Adam Riff™

24. Property Brother Fight Reel / Lesbian vs. Property Brother Fight (Girls5eva, S02E08)

Honourable Mention

• Kamala and Bruno Visual Texting (Ms. Marvel, S01E01)
• The-Seven-Themed Dildos Fight (The Boys, S03E04)

Stray Observations

• "The Anthean god is progress, efficiency. That's what we worship. Have we ever stopped to ask…to what end? Humans do. They ask that in every moment. Every interaction. Every sunrise. Because their God is meaning. Dinner together, meaning. A father's touch, meaning. A mother's strength, meaning. At the beginning of this transmission, I asked, 'How is humanity beneficial to anything? Where does it fit in the universe?' Now I know. Find meaning in the moment and the moment can become eternal. Humanity is quantum. Humanity is jazz. And, wife…it is beautiful." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E06)
• Suburb to beach transition (Barry, S03E07)
• Katya Zamolodchikova lip-synching to David Guetta's MLK remix (Ziwe, S02E06)
• </Ziwe, S02>
• "Everyone lies about their addictions. Otherwise there'd be no films." (Irma Vep, S01E01)
• Conspicuous trench coat (Obi-Wan Kenobi, S01E04)
• "Are you inviting me to play Smash Bros.? Because if so, I'm busy."
  "Don't hate the player, hate the game."
  "The thing is I do hate the game, though." (Ms. Marvel, S01E01)
• "I'm gonna give you a task. I want you to go home. Not right now, but after school. Then you're gonna look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, 'Kamala, who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?'"
  "You're reciting lyrics from Mulan."
  "I am, I am."
  "You are." (Ms. Marvel, S01E01)
• "Flying vultures in Armani suits buying up the whole neighborhood."
  "Maybe we'll actually get a Halal Guys this time."
  "They charge you for extra sauce at Halal Guys." (Ms. Marvel, S01E01)
• ♫: Sinkies – "Hot Sugar" (Ms. Marvel, S01E01)

(Ms. Marvel, S01E01)

(Ms. Marvel, S01E01)

(The Offer, S01E09)

• </The Staircase, S01>
• "So you got weird toes. So what? Toes are like a basketball team. It's five of 'em, and everybody's doing their own thing. See the little white one? That's Steve Nash." (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• "Ms. Solano, you are the youngest pregnant woman in our entire system."
  "How is that even possible?"
  "It's New York City. [chuckles] The average 38-year-old only owns a laptop and two Amy's frozen burritos." (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• "Well, we'll get her a STEM tutor – you know, selfies, TikToks, emojis, and memes?" (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• ♫: Ingrid Michaelson – "New York City Moms" (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• "Sheawn Last Name Unknown" (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• "I think you and I could maybe work because Sandra Bullock's with a children's birthday photographer."
  "I like you, too, Wickie. But you're a star, like Vin Diesel or the Monopoly top hat." (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• I've only ever said this to a golf cart I thought contained Billy Porter, but… [softly] I love you." (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• "We'll meet you in every city that has good ramen." (Girls5eva, S02E08)
• </Girls5eva, S02>
• "Is your idiot brain getting fucked by stupid? It's not rhetorical." (The Boys, S03E04)
• "What did you give her?"
  "A little respect, Stan. Something you should've given me."
  "What good would that do? Where would it even go but to the bottomless, gaping pit of insecurity you call a soul?" (The Boys, S03E04)
• "You are not worthy of my respect. You are not a god. You are simply bad product." (The Boys, S03E04)
• "That ain't a lab. It's a military compound."
  "Russian military compound. Be like storming a Baja Fresh."
  "Baja Fresh ain't shooting us with AK-47s on full auto, motherfucker." (The Boys, S03E04)
• "Red Dawn, motherfucker." (The Boys, S03E04)
• "Rocky IV, motherfucker." (The Boys, S03E04)

23. Ant-Man and the Cock (The Boys, S03E01)

Stray Observations

• Chase (Barry, S03E06)
• MJF's Pipe Bomb (AEW Dynamite, 01 Jun 22)

Stray Observations

• "You like bourbon?"
  "My experience with mood alteration has been disappointing." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E05)
• ♫: Ol' Dirty Bastard – "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E05)
• "I am sorry for all the shit I put you through over the past couple of weeks. Parentheses, yelling at you at work, comma, offering to break into your boss' house, comma, take sleeping pictures of her, et cetera, et cetera, end parentheses, wincing emoji." (Barry, S03E06)
• </We Own This City, S01>
• ♫: Cardi B – "WAP [feat. Megan Thee Stallion]" (South Park: The Streaming Wars)
• "Because we are gonna get you…fake tits. Breast implants, Mom. That's what rich guys like. You remember what Matt Damon said? Fortune favors the brave, Mom." (South Park: The Streaming Wars)
• "Last night, I had a dream that Ariana Grande was trying to fuck her own ass with a gun, but then she farted, and blood shot out her dick."
  "Ariana Grande? That's hilarious." (South Park: The Streaming Wars)
• "Jeb, I'm very well aware that your sporadically compassionate people have an allergy to facts because facts point toward truth." (Under the Banner of Heaven, S01E07)
• "You know, when the colonists were wiping out my ancestors, we received a prayer of hope that one day, they'd all vanish and the buffalo would return." [singing in Paiute]
  "You think that holds some power?"
  "Nope. When the white man saw us singing it, they just mowed us down like blades of grass with their Christ-sickles." (Under the Banner of Heaven, S01E07)
• </Under the Banner of Heaven, S01>
• "Good God, you look amazing! What moisturizer do you use? I use Vaseline." (Hacks, S02E07)
• "Half-hour? I'm sorry. No, the show is an hour."
  "I know, I know, but you could trim it, right? I mean, hey, This is 40 was six hours until it was five." (Hacks, S02E07)
• "We could own and sell it directly from our own website just like Louis. In that one specific way." (Hacks, S02E07)
• "Wha… What are you doing here?"
  "Oh, I left that punch-up gig early. Well, I forgot I had tickets to Cirque du Soleil, and it's the weird sеx one, so I really don't want to miss it." (Hacks, S02E08)
• </Hacks, S02>
• "'Bend Not Break' is probably the only song about arthroplasty you can slam ham to." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Are you pregnant? It was Scott's birthday last month. I know you didn't have time to shop." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Dad, Rita didn't take your money! Rita, put on an Airwolf!" (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Oh, wait—um, I was looking something up."
  "'White diarrhea'? Jesus, Dawn." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "So where you from?"
  "The white part of Maryland." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Or just say, 'Is a hot dog a sandwich?' And people go nuts debating about it. Well, I mean, in my school, it's a vegetable, but—"
  "Wow, you're like if Anaheim was a person." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Summer, no, posters move now." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Listen, we gotta do something really big if we want anyone to know that we exist."
  "Oh, something that reaches people. OnlyFans, sell my farts." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "He's a good guy. He has individual handshakes for every one of Scott's students, and he never once tried to get on Ellen." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Hey, guys. Hey, I'm-I'm trying to lower my anxiety by listening to a white lady who went to India once." (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Clear the way! Clear the way! I'm so late for this Halloween party! It's the spring!" (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Take that to the taint ward!" (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "I already spent the whole thing on Gucci no-show socks."
  "What? Well, how will anyone even know?" (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Where have you been?"
  "Oh. Just out all night alone. But let's talk about you. Diarrhea still white?" (Girls5eva, S02E07)
• "Chinese food makes me fart." (The Offer, S01E08)
• </Top Chef, S19>
• </Shining Girls, S01>
• Charlize Theron (The Boys, S03E01)
• "You shitty fucking director! Tony Gilroy had to reshoot all your shit!" (The Boys, S03E01)
• "You love that bagel so much you're gonna fake herpes?" (The Boys, S03E01)
• "Oh, my God. So worth the herpes." (The Boys, S03E01)
• Stormfront's hand job (The Boys, S03E01)

(The Boys, S03E02)

• ♫: Crimson Countess – "Chimps Don't Cry" (The Boys, S03E02)
• "♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪"
  "Listen, Starlight, I-I…[sighs]…hate to direct you, but, um, we're gonna need a little more 'JFK just got rimmed out by Marilyn' version." (The Boys, S03E02)
• "Is that a video game about the slave trade?" (The Boys, S03E02)
• "Just don't be afraid of the zoom. You're not Roger Deakins." (The Boys, S03E02)
• "What was your safe word again? When I used the dog collar and the strap-on? What was it? Vincent Cassel." (The Boys, S03E03)
• "Timothy is fucking delicious." (The Boys, S03E03)
• "Hey, Deep?"
  "What?"
  "Eat fucking Timothy." (The Boys, S03E03)
• ♫: Jennifer and Belinda Robles – "Drip Wet" (P-Valley, S02E01)
• "Wait, you not gonna eat?"
  "Had Henney, a blunt, and a nut. I don't need nothin' else." (P-Valley, S02E01)
• "Paint the walls red. Blood stains always bleed back through." (P-Valley, S02E01)
• "Can't believe that niggah white." (P-Valley, S02E01)
• Neon green funeral (P-Valley, S02E01)
• "Niggah, is you gone go steal that plate of chitlins for me or what?" (P-Valley, S02E01)
• "Aye, maine. Say, maine! Where your mask at, maine?" (P-Valley, S02E01)

(P-Valley, S02E01)

22. Arthur's Abortion Dojo (That Damn Michael Che, S02E01)

Stray Observations

• Henry sucking Henry's dick (The Time Traveler's Wife, S01E02)
• Kevin sucking the genie's dick (That Damn Michael Che, S02E04)
• Tooken (That Damn Michael Che, S02E05)

Stray Observations

• "Do you know where she lives?"
  "I don't know. What, were you gonna, like, send her an angry letter or something?"
  "No, no, nothing like that. I'm just gonna freak her out a little bit."
  "Freak her out how?"
  "Oh, there's a lot of ways. It's, you know…nothing bad. No, it's just…like, for instance, I could…send her a picture of herself sleeping. You know, just as a way of being like, 'Hey, not cool what you did to Sally,' you know?"
  "So you'd break into her house?"
  "Oh, she'd never know I was there. No, the whole point is to isolate her and make her feel like she's going insane. So, I would just do little things, like replace her dog with a slightly different dog, or, you know, change the furniture in her house so she thinks she's shrinking. You know, basic stuff, most of it I learned in the military. Some of it on a subreddit. You know… Basically, just plant a seed, and then they just kinda hang themselves, so it's super nonviolent. But by the end of it, like, her brain will have essentially eaten itself, you know? But that's on the table if you want it. Okay?" (Barry, S03E05)
• "Sorry, I don't know what this— Who—who's behind this new voice in my head, but, um, it's pretty, uh—it's a pretty significant distraction. Sorry."
  "It's not new. And it's not a distraction either. It's what happens when you're taught your whole life that you need God to guide you. It's frightening…being alone with your own mind."
  "How have you managed—managed this?"
  "I tried to defeat the church, in my own mind, see what kind of person was left behind. I read our history. All of it. All of that personal revelation, it seems to me that it's just men listening to their own selfish desires and calling it God so they can justify…anything. (Under the Banner of Heaven, S01E06)
• "Maybe I should just quit and go run Fox Searchlight or whatever." (Hacks, S02E05)
• "No one can compete with a 20-foot cow vagina behind them." (Hacks, S02E05)
• "I've always wanted to visit, and I love Memphis music."
  "Wait, really? Like what? Like…like Elvis?"
  "No, like Three 6 Mafia, Pooh Shiesty, Project Pat, Young Dolph, Yo Gotti, NLE Choppa." (Hacks, S02E06)
• "Oh, I don't think Luna's gonna be funny. She's really comfortable with herself." (Hacks, S02E06)
• "Happy people eat steak." (Hacks, S02E06)
• "Aren't you always telling me to believe women? It's exhausting, but we do." (Hacks, S02E06)
• "Actually about my grandmother. Rosemary."
  "Aww."
  "Yeah, she was the first '& Daughter' on a sign in City Island." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "We did a pilot for a hidden camera show."
  "Yeah, it was called P-BAG. Pranked by a Girl." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "Anyway, last order of beez-ness… I'm being cute, not Spanish…" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "Why would we compete within our own family? We are not the Williams sisters. We are the McConaugheys."
  "He has a brother?"
  "Exactly." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• Lifetime Raw (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "We're not letting a man pit us against each other."
  "I actually consider myself a parade-sized boy, but point taken." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "If you wanted the solo, why didn't you just come out and say it like a normal person?"
  "Why didn't you just offer it like a normal person? Even Paul lets George do his own thing sometimes."
  "Because Paul George is one basketball man, Dawn." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "You have a voice like Lenny Kravitz's penis, and you hide it under a bushel? That is a sin."
  "And even Lenny's penis busted out eventually." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "When did singing become all about winning for you?"
  "October 16th, 1995."
  "The Million Man March?" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "There are so many great nominees for 'Best Hip-Hop, Rap, or Reggae Video [Caucasian].'" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "Oh, my God. I'm on a list with Drew Carey and Beyoncé. Why did I pick that order?" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• ♫: Girls5eva – "B.P.E." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
• "Che, you got one hour before this story goes global, and then after that…"
  "After that, what?"
  "You gonna have to move to Austin and start slingin' right-wing jokes."
  "Kenan, any moment, somebody's gonna come out in my defense and support me."
  "Well, so far, it's only been Ben Shapiro, Candace Owens, and Kwame Brown."
  "Goddamn, that's the worst three." (That Damn Michael Che, S02E01)
• "Michael, studies show that every Black person has one bitch nigga in their family for every five real. But you've got five real niggas for every 12 bitch."
  "What study says that? What are you—?"
  "Look, the math may seem confusing, but these numbers make you almost white."
  "Is there anybody in my family that's not an old coon?"
  "Well, there's some young coons. We did find something interesting. Check this out."
  "Is that Jason Whitlock?"
  "We couldn't find anything saying that you two are related, but you have to be. Come on. Distant cousins or something." (That Damn Michael Che, S02E05)

Wayne Brady (That Damn Michael Che, S02E06)

• </That Damn Michael Che, S02>
• Flea (Obi-Wan Kenobi, S01E01)
• "That's a rad shirt, man. Ocean Pacific?" (Stranger Things, S04E02)

(Stranger Things, S04E02)

• "Can you pass me the olive oil?"
  "That's wine." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
• "This risotto is shmackin', dude." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
• "Okay. She's in."
  "I'm missing collarbones, not eyes." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
• "I'll punch you so hard your teeth will fall back out."
  "Whoa. Too far." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
• "It's like a mini-Watergate or something. Hawkinsgate."
  "Wait a second. Didn't those guys get caught?" (Stranger Things, S04E03)
• "I can't breathe in this thing, and I'm itchy. I'm itching all over."
  "It's not all about comfort. Okay? We're academics."
  "Who are evidently coming straight from Easter brunch. Also, this bra that you gave me is really pinching my boobs."
  "Okay. Could you just let me do the talking? If that's even possible?"
  "It's not only possible, it's inevitable. Because shortly, I'll be dead from strangulation." (Stranger Things, S04E04)