Eater's Digest: Seattle 3

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

October 2015
eden hill / crumble and flake / li'l woody's / kraken congee / mammoth / hot cakes / pie bar / joule / nue / slab sandwiches and pie / salumi / pizzeria gabbiano

—What is a hydro-ceramic technician?

[googles "hydro-ceramic technician"]

—Oh. He's a dishwasher.


Lick the Bowl (Eden Hill)
foie gras cake batter, strawberry chips, vanilla, salted pound cake

Baby Beets (Eden Hill)
balsamic honey emulsion, sharp cheddar dust, farro, pumpkin yogurt, harissa

Pig Belly Confit Salad (Eden Hill)
pickled grape, horseradish, celeriac, honey cayenne cashew

Sugar Pumpkin Ricotta Gnocchi (Eden Hill)
crispy kale sprouts, sage creme fraiche, manchego, pepita

Ricotta Donut (Eden Hill)
buttered popcorn, salted goat milk caramel, marcona almond, orange peel

LOOK AT THESE FUCKING INGREDIENTS.


Crispy Pig Head Candybar (Eden Hill)
merlot cabbage, serrano, pear and champagne soup

It's a croquette.


Walnut Prawns
miso cured broccoli, fir tip syrup, candied walnut sponge cake

Fancy Chinese food.

Peach and Goat Cheese Danish (Crumble and Flake)
I will eat anything that contains goat cheese.


Crack Fries (Li'l Woody's)
hand cut fries with a bit of milkshake to dip in

I learned after the fact that dipping fries in a milkshake is something people do at Wendy's?

I assumed that the crack fries would be a tried-and-true pairing, but was asked to select a milkshake flavour.

—Mint chip?!

I selected Sub Pop (coffee, chocolate espresso beans, caramel).


Bang Bang Shrimp Pinch Buns (Kraken Congee)
cucumber, peppers, chives

Never mind the congee*, it's all about these buns filled with trash Chinese food.

Jon: What does your housemade five-spice soda taste like?
Server: It's like five-spice broth, but carbonated.
Jon: [winces]

* as seen on CNBC's Restaurant Startup

Hash (Joule)
potato hash, chili remoulade, smoked mackerel salad

Joule's brunch is interesting. Your order an entrée and supplement it at a modest buffet that rotates themes monthly. At my brunch, the buffet was a Persian buffet.

Nue: Food of the world.

Balut – Vietnamese Hot Vit Lon (Nue)
developed duck egg, assorted herbs, salt, pepper, lime juice

My first balut. I braced for the worst, but was served was a much less developed duck embryo than ones I've seen on Survivor. It was also overcooked, so it was like eating a liver-y hard-boiled egg with unusual textures.


Korean Bibam Naengmyeon (Nue)
spicy, chilled buckwheat and sweet potato noodles; lotus root, shiitake mushroom, daikon, carrot, cucumber, egg, toasted sesame, scallion, fried shallot, pineapple gochujang sauce

The best thing I ate in Seattle this trip.


Maracas Shark and Bake (Nue)
pacific cod, green seasoning, fry bread, cabbage slaw, tamarind and habanero chili sauces, coconut corn cobette

A fish sandwich with stunning bread.

Grilled Barbados Pig Tails (Nue)
jerk glaze, cilantro

Stick to your teeth.


Mexican Street Corn-Flavoured Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream (Nue)
Carried by its crunchy corn topping.

Pineapple Cornbread (Nue)
pineapple, coconut, butter

Tony: These chips I bought are really spicy. You want to try one?
Jon: Sure. [grabs chip from bowl]
Tony: Erm, not that one. I took a bite of it and couldn't… It was really spicy.
[…]
Jon: Oh. Yeah, this is really spicy.

In my search for pie, I stumbled upon Slab, whose dessert pies are sandwiches. And, like ice cream cookie sandwiches, they are difficult to eat without squeezing filling out.


Seasonal Fruit Slab Pie with Turbinado Sugar (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
peaches, blueberries, vanilla, golden corn crusts

Smore Slab (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
smoked marshmallow, chocolate ganache


PB Chicha (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
peanut butter cookies, peanut butter mousse, chicharrones

Peanut butter and pig skin sandwich cookies.

