said I wanted to play one-on-one with the real guy, not the cardboard cutout guy. I should have been more specific." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E06)
• Nathan Apodaca (Reservation Dogs, S02E03)
• "Hey, let's get some wraps and some cranberry juice while you're there." (Reservation Dogs, S02E03)
• [grunts] [water plops] (Reservation Dogs, S02E03)
• "I never know what to do with wealthy male tears." (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "I believe Nora is going through what is known as 'some shit.'" (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• Top 10 News Anchor Failz! […] "Ugh! Ads." (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "I'm not taking those Anglo-Saxon pseudo parent cats, Bruce." (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "I don't know if I can freeze a guy who was inside of me less than 24 hours ago." (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "I'm not participating in this buffoonery. So how about you choke on my…♪ass♪?" (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "The algorithm!" (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "Oh, shit! I hate it when the power was inside me all along." (Harley Quinn, S03E05)
• "We could take a subway or take a taxi…"
  "Subway? Girl, do I look like Master Splinter to you?" (Rap Sh!t, S01E05)
• "Ladies, when you a five-star bitch, make them pay for every star, okay? Your presence is the presents." (Rap Sh!t, S01E05)
• "Oh, can you take a few of us?"
  [shutter snaps]
  "Prom-style." (Rap Sh!t, S01E05)
• "Call security! Call the mayor! Call Eric Adams!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E05)
• "And then, she brings me to Spotify just so I can watch her dick-ride Brent Faiyaz!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E05)
• "I'm insecure? Look in the mirror, bro! You are on Live right now, crying about Brent fucking Faiyaz?"
  "Brent Faiyaz is not thinking about you or that weak-ass music." (Rap Sh!t, S01E05)

(The Rehearsal, S01E05)

• "So I decided to wait until wintertime, because I thought discussing holiday plans would be a good way to ease into the conversation. But it turns out winter is very expensive to maintain." (The Rehearsal, S01E05)
• "What's your favorite movie?"
  "I love the movie Apocalypto." (The Rehearsal, S01E05)
• "I hadn't been to synagogue in years because it's so boring." (The Rehearsal, S01E05)
• "Are you aware that eating poo is actually a satanic ritual?"
  "I— No." (The Rehearsal, S01E05)
• "And it was cool to own my own bar that HBO paid for." (The Rehearsal, S01E05)
• "Look, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. But studies show that the life expectancy of a gangster, on average, 24 years old. But the life expectancy of a punk-ass bitch? 76 years old." (This Fool, S01E01)
• "I'm a cupcake girl in a cupcake world." (This Fool, S01E01)
• "Dawg, that cupcake shit is embarrassing, alright? That's stuff my mom used to do. What's next, you want me to knit you a sweater or what?"
  "It's called art therapy, and that's on your schedule for 2:30 today." (This Fool, S01E01)
• "It's not 2005. Tobey Maguire ain't Spider-Man anymore." (This Fool, S01E01)
• ♫: James Carr – "These Ain't Raindrops" (This Fool, S01E01)
• "Black people don't fuck with Magic Mountain. We Knott's Berry Farm people, fool." (This Fool, S01E02)

(This Fool, S01E02)

• "But my husband's weight had nothing to do with his passing. It was a car crash. Texting and driving."
  "The silent killer." (This Fool, S01E02)
• "Damn, got some nasty throat acid or some shit."
  "That's what you get for eating all those Bagel Bites. You probably fucked up your esophagus."
  "Esopha these nuts."
  "Wait. What?"
  "Shut up." (This Fool, S01E02)
• "Hey, kid. This is what me and your jefe used to do all the time back in the day."
  "You used to steal Tums with my dad?" (This Fool, S01E02)
• "Fuck. I'm fine, alright? I'm still down to fight."
  "That's the spirit! After all, did Maria give up after Tony murdered her brother? No. She dated him." (This Fool, S01E02)

(This Fool, S01E02)

• "I'm trying to put myself out there. You're not the only fool that wants to fuck on a sink." (This Fool, S01E03)
• "I could use that feria. You know, doing it upside down all the time ain't cheap." (This Fool, S01E03)
• "Damn. What kinda doctor manages a strip club?"
  "Luis, I have square-danced in towns you've never even heard of." (This Fool, S01E03)
• "You're a fuckin' loser with a weird dick."
  "Hey, fuck you. Curvy dicks are normal! Hey, if you don't give me that ring back, I'm gonna sue your ass and you know Judge Judy will rule in my favor."
  "Her show is over now, idiot."
  "Yeah, well, she's got a new one now, idiot."
  "Oh, yeah? What time? I wanna watch!"
  "It's streaming so it's available whenever." (This Fool, S01E03)
• "Now go back to your bush." (This Fool, S01E03)
• "Watch out, that fool bites. His teeth are fucked up, but they're strong!" (This Fool, S01E04)
• "This guy is my friend Julio Lopez."
  "Hey, cool name, bro. I'm Julio Tambien."
  "Oh, great. Another Julio? What's your last name?"
  "I just told you, bro. It's Tambien." (This Fool, S01E04)
• ♫: Limp Bizkit – "Nookie" (This Fool, S01E04)
• Corporate (This Fool, S01E06)
• "Don't worry about it, playboy. Soon your asshole will become leather just like mine." (This Fool, S01E06)
• "I Googled 'top ten things healthy couples do together' and hiking was number nine."
  "What were the top eight?"
  "I don't know. I got paywalled!" (This Fool, S01E07)
• "Look. Check it out. A butterfly. Look, I'm in the moment and I'm appreciating the shit out of that butterfly. Wish this fuckin' butterfly knew how much I was appreciating it right now. Come on. Come on. Come on."
  "Damn. Don't appreciate it too much. I might get jealous. Fuckin' slut-ass butterfly." (This Fool, S01E07)
• "After this, they're gonna make memes outta me kicking his ass."
  "That's not how memes work." (This Fool, S01E07)
• "I was gonna shoot you in the leg, but then at the last second I thought, 'Ah, fuck it. It'll be funnier if I shoot him in the ass.'"
  "And who do you think told you the ass would be funnier?" (This Fool, S01E08)
• "She calls me nasty names. Like Pepperoni Tits." (This Fool, S01E08)
• "The devil made him throw those pedos." (This Fool, S01E08)
• "And I'm sorry that I tagged a dick on your car in high school."
  "I fucking knew it! They called me dick girl for a whole year."
  "I know. I was also one of the fools that called you that." (This Fool, S01E08)
• "That guy's no gangster. He looks like he likes Morrissey."
  "I fuckin' hate Morrissey!"
  "Well, your stupid pompadour says different."
  "Oh, fuck you. This is a gentleman's cut." (This Fool, S01E10)
• "Nah. Nah, nah! Hey, we can't let this place close just 'cause Payne has a big-ass chorizo." (This Fool, S01E10)
• "You know, the world does not roll out the red carpet for you when you start a non-profit. They raise your rent. They deny you grants, and then they tell you your penis is too big for their vagina." (This Fool, S01E10)
• </This Fool, S01>