Adam Riff™

35. HuntiNFTon Beach (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

• Small Dong Art Show (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)

Stray Observations

• "You cannot just kill white people anymore, bro. We aren't there yet." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "Alexa, play Africa."
  [Africa music playing] (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "Spilling milk is a mistake, not being a drug mule."
  "Man, drug mule? More like a drug veal." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "Your baby hairs can't save you. Your titties can't save you. Your hairline can't save you, nigga. The waves can't save you." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "What the fuck? Is that her daughter?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "Thank you, sweetie, thank… Are you, are you okay? Are you sure?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "I knew she was white. Look at them. He about to call his slave." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• "Got it, got it."
  [alarm stops]
  "9-8-7-0. Latrell Sprewell's birthday." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
• </Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02>
• "The gods have yet to make a man who lacks the patience for absolute power." (House of the Dragon, S01E01)
• Viserys cutting himself on the Iron Throne (House of the Dragon, S01E01)
• "I will not be the one-hit wonder of true crime podcasts, Poppy. I won't. I will not be…podcast Nickelback." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E10)
• </Only Murders in the Building, S02>
• "It might be made out of witch skin and has an asshole on it, but I look fantastic wearing it." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
• "Yeah, I'm an expert at landscaping. Meanwhile, my brother likes to spend his time manscaping. Boom!"
  [laughter]
  "I don't know what that means, but fuck Toby, right?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
• "Uh, check out this bar. What? This is an entertainer's dream. Nandor, I want you to picture this right now, okay? The guys are over. They're hanging out."
  "Okay, I am picturing it."
  "Mm-hmm."
  "I could be over here at the bar counter. And then one of the guys would come right behind me and then [grunting]"
  "Yeah, mm-hmm."
  "We could put a little skylight in the floor there, and look through it and see Guillermo on the toilet." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)

• "Did I create, pitch, sell, and produce 150 episodes of Go Flip Yourself for the sole purpose of regaining access to your home here in New York City that I might take what is rightfully mine, this witch's clit of a hat? Yes." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
• "The wickedly talented Adele Dazeem." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
• "There's nothing wrong with the hat, Elvis!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
• "Eyes down, ladies. Seminoles can impregnate you with a single stare." (Reservation Dogs, S02E05)
• "There's a hot chick over there. I'm gonna go talk to it." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

» Wolverine, Tiamut (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

• Emil Blonsky wearing Crocs (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)
• "That fight was so many years ago, I'm a completely different person now." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

(She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

• "I had to be the good son, the one who followed the rules, the one dealing with those diapers, ugh! And you know we all just shit in the water. So if you got to wear a diaper down here, you know things are messed up." (Harley Quinn, S03E07)
• "We'll always have those memories."
  "Sharks don't get Alzheimer's, baby!"
  "I mean, that's actually the only thing they got right in Deep Blue Sea. I don't get why they deviated so much from the novel." (Harley Quinn, S03E07)
• ♫: B-Bee – "1, 2, 3, 4" (Rap Sh!t, S01E07)
• ♫: Big Boss Vette – "Make Em Mad" (Rap Sh!t, S01E07)
• "It's Hennessy White, though. It might not stain." (Rap Sh!t, S01E07)
• "And Danny DeVito as Satan" (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "You got your period and made that hole in the sky, and now your dad knows where to find you, so we got to go." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "And your vagina just became a homing device for the Prince of Darkness." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "They say do what you love. And I love nothing more than cutting out the heart of an adolescent girl for monetary gain." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "What's your name, by the way?"
  "Christina."
  "Course she named you that." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "Your magic jizz ruined my life." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "Wait a minute, when we dated, were you inside someone's corpse?"
  "And you had an unfinished dolphin tattoo. Don't be a snob." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "I will get my revenge. You shall pay! Has anyone seen the tip of my dick?" (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "What is middle school but Sisyphus pretending to love the boulder? See you at the bottom of the hill tomorrow, new girl."
  "That was so deep."
  "My sister had Sisyphus." (Little Demon, S01E01)
• "You'll be a soulless shell of a human and become—honestly, like, a successful CEO in all likelihood." (Little Demon, S01E02)
• "Don't suppress. Be more conscious of your choices. Maybe use your powers to do some good."
  "I just wanted to make the mailman fart!" (Little Demon, S01E02)
• "Hey, let's beat him up."
  "Beat him up!"
  "Down with the mayor!"
  "I'm naked." (Little Demon, S01E02)
• "Chrissy? Chrissy? Is that you? Oh, fuck you." (Little Demon, S01E02)
• "How's it feel? Not bad, huh?"
  "I feel a little like Beyoncé, but also a little incontinent." (Little Demon, S01E02)
• "We don't want Ass-Clown to miss out." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E02)
• "We clean the crap out of them. There's pretty much no sign of orifice." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E02)
• "There's no other place on Earth where you can bang a seal and not be shunned." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E03)
• "JT did a mangina tourist photo shot." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)
• "Who's hyped on non-operational vehicles?" (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)
• "Mr. Peanut." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)

(Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)

• "I'm gonna get my credit card info from my mom real quick, and then I'll..I'll pay for it." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E06)
• "Fuck Caesar salad!" (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E06)
• </Chad and JT Go Deep, S01>
• "Want me to wear a hijab? Is that what this is about?"
  "I mean, a hijab is optional. What about cutting out pork first?"
  "No pastor?"
  "Or work on your titty cleavage? What, you were just complaining about butt cleavage. Titty cleavage. Titty cleav—okay! Why don't you start with the basic Muslim package first?" (Mo, S01E01)
• "God, my lower back is killing me."
  "Same here. Until I switched over to Yeezys." (Mo, S01E01)
• Toby Nwigwe (Mo, S01E01)
• ♫: Bun B – "Rudeboi [feat. Lil Wayne]" (Mo, S01E01)
• "Would you like to try some chocolate hummus?"
  "The fuck you just say to me? That's not hummus. That's a damn shit emoji." (Mo, S01E01)
• "You know, where I come from, olive theft is a huge problem, too."
  "Yeah? Where's that?"
  "Palestine."
  "Damn. That's a couple hours away."
  "No, not Palestine, Texas. Palestine. You know, land of milk and honey."
  "Uh, Israel, Manny, Israel."
  "Oh. Shalom."
  "Yeah, it's a real branding issue." (Mo, S01E02)
• "What you doing down there?"
  "ICE, man. They catch us, we're fuckеd."
  "You talking about Earl and Gene? They come every week trying to get their dicks sucked. They ain't here for you. Check it. Earl! Take your jacket off! You're scaring motherfuckers in here. What's wrong with you, man?"
  "Can you get your dick sucked here?"
  "Stop being a bitch." (Mo, S01E02)
• Bun B (Mo, S01E03)
• "How's that reggae band going, Greg?"
  "We play the blues. And it's Glen."
  "Oh, you do? I wasn't sure on which appropriation it was." (Mo, S01E04)
• "Pendeja, keep your fuckin' money. Find another minority to donate to."
  "What? Bitch, I'm Indian!"
  "You haven't been Indian since 2009."
  "You're the most Indian person I know, babe." (Mo, S01E04)
• "Imagine the life we could have together."
  "A life with kids."
  "Of course, you're Mexican, I'm Palestinian, it's biologically impossible not to have at least six kids." (Mo, S01E04)
• "Wait, if we get married our first son is gonna be named Adam?"
  "What's wrong with Adam?"
  "Nothing wrong. It's a beloved name. It's an amazing name. It's just what American Arabs call their kids when they want to sell out." (Mo, S01E05)
• "Corn tortillas need to go, though. Honestly, they're rubbery and horrible. God bless them, but they gotta be super fresh." (Mo, S01E05)
• Nephew Osama (Mo, S01E05)
• "Stop apologizing. You're not in Ottawa." (Mo, S01E05)
• "What's going on, habibi?"
  "I don't know. Just off today."
  "That's the Canadian in you. All right, you're Palestinian. If there's one thing you can do, you can throw things accurately. All right, imagine there's a tank coming at you, and there's a little guy driving the tank from a distance. You want to throw that right at him." (Mo, S01E05)
• "Listen, I don't wanna hear this from…failed skateboarder." (Mo, S01E05)
• "Bro, bro, man, you forget you're Black, man. Chill, man. Don't move, bro. They will kill you. You will die for sure. Me or him, maybe, you know?" (Mo, S01E06)
• Paul Wall (Mo, S01E07)
• "When has screaming in Arabic ever calmed anybody down?" (Mo, S01E08)
• "Good things come in threes. Come on, the Trinity, wise men, Destiny's Child, the Michelle version." (Mo, S01E08)
• </Mo, S01>

34. The Adam Project (The Rehearsal, S01E06)

Honourable Mention

• Joker sitcom main title (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• Silent birthday party (The Rehearsal, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "Fucking camper." (Westworld, S04E08)
• ♫: Ramin Bahrani – "Pyramid Song" (Westworld, S04E08)
• </Westworld, S04>
• "This is how you get back at me, huh?! You go and find some lite-brite to fuck?!"
  "Hey, who the fuck you calling 'lite-brite'?" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Mm-kay, Barack!" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Don't mind me. White liquor makes me a little cunty." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• ♫: Lil Murda – "Seven Pounds of Pressure" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Sponsorships expire, but royalties last forever." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Smell like bussy up in here." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "Ah! Guh-guh-guh-yuh-gah! Six feet apart, now."
  "Africans don't get it." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• ♫: Sam Cooke – "Bring It on Home to Me" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "'Don't ever forget…just 'cause a bitch good at keepin' the peace don't mean she ain't good at wagin' war.'" (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "That ain't no decision. That's impulse…which is the sister of stupidity." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "I don't want you to make love every night to regret." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• "You ain't fuckin' dreamin'." (P-Valley, S02E10)
• </P-Valley, S02>
• "Like, I work consistently, despite the fact that I'm not good at anything."
  "It's true."
  "Do you know why?"
  "'Cause you white?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Why would I want to smell Erykah Badu's pussy at a time like this?""
  "Why would you not want to smell Erykah Badu pussy? Have you heard Mama Gun? Can't wait 'til they make her gooch." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• Drew's surname is Hill (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Honesty is nice, but job interviews, they're more about just, like, leaning into the lies. So, just like a nice…like an exaggeration."
  "So let's say I used to work security for Barack."
  "Okay, let's lie, let's lie a little less."
  "Say Michelle, then." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "This nigga the one lying."
  "What? Okay, no, no. Kevin, you know we do not use the N-word at No Negro Left Behind."
  "I don't want to be called a Negro either."
  "What? Why?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Take this fucking wack-ass EBT tree with you, too." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Can't you leave it with Blue?"
  "I don't shit where I eat, bro. No."
  "Well, y-you can't shit in the bike shop."
  "Yes, I can."
  "I guess you just did." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "You know what? Let me make it up to you over some Red Lobster." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• Nancy kissing and flirting with the Morris Chestnut poster (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E09)
• "Where do you see this ending?"
  "Where do I see it ending? Um… With me on top. Like always." (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• "And you think jurors are gonna buy that?"
  "One. All I need is one." (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• "The fact is, Walter White couldn't have done it without me." (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• The flame of the lighter and the cigarette are the only color allowed into the Jimmy-Kim timeline (Better Call Saul, S06E13)
• </Better Call Saul, S06>
• "Oliver, I do not have anything in the apartment that goes to the bathroom out in the open! It's a rule I have!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "Dorothy threatened to walk because she says the Scarecrow shouldn't be played by neurotypical actor." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "I'm so Greek, I could go bankrupt, and no one in the world would help me." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "And who are you supposed to be? Rocky Zero?" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "Oh, my bone!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "Tell me, Teddy, how many other women in the building did you impregnate with your oily Grecian sperm? (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "On your worst day, you didn't drag your son into a criminal enterprise or cover up his involvement in someone's death."
  "True."
  "But I did recently encourage him to get involved in the theater, so…" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• ♫: Fiona Apple – "Criminal" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E09)
• "It's always sad when a Polish fellow gets cataracts." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "Well, you see, that theory betrays an ignorance for the many Polish fellows that have done very well vis-à-vis bowling competition money."
  "Agree to disagree."
  "Boy, do your thing."
  "Hey, Siri, search 'Polish bowlers top cash prize earners.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "¿Te llamo Shit Bag'?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "I haven't a clue who this Gena Lee Nolin is, but…" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "Why is there so much fucking sharp wood in this house?!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "We never hang anymore."
  "Bro, I'm not very comfortable with emotional flamboyance, as well you know." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "Kill him, get his button cock."
  "It's working, I'm draining him."
  "I'm draining him, too." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• "What the fuck is that?"
  [My So-Called Life poster] (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• ♫: Bryan Paul Bell – "The Devil’s Gotta Dance" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E07)
• Cheese wearing an Attack on Titan shirt (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• "All the ways back in my day, when I was a young warrior on the plains, I once had an engorged testicle. Fuckеr was about the size of a cantaloupe. And I didn't talk about my pain. I swallowed it, and it got worse and worse. And my friends…they didn't say nothing about it because we didn't communicate with each other. And then, that testicle was the first part of me to go on to the spirit world. My point is, your friend in there…she's got that testicle pain. That pain in her heart. Her heart nard." (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• Mariko Aoki (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• ♫: Unidentified song at 25:00 (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• ♫: Ya Tseen – "Look at What the Light Did Now" (Reservation Dogs, S02E04)
• Eating Cheetos with chopsticks (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• "Steve Rogers did not have a girlfriend before he went into the service. So, he becomes Captain America. And from that moment on, a symbol of America, he is rushed to the front lines, he becomes a war hero. Then he is frozen in ice. So, based on everything you've told me, after he gets unfrozen, he goes from world-threatening disaster to world-threatening disaster. That's when he's not a fugitive from the law, right? So it seems like he was pretty, pretty busy. Obviously, Captain America was a virgin." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• "These transformations are triggered by distressed emotional states so we need to know the exact threshold that causes it for you."
  "Ooh! Put on a Pixar movie. When Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon in Inside Out."
  "Bing Bong. No. No." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• Hulk saying "bruh" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• "I know you didn't ask for this, but whether you like it or not, you're now a superhero. And who's gonna protect the world if it isn't people like us."
  "Are you quoting a comic right now?" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)

(She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)

• "Steve Rogers did so much for his country and he never got to experience ssex. Did you see that ass? Like, that ass did not deserve to die a virgin."
  "Steve Rogers is not a virgin. He lost his virginity to a girl in 1943 on the USO tour."
  "Yes. I knew it. Captain America fu–!" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E01)
• Joker sleeping with a CPAP machine (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Better luck next year, or as my maid says, 'Escupo en tu comida.'" (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "I tried meditation and then… Actually, that almost worked until the app I was using started charging." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• The Joker: "I am a socialist." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Oh, God, is my own daughter some kind of Jo-Bro?"
  "They prefer to be called 'Sane Clown Posse.'" (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Two-Face, crimes like these are considered especially heinous. You have to let him go."
  Christopher Meloni as Two-Face: "No fucking way. We can't go back now because we're in too deep, and I'm trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under! Instead of going under! I'm sorry. Sum 41 was playing in the car on the way here." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Do you think he died just because he was impaled by a pole? He was taut for 62. That guy had cum gutters." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• "Superman! Dad, we're saved!"
  "Oh, no. It's just Gordon, keep screaming, son." (Harley Quinn, S03E06)
• ♫: Sebastian Mikael – "Exit" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "Actually, I got a group I manage. They like Cardi B and C. Man, they like Tia and Tamara Thee Stallion. That ain't even make sense, but look, you feel me." (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "No! No! Super Smash, Sista!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "You can say whatever you want, Captain Save-a-Bird, but your friend was still wrong for her shit."
  "Okay, and your friend was wrong for wearing a jumpsuit with Huaraches. Where the fuck was she even going?!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "I got some shrimp, snapper, lobster… Broccoli if y'all trying to be healthy. I mean, it's fried, but it's still broccoli."
  "Did you get the fried conch? I sent a text."
  "The what?"
  "Can you at least act like you from Miami?"
  "It's conk!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E06)
• "I am a cat. I keep my own counsel." (The Sandman, S01E11)
• "But you promised."
  "Writers are liars, my dear." (The Sandman, S01E11)

» "It was strange being in a real child's home after being in a fake one for so long. I wasn't used to this level of detail. Every object was perfectly placed but nothing was by design. It was a work of art." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)

• "Do you feel like, I'm like, believable as a dad, like…?"
  "I mean, you're a great scene partner." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• "My TV friends are leaving." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• "Did you get enough?" (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• "And I'm always gonna be here for you, okay? 'Cause I'm your dad."
  "I— Wait, I thought you were my mom."
  "No. I'm your dad." (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• Ending on Nathan's butt crack (The Rehearsal, S01E06)
• </The Rehearsal, S01>