Adam Riff™

27. Maximum Male Models (WWE Friday Night SmackDown, 1 Jul 2022)

Stray Observations

• ♫: Future – "Mask Off" (P-Valley, S02E04)
• ♫: Al Kapone – "Whoop That Trick" (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Niggahs ain't shit" ringtone (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Expressway's backed up worse than a bіtch on Percocets." (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Yo' name must be T'Challa with alla that goin on witcho tongue."
  "It's actually Godfrey."
  "Oh, sh…he yell. Ain't that a white name?" (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "This world don't want a niggah, maine. Not a good niggah, bad niggah, rich niggah, poor niggah, big niggah, dumb niggah, pimp niggah, president niggah! Don't matter what kinda niggah you become, you still just a menace to society." (P-Valley, S02E04)
• Big Teak putting a condom on Lil Murda (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Ooh, but there but for the grace of Yves Saint Rona." (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "What do you look like? Under this skin?"
  "You're obsessed with skin. Skin is one of your gods. You've created cults around it. Commit genocide. Murder every day in its name." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E09)
• "What's up, man? You boxing now?"
  "Yeah. Well, you know, I need to. I got into a fight with one of my students, and, uh, she got lucky."
  "She?"
  "Yeah. I got one good punch in there, and then she knocked my ass out."
  "Man."
  "H-Here, here. Help me with this."
  "They fired you?"
  "No, no. But I'm-a wait till she graduates so we can fight legally." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E02)
• "Yo, I got something for you though. For your son, you know? You said he liked YoungBoy."
  "Yeah, but I don't want him listening to him."
  "Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E02)
• "Is that a shadow? Or a tiny little bit of his balls?" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• Selena Gomez and Cara Delevingne making out to Billie Eilish (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Amy Schumer is not a thief or a killer!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Charles-Haden Savage. I wanted chest hair because of you."
  "And she got it, too."
  "As a little girl, I would practice my signature. 'Amy Schumer Savage.' A-S-S. Ass…"
  "Oh. Thank you?" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Get it out of my Sting's apartment!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Even in death, Bunny figures out a way to give you the bird." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Is this not exotic enough for the ABCD's Instagram? You know, American-Born Confused Desi." (Ms. Marvel, S01E04)
• "Do all masked Americans have superpowers?"
  "How do you know I'm not Canadian?"
  "You're wearing a shirt that says 'New Jersey.' What is this look?"
  "No one likes the outfit, huh?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E04)
• "Why is the hot and sour soup so red?"
  "That's the color it's supposed to be. Did you Americans find a way to whitewash the Chinese food too?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E04)
• "I was just there on the corner there and I saw a tray of steaks drop on the fucking floor, and we've just put them back on the grill."
  "Chef, I figured it was going to kill the bacteria." (MasterChef, S12E06)
• "And for the life of me, I just, I can't understand why you would let her."
  "Do you have kids, Ray?"
  "No. No, I do not."
  "One day, if you do, when the time comes for them to break your heart, remember I told you this. The moment you let them in…you were asking for it." (The Old Man, S01E04)
• "Money is not just money. What it always is is a measure of discomfort. H… How badly do I want this? How badly do I want to avoid that? How much power do I have to make it so?" (The Old Man, S01E04)
• "The thing is, to be American means knowing you're the hero. So what do we do? We sweep all our filthy sh¡t under the rug and we tell ourselves a myth like Soldier Boy." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "I'm not letting you live. I'm keeping you alive." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "Better high than mental." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "We're your best pals, aren't we? We got you through that erection in the seventh grade, that Hard Rock Cafe m-m-massacre in Lagos. And by golly, we'll get you through this, too." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "If you're gonna act hysterical, I'm gonna slap you like I'm Connery." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "You're an idiot, Kevin."
  "Then why did Dave Eggers say I have a formidable intellect, huh?" (The Boys, S03E07)
• "Why would you say all those horrible things about me to Don Simpson?" (The Boys, S03E07)
• "We are already working on your new movie. Training A-Train. Gritty biopic. You're a roughneck gangbanger from the South Side slanging that yayo when a track coach… We're thinking Tom Hanks… Teaches you a more civilized way. We're out to Sir Julian Fellowes to write." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "I ditch Kate Bush, I draw his focus back to me." (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• "Okay, but the second you start to lift, I'm calling in Kate Bush." (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• "I mean, it just doesn't make sense."
  "What doesn't make sense?"
  "That was Dan Shelter. He graduated, like, two years ago."
  "So?"
  "So he's in college. Which means he was visiting on spring break. Fast Times was returned, like, I don't know, a week ago? Right? Unless she's got some horndog brother that we don't know about. Which is possible. Or she's just, like, really into Judge Reinhold?" (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• ♫: Journey – "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) [Bryce Miller/Alloy Tracks Remix]" (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• "Are you… Are you real? Di… Did I make you?"
  "I'm real"
  "How?"
  "I piggybacked from a pizza dough freezer." (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• Hopper with a sword (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• Nancy with a shotgun (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• "Great. More hysteria. Just what we need."
  "Well, it's the news. Now indistinguishable from the tabloids." (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• </Stranger Things, S04>

