Adam Riff™

45. Still unfallen but about to fall (The Love Trap, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• Beulr (Shark Tank, S13E05)

Stray Observations

• "What is it with you and this damn gun? You almost look like you dating it."
  "Oh, this saved my mother from an abusive relationship. Watched over me countless nights crossing enemy territory. Shit. sealed countless deals. This ain't a gat. It's family." (BMF, S01E06)
• "Poverty is not a scapegoat for immorality." (BMF, S01E06)
• "That rat sets one foot inside this building, I'll punch him in the nose, okay?"
  "Well, I think that's the grown-up solution that keeps everyone happy." (Succession, S03E03)

Ratioed (Succession, S03E03)

• "Should I give 'em something?"
  "Yeah."
  "Fuck the patriarchy!" (Succession, S03E03)
• "I've always been self-conscious about my wrists."
  "You have normal wrists."
  "Thanks, that is very nice of you to say. You have some nice wrists yourself." (Succession, S03E03)
• "I'm gonna need to give it back."
  "No, no, no, no. It has your patina now."
  "No, I don't have patina." (Succession, S03E03)
• Ziwe (Succession, S03E03)
• "Mondale's not well. Mondale's unsettled." (Succession, S03E03)
• ♫: Nirvana – "Rape Me" (Succession, S03E03)
• Kendall giving the peace sign (Succession, S03E03)
• "You would have to say it's accurate."
  "Yeah, accurate like Oswald was accurate." (Succession, S03E03)
• "It's a Times New Roman firing squad." (Succession, S03E03)
• "I would like some consideration. I would like some suck-suck on my dicky-dick."
  "Same. I'm feeling brutally un-suck-sucked right now." (Succession, S03E03)
• "I never figured you for a faggot." (Succession, S03E03)
• "Paranoid Kendroid" (Succession, S03E03)
• "I'm-a embrace it, Kelly Rowland." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Oh, girl. I had to get out the house. My roommate and her man be fuckin' too loud. My roommate is my mama, and her man is my daddy." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "I rework trap songs for the Lord." (Insecure, S05E02)
• ♫: "Jesus Gang" (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Yeah, I don't know how you show perseverance without lowriders." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Girl, I could never be friends with somebody whose dick I've seen." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "You know, I saw him when we had beach day at the church. Jesus, be a thigh." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Uhh, bitch, have you lost your mind? Dasani?" (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Fuck. I'm all cryin' in your mouth." (Insecure, S05E02)
• Dylan O'Brien and the Entrails (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "Pee before you leave. That's my credo." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "So let's just agree to disagree."
  "No, I don't agree to disagree. I disagree to disagree." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• ♫: The Presidents of the United States of America – "Peaches" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "I started a restaurant where you can sit and eat a meal with your dog next to you outside. First of its kind."
  "You didn't start the first one. I see people sitting outdoor…"
  "Show me one place. Name one, name one other restaurant that does that, where you can bring your dog outside."
  "Burger King." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "So what's your little guy's name?"
  "Oh. Oh, uh, Dumpster."
  "Dumpster? Right. 'Cause you found him…"
  "Found him in a dumpster!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• Y: The Last Man Season Grade: C
• "Junior, you like cross-country, right?"
  "What?"
  "You're not just doing it 'cause I want you to?"
  "No. No."
  'Cause I wouldn't want that. You gotta do it 'cause you love it. I wanna hear it."
  "I love cross-country." (Chucky, S01E04)
• "The world's gonna be better off without her. Just one less little vicious Karen on training wheels." (Chucky, S01E04)
• "From the minute I first saw you, you know, I couldn't stand your fucking face. I don't know. Maybe I'm just projecting." (Chucky, S01E04)

(Chucky, S01E04)

