Adam Riff™

14. Will Smith slaps the shit out of Chris Rock (The 94th Academy Awards, 27 Mar 2022)

Honourable Mention

• Elle Fanning re-creates Lea Michele's emotional Glee scene (The Girl From Plainville, S01E01)

Stray Observations

(Winning Time, S01E04)

• "Aight, look. Cap too dignified to do him-damn-self, but somebody gotta do it. Norm, what you say, brother?"
  "Don't look at me. I got a ménage à trois lined up, so…" (Winning Time, S01E04)
• "Just tellin' you the truth, how real friends do."
  "We ain't friends! You just some chick I used to hit!" (Winning Time, S01E04)
• "You don't have family. You have fallout." (Winning Time, S01E04)
• ♫: Pastor T.L. Barrett and the Youth for Christ Choir – "Nobody Knows" (Better Things, S05E06)
• "So, you're good with it? It was pretty…"
  "Yeah. Uh, you know… Looks like the rest of the series." (Better Things, S05E06)
• "You have any notes, or any thoughts?"
  "It's a network show." (Better Things, S05E06)
• "Mom, I'm watching a Brian De Palma movie. Call me later." (Better Things, S05E06)
• "Yeah, I've been matched with so many lovely ladies."
  "Cool, cool, being a man seems cool." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "Looks like they got some cool stuff in the back there. I'm seeing Corn Nuts, washer fluid, fake Academy Awards for people with common Western names…" (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "I just hate that my photo is being used to catfish people and that the name of my favorite fish now means something so dark." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "Well, I happen to be in town shooting a commercial for the new Depends thong." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "How do I know that you're not a bot?"
  "Maybe send me a bunch of pictures and have me click on all the stop signs." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "Which Sex and the City character are you?"
  "Easy. Magda." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "Now, those aren't Boomer rules, right? Boomers don't have a year to waste."
  "Don't lump me in with your Big Chill generation. I'm technically a Gen X preemie." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "I texted the Trivago guy and then Brett."
  "Hey, man, 'Trivago Guy passed' are my three favorite words." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "A medication I'm also on, but for wake apnea." (Mr. Mayor, S02E03)
• "So he knew you and was like…'more'?" (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "Heyyy. There's my guy."
  "Black?!"
  "It's actually pronounced 'Zach.'" (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "Squeal, and you can Dipset like Cam'ron." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• Janine struggling with a Capri Sun straw (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "Wait, you never dreamed of just doing one thing?"
  "Sure, I have. But a dream can be a distraction just as easy as it can be a goal." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "I've done everything I possibly can to make my phone think I'm 22. I haven't used capital letters in years." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "Sweet baby Jesus, and the grown one, too!" (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "You are not one of them. You are not a Jojo Sea-bass."
  "You mean JoJo Siwa?"
  "I don't know what I mean, Janine." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "You got this, Janine."
  "Don't… Don't say that. I don't believe that she does." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "I forget that black people can also be annoying." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "Desking's deaded." (Abbott Elementary, S01E11)
• "Oh, bollocks." (Moon Knight, S01E01)
• "Well, Steven Grant of the gift shop…" (Moon Knight, S01E01)

(Moon Knight, S01E01)

• "I'm sorry about the cupcake." (Moon Knight, S01E01)
• "I'll have the best bit of the… The steak. That's the bit that I want."
  "The center-cut's fillet. And how would you like that?"
  "Good, yeah. Very good. Very good. Yeah."
  "I'll… I'll put you for 'well done.'" (Moon Knight, S01E01)
• "Do you know Ammit?"
  "Do I know Ammit…? No, not personally." (Moon Knight, S01E01)
• "But she was betrayed."
  "Was she?"
  "By indolent fellow gods. By even her own avatar."
  "Avatars. Blue people. Love that film."
  "By avatar, what I mean…"
  "You mean the anime?" (Moon Knight, S01E01)
• "Steven Grant of the gift shop, give me the scarab and you won't be torn apart." (Moon Knight, S01E01)

(Snowfall, S05E07)

• ♫: Ann Peebles – "I Can't Stand the Rain" (Snowfall, S05E07)
• "Got any good churros today?" (Halo, S01E02)
• "Yeah, um, I'm actually a natural staple remover." (Minx, S01E05)
• "Those chocolate dicks are not gonna hold up in the sun." (Minx, S01E05)
• "What about a celebrity interview?"
  "Ooh, Bella Abzug. I bet she has some stories to tell."
  "Sexy stories?"
  "Maybe." (Minx, S01E06)
• "Any, uh, U.K. artists we should be listening to?"
  "Uhh, have you heard Slowthai?"
  "No."
  "Uh, K-Trap? He's pretty dope."
  "Mm-mm."
  "Um, 21 Savage?"
  "Yeah, we know him." (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "They got their own Nando's." (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "Black guys love Asian women." (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "Wow. Your hairline's intense, bro."
  "I'm afraid of what it'll look like if I shave it all off. I don't know. Maybe I got the juice to pull it off. What do you think?"
  "Mm, I don't know. I feel like, uh, that's more easily pulled off by white men that are assumed to be dangerous, right? Like, uh, Jason Statham. Like, uh, Bruce Willis. The Rock. Um, same reason why black dudes can do it as well. Um, but I feel like you… The best hope for you is probably, like, Moby. But, you know…"
  "Everybody hates Moby." (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "Hello, people of color." (Atlanta, S03E03)

» "This piece has such a deep, deep sadness about it."

