3. Gravity Kills (The Curse, S01E10)
Honourable Mention
- Love and Biscuits (Fargo, S05E10)
Stray Observations
- </The Curse, S01>
- ♫: Unions – "Rescue Me" (True Detective, S04E01)
(Fargo, S01E10)
- </Fargo, S05>
- ♫: Alex Brightman and Erika Henningson – "Hell Is Forever" (Hazbin Hotel, S01E01)
- ♫: Blake Roman – "Poison" (Hazbin Hotel, S01E04)
- ♫: Keith David and Blake Roman – "Loser, Baby" (Hazbin Hotel, S01E04)
-
"Do you remember when you were a little girl? You used to cut the hair off your Barbies?"
"Yes?"
"You used to cut the Black Barbie's hair off first to see how it looked."
"Oh, come on. Are you serious with that?"
"And then if you liked it, then you'd cut the white Barbie's hair. So you're a little racist too, Blaire."
"Wow, that is weirdly so much more damning than anything else today."
"And it started when she was very young too."
"Are you guys for fucking real right now?"
"I mean, that is some sick Nazi doctor shit right there."
"Did you?"
"What?"
"Did you cut the Black Barbie's hair first?"
"Fine, yes, okay, I cut the Black Barbie's hair, yes. I was eight years old, okay? I didn't fucking know any better."
"What was the Black Barbie's name?"
"I don't remember."
"Oh, it gets even worse!"
"Oh, my God, she can't remember the Black Barbie's name."
"But I still love both Barbies equally."
"And separately?"
"Yeah, yeah. What was the water fountain situation like at the Dream House?"
"Yeah, was there like a special entrance for the Black Barbie?"
"Look…"
"Oh. Did you call it the 'I Have a Dream House'?"
"A-ha!" (Ted, S01E01) -
"If you don't come with me, I will tell her you masturbate to network television."
"You motherfucker."
"I will tell her you watch Full House so you can jerk off to Lori Loughlin, but that you can't always predict how long the scene is, so half the time, you ejaculate to an establishing shot." (Ted, S01E01) -
"This could be the day I start being cool."
"Yeah, today is the day you told a girl you had diarrhea. Don't put too much weight on today." (Ted, S01E01) -
"Get to class now."
"Um, 227 sucks balls and so do you."
[…]
"Okay, now, you know I didn't mean that. I just needed a reason to be dragged in here."
"Look, you can trash-talk me, Ted, but nobody throws shade at Pearl Shay." (Ted, S01E01) - "All right. Let's get some sleep. We jerk at first light." (Ted, S01E03)
-
"I-I can't use this."
"Why not?"
"It looks like Bob Ross. It is. It is Bob. This is Bob Ross."
"Well, you're a tough fit, pal. It was either him or a pair of UGG boots."
"Oh, yeah, laugh it up now, but pretty soon, I'll be having an orgasm next to my friend."
"Yeah!" (Ted, S01E03) -
"Ah, yes. This looks like a good, non-sexual film."
"Oh, yes, I have heard many great, non-sexual things about this movie."
"Peter Travers calls it 'a sex-free laugh riot.'"
"Time magazine says, 'about as erotic as mom's diarrhea.'"
"The fuck?"
"What?"
"The fuck was that?"
"What do you mean? I'm just expanding on your thing."
"That's not what I was doing."
"Improv's all about 'yes, and…,' okay? You can't just shut me down like that in the middle of a scene."
"Don't do 'mom's diarrhea' and then tell me how I'm fucking supposed to do improv. Jesus Christ." (Ted, S01E03) -
"Okay, tomorrow, when everyone's out, we search the house."
"What if we don't find it?"
"Then we'll have to rent the same movie from another store and return it to the first store and we'll have to do that every three days until the end of time."
"Oh, my God."
"Yeah. Like a Pornzi scheme."
[laughter]
"Yeah, we're in trouble, but we can still have fun with words." (Ted, S01E03) -
"And we put a bit of that into every bar of Irish Spring."
"This whole ad campaign is a bluff."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like, you know who smells good? The Irish. Yeah, a guy named Seamus Boyle smells great." (Ted, S01E04) -
"Is that Winona Ryder fucking Lion-O?"
"That is Winona Ryder fuck…yeah. I gave her a ton of bush. I doubt she has that much bush in real life, but that's the beauty of art, right? It can be anything we imagine it to be."
"His dick is a sword."
"You'll never guess what his sword is."
"Is it a dick?"
"A dick."
"Yeah."
"It's a dick." (Ted, S01E04) - "There are no junior proms when you're an adult. You miss this one, that's fucking it. The rest of your life is spending all day breaking your back, and all night standing at a toilet, peeing in Morse code." (Ted, S01E07)
- </Ted, S01>