• "And I hate Linda Tripp."
  "I know that's right!" (American Crime Story, S03E09)
• "You think I liked moving to California, where I've never seen so many people who smile while they hate you…?" (American Crime Story, S03E09)
• "H-he raped her."
  "We can't be cluttering the report with all the various sexual experiences from his past."
  "So, should we not put her in the report at all?"
  "It can be an appendix if you want. Put her in a footnote." (American Crime Story, S03E09)
• "My God, this flat Earth nonsense."
  "After years of being ridiculed for our beliefs, it's so nice to have someone on our side that's a respected scientist and not just a respected NBA player." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "Did I tell you guys about my RPG tournament in high school? It was…"
  "High-stakes Elder Scrolls." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "They got guns?"
  "They're adult men who still use chat rooms. Of course they have guns." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "All right, Glenn, the best way to prove you're not fat is to kill people." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "Harold, YouTube and Joe Rogan are lying for your money and attention. Most conspiracies are just capitalism." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• Marilyn Manson (Inside Job, S01E07)
• "No! Reagan! I loved her, and she fell in garbage and exploded." (Inside Job, S01E07)
• "Whoa, look out, Michelangelo. A cyberbully. On fleek."
  "Whoa, Leo's TikTok is deadass lit!"
  "Jesus, they're still making these?"
  "Yaass, Krang!" (Inside Job, S01E08)
• "And I'll replant the American flag."
  "Brett, that's a flag of Rasta Garfield."
  "Damn it, CafePress." (Inside Job, S01E08)
• "Thanks, bros. Sacrificing yourself to the state is bae." (Inside Job, S01E09)
• "You are acting cheugy right now, Reagan." (Inside Job, S01E09)
• "I don't think any of you even know what my damn last name is."
  "I wanna say 'Luigi'?" (Inside Job, S01E09)
• "Bear-o is supposed to make Reagan happy."
  "I'm not unhappy, Bear-o. I'm just… How do you explain resting bitch face to a robot?" (Inside Job, S01E10)
• "Why don't you go to homecoming with a book?"
  "Literacy burn. Nice!" (Inside Job, S01E10)
• "Glenn, if I look down, you better not have a war boner right now."
  "He's got one. I'm boner height." (Inside Job, S01E10)
• Inside Job Season Grade: C
• "Are we there yet? Because if we don't stop soon, I'm gonna pee in my Nalgene." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "Welcome to Schwimmer's, Dale, the dopest deli on Fairfax."
  "Awesome. What's good here?"
  "Nothing. They got a 'B' rating, and everything's, like, $40." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "No disrespect, Phyllis, but Guns N' Roses sucked ass."
  "No, sir, they ate pussy, and lots of it! ♫ Sha-na-na-na-na-na-knees, knees! ♫" (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "All right, so a drop is… How do I put this in Caucasian?" (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "What's so special about Latrine?"
  "Bro, it's the holy grail of streetwear. They make everything from hoodies to fire extinguishers."
  "So, like an expensive Walmart." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "Sorry about your drone, Tru."
  "Untitled Shit Project, shelved once again." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "That's right, I googled her. A-And Benny. What about Travis Scott, a.k.a. Cactus Jack, a.k.a. Jacques Bermon Webster II? Yep, googled him, too. And Truman, I'm sorry, I fell asleep after googling Travis, but the point is, the only way you're gonna become a world-renowned filmmaker is by taking a risk." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "Never underestimate the power of a galbi fart." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "My life is over. I'm never gonna be an influencer and all my friends hate me."
  "Oh, your life ain't over, honey. You're white. You're gonna get a million second chances."
  "Well, I-I don't know how to piggyback off that." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "What the hell are you doing? I haven't talked on the phone since the fourth grade." (Fairfax, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

44. Panic! at the Silent Disco (Chucky, S01E03)

Harley Quinn bleeped "cunt" too, and it's a streaming show.

