Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


15. Haven's Gate (Shark Tank, S10E18)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Gene Cousineau Is Twelve Angry Men." (Barry, S02E02)
  • "Dan fucked you?"
    "Mm-hmm."
    "What, were you wearing a full-length mirror?" (Veep, S07E02)
  • "Show me some money!" (Veep, S07E02)
  • "Literally no one ever wants prosecco." (Veep, S07E02)
  • "I know that you sneak-watch The Cosby Show in the middle of the night."
    "I only laugh at Rudy." (Black-ish, S05E18)
  • "Do I have a name?"
    "Why would you need one?"
    "Starbucks mostly." (The Magicians, S04E12)
  • "What you're about to see are the topiary representations of the vulvas of some of my favourite prostitutes and women I have loved." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "If me and Laszlo were to have ever had a child, I like to imagine it would look like him – small and hard."
    [pause]
    "I hate this goat." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "I'm Caribbean-Canadian. Saskatoon, motherfucker!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "Hackers featuring Jonny Lee Miller and Fisher Stevens is one of the few movies from 1995 that still holds up!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "Tonight is a good night for the other guy, not me, to die." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "You desecrated my vulva garden. Namely, my mother's vulva. You turned it brown, and wizened."
    "You made it look like his sister's vulva." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "I agree with the werewolf slut." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "I'd say surrender, but it's my mother's vulva we're talking about." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E03)
  • "Mom, can we name the toilet? It deserves a name, like…Balthazar, or Abigail."
    "Or Slender Man." (Better Things, S03E07)
  • "'See you in a few weeks. Peace out.' And then he drew a skull out of commas and semicolons. He's quite good." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E22)
  • Fresh Off the Boat Season Grade: C
  • "America isn't a place to live a long life." (Warrior, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Emotional pizza for one and all

on

// Sydney, NSW, Australia

Burgers are ubiquitous in Australia – and also ass.

Australians define "shoestring fries" differently than I do. To me, McDonald's-type fries are not shoestring fries. They're hoodie-string fries. Shoestring fries are thinner.

I appreciate that Australian eateries stock Coke Zero, sometimes in lieu of Diet Coke.

EASI is a food delivery app just for Asian (primarily Chinese) food in Australia.

The customers are often quite racist or don't speak English very well hence why they pay a slight premium compared to other food deliver services in order to have a Chinese and Chinese speaking delivery person.

Basically it's a way for the Millionaire Chinese students to be lazy and pay the not as rich Chinese immigrant workers to go around and fetch food for them. [source]

Better hot pot restaurant name: Memory Tongue or Beef Life?

Imagine Unfailing Love

on

// Sydney, NSW, Australia

Bill posting on Crown Street in Surry Hills is ruthless. In the same day, on the same poles, posters for one event go up and are cleanly replaced by posters for another event.

Oncoming pedestrians here either can't seem to process how not to collide with me or expect me to go around them.

And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


14. Ronda Rousey, Becky Lynch, and Charlotte Flair are arrested (WWE Raw, 04-01-19)

Stray Observations

  • "You can't just walk out. This isn't a Terrence Malick movie." (Veep, S07E01)
  • "I, uh, just had to get away from Blue Is the Most Annoying Color." (Veep, S07E01)
  • "I really thought my fifties would be about me fucking and sucking my way through the Shorenstein Center." (Veep, S07E01)
  • "It sounds like I'm shouting from a balcony in Munich."
    "[gasps] Like Evita!" (Veep, S07E01)
  • "Your hat is so fun. The 'B.' Have you been to Barbuda?" (Veep, S07E01)
  • "So the national press is now arriving to this giant metaphor for a clusterfuck of a campaign."
    "Actually, it's a synecdoche." (Veep, S07E01)
  • "Those hands are for making me Hot Pockets and nothing else." (Veep, S07E01)
  • "This white man only has good intentions for my son."
    "Yeah, he's Pat Riley-ing him." (Black-ish, S05E17)
  • "Folds out, motherfucker!" (You're the Worst, S05E13)
  • You're the Worst Season Grade: C
  • J.K. Simmons? (Brockmire, S03E01)
  • "Folks, that ball is Maria Conchita A-gone-zo." (Brockmire, S03E01)
  • ♫: The Seige – "Run for Your Life" (Cloak and Dagger, S02E01)
  • ♫: Hot Chip – "Flutes (Sasha Remix)" (Cloak and Dagger, S02E01)
  • "This is not China; it's Chinatown, and our blood is cheap here, so you'd better learn to adapt." (Warrior, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

VIP Lounge

on

// Sydney, NSW, Australia

Compared to Melbourne's Crown casino, Sydney's Star casino is unremarkable. It too, however, only seems to have one craps table.

Crown is currently building a casino resort in Sydney directly across Darling Harbor from The Star.

West Egg, East Egg, Gatsby's house, Daisy's house.

When it's finished, Crown Sydney will become the Sydney's tallest building.

In response, The Star is developing a 61-floor tower for its resort.

Green light, The Argonath, dick measuring contest.

What are "pokies"?

Oh, video poker machines.

It seems almost certain the term "selfie" originated in Australia with a young drunk.

"The earliest evidence that we know of at the moment is Australian and it fits in with a tendency in Australian English to make cute, slangy words with that 'ie' ending."