26. Dr. Flowers (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E01)

Stray Observations

• ♫: Stunt N' Dozier – "Not the Thermometer Challenge [feat. Dej Rose Gold, Qwote, and Kingpin Skinny Pimp]" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Oh, this just the remix from TikTok."
  "Chile, the Tiketh Toketh?" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Where my chocolate-covered skrawberries?"
  "Niggah, you allergic."
  "Where my skrawberries and Benadryl, nіggah?" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• Big Freedia (P-Valley, S02E03)
• [applying hand sanitizer on face]
  "Niggah, that can't be right." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "I'm a Gummy Bear [The Gummy Bear Song]" interrupting the Mercedes Experience (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Aye… Don't go disrespectin' the guh, now."
  "Mm. Thank you, nіggah feminist." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• ♫: Crime Mob – "Knuck If You Buck" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Oh, he yell naw! Nineveh! Lysol her!"
  "I'm sprayin', I'm sprayin'!"
  "Lysol it all down."
  "Aw, shit. This some oil sheen." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• ♫: Ying Yang Twins – "Wait [The Whisper Song]" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Ain't nu'n wrong with fuckin' a strippah."
  "Marryin' one is when you got a problem." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "This bitch must be good at Super Mario Brothers the way she done skipped levels." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Look, my homeboy told me 'bout this girl wit' the dіck-suckin' lips. Hell, I'm lookin' fuh the chewin' bitch. Aight?" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "What I'm gone say then, Keyshawn?"
  "You the poet. You like, uh, like, uh, Shake-a-spure or somethin'. Just go with the 27th thought. Hm?"
  "Aight. Aight. Bet."
  "Niggah, 'I love you'? Thass the 27th thought?"
  "Keyshawn, thass the only thought." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• "Surprised you ain't wrapped that b¡tch yet."
  "I ain't her type."
  "What you mean, foo'?"
  "Keyshawn like 'em how I like my Air Forces – krispy white." (P-Valley, S02E03)
• ♫: Al Green – "Love and Happiness" (P-Valley, S02E03)
• All-brim Yankees hat (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E01)
• Pokémon Game Boy cartridge (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E01)
• "Kanye got you niggas wearing anything." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E01)
• "Thank you, Congressman." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E01)
• "So…is it true you started as, um, as a body double in pοrn?"
  "[while eating McDonald's] I have a big dick. No trouble getting it up, so yeah. But that came later. I started in gay peep shows."
  "Are you gay?"
  "I was at the time, but not anymore. I got bored with gay culture."
  "Why did you find it boring?"
  "They preach. I'm not interested in preaching. All I cared about was sticking my dick up their asses."
  "And then you, you lost interest?"
  "Well, they're all communists."
  "Well, I mean, not all of 'em."
  "All of them, believe me."
  "Okay, and, and you're not."
  "Me? No. No, I'm a… I'm a registered Republican. Fuck the liberal media elite, and all those Latinos stealing our jobs."
  "Ha-Have Latinos stolen a job of yours?"
  "Well, not exactly, but, I mean, look at the Academy Awards. It's all about Mexican directors and Koreans." (Irma Vep, S01E03)
• "I don't really know how I can help a group of ghosts and their average-looking son." (Ms. Marvel, S01E03)
• "The man who chooses family is never alone." (Ms. Marvel, S01E03)
• "Brown Jovi does it all." (Ms. Marvel, S01E03)
• "Fire? I gotta grab the money." (Ms. Marvel, S01E03)
• ♫: Bon Jovi – "Livin' on a Prayer" (Ms. Marvel, S01E03)
• Year of the Liam Neeson cameo (Obi-Wan Kenobi, S01E06)
• </Obi-Wan Kenobi, S01>
• "MeUndies Scrim Room" (Players, S01E05)