Honourable Mention

• Celebrity Booze Taste Test (Desus and Mero, 24 Oct 21)

Stray Observations

• "Which Coney Island did you hit?"
  "Lafayette."
  "I'm an American guy myself."
  "That explains things." (BMF, S01E05)
• "Who the fuck was watching cartoons?"
  "Me. I fucking love Bugs Bunny." (BMF, S01E05)
• "My daddy had a saying: Detroit ain't about open hands. We about closed fists." (BMF, S01E05)
• Saddam Hussein as Shiv's contact photo for her father (Succession, S03E02)
• "I don't really wanna go to Congress again. I'm kinda too young to be in Congress so much, you know?" (Succession, S03E02)
• Trojan horse delivery (Succession, S03E02)
• "I hope that you're not anxious that you've, you know, chained yourself to a fire hydrant that spews out cultural insensitivity and sperms." (Succession, S03E02)
• "We flew back scheduled, so that was just delightful." (Succession, S03E02)
• "It's good to know we don't have an unbalanced love portfolio." (Succession, S03E02)
• "I found his performance histrionic and meretricious. The man is a self-regarding popinjay." (Succession, S03E02)
• "We're fat-fingered fucks and we can only live on cream." (Succession, S03E02)
• "It's a stretch? It's a fucking scrotum over a timpani drum." (Succession, S03E02)
• "Oh, no, no, no, no. These, these are relevant donuts." (Succession, S03E02)
• "You're not wanted!"
  "Like he hasn't heard that enough in his life." (Succession, S03E02)
• "I think you're gonna like Pugh. He's incredibly intransigent." (Succession, S03E02)
• ♫: Too $hort – "Blow the Whistle" (Insecure, S05E01)
• "What the fuck? 'She had the best stanky leg.' And 'always carried a purse.' Who would remember that and why?" (Insecure, S05E01)
• "Photos on an app. Invent that shit. Call it 'Issa-gram.'" (Insecure, S05E01)
• "Oh, y'all ain't got love' for Pac? Let it be known then." (Insecure, S05E01)
• Reggae Gold (Insecure, S05E01)
• "Sorry, ma'am."
  "Y'all okay."
  "Wait. We at ma'am status now?" (Insecure, S05E01)
• Netflix (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "Trump has really ruined it for all Don Jrs, hasn't he?" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• Super Dave's brother (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "Oh, I got my Jews confused a little bit."
  "I got my Jews confused?" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "Oh, fuck you, Albert." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• ♫: "Las Mañanitas" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "But I know Marsha Lifshitz is that girl right there eating those leftover tacos." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "[sighs] So much tsuris." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "Albert Brooks is a COVID hoarder." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "Shanda! A shanda!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)
• "I've never dated a Clipper."
  "Fuckin' dig it." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)

(Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E01)

• "Don't touch the fucking Corn Pops!" (Y: The Last Man, S01E09)
• Jake's reaction to Devon putting a hand on his shoulder (Chucky, S01E03)
• "I thought you were watching Westworld."
  "Chucky says life's too short. He wants to watch the news." (Chucky, S01E03)
• "We got to ask Clinton the tough questions."
  "What do you suggest, Kavanaugh?"
  "If Monica Lewinsky says you ejaculated into her mouth on two separate occasions, would she be lying?" (American Crime Story, S03E08)
• "You know, after we won in, uh, in '92, Hillary and I did a…like a kind of victory lap from state to state. You know, and we were driving through her hometown in Park Ridge, and the limo runs out of gas. So, you know, we pull into this little station, and, uh, this guy notices Hill. And he says, 'Hey, Hillary, remember me? We used to date.' And, uh, as we pull away, you know, I turn to her all proud, and I said, 'I bet you're glad you married the president and not that guy.' And you know what she said? Tell him, honey."
  "If I had married that guy, he would be president." (American Crime Story, S03E08)
• "If I leave, I'm the woman who left President Clinton. If I stay, I'm the woman who stayed. I lose either way. 'Cause I-I didn't invest in me. I invested in us." (American Crime Story, S03E08)
• Colin Robinson removed from the opening credits (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)

