Adam Riff™

25. Squirt or Die (The Boys, S04E04)

Stray Observations

• "Hey. What's the matter? Did somebody do something to you?"
  "An optometrist stuck his finger in my ass." (Clipped, S01E04)
• "Do you think David Stern is gonna touch a hair on my pubic region?" (Clipped, S01E04)
• "Uh, I-I got you a Wii Fit."
  "I don't want a Wii Fit. I want my job." (Clipped, S01E04)
• </Top Chef, S21>
• "Anyway, the hamster CVS is under the DJ booth." (Fantasmas, S01E03)

24. Skate or Die (The Boys, S04E03)

Stray Observations

(Ren Faire, S01E03)

• </Ren Faire, S01>
• "Dude, I'm down to destroy this racist system we work for right after it buys me some crepes." (Clipped, S01E03)
• "Go up to Lucy's through the back."
  "But all her snacks are low-fat!" (Clipped, S01E03)
• [phone buzzing]
  "What is that, two mosquitoes fucking?" (Clipped, S01E03)
• "Man, I'm trying to do 20 minutes twice a day. That's what David Lynch does." (Clipped, S01E03)

(Clipped, S01E03)

• "I heard that this hotel makes its own ice cream. Why don't you take Ryan and try and find some, huh?"
  "What a great idea. Go for it, sport. Just nobody come back pregnant. Just kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. They're too young. Although, Ryan could spew goo if he wanted to." (The Boys, S04E01)
• "Come on. I do not want to miss Smash Mouth." (The Boys, S04E01)
• "Hold up, I thought he ate a dog."
  "He ate out a dog." (The Boys, S04E01)
• "Motherfucker. I just logged in five minutes ago."
  "What's happening?"
  "This shit."
  "Uh… Oh, okay, yeah, you got to hit 'Keep me logged in.' But, uh, spoiler alert, that will not keep you logged in." (The Boys, S04E01)
• "Are you ready to stop re-using your catheter and start living your life?" (The Boys, S04E01)
• "Ferrell fucking Streep." (The Boys, S04E02)

(The Boys, S04E02)

• "I was leaving his dorm in the morning when I noticed it for the first time. A puzzling discovery. An empty Gatorade bottle. Soon, I'd learn that all young, straight men are obsessed with collecting these in their bedroom." (Fantasmas, S01E02)
• "Ugh, these are not the emojis I need. What I need is an emoji that is a garden filled with broken statues, each representing one of my exes. That's for when someone texts me asking, 'Hey, who's at the club?' An emoji that is one of the spoons from Beauty and the Beast finally getting turned back into a human but then realizing he's still a servant. That's for when you get a promotion at work. An emoji of an orange that contoured itself to look like a peach. You can use that when you text, 'Hey, I'm just getting ready.' An emoji of the planet Jupiter shocked when he realizes that scientists have been referring to him as a gas giant. That's for when someone accidentally texts something about you to you. An emoji of me sitting at the urgent care and the nurses recognizing me and going, 'Not this bitch again.'" (Fantasmas, S01E02)

23. Q (Fantasmas, S01E01)

Stray Observations

• "Before I took this job, I was a professional actor for a long time, and so I still dabble in it. Here's me as Shrek." (Ren Faire, S01E01)
• "I have to take Viagra and Cialis, and I have to have a shot of testosterone once a week. And I'll tell you, that works. And if you get a shot every week, you can have an erection until you die. And that's my goal. And if I really, really wanted to die the perfect way, it would be to have a woman screw me to death, and that should end of it, and I would just be dead. That would be the perfect way to go, other than sodium pentothal." (Ren Faire, S01E01)

(Clipped, S01E02)

• "Elgin Baylor, arguably one of the top 10 players ever in the NBA, and he's the first dude to ever really play above the rim. And then he went to the Clippers' front office for a long time. Today, with a discount pork cutlet in his basket, he looked like he'd had a curse put on him." (Clipped, S01E02)

(Clipped, S01E02)

22. Malala on a horse (We Are Lady Parts, S02E02)

Stray Observations

• "Nothing is more precious than independence and freedom." (The Sympathizer, S01E07)
• </The Sympathizer, S01>
• "I know it's seafood. I'm really hoping that Manny's just going to follow up to narrow that in."
  "Manny?"
  "Um, is it like a porridge?"
  "What the fuck?"
  "Nope."
  "No. Okay."
  "What? What? Why? When was the last time you ate a seafood porridge?" (Top Chef, S21E11)

(Top Chef, S21E11)

• "I don't want to talk to vendors!" (Hacks, S03E09)
• "You are not an assistant. You are a manager and a great one. So, please, stay here with me and be my partner."
  "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a man. They're gay."
  "What? I am a man."
  "But you said 'partner.'"
  "Leave us alone!" (Hacks, S03E09)
• </Hacks, S03>
• ♫: Melanie – "Look What They Did to My Song, Ma" (We Are Lady Parts, S02E01)
• "Who drew this?"
  "Some hоrny Picasso."
  "Dude, it's a watercolor. It would be a hоrny Monet." (We Are Lady Parts, S02E03)
• </We Are Lady Parts, S02>