(The Old Man, S01E03)

• "That's when I realized there's two kinds of Americans. The kind so determined to be better, there's no progress they believe to be out of their reach. And the other kind, the monsters so determined to be right, there is no violence they believe to be unjustified to secure their ends." (The Old Man, S01E03)
• ♫: Refused – "New Noise" (The Bear, S01E01)
• "Any of you Incel-QAnon-4Chan…Snyder Cut motherfuckers wanna get out of line now?" (The Bear, S01E01)
• ♫: Serengeti and Kenny Segal – "Ajai Finale" (The Bear, S01E02)
• ♫: Van Morrison – "St. Dominic's Preview [Live]" (The Bear, S01E02)
• "Yo, yo, Cousin, what's up with all this gay-ass fruit?"
  "Homemade Ecto-Cooler, motherfucker." (The Bear, S01E04)

(The Bear, S01E04)

• ♫: John Cougar Mellencamp – "Check It Out" (The Bear, S01E04)
• "You got Latrina?" (The Bear, S01E05)
• ♫: John Mayer – "Last Train Home" (The Bear, S01E06)
• "This is Sufjan Stevens." (The Bear, S01E07)
• "Fuck¡n' Piven." (The Bear, S01E07)
• </The Bear, S01>
• "Vought Images" (The Boys, S03E06)
• "Bill Cosby is America's dad, and, tell you one thing, he wouldn't be caught dead in that pussy gear."
  "Lot to unpack there. Uh…"
  "The Cos. That's a real man. Holy shit, did he make some strong drinks." (The Boys, S03E06)
• "You melted my cock ring." (The Boys, S03E06)
• "Oh, my God, your mouth is amazing. It's like a velvet vacuum draining my balls." (The Boys, S03E06)
• "Oh. That's so sweet. Uh, just, I got to give my asshоlе a breather. You know?" (The Boys, S03E06)

Looking ahead:

25. Darth Vader vs. Reva fight (Obi-Wan Kenobi, S01E05)

Stray Observations

• Jeff Bridges vs. agent fight (The Old Man, S01E01)

Stray Observations

• Mormon family (Dark Winds, S01E02)
• ♫: DJ Chose – "THICK [P-Valley Remix feat. Kayykilo]" (P-Valley, S02E02)

(P-Valley, S02E02)

(P-Valley, S02E02)