• "The corpse has barely begun to stink, and we've got the Tao of Steve painting our portrait." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• "I discovered that there is no meaning or purpose to the universe because of The Big Bang Theory." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• Matt Berry playing Toast of London's theme (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• "My late friend Walt Whitman said to me, 'You'd better put that away, Laszlo…'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• "I'm sorry, Donal Logue." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• "Oh, snap."
  "Snap, indeed, Donal." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• "Logue out." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• "Plancha!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E10)
• What We Do in the Shadows Season Grade: B
• "Are we really fighting over a boy? We are failing the Bechdel Test right now."
  "Oh, right. Quick, talk about something else."
  "This weather sure is good."
  "Yeah, agreed."
  "Okay, test passed." (Inside Job, S01E04)
• "Get ready to have a great time in the past. Oh shit, I should've said 'blast in the past.' Everyone, pretend I said 'blast in the past.'" (Inside Job, S01E05)
• "Goddamn it. Fucking '80s owl. Global warming will take care of you." (Inside Job, S01E05)
• "Kevin, I don't think Myc is actually nice. He keeps eating all your Zoobooks and punching holes in the walls."
  "I don't think he's punching." (Inside Job, S01E05)
• "Don't let him spray you. You'll become a stunted man-child like Chris Hardwick!" (Inside Job, S01E05)
• "We want to go back to the one perfect decade, the 1950s."
  "Huh. I guess everybody's nostalgic for a simpler time that never really existed."
  "And the word 'Chinese' just meant 'generally Asian.'" (Inside Job, S01E05)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

43. That boy is poisoned (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)

Honourable Mention

• Pho Power (The Next Thing You Eat, S01E04)

Stray Observations

• "Member number?"
  "Member number. One, zero, zero. That's my member number." (BMF, S01E04)
• "Dad? Want me to ride with you?"
  "You wanna suck my dick?"
  "Is what he said to his son as the sexual assault allegations poured in." (Succession, S03E01)

(Succession, S03E01)

• "Get the Raisin. Let's go to the top." (Succession, S03E01)
• "Do we want to order some food?"
  "Food? Swallow. We're on saliva and adrenaline here, until we get on a plane. All right? No local foods. I get the shits, we're fucked." (Succession, S03E01)
• "Uh, you're the number one trending topic, ahead of Tater Tots, and the Pope followed you. Okay, no, this is not the—is this the real? No, I don't think this is the Pope. No, it's, it's a pope. It's not the Pope." (Succession, S03E01)
• "This is crazy. This is like, this is like O.J. I mean, except if O.J. never killed anyone."
  "Who said I never killed anyone?"
  "What character is that?"
  "Juice is loose, baby!" (Succession, S03E01)
• "Shiv, Roman, Gerri are gonna go back to manage New York. No need for me to go running back like a slapped girl, looks weak." (Succession, S03E01)
• "Karl, if your hands are clean it's only because your whorehouse also does manicures." (Succession, S03E01)
• "Have a problem in there, buddy? Can't find a vein?" (Succession, S03E01)
• "If it's going, you want it?"
  "I don't wanna be buried like Miss Haversham with a fucking bonnet full of clever stratagems, so, yeah! Yes! Yes, I want it!" (Succession, S03E01)
• "Well, I just, I may as well say, on a dumb level, I'd like my Twitter to be off the hook. This could all get super earnest, so I was thinking of hitting up some BoJack guys. You know? Some, some, some of the Lampoon kids…just to smash that shit, make my feed a little powder keg people need to check-in with?"
  "Like cool tweets that position you?"
  "Yeah, that would be the…straight-leg chino way of putting it. 'Cool tweets.'" (Succession, S03E01)
• "I'd lay you badly, but I'd lay you gladly." (Succession, S03E01)
• "Look, I wasn't gonna say anything, but…Brittany saw you steal a box set."
  "I did not steal any…"
  "Law & Order, season ten. I‐I know you've been strapped for cash since Eddie, but that's a fireable offense."
  "It was in the bargain bin, okay? The package was…"
  "You know, you can pretty much watch Law & Order whenever you want. Just turn on the TV, and there it is. Now my hands are tied." (Y: The Last Man, S01E08)
• "Okay, we‐we gotta break the door down."
  "Excuse me? We weigh 125 combined."
  "Oh, thank you. It's the dips." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
• "So, I know this isn't easy to hear, but…we found out that Tim was having some sort of romantic thing with—"
  "Jan was fucking Tim Kono!" (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
• "You almost let me break my scapula earlier, and you could do this?"
  "Charles taught me. I taught him how to use Postmates, and he taught me how to do this."
  "Aw. You two, I swear. It's like watching Paper Moon for the first time all over again." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
• "Jan's Lil T♥xins" (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
• "You overpay for your arugula every time, Uma."
  "You're one to talk, Miss Fresh Basil in February." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
• "We are all Tim Kono." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
• Only Murders in the Building Season Grade: B
• "You know, I have a queer kid."
  "You have a kid?"
  "Genderfluid."
  "And you're cool with it?"
  "I'm not a monster, Jake." (Chucky, S01E02)
• "Trick or treat!"
  "Oh. Aren't you girls a little mature for this type of thing? You know, when I was your age, I was high as a kite." (Chucky, S01E02)

