Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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5. It Follows (Search Party, S04E07)

Stray Observations

  • "Okay, now what am I gonna do for half an hour?"
    "Well, there's a sex museum right over there." (Search Party, S04E07)
  • ♫: French 79 – "The Remedy" (Search Party, S04E07)
  • ♫: French 79 – "Quartz" (Search Party, S04E07)
  • R.L. Stine (Search Party, S04E08)
  • "I'm not some evil mastermind, okay? I'm just wealthy and inbred. Oh, I'm inbred, by the way. It's official." (Search Party, S04E09)


Elliott's memorial fit (Search Party, S04E10)

  • "Lunch and shrooms." (Search Party, S04E10)
  • "Drew, open the box."
    "No, no!"
    "Drew, open the box, please!"
    "No, I open every box!"
    "I'm gay!" (Search Party, S04E10)
  • "No, we can't throw away our dead friend's hair."
    "Let's donate it, you guys, let's donate it!"
    "To whom?"
    "To a community theater!" (Search Party, S04E10)
  • Search Party Season Grade: C
  • "Asian men are having a moment. Parasite, K-pop, Bruno Mars, maybe." (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "No rules is chaos. That's why I hate Outback Steakhouse." (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "I did the math, which only I can say 'cause racism…" (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "For the over-60 body, there is no working out. There is only preservation. Eating antioxidant-rich Himalayan nut butters, soaking in a cold pool at your local Y-They-CA, taking NCIS-brand glucosamine gummies."
    "How are you supposed to tell it's shaped like Mark Harmon? He's not specific enough." (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "Why is my voice deeper?" (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "We'll just say you're doing something with the troops. It's like a period; it gets you out of anything." (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "Do not chew. Let Michael Weatherly dissolve." (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "And the insurance company won't pay for my vaginal mesh because I'm a boy! But that's just what they call it! No foolin', mesh is mesh!" (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "Oh, pee pee concussion!" (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • "I broke my penis at Dodger Stadium!" (Mr. Mayor, S01E05)
  • Jimmy learned the card trick (WandaVision, S01E04)
  • "I'm a chemical engineer."
    "No one cares." (WandaVision, S01E04)
  • "So you're saying the universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers?" (WandaVision, S01E04)
  • "Why hexagonal shape?" (WandaVision, S01E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Buffalo danceviolence

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Cease and desist in 3, 2…

Burger Brawl [has] 84 gourmet burger concepts in the works – each one inspired by a different character from Super Smash Bros.

Every week the restaurant has six burgers to choose from – and vote on.

"Whichever burger gets the most votes wins," Burger Brawl's head chef said. "The lowest voted burger gets knocked off, we bring in a new contender."

Yoshi gotta go.

WALUIGI'S CHERRY NEGRONI.

We're going to bite a kneecap off

on

Where should I order from today?

Goldbelly currently: Consumers order select item or item kits from regional restaurants via Goldbelly. Items may only be available in bulk. Regional restaurants ship orders directly to consumers nationwide. Consumers may have to pay for expedited shipping and may have to cook their orders.

I don't see how Goldbelly grows with this business model.

Idea: Goldbelly ghost kitchens.

Regional restaurants ship select item or item kits to Goldbelly-run ghost kitchens nationwide. Consumers order from their local Goldbelly. Vetted chefs cook to order.

Controlled micro-franchising.

I live in California. I want to try Primanti Bros. in Pittsburgh. Instead of paying $89 for a four-sandwich kit, I can order just one, ready-to-eat sandwich for $15 — a 50% mark-up, but easier to swallow than $89.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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4. How do you do, fellow kids? (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "I am intimate with the most desperate and ostentatious lawyers on the whole East Coast." (Search Party, S04E04)
  • "Your Honor, there's a twink that we believed to be dead who may have kidnapped Dory Sief. Now, we're currently working on retrieving his contact information from a catering company." (Search Party, S04E05)
  • "I'll make it work, just like Tim Gunn." (Search Party, S04E05)
  • April's head falling off (Search Party, S04E05)
  • ♫: Grand Yellow – "On My Way" (Search Party, S04E06)
  • "If Ms. Adams were a man, society would praise her for having a front bulge in her pants." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Man, I feel like an NCIS." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)


(Mr. Mayor, S01E04)

  • "I don't know what's real anymore. Is Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition just toilet hot dogs?" (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Also, do you know what 'squat' means now? Because tangerine seltzer squats, but also somehow, HPV squats." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Oh, they'll never get that on the truck." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Like, obviously, the people in the cage were gonna turn out to be the bodies of the original sisters with new faces sewn on…'cause it's based on Little Women." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • Glitch (WandaVision, S01E03)
  • Phil (WandaVision, S01E03)


(Bling Empire, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Give me one half dozen blunt force concussions

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"WHILE STAYING ALIVE."

A band of siblings who were once robbers, thieves and killers of the west, decide to fulfill their fathers dying wish of abandoning their life of crime and pursuing the path of the holy. [source]

Trail Blazers vs. Roe v. Wade: Dueling conservative Expendables!

Trail Blazers' cast is more notorious, but Roe v. Wade features the MyPillow guy.

Idea: A fighting game in which all the characters are ones played by Adam Sandler.

Hubie Halloween
Sandy Wexler
Jack
Jill
Zohan
Chuck
Mr. Deeds
Little Nicky
Happy Gilmore
Billy Madison

I'm the primary user of the meat slicer

on

PEOPLE PUZZLER (GSN)
Premieres Monday, January 18

Three contestants will put their pop culture knowledge to the test to complete iconic, PEOPLE PUZZLER crosswords.

The People magazine crossword? At least use the Southwest magazine one!

Next: A game show based on those mobile ad pin-pulling puzzles.

Idea: Jeopardy!, but the answers increase in difficulty each day like crosswords. Same three contestants all week.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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3. Blurred Vision (WandaVision, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Soft version of Dory's apartment (Search Party, S04E01)
  • ♫: BLACKPAW – "Allow Me [to Destroy You]" (Search Party, S04E01)
  • "Like many citizens today, I too have been brainwashed by the arts and leisure elite." (Search Party, S04E02)
  • "[chanting] Mayor fight!" (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "Don't you have anyone in your life who just pushes all your buttons?"
    "Harvey Milk." (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "If she's really your Harvey Milk, this train's off the tracks." (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "High school never ends."
    "What? No! I don't wanna have to run the mile again." (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "Do you set your own jellies, dear?" (WandaVision, S01E01)
  • "Is gum food?"
    "Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication."
    "No, I don't do that." (WandaVision, S01E02)
  • "I'm a regular eating machine." (WandaVision, S01E02)
  • "I too have some top secret gossip to share: Norm here's a Communist." (WandaVision, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Fweedom

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Previously on Adam Riff™ (Jun 2020):

// Los Angeles to San Francisco

I see a sheriff's car entering the roadway and slow down. It moves behind me and flashes its lights.

Sheriff: Do you know how fast you were driving? 90 in a 65.

But everyone drives 90+ on this stretch of I-5…

I call the traffic court.

Jon: How much is the bail amount?
Clerk: $489.

Jon: And I can avoid a point on my public record with traffic school, right?
Clerk: No. You are not eligible for traffic school.
Jon: Why not?
Clerk: You were driving 27mph over the speed limit. The maximum for traffic school is 25mph over.

There goes my premium…

[pause]

I call customer service.

Jon: Why is my premium double what I paid last year?
Northern California AAA Agent: You have two points – a collision from 2018 and a speeding ticket from 2020. And because you have two points, you don't qualify for a good driver discount.

Jon: I currently live in Southern California. Might changing my address lower my premium?
Agent: Let me check.

Agent: Your premium becomes $4,398.76 in Southern California.
Jon: Oh, heh. Never mind then. I'll just pay the $3,400.00.
Agent: Uhh… This is a recorded line, on which you said you moved to Southern California, so…

It's only $1000 more than what I would have paid. The stimmy will cover $600 of that. Just a $400 mistake…

Southern California AAA Agent: With the 2018 point rolling off next year, your 2022 premium should drop to…$3540.00.

[pause]

Jon's Father: KEKW. Why would you think that car insurance would be cheaper in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?