The joys that framed my life

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

Our favourite songs. One per year.

Time to update it.

Side A (curated by Jon)
1. Radiohead – "The National Anthem" [2000]
2. Finch – "What It Is to Burn (Demo)" [2001]
3. Spoon – "Stay Don't Go" [2002]
4. The Mars Volta – "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt"
5. Ratatat – "Seventeen Years"
6. The Mountain Goats – "This Year"
7. DragonForce – "Through the Fire and Flames"
8. Frank Turner – "The Real Damage"
9. The Wonder Years – "You're Not Salinger. Get Over It."
10. So Many Dynamos – "New Bones"
11. Jamie Lidell – "Your Sweet Boom"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Jai Paul – "Jasmine (Demo)"
14. CHVRCHES – "The Mother We Share"
15. CFO$ – "Worlds Apart"
16. Oneohtrix Point Never – "No Good" [2015]
17. Kanye West – "Ultralight Beam" [2016]
18. GoldLink – "Crew (feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy)" [2017]

Jon: "Crew" is so good that its radio edit is longer than the original. This song is what I imagine mixing uppers and downers sounds like.

I kinda want to change track 7 [2006] to My Chemical Romance – "Welcome to the Black Parade." The second half of "Through the Fire and Flames," though…

And perhaps track 8 [2007] should be Against Me! – "Thrash Unreal." [grumbling]

Side B (curated by Ben)
1. Outkast – "B.O.B." [2000]
2. Gob – "I Hear You Calling" [2001]
3. Justin Timberlake – "Cry Me a River" [2002]
4. The White Stripes – "Seven Nation Army"
5. Franz Ferdinand – "Take Me Out"
6. R. Kelly – "Trapped in the Closet"
7. TV on the Radio – "Wolf Like Me"
8. UGK – "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You) [feat. Outkast]"
9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"
10. Passion Pit – "The Reeling"
11. LCD Soundsystem – "Dance Yrself Clean"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Bruno Mars – "Locked Out of Heaven"
14. Daft Punk – "Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams)"
15. Duke Dumont – "I Got You (feat. Jax Jones)"
16. Major Lazer × DJ Snake – "Lean On (feat. MØ)" [2015]
17. G.L.O.S.S. – "Give Violence a Chance" [2016]
18. Kendrick Lamar – "DNA." [2017]

Ben: I distinctly remember Kenny's album dropping at midnight and knowing I had to wait two hours to hear it (I was DJing). When I heard the opening of "DNA." blasting out of my car speakers, I nearly crashed out of excitement. No part of any song last year gave me the chills that you get from the tempo change about 1:50 into the song.

New for 2018:

Bonus Disc (curated by Adam Robot)
1. Snapcase – "Typecast Modulator" [2000]
2. Rival Schools – "Travel by Telephone" [2001]
3. City of Caterpillar – "And You're Wondering How a Top Floor Could Replace Heaven" [2002]
4. Every Time I Die – "Ebolarama"
5. Codeseven – "All the Best Dreams"
6. Comeback Kid – "Wake the Dead"
7. Jesu – "Silver"
8. Rob Crow – "Up"
9. Russian Circles – "Campaign"
10. Coalesce – "Wild Ox Moan"
11. Deftones – "Rocket Skates"
12. Touché Amoré – "Home Away from Here"
13. Torche – "Kicking"
14. Coliseum – "Fuzzbang"
15. Violent Soho – "Covered in Chrome"
16. Baroness – "Chlorine and Wine" [2015]
17. Joyce Manor – "Last You Heard of Me" [2016]
18. Charly Bliss – "Westermarck" [2017]

Adam Robot: "Westermarck" is a twee power-pop song with lead singer Eva Hendricks sounding like she's about to shrink through the entire track. There's nothing complicated going on, it's an earworm with borderline nonsense lyrics that's hooky as hell, and it helped me forget 2017 was a living nightmare.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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3. Cooking Food with Your Mouth (Desus and Mero, 01-16-18)

Stray Observations

  • "I am gonna cook for you every day, and dinner too, and then blow jobs for dessert." (Shameless, S08E10)
  • "What's the status report? Still digging?"
    "Like a nizzle pizzy in a dizzle stizzy."
    "What?"
    "A nose-picker in a dust storm." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E10)
  • "I'm being lectured by a pile of cookie dough over here." (Crashing, S02E01)
  • "Now your dog doesn't have to be just a dog. He can be a turducken of cute." (Shark Tank, S09E17)
  • Curb stomp back (WWE Raw, 01-15-18)
  • "Marvin, call the store! The diamonds got corroded!"
    "It's not corroded. It's chocolate!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Wait, is this a male Terry or a female Terry?"
    "Male Terry."
    "Those are the worst kind of Terrys." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Aah! My Keroppi!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Goodbye, Yale. Hello, Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Bow, I spent my whole life understanding 'white stuff.' Do you think I want to know the names of the members of Phish?" (Black-ish, S04E12)
  • Dermot Mulroney (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "When you're a guy stuck moving armoires alone, you get to be selfish." (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "My giraffe is slippery!" (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "You know what this is?"
    "No."
    "It's a boiler room."
    "What's that?
    "Like the movie."
    "I haven't seen it."
    "Really? These shady finance bros who trick people into making bad investments and then they steal all their money and spend it on Quaaludes."
    "Ah, like frickin' Wolf of Wall Street."
    "Didn't even see it. Nah. Didn't look interesting to me." (The Mick, S02E12)


(9-1-1, S01E03)

  • "Sorry, officer. Our…friend's cat was sick and…exploded. You know, like they do." (The Magicians, S03E02)
  • "We'll see who has a small penis once I have my hurricane machine." (Corporate, S01E01)
  • "I think if I was in the mafia, I would just be the guy who stayed home and made spaghetti." (Corporate, S01E01)


(Corporate, S01E01)

  • "I majored in English and that should be illegal." (Corporate, S01E02)
  • "I'll have the…sheep labia?"
    "Excellent choice."
    "You're gonna love that."
    "It tastes just like chicken, except it's the genitals of another animal." (Corporate, S01E02)
  • "I'm luggage!" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Jeez Louise! Looks like Chidi has a real case of the Mondays, am I right? Hey, pass the NASCAR ketchup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Pirates of the Caribbean 6: The Haunted Crow's Nest or Something, Who Gives a Crap. Now playing everywhere FOREVER." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "First person to call Ultimate Frisbee 'ultimate.'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Axe up."
    "Oh! New scent! Transformers."
    "Yes. It makes you smell the way Transformers movies make you feel." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "I'm gonna get me a tall glass of piping hot corn syrup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Hors d'oeuvre?"
    "Oh, what do you got?"
    "Soul food from Maine, bagels from Arkansas, Hawaiian pizza, of course, and egg salad from a hospital vending machine in Azerbaijan." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Damn, you're good at this."
    "Well, hang out with Johnny Depp long enough and you become pretty good at lying. Like, 'Nooo, your whole thing isn't exhausting at all!'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "We need to find Michael, and we need to be discreet. You, cover children's dance recitals through holiday weekend IKEA." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "We're all getting laid off? Oh, God. I just spent $7,000 on a high-tech tomato garden. Wait, what's a high-tech tomato garden? Damn. Swindled again." (Great News, S02E12)
  • "It's not that complicated. You know what is complicated? Prison reform. All math. My feelings on Channing Tatum – is he hot or is he Sloth from Goonies?" (Great News, S02E12)
  • Henry Rollins, Krist Novaselic, and Brendan Canty (Portlandia, S08E01)
  • Mikey Day's Pitbull impersonation (Saturday Night Live, S43E11)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

The Defiant One

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Previously on Adam Riff™: Adam Riff™'s 2017 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of lump audio sums.

Finally: BC-17, curated by DJ BENNY C, hence the title.

As it is a single track, here is a road map:

Lil Uzi Vert – "XO TOUR Llif3"
Charli XCX – "Boys (Nevada Remix)"
Marshmello – "Silence (feat. Khalid)"
Kendrick Lamar – "DNA."
Portugal. The Man – "Feel It Still (Gryffin Remix)"
BLOXX – "You"
Farruko, Nicki Minaj, and Bad Bunny – "Krippy Kush (Remix) [feat. 21 Savage and Rvssian]"
A$AP Ferg – "Plain Jane"
French Montana – "Unforgettable (feat. Swae Lee)"
Offset and Metro Boomin – "Ric Flair Drip"
Vince Staples – "Big Fish"
Fall Out Boy – "HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T"
Ed Sheeran – "Shape of You (MAKJ Remix)"
Joey Bada$$ – "FOR MY PEOPLE"
Aminé – "REDMERCEDES"
WALK THE MOON – "One Foot"
Captain Cuts – "Love Like We Used To (feat. Nateur)"
VHS Collection – "Waiting on the Summer (Dave Edwards Remix)"
Calvin Harris – "Slide (feat. Frank Ocean and Migos)"
Spoon – "Hot Thoughts"
Kesha – "Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns)"
The Knocks and Captain Cuts – "House Party"
MK – "17"
Kiiara – "Whippin (feat. Felix Snow) [Denis First and Reznikov Remix]"
CamelPhat and Elderbrook – "Cola"
AREA21 – "We Did It"
Big Boi – "Kill Jill (feat. Killer Mike and Jeezy)"
Cardi B – "Bodak Yellow"
Capital Cities – "Swimming Pool Summer"
Parcels – "Overnight (Denis First Remix)"
Midnight Mystery Club – "True Love"
Neck Deep – "In Bloom"

  1. BC-17 DJ BENNY C 53:35

• DOWNLOAD BC-17

  • FuManTunes
    All of Adam Riff™'s past lump audio sums

Din Peaks

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

Adam Riff™'s 2017 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of lump audio sums.

First up: The Sunken Tape, curated by me.


artwork by Eddie Holly

I plan to perform it in its 40-track, 02:02:04 entirety as our SXSW showcase this year.

  1. Eminem Nirvanna the Band the Show 0:23
  2. No Halo Sorority Noise 2:50
  3. Crew (feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy) GoldLink 2:56
  4. How Long Charlie Puth 3:18
  5. Whitney Houston Big Mouth 0:25
  6. GUMMY BROCKHAMPTON 4:21
  7. Visions of Gideon Sufjan Stevens 4:08
  8. Hard Times Paramore 3:03
  9. The Verve Pipe The Carmichael Show 0:32
  10. Anita Smino 3:57
  11. All About Me Syd 3:31
  12. David Bowie The Trip to Spain 2:02
  13. A Private Understanding Protomartyr 5:18
  14. You Came to Party Too $hort and Meter Mobb 3:54
  15. All-4-One American Horror Story: Cult 0:46
  16. Don't Take the Money Bleachers 3:36
  17. Windows Up IDK 2:13
  18. Blu (feat. Damon Albarn) Mura Masa 4:32
  19. Orphaned Skies The Banzai Predicament 3:26
  20. SISTER / NATION BROCKHAMPTON 6:05
  21. Cradle of Filth Halt and Catch Fire 0:40
  22. Root of All Evil (feat. Incendiary) CFO$ 5:56
  23. The Chemical Brothers Baskets 0:23
  24. Young Dumb and Broke Khalid 3:23
  25. Caroline Aminé 3:30
  26. Jenkintown-Wyncote Harmony Woods 2:05
  27. Kenny G Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special 1:06
  28. Corner Store Aesop Rock 3:54
  29. Nothing to Find The War on Drugs 6:10
  30. The Way Life Goes (feat. Oh Wonder) Lil Uzi Vert 3:42
  31. Bad Liar Selena Gomez 3:35
  32. Nine Inch Nails Twin Peaks 0:17
  33. Less Than Nine Inch Nails 3:30
  34. T-Shirt Migos 4:02
  35. WASTE BROCKHAMPTON 2:34
  36. Cornershop Nirvanna the Band the Show 1:10
  37. Man's Not Hot Big Shaq 3:06
  38. Awful Things (feat. Lil Tracy) Lil Peep 3:34
  39. The Underside of Power Algiers 4:12
  40. We Find Love Daniel Caesar 4:15

No external stream because I still include skits.

Tell My Mother I Love Her

on

// New Orleans, LA

The woman beside me is eating the innards of a po-boy with a fork, its bread untouched.

Why even come to a po-boy shop? New Orleans doesn't lack for places that fry oysters.

I realized why the French Quarter bothers me – all the closed exterior shutters. I like seeing windows.

Oh, you can't bury anyone underground in New Orleans?

How can you bury more than one family member in each vault? How can a tomb hold all of those coffins?

According to a local ordinance, as long as the previously deceased family member has been dead for at least two years, the remains of that person can be moved to a specially made burial bag and placed at the side or back of the vault. The coffin is then destroyed, and the vault is now ready for a newly deceased family member.

Aging out of a coffin.

What happens if a family member dies within that two-year period? Generally, local cemeteries are equipped with temporary holding vaults, and the newly deceased family member is moved into his or her final resting place when two years have elapsed. [source]

What happens if multiple family members die within that two-year period?

Stephanie dies one day after DJ dies. Michelle dies one year and 364 days after Stephanie dies. Does Stephanie go straight to bag?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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2. Pop Cipher (The Magicians, S03E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Leroy, listen, I have to tell you something. No one's ever called me 'James Woods.'"
    "I'm confused. I was under the impression they called you 'James Woods' based on your love of the woods." (Ghosted, S01E09)
  • "What's his name?"
    "Leave."
    "As in…Schreiber?" (Ghosted, S01E09)
  • Fred Armisen singing along to "I Try" by Macy Gray while a human head microwaves in the background (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • Martin Short (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • "It's like Matisse mixed with Shakespeare with just a liiittle Rhea Perlman on top." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • "I would much rather be tired than poor." (Shark Tank, S09E15)
  • Braun Strowman trying to murder Brock Lesnar and Kane with a grappling hook (WWE Raw, 01-08-18)
  • "[You're the] old lace to my arsenic." (Marvel's Runaways, S01E10)
  • ♫ Francis and the Lights – "Friends [feat. Bon Iver]" (Marvel's Runaways, S01E10)
  • Marvel's Runaways Season Grade: C
  • "British men are basically American women." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "Personal hero? Latinos. They've been through so mucho." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "I just don't understand, Ronnie. We spoke every day. There was flirting and chemistry and suggestive emojis."
    "That wasn't suggestive. I really was washing an eggplant." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "'YOLO.' So true." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "We both agreed Billings was a mistake." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "A 'u up?' text might as well be a Chris Brown song." (Grown-ish, S01E03)
  • "Watching you talk to hot girls is like watching a white person try to explain why all lives matter." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "Everybody here thinks you're a talking penis." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "Why don't you just try to find something, like, more in your wheelhouse? Have you thought about, like, being a notary or something?" (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "What's up with that shirt? You sitting shiva?"
    "I taught him Jewish stuff." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "I haven't done under-the-pants stuff with a girl since my ska band broke up." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "I'm glad the job's working out."
    "Yeah, I love it. I've been getting tons of free clothes, but I always get free clothing."
    "Yeah, I have older siblings too." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "Hannah Montana Esther is dead. Welcome to Miley." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "The old guy I met online who paid me to eat macaroni wearing sweatpants turned out to be a total creep." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "How long does a quest like this take?"
    "A good…season. (The Magicians, S03E01)
  • "Kelly, I know from your autobiography that you didn't get your start in television until were 40. And Mary-Kelly, I know from your autobiography that you had sex with Wee Man." (Great News, S02E11)
  • "I'm just finishing an e-mail that I will have sent 100 years ago." (Great News, S02E11)
  • Bill Murray as Steve Bannon (Saturday Night Live, S43E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

We Dat's

on

// New Orleans, LA

Raising Cane's is the "official chicken of the New Orleans Saints."

Anyone else ever order restaurant food to go and eat it sitting on a curb outside the restaurant to bypass queueing for a seat inside? #williemaesscotchhouse


The logo sends mixed signals.

The fuck? Every channel on this hotel treadmill is CNN.

Jon: I've never Lyft-ed this much. I could really use that $100 I lost at the casino.
Drew: Ride a bike.
Jon: Are you having a laugh? Sidewalks here are like black diamond trails for wheels, and streets are at least a blue square.

N.O.P.S.I.

on

// New Orleans, LA

My Lyft driver isn't sure where to stop.

Lyft Driver: You going to Cooter Brown's?
Jon: No. Mr. Chill's. The neighbouring building.


A combination I had not seen before.


Ehh…

Oh, but Izzo's was founded by a Mexican, so it's okay, like how black people can say "ni—


The Hairy Diaries.

Laissez les bons temps rouler

on

// New Orleans, LA

My Lyft driver sees my destination.

Lyft Driver: Oh, that's near Jacques-Imo's, one of my favourite restaurants. My girlfriend is a server there.
Jon: Does she ever bring you leftover food?
Lyft Driver: No. I should beat her.
Jon: [Drew Scanlon reaction]

Does this casino not have baccarat?

Jon: Excuse me. Does this casino have baccarat?
Casino Employee: Heh. Follow me.

He leads me to an annex.

Casino Employee: We call this the "Asian table section." Baccarat, pai gow, you can eat noodles…
Jon: Ah-so…

Smoke-free baccarat is odd.

I did not expect a casino in New Orleans to be smoke-free.

I also did not expect there to be only one casino – and by law.

Harrah's New Orleans is referred to in state statute as "the official gaming establishment," see Chp.10, Title 4 of Louisiana Revised Statutes.

It's like if Denver only had one dispensary.