(Chucky, S01E02)

• "Wow, Jake. You look incredible."
  "That looks so real."
  "Yeah. Who you supposed to be, though?"
  "Victim of circumstances." (Chucky, S01E02)
• "You have to ask him."
  "Ask him what?"
  "Did he fuck this intern?" (American Crime Story, S03E07)
• "I can't be fucking Richard Nixon. You know, everything you work for gone, shell of yourself for the rest of your life." (American Crime Story, S03E07)
• The Roseanne Show (American Crime Story, S03E07)
• "That thing was eating Ronnie."
  "Who's Ronnie?"
  "The one with his face eaten off." (American Horror Story, S10E10)
• "I can't believe we traded the best parts of being human – our freedom, curiosity, our need to explore – all for microchip technology and the ability to send memes around the world. What a sad race we turned out to be." (American Horror Story, S10E10)

(American Horror Story, S10E10)

• "Why do you get to decide what's right?"
  "Because I'm Mamie goddamn Eisenhower." (American Horror Story, S10E10)
• American Horror Story Season Grade: C
• "That's Colin Robinson's favorite song."
  "Oh, good. You guys added 'The Hamster Dance' to the playlist." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "You know he's not going to die. You're not going to get his money."
  "I'm gonna do the Humpty Hump later. "(What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• Donal Logue (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "Ranch for the human consort!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "Hey, guys. I think I'm gonna pass on the…the fuck-and-suck show." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• Colin Robinson farting (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "That awkward moment…" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "I kind of feel like the first 100 years of my life were wasted, so…starting tomorrow, Colin Robinson's motto is 'young, dumb, and full of cum.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "He farted, not me!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "Hello, Guillermo. Did you bring more people to yank on my pee-pee?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
• "He let out one last quiet fart, a gentle one, and then he expired." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)

• "Check out this asshole's novelty tie. Come on, Reagan, you wanna hate-watch Cosmos with me?" (Inside Job, S01E01)
• "I graduated Yale top of my frat." (Inside Job, S01E01)
• "The world is ablaze with the president's bold call to withdraw from the globe. The question remains: what does being trapped in a giant metal box mean for Wall Street?" (Inside Job, S01E01)
• "Jet fuel? Brett, you know this can't melt anything." (Inside Job, S01E01)
• "Honey, that guy is a legend."
  "Yeah, and a sweetheart. He talked me off the ledge after my divorce."
  "He talked me onto a ledge at a parkour convention." (Inside Job, S01E02)
• "Have you ever seen Akira?"
  "Of course I've seen Akira! Anime is very mainstream right now!" (Inside Job, S01E02)
• "Andre, can you synthesize a chemical compound that can dissolve a giant flesh monster thing?"
  "If it can kill you, I've made it and sold it to Monsanto." (Inside Job, S01E02)
• "Netflix paid a hundred million for it."
  "Really?"
  "Yeah. Wow. I mean, holy shit. Isn't the rainforest burning?" (Inside Job, S01E02)
• "Ooh, girl, your eyes are sunken. You look like if Steve Buscemi mated with Steve Buscemi." (Inside Job, S01E03)
• "We reptoids have had a great decade. Thanks to propaganda in the media, we have made society more tolerant of our kind, from the Geico Gecko to The Shape of Water. We even got K. Rool in Smash!" (Inside Job, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows