Whiskey and misery and parties and plays

on

Oh YEAH!

Charlie Robinson? As in…Mac on Night Court?

Wyd Jamie Lee Curtis?

Dead. Tissue. Love.
A female necrophile recounts her life experiences and sexual awakening.

Death Metal Grandma
Follows 97-year-old Holocaust survivor, Inge Ginsberg, who has decided to break out as a singer of Death Metal music.

These are documentaries?!

Narrative shorts:

Pink Trailer
Best friends Lucy and Julie are spending their summer hiding from a terrorizing neighbor until Lucy runs out of her antidepressant, and they're forced to fight for their lives.

Abnie Oberfork: A Tale of Self-Preservation
A 12-year-old girl pickles herself to escape the malaise of childhood.

Hair Wolf
In a black hair salon in gentrifying Brooklyn, the local residents fend off a strange new monster: white women intent on sucking the lifeblood from black culture.

Long Distance Relationship
A brief story about a gentleman who's obsessed about having sex with ETs.

The Mangina Exit
Two people. Zero broken hearts. One harmless little mangina.

Olympic Athletes From Russia

on

Barenaked Ladies will sing the Canadian national anthem prior to tip-off [of the] 2018 NBA All-Star Game. [source]

Is this "hold my beer"-ing Kid Rock?

I feel like the same people play in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game every year. It's like Rolling Loud.

Yup. Over half of this year's participants are returning celebrities. Nine played in last year's game.

This is Nick Cannon's 10th one?! There have only been 15!

I wonder if previous participants get first dibs on roster spots.

Michael B. Jordan played in the 2014 game. I assume he's just coaching because of Creed 2 insurance reasons.

Idea: An NBA Twitter All-Star Game.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


6. Trail Blazers Fans Play the Worst Tic-Tac-Toe Game of All Time (Hornets at Trail Blazers, 02-08-18)

Stray Observations

  • "You tried to use Hanson against me?! They're just boys!"
    "Boys?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "I had no choice but to detain him for having unpermitted doves."
    "Doves? But walking in a mesh tank top with fireworks is okay?"
    "It's Florida. That image was almost our state flag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Emery, we need to have a serious talk, which is impossible while you're wearing a mesh tank top." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You look down on them like I look down on Under Armour shoes."
    "Oh, Dre, I don't have that kind of hate in my heart for anyone."
    "It's not hate. It's just that Steph Curry thinks we can't tell he'd rather be in Jordans." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Okay, it seems as if I've struck a chord with you black side. Is it possible that I can talk to your white side?" (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You are not the guy who picketed Subway when they started toasting the bread."
    "Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos."
    "Of course."
    "And Togo's gets no respect." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Was he dressed like Earth, Wind and Fire?"
    "What?"
    "Was the body your boss put in the fire dressed like Maurice White?" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Hey, real quick, before you knock me out, you think I can get a pic? And can you make sure you light up?"
    "What?! No!" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Someone should burn this lesbian whorehouse to the ground." (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "I know the plane has been cleared. Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?"
    "What do you think this is, September 10?" (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "I'll have what she's having. Like the movie. You're Sally, and I'm old Jewish woman who wants orgasm." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "The bartender didn't even card me. I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads and posting on Facebook." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Sometimes you can be condescending, oblivious, and think you're fancier than you are. You're like the sorbet of people."
    "At least I'm low-fat." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Well, I can bring sadness on command. I've seen many people being ripped apart by horses." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "We did it at Arby's."
    "Did what?"
    "Sex, man."
    "Oh. In the restaurant?"
    "No, man, in the parking lot by the grease tanks." (Baskets, S03E03)
  • "You're destroying families with your courtesan ways!"
    "It's different with Hal. He's not a client. It's real."
    "Mother, he has a wife!"
    "Alice Cooper? That gorgon?" (Riverdale, S02E13)
  • Black-ish and Grown-ish both referencing Zoë Kravitz this week (Black-ish, S04E13 / Grown-ish, S01E07)
  • "I understand the psychology of pathetic people. Just trust me on this." (Alone Together, S01E05)
  • ♫: Phoria – "Evolve" (The Magicians, S03E05)
  • "If you're over 30 and don't have a spreadsheet of everyone you've ever met, you're behind in life." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "I was a virgin until we had sex."
    "Oh, my God."
    "Yeah. I hated it. I'm never gonna do it again." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "Yeah! Look at this wet hamster!" (Corporate, S01E05)
  • Post-murder "Pump Up the Jam" (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)
  • Aimee Mann (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

This game has been as good as Justin Timberlake

on

"ALT 105.3 New Music Discovery: MISSIO – 'Everybody Gets High.'"

[eye-roll]

♫ Once upon a time in a land far away
There lived a little boy and he drank all day
Friends called him stupid and his brothers called him gay
Emptied all the bottles 'til the pain went away ♫

Isn't this the same group behind that "middle fingers in the air" song?

Yup, same group.

♫ I used to drink whiskey, now I'm stuck with Perrier
I'm an alcoholic, middle fingers in the air
I'm a starving artist nowhere close to millionaire
I prefer my Kia, middle fingers in the air ♫

How old is this lyricist?

26.

What was I doing when I was 26?

Previously on Adam Riff™ (March 2009):

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

5. Papa Poutine (Riverdale, S02E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • Justin Forsett and Miesha Tate (Shark Tank, S09E20)
  • "You can't scrub it from the internet. Everything on the internet is permanent. It's digital herpes." (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "Of all the people in the world that you could've pissed off, Bill Burr is the worst. He's out there, he's, he's…MMA! He's involved with the MMA community! He's friends with Joe Rogan!" (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "And after the 11:00 news, it's The Late Show With David Letterman."
    "Louis, you can stay up and watch that old man and his piano gremlin, but I'm going to bed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E14)
  • "He's having a panic attack! Breathe into your mother's knock-off purse." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Why does he suddenly need to breathe into my authentic Chanel purse?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Oh, no! He's having a panic attack! Who has a knock-off Chanel purse he can breathe into?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "How do you shower?" (Black Lightning, S01E03)
  • "Don't sexualize my name, please." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Never trust anyone with three names. James Earl Ray. John Wilkes Booth."
    […]
    "David Lee Roth." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "On Law and Order, bartenders are always being evasive for no reason." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Could I compensate you for that information? I've got a couple of fives and some Certs." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What? He's a shepherd from the Basque region in Bakersfield?"
    "Yeah, there's a big Basque community here, and I met him outside the feed store." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Sorry, I got a carrot delivery." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What, you gotta pee al fresco or something?" (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "And this is a perfectly acceptable moonwalk!" (Speechless, S02E14)
  • "I'm Hyman – Cooper."
    "Hyman. Did that mean something different when you were born?"
    "Wait, you haven't heard of me? The pervert ghost of Brakebills?" (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Oh, Josh is my idol. That man is a vagician." (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Imagine the Patriot Act never existed." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "You spend years fighting corporations and then finally you have to admit to yourself you love Southwestern Eggrolls." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "The protest is now a pro-fest in Protest Fest, a four-day music festival celebrating protesting. Headliners include: Kanye West, Rage Against the Machine, and LCD Soundsystem, playing their final show on Friday and their reunion show on Saturday." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "Anyway, I gotta go deejay the Devour mac and cheese rave." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • Post-murder ham (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E03)
  • "Anyway, I took a deep breath, told them I ate a Cheeto, and walked away." (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • Ted Danson tending bar (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • The Good Place Season Grade: B


(A.P. Bio, S01E01)

  • "Boston's not even a real city. It’s a college town with a fishing pier." (Saturday Night Live, S43E13)
  • Max Headroom (Altered Carbon, S01E05)
  • ♫: Sune Rose Wagner – "More Human Than Human" (Altered Carbon, S01E06)
  • "Do you remember when I almost got fired for saying I could see your areolas through your shirt?"
    "Vaguely." (Altered Carbon, S01E08)


(Altered Carbon, S01E10)

  • Altered Carbon Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Eleven-inch dong.

on

Previously on Adam Riff™ (April 2012):

Jon: The Beastie Boys' first three albums are the Star Wars: Episodes IV-VI of white rap — and their last three albums are Episodes I-III.
Kurt: What are Ill Communication and Hello Nasty then?
Jon: Indiana Jones films?

Did you know that Weezer has released 11 albums?

Weezer albums are like seasons of The Real World. I am intimately familiar with the first few and then…

Huh. No Atlanta season.

Birthright Israel is a not-for-profit organization that sponsors free ten-day heritage trips to Israel for young adults of Jewish heritage, aged 18–32. Tours travel throughout the country to religious and cultural sites, including in Jerusalem, the Western Wall, and the Dead Sea.

The Mole is a reality television game show. Players must work together to complete various physical and mental challenges to build up a significant cash prize for the winner. One of them, however, is "the Mole," a double agent hired by the producers to sabotage the efforts of the group.

Idea: Birthright Israel Mole. Who on this trip to Israel is actually a gentile?

Sketch Idea: A Food Network show about a homophobic bakery.