MISSED CONNECTIONS

Geoduck Crudo (Eden Hill)
sorbet of cucumber, celery, and gin; evergreen huckleberry and umeboshi relish, red shiso, radish, chive

Ebbets Field Burger (Li'l Woody's)
honey mustard, cracker jacks, swiss, bacon, ⅓ lb. patty, pretzel bun

Beer and Peanuts Milkshake (Li'l Woody's)

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

47. Calzone Cadaver (Nathan for You, S03E06)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Heidi Fleiss Capades." (Bob's Burgers, S06E05)


"My cover makes me invisible." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)

  • "My butt is so serious, it should be wearing spectacles." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Okay, for the last time, Orangina is not orange soda!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Move aside, Ed." (Gotham, S02E09)
  • Ted Danson talking about crime scene investigation (Fargo, S02E06)
  • "You're talking about farm boys, who've never been face to face with a serious man before."
    "Whereas I stared down Chiang Kai-shek." (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Karl Weathers (Fargo, S02E06)
  • ♫: Blitzen Trapper – "Man of Constant Sorrow" (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Todd pronouncing Farouk's last name (The Grinder, S01E07)
  • "Pearl Jam?! That's what I'm calling mayonnaise from now on." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you look like a taxi cab?"
    "I'm straight-edge ska now. Happy skanksgiving." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you smell like a Korean hotel?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Get those off the wine bottles and back on the damn gourds!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Sacagawea taught the pilgrims how to make cranberry sauce and then, like, sang 'Blue Corn Moon' or something." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • "Nice shirt."
    "Thank you. You know what it's made out of?"
    "What?"
    "Boyfriend material." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • THE BASTARD EXECUTIONER IS A DIRECT DESCENDENT OF JESUS (The Bastard Executioner, S01E10)
  • Of course Kurt Sutter's character self-immolates. Of course (The Bastard Executioner, S01E10)
  • The Bastard Executioner Season Grade: D-
  • "I respect you vloggers and bloggers and you whatevers." (Empire, S02E08)
  • "This is not a bad haircut. This is the starting five for the San Antonio Spurs." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • "That's such a Rhonda way of looking at things." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • ♫: The Cure – "Lullaby" (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • Rudolph Valentino is a vampire (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • F. W. Murnau is the vampire who turned Rudolph Valentino (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • "That's why I made you this condolence hummus. My own tears are mixed in with the cumin." (The League, S07E11)
  • "I heard they [Jews] chew on your shoelaces."
    "Uhhh, I think that's goats." (The League, S07E11)


"First, we find this piece of shit doctor that killed her."
"Ooh, he looks exactly like a piece of shit."
"I'm gonna be honest. I couldn't find a picture of the doctor, so I took a picture of my shit in scrubs."
"Where'd you find those little tiny scrubs?"
"Oh. No, that's a four-foot shit." (The League, S07E11)

  • "Be lei'd to rest in Hawaii." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "In this post-Pearl Harbor world, people don't trust their fellow man the way they once did." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "Is that…?"
    "Your spiritual centre, Ash. The place that makes you most happy."
    "Jacksonville, Florida." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "I've always wanted to spend time in the city so nice they named it 'Jacksonville.'" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "Jessica Jones, you are a hard-drinking, short-fused mess of a woman, but you are not a piece of shit." (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "Backseat Freestyle" (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "I want cake!" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "Bitches, right?" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "I got hit with a People's Choice Award." (Jessica Jones, S01E11)
  • "'Horse fetishists in Central Park.'"
    […]
    "'Magic word is wankers.'" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "I hope they have free express shipping in Heaven." (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "You really are a little anal crumpet, aren't you?" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • Jessica Jones Season Grade: D+

#clipoftheweek

Sound and Colour

on

I am chuffed (I think) to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

1. Magnifying Glass / Parking Brake
2. With Bob and David / Sketch Comedy
3. Cassette Tape Revival / VCR Plus / LaserDisc
4. Late Night Talk Show Hosts
5. Michael Rapaport's Laugh

Adam Robot is higher on episode one than I am. I think it's hit–and–miss, but…onward and upward.

We are on pace to release an episode weekly.

#backwash

All in the Family

on

As you head down to baggage claim in terminal one at LAX, you are greeted by Vin Diesel hang-gliding an attack helicopter.

1. Hobbs

2. Young Han Seoul-Oh

3. Evil Letty

4.

As head of the Mobility Division of the Special Air Service, Owen Shaw specialized in a unique brand of "vehicular warfare," operating military vehicles and displaying a high degree of competency in motor mechanics and repair, as well as being an expert at desert warfare. [source]

5. The continuing misadventures of Tego and Rico

6. Mr. Nobody × Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

7. Tokyo Drift 2: Clay, Sean's adversary at the beginning of Tokyo Drift, surfaces in Japan seeking revenge on Sean for ruining his life. Parlay this sequel into a parallel franchise à la CSI: Miami set in Asian/Oceanian countries with Sean as its Dom – Far East and Furious

8. Roman Holiday: Roman drives cross-country to Universal Studios Orlando. Sequels: Roman European Holiday, Roman Christmas Holiday, Roman Vegas Holiday

9. Fast and Furious × American Graffiti. 1950/1960s cars. Dom's father?

10.
Drew: What about a young Dom origin story? Boosting IROCs in the '80s or something?
Jon: Dom was born on August 29, 1976, though. It would have to be an early '90s film – Straight Outta Echo Park.