Dual flush toilets also originated in Australia?

MANMAN

on

// Sydney, NSW, Australia

Jelly beans and popping candy in extra milky chocolate? [gags]

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Tim and Eric Smith.

Melbourne's premier destination for colonic irrigation services

on

// Melbourne, VIC, Australia

John Batman (21 January 1801 – 6 May 1839) was an Australian grazier, entrepreneur and explorer.

He is best known for his role in the founding of the settlement on the Yarra River which became the city of Melbourne.

When he found the current site of central Melbourne, he noted in his diary of 8 June 1835, "This will be the place for a village" and declared the land "Batmania."

Places named after John Batman
Batman Bridge (Tasmania)
Division of Batman (Victorian electoral division)
Batman Park (Melbourne CBD)
Batman's Hill (Melbourne CBD)
Batman railway station, Melbourne (North Coburg, Victoria)
Batman Avenue, Melbourne
Batman Close, Thornton, New South Wales
Batman Lane, Surry Hills, New South Wales
Batman Road, Eltham
Batman Street, Burnside Heights
Batman Walk, Parramatta
Batman Drive, Melton West
Batman Gardens, Sandringham

Sexyland – really?

Idea: Is it a bar/restaurant in Melbourne or an album by a Perry Farrell band?

1. Jane's Addiction
2. Caz Reitop's Dirty Secrets
3. Good God's Urge
4. Mr. Wow's Emporium
5. A Cabinet of Curiosities
6. Naked for Satan
7. Porno for Pyros

Two minutes from Massive Wieners in Prahran is Pablo's Escoburgers.

Its Patron burger is garnished with a line of white garlic powder and a rolled-up faux $100 bill.

What's the story behind how Bludso's Bar and Que in Los Angeles has an outpost in Melbourne?

The casino in Melbourne contains a ludicrous number of roulette tables.

Meanwhile, across three(!) floors of casino, I found one craps table, inside the "Vegas Room."

It's "Vegas" because it's scented and dealers are dressed in street clothes.

Melbourne Central: Let's enclose a 19th century shot tower in a 21st century shopping centre.

South Melbourne: Hold my Foster's.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

13. CrazySexyCool (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E20)

Honourable Mention

  • Eliot × The Pretenders (The Magicians, S04E10)

Stray Observations

  • Katt Williams (Black-ish, S05E16)
  • Miracle Workers Season Grade: D
  • "Look who's up: Trump and Aunt Lydia." (The Magicians, S04E10)
  • "Last night, there were all these people down there, shouting and screaming, half-drunk."
    "Where did they find the alcohol?"
    "No, they were half-drunk. They'd been half drunk. Please, finish a whole victim before moving on to a next one, okay?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E01)
  • "I was the most handsome man in our village."
    "His village was very badly affected by leprosy and the plague." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E01)
  • "So deliciously macabre. Creepy paper."
    "It's crepe paper."
    "Creepy paper."
    "It's crepe paper, master."
    "Creepy—oh, multi-pack." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E01)
  • "I must slumber. But when I awaken, we will rule this Staten Island." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E01)
  • "Chase is up next right after Katy Perry."
    "Oh, shit. We have to hurry. Oh! Wait, is she doing music or comedy?"
    "Comedy."
    "Oh. Okay, so we have a while." (The Other Two, S01E10)
  • "Anna Kendrick plays our mom. Debra Messing plays our grandma."
    "Oh, Debra…" (The Other Two, S01E10)
  • "What is Twitter saying?"
    "Uum, that we're fucked. Every tweet is bad. The Burger King account is, like, ripping him apart." (The Other Two, S01E10)
  • The Other Two Season Grade: B
  • "So What'cha Want" video (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E20)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Looking forward:

Business is about to pick up.

No Netflix shows for now.

Stay Alert Stay Alive

on

// Melbourne, VIC, Australia

Melbourne reminds me of Vancouver, BC, Canada – a city for white people filled with Asian people.

The architecture in metro Melbourne is wild. It's like city planners gave every student at a school of design a block on which to build anything of their imagining.

I keep reading "CBD" (Central Business District) as "cannabidiol." CBD Bakery. CBD Kebabs.

Among Melbourne's restaurants are ones named "Lucy Liu" and "Sonny Chiba." Just need one named "Chiaki Kuriyama" for a Kill Bill triumvirate.

Australia really be putting chicken and beef in sushi rolls.

Also: A sausage roll is sausage rolled in puff pastry, whereas a bacon and egg roll is a sandwich. The more you know.

Is a sausage roll a sandwich?

What is that supposed to be? Display malfunction? Dead pixels?

I later learn that it denotes "right turn from left lane only."

Just drive on the right, ffs.

Melbourne is home to the world's largest IMAX screen. It's showing Inception on Thursday and a Terminator/Terminator 2 double feature on Friday, but I'm not feeling either.

[browsing local showtimes for Us]

What does "LUX" mean?

HOYTS LUX is our premium dine in cinema experience, with a bespoke luxury menu designed by Manu Feildel, a premium wine selection and comfort with cutting edge sounds and visuals.

Our HOYTS LUX cinemas are optimised for luxury over capacity, meaning you can avoid the crowds and enjoy the latest blockbusters on your special night out.

$45.00 for one LUX ticket?! Does that include food?

Nope.

"Classic Cheeseburger: $29."