• "But I highly doubt that these niggahs gone come out in the middle of a pandemic and vote fuh yo' cracker brother… Who the only cracker to vote fuh. Chile, they ain't even got a Club cracker on the menu. Just Ritz." (P-Valley, S02E02)
• [nails clicking] "Round of applause, bіtch." (P-Valley, S02E02)
• ♫: Patrice Woodbine – "Where the Blessings Reside" (P-Valley, S02E02)
• "Niggah, you finish cryin'?" (P-Valley, S02E02)
• "You talkin' 'bout missin' some dick. Amazon just delivered it to yo' do'." (P-Valley, S02E02)
• Gold hearse (P-Valley, S02E02)
• Megan Thee Stallion (P-Valley, S02E02)
• "We might have to go Django a bіtch." (P-Valley, S02E02)
• Uncle Clifford bust cake (P-Valley, S02E02)
• "'Life is like cocaine. It can be blowed at any minute.'" (P-Valley, S02E02)
• ♫: Shawnna – "Gettin' Some" (P-Valley, S02E02)
• ♫: Beyoncé – "7/11" (P-Valley, S02E02)
• "Chile, if Diamond can do that without touchin' you, jus' thank what that dick can do." (P-Valley, S02E02)
• ♫: Valerie June – "Stay" (P-Valley, S02E02)
• "He chairs the Fossil Fuels Group which controls the CIA's purse strings. Which means Thorn is the Big Tuna. Um, Bill Parcells, who is, uh, a football coach. An American football coach."
  "I know who the Big Tuna is." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E07)
• "What did I tell you? To accomplish this mission…"
  "I have to see the world through their eyes."
  "And what do you see?"
  "Road rage and pοrn." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E07)
• "The whole network on Earth is a shared belief in things that aren't true. So, learn to lie. Big lies and little lies. Lies will be your best friend. And while you're there, try sulking and working a mood. Just saying."
  "Which lies should I choose? They are infinite."
  "No. They're astonishingly specific. The best lie is the lie they need. Reaffirm their idea of themselves. They'd rather believe the pretty thing. Be the pretty thing." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E07)
• </Barry, S03>
• "I'll be honest. I have an…addiction issue."
  "Well, happens to the best of us."
  "Crack."
  "Crack?"
  "I've been…off crack for a full 24 hours."
  "Oh, great! That's the first step." (Irma Vep, S01E02)
• ♫: Mase – "Feel So Good" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• Crash Bandicoot? (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "No Snapchatting in the masjid!" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Wait, is this Swet Shop Boys?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "I like Baazigar…" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Is it Eid again?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Who taught you to drive? Bowser?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "The Mosque Bros. never respect the halal gap." (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "The Converts."
  "Technically, the Reverts." (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Illumin-Aunties" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Was she Latina? I'm sorry. I'm supposed to say Latinx now, right?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Do you have a favorite food?"
  "Ice cream pizza."
  "Is that two foods or one food?"
  "One. I put ice cream on pizza."
  "Did someone say ice cream pizza?"
  "Now just think of a nice plate or bowl of ice cream pizza." (Ms. Marvel, S01E02)
• "Elizabeth Taylor."
  "Oh, I love Liz. That was a fun night." (The Offer, S01E10)
• </The Offer, S01>
• "How will Buffalo Wild Wings feel when they put in this hotshot player and he loses 'cause he doesn't have experience?" (Players, S01E01)
• "This works exactly like any team. It's no different than pro basketball."
  "Okay, but we're different than the Kings. Like, we want to win." (Players, S01E01)
• "I slept on that couch for almost three years, which is disgusting to think about now, like, there was stuff on that couch that I…I probably can't even say on camera. Like, cum." (Players, S01E01)
• "Oh, the memes were endless. They-they had, they had that one where-where the guy's, like, checking out that one girl, and-and the girlfriend's like, 'What?' And-and the guy was the internet, and the girl he was looking at was Organizm, and the jealous girlfriend was Guru. And they did the meme where, like, the one guy is crossing his arms, and everyone else—all his friends are like, 'Oh!' And the guy was Organizm, and the friends doing th-th-that was the internet." (Players, S01E02)
• "I don't want the world to miss out on what you could be. 'Cause the world's already been disappointed enough with Doritos 3D." (Players, S01E03)
• "Okay, here's another tweet: 'Cronklyn might suck but at least he isn't fucking annoying #Creamcheese.'"
  "Bet you that dude posted that from his parents' basement."
  "Seriously. Actually yeah, it says middle school on his bio, see?"
  "It says middle school?"
  "He probably does live with his parents." (Players, S01E03)
• "It was like watching, like, a, like, a child get into the ring with, like, Floyd Mayweather. And Floyd Mayweather didn't hold back, he was just, like, beating the shit out of this kid." (Players, S01E03)
• "Uh, you want something to drink?"
  "Yeah, I'll just have a Car Bomb." (Players, S01E03)
• "'You guys can have whatever you want.' And I was like, 'Let's test this guy.' I-I want a chalupa—I don't just want a chalupa from Taco Bell down the street. I want a chalupa from Taco Bell Cantina. And the closest one is in Las Vegas. So I'm like, 'This guy, if he really wants to show me, he's gonna have to pull out his phone, pay some Postmates guy to drive from Las Vegas.'" (Players, S01E04)
• "If you've been eating Taco Bell your whole life, thinking, 'This is as good as it gets,' you've obviously never been to a Taco Bell Cantina."
  "It is a non-negligible step up from regular Taco Bell." (Players, S01E04)
• "Kyle and April and Guru, they weren't as impressed by the glitz and the glam. April doesn't even like Mexican food that much." (Players, S01E04)
• </Rat in the Kitchen, S01>
• "'Congrats from Lindsey Graham.' He's such a gooch-licker." (The Boys, S03E05)
• "I've already got commitments from the orangutan from Dunston Checks In and the capuchin from Outbreak." (The Boys, S03E05)