Nobody can drag me down

on

Blackhearts is a feature-length documentary film that explores the lives of three extreme black metal fans – from Iran, Colombia, and Greece – as they travel to Norway, the birthplace of black metal music.

As Luciferian plans its trip, it becomes clear to Hector that fulfilling visa application requirements will be challenging. He seeks advice from his Satanic mentor in Colombia, the "Black Pope," and organizes a formal ritual of selling his soul to the Devil to obtain the visa.

Some of the rewards for Blackhearts' Indiegogo for post-production funds are amazing:


"Starting now, you are not to blink. If you blink, we go back to the start."

This severely burned leather wristband with soot-blackened nails, worn by Frost, was left mostly unwearable from fire damage. ONLY 1 AVAILABLE!

Also includes a fully functional volume pedal.

An executive producer credit is only $1500? Hmm…

Byzantine-Latino Quarter

on

truTV Celebrates the Holiday Season With The Ultimate Christmas Competition "Santas in the Barn"

Ten Santas from across the country are brought to live in a barn to compete with each other in an array of challenges showcasing their holiday skills, from chimney climbing and gift wrapping, to milk and cookie chugging and gingerbread-house building.

Why are they living in a barn?

These would-be St. Nicks have to vote out their peers over the course of 8 episodes, all counting down to a Christmas Eve grand finale where the last Santa standing will win $100,000 and the title of America's Best Santa!

Santa tribal council!

related:


I feel comfortable judging this book by its cover.

Hair Jacked
Host Jon Gabrus ambushes unsuspecting hair salon clients with lively and twisted pop culture games that can pay up to $10K or leave them with the most outrageous haircut of their lives.

You could also do this at a laundromat and fuck up people's clothes as punishment.

Smartface
In this guerilla-style game show, contestants must choose random people in a public place – based solely on their appearance – to answer questions on their behalf.

I'm curious to see how many people with brown or black skin are chosen.

I think this concept only works if everyone in the public place looks similar — white male Santas in a barn, for example.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

46. Brain Probe (The Knick, S02E05)

Honourable Mention

  • Secret Washroom Meeting (Getting On, S03E01)
  • Cunt (With Bob and David, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • Gayle is EXCRUCIATING (Bob's Burgers, S06E04)
  • "I hate it when you argue. It reminds me of when my dad used to fight with my best friend, my mom." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E06)
  • RT: Typing like that, there's no way Saul knows UNIX command line (Homeland, S05E06)
  • Liquid waffle (The Last Man on Earth, S02E06)
  • The Barbet anal horn (Getting On, S03E01)
  • "I understand that you're having a tsunami, but we need to talk." (Getting On, S03E01)
  • "Who's we?"
    "Me and my Deep Throat." (Getting On, S03E01)
  • Well, this was unexpected (Fargo, S02E05)
  • The coda to Charlie being unable to go through with shooting Ed (Fargo, S02E05)
  • Reagan responding to Lou's war history with his work on a World War II movie (Fargo, S02E05)
  • ♫: The Dramatics – "Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get" (Fargo, S02E05)
  • "No pizza parties with a rat." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • "No gyros from the food court. I don't trust meat without bones." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • "Can I stop wearing underwear?"
    "No, we are not poets." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • Jamie Lee Curtis re-creating her mother's shower scene in Psycho (Scream Queens, S01E08)
  • "My phone game is Dolemite, but my in-person game is Sinbad." (Black-ish, S02E07)
  • ♫: Depeche Mode – "One Caress" (American Horror Story, S05E06)
  • "Mr. Wu does not pay for pussy." (American Horror Story, S05E06)


Lady Gaga's son (American Horror Story, S05E06)

  • "You cannot trust a Jewish ninja." (South Park, S19E07)
  • "Do you even know what 'farm to table' means?" (South Park, S19E07)
  • "Mexicans: America's Pakis." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "I thought all English people were fancy, but these are like Alabama English people." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "I saw him sucking some dick for a Magic card." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "What's the loophole?"
    "Theatre law." (Nathan for You, S03E05)
  • Roadblock: Identify Jewish food (The Amazing Race, S27E08)
  • 72 virgins (With Bob and David, S01E02)


(With Bob and David, S01E02)

  • With Bob and David Season Grade: D-

#clipoftheweek