Adam Riff™

8. Billionaire Bill Gates Guesses Grocery Store Prices (Ellen, 02-21-18)

Honourable Mention

• Fergie Performs The U.S. National Anthem (2018 NBA All-Star Game, 02-18-18)

Stray Observations

• Eric pranking African Parisians in the fit from Jodorowsky's Holy Mountain (Eric Andre Does Paris, 02-19-18)

(Eric Andre Does Paris, 02-19-18)

• "I know you from Lemon Party." (Eric Andre Does Paris, 02-19-18)
• ♫: Seth Avett and Jessica Lea Mayfield – "A Fond Farewell [Elliott Smith cover]" (Crashing, S02E06)
• "I'm the #1 dad! It's pointing towards me!" (Baskets, S03E05)
• "I don't want walnutted fudge!" (Baskets, S03E05)
• "Oh, Chip, we haven't seen you in church in a long time."
  "Yeah, it's nice to be back. Hasn't changed much since the '80s." (Baskets, S03E05)
• "Hey, it's me, Little Cucumber. Thank you so much for watching. Don't forget to subscribe." (Corporate, S01E07)
• Tracee Ellis Ross (Portlandia, S08E06)
• "I'm aware I'm a boat, but I identify as a male boat." (The Tick, S01E07)
• "Tick, put the jewelry down and get out of the corpse." (The Tick, S01E07)

(Babylon Berlin, S01E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

7. Kevin Garnett Met Some Contortionists And It Was Great TV (Area 21, 02-13-18)

Honourable Mention

• Braun Strowman bashes Elias with a bass (WWE Raw, 02-12-18)

Stray Observations

• McMafia Season Grade: B
• "It's the only candy based on medical equipment." (Crashing, S02E05)
• ♫: Eleni Mandell – "Girls" (Crashing, S02E05)
• "Consider this the black signal." (Black Lightning, S01E05)
• "Hello, Popeyes? Could I get 18 buckets of shrimp?" (Baskets, S03E04)
• "I gotta get these French clowns. Hey, are you guys French clowns? I guess not." (Baskets, S03E04)
• "He said to get here A-S-A-P. Those are his words, not mine. I wouldn't say that. I say 'ASAP.'" (Baskets, S03E04)
• "I'm kinda going for a Pagliacci-type thing mixed in with a San Joaquin Valley earthiness." (Baskets, S03E04)
• "There is lobster and crudité in the VIP room and vegan food for those with special problems." (Baskets, S03E04)
• "Everybody who has a Costco card is gonna get a free pair of Kirkland jeans!" (Baskets, S03E04)
• "So that's how I got this job. How did she find you?"
  "Oh. Between her legs. I'm her son." (Baskets, S03E04)

(Grown-ish, S01E08)

• "Bruno Mars is here, and he wants a PB&J. Can you make it in the kitchen and bring it to my office?"
  "Yeah."
  "Amazing. Oh, and by the way, cut off the crusts. I legitimately can't tell how old he is." (Grown-ish, S01E08)
• "What did you do?"
  "I told Janelle [Monáe] that her last album was a brick, said that she sucked ass in Moonlight, and because grain alcohol should not be legal, I told her to shut her dick trap forever."
  "Mm. All those things, huh?"
  "And then I tweeted a comment that, in hindsight, feels aggressively sus."
  "What did you say?"
  "'Black or white, bitch? Pick a side.'"
  "Whoa! That's…"
  "I was just talking about her choice in fashion. You know, like the tuxedos and the monochrome look."
  "What did you do?"
  "Um, I followed it up with a black middle finger emoji and then a white middle finger emoji."
  "Right, right, 'cause that would be the next logical step, right?" (Grown-ish, S01E08)
• "What made you stop believing in God?"
  "YouTube comments."
  "Who are the 90% of people who still believe in God?"
  "Professional athletes. They're rich, hot, and their bodies haven't betrayed them yet. Their lives are amazing. Why wouldn't they believe in God?" (Corporate, S01E06)
• "Hello, Mr. Devil."
  "It's pronounced 'Dev-ill.' But please, call me 'Christian.'" (Corporate, S01E06)
• "I was going to leave early to go see Pitbull, but at this rate, I won't be able to. I had to forgive my father for those tickets." (Corporate, S01E06)
• "You're gonna have to make some compromises. You can't have free porn without pop-ups." (Corporate, S01E06)
• Andrew injecting heroin between his toes while on the phone with American Express (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E05)

(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)

(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)

• Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E07)
• "Oh, fuck. Fresh Prince it?"
  
  "It worked. I knew it. You Will Smith… Had to resort to some of the Will Smith stuff." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
• "What was that?"
  "I kinda was picturing this as a Street Fighter bonus stage-type situation." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
• The Joy of Painting re-join (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
• "It's been…"
  "It's been–"
  [pause]
  "Yes, I get it." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
• Nirvanna the Band the Show Season Grade: B
• ♫: Spacehog! (Everything Sucks!, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

6. Trail Blazers Fans Play the Worst Tic-Tac-Toe Game of All Time (Hornets at Trail Blazers, 02-08-18)

Stray Observations

• "You tried to use Hanson against me?! They're just boys!"
  "Boys?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
• "I had no choice but to detain him for having unpermitted doves."
  "Doves? But walking in a mesh tank top with fireworks is okay?"
  "It's Florida. That image was almost our state flag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
• "Emery, we need to have a serious talk, which is impossible while you're wearing a mesh tank top." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
• "Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two." (Black-ish, S04E13)
• "You look down on them like I look down on Under Armour shoes."
  "Oh, Dre, I don't have that kind of hate in my heart for anyone."
  "It's not hate. It's just that Steph Curry thinks we can't tell he'd rather be in Jordans." (Black-ish, S04E13)
• "Okay, it seems as if I've struck a chord with you black side. Is it possible that I can talk to your white side?" (Black-ish, S04E13)
• "You are not the guy who picketed Subway when they started toasting the bread."
  "Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos."
  "Of course."
  "And Togo's gets no respect." (Black-ish, S04E13)
• "Was he dressed like Earth, Wind and Fire?"
  "What?"
  "Was the body your boss put in the fire dressed like Maurice White?" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
• "Hey, real quick, before you knock me out, you think I can get a pic? And can you make sure you light up?"
  "What?! No!" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
• "Someone should burn this lesbian whorehouse to the ground." (Black Lightning, S01E04)
• "I know the plane has been cleared. Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?"
  "What do you think this is, September 10?" (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
• "I'll have what she's having. Like the movie. You're Sally, and I'm old Jewish woman who wants orgasm." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
• "The bartender didn't even card me. I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads and posting on Facebook." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
• "Sometimes you can be condescending, oblivious, and think you're fancier than you are. You're like the sorbet of people."
  "At least I'm low-fat." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
• "Well, I can bring sadness on command. I've seen many people being ripped apart by horses." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
• "We did it at Arby's."
  "Did what?"
  "Sex, man."
  "Oh. In the restaurant?"
  "No, man, in the parking lot by the grease tanks." (Baskets, S03E03)
• "You're destroying families with your courtesan ways!"
  "It's different with Hal. He's not a client. It's real."
  "Mother, he has a wife!"
  "Alice Cooper? That gorgon?" (Riverdale, S02E13)
• Black-ish and Grown-ish both referencing Zoë Kravitz this week (Black-ish, S04E13 / Grown-ish, S01E07)
• "I understand the psychology of pathetic people. Just trust me on this." (Alone Together, S01E05)
• ♫: Phoria – "Evolve" (The Magicians, S03E05)
• "If you're over 30 and don't have a spreadsheet of everyone you've ever met, you're behind in life." (Corporate, S01E05)
• "I was a virgin until we had sex."
  "Oh, my God."
  "Yeah. I hated it. I'm never gonna do it again." (Corporate, S01E05)
• "Yeah! Look at this wet hamster!" (Corporate, S01E05)
• Post-murder "Pump Up the Jam" (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)
• Aimee Mann (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)

(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

• Cold As Balls