(Atlanta, S03E03)

• "So, um, you're telling me there was a…a wet, ashy, naked nigga that broke into your house, right? Hey, how he wet and ashy, man?" (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "White kids be scamming all the fuck¡ng time. Hell you think TikTok is? Shit, black kids need to scam more." (Atlanta, S03E03)
• Jai Paul (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "Racism and capitalism, hard to separate, isn't it?"
  "Hmm. Yeah, because something only has value if, uh, something else has less value."
  "Yeah, I feel like anywhere you can buy a can of Coke, some type of racism's going down there."
  "Hmm. What about Taco Bell? Does that…"
  "No, they only do Pepsi."
  "Pepsi, that's…"
  "No racism."
  "That's right." (Atlanta, S03E03)
• "Your outie knows a beautiful rock from a plain one." (Severance, S01E08)
• "Yeah, the egg bar is coveted as fuck." (Severance, S01E08)
• "'Our job…is to taste free air. Your so-called boss may own the clock that taunts you from the wall.'"
  "But, my friends, the hour is yours. Page 197 slaps." (Severance, S01E08)
• ♫: Mick Jagger – "Strange Game" (Slow Horses, S01E01)
• Gary Oldman farting himself awake (Slow Horses, S01E01)
• "Moscow rules, watch your back. London rules, cover your arse." (Slow Horses, S01E01)
• "Bringing you up to speed is like trying to explain Norway to a dog." (Slow Horses, S01E01)

13. Defiant Jazz (Severance, S01E07)

Honourable Mention

• Asphyxiating Tupac (Atlanta, S03E02)
• Opening Title Sequence (Pachinko, S01E01)

Stray Observations

• "You do well with the ladies in Ohio?"
  "Michigan. And, yeah, I do aight."
  "So then you know real game comes down to feelings. Get a woman feeling safe, she's yours. Sprinkle a little nice on top of that, you got a freak for life." (Winning Time, S01E03)
• "Hang on. You should go get your diaphragm on." (Winning Time, S01E03)

(Better Things, S05E05)

• "The homeless count is never right. L.A. doesn't have the resources to recruit, train, or equip enough volunteers for a proper count. So the city took a page from New York."
  "The Flavor of Love contestant. You mean the city. New York, City. Okay, I'm starting to feel this fifth can."
  "N.Y.C. conducts its homeless count on the coldest night of the year, when the fewest people are actually on the street, but since L.A. is never that cold, D.H.S. decided our count would be on Oscar night."
  "The day L.A. moves all the unhoused people who live near the red carpet to the city of Glendale."
  "And potential volunteers are all stuck at home with Oscar fever." (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "Why aren't you at the shelter?"
  "Um, I don't love shelters. They're not that safe, and the curfew so early, it's dehumanizing."
  "But we got rid of the Souplantation smell."
  "Oh, you really didn't. I spent the night in one of those shelters the other week, and I'm still like, 'Where's the Italian wedding?'" (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "I make a difference. I got L.A. to put MALIN+GOETZ products in the mobile showers on the Plaza, so…" (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "Like how Ceviche started pulling her eyebrows out after her sister Landline was born. She's named after her grandmother's phone." (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "Oh, thanks for coming in early."
  "No sweat. I keep my sleep schedule two hours ahead of time in case I ever take a trip to Chicago." (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "Let them live on failed sitcom sets."
  "The kitchens don't work, and it's hard to get rid of Patty Heaton vibes." (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "So is this the part in your movie where that K.T. Tunstall song starts to play?" (Mr. Mayor, S02E02)
• "That man is in my pocket like Jay-Z after the elevator." (Abbott Elementary, S01E10)
• "Have a cookie. They're homemade from the grocery store." (Abbott Elementary, S01E10)
• Norm Nixon (Snowfall, S05E06)
• "I'm not married to anything, all right? Although I am a little in love with that article on marital rape." (Minx, S01E03)
• "Oh, my god. Jesus, Tommy!"
  "Oh, no, that's Bobby. His anus is bluer." (Minx, S01E03)
• "How about we have a drink?"
  "Sure. Okay. Got any beer?"
  "No, I do not. I have a lovely Pouilly-Fuissé." (Minx, S01E04)
• "I gave you my penis, and I want it back." (Minx, S01E04)
• "We got caught, all right? There is no escape. Now, it's time to accept our fate. Besides, kind of comforting, really, once you get your mind around it. I mean, look at this. I'm folding stuff…and that's okay." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E09)
• "So, uh, I reckon what makes Ed happy…is…you." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E09)
• Taika Waititi and Rhys Darby (Our Flag Means Death, S01E09)
• "Hello? Blackbeard, sir. I, um…I heard you need some assistance."
  "I'm in here. I'm in the blanket fort. The door's the blue cushion." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E10)
• </Our Flag Means Death, S01>
• "People fall in love, and then they move in with each other."
  "Not always. Sometimes people live very separate lives. Sometimes they live in the same lake house but actually live several years apart." (Starstruck, S02E02)
• "I just think you should try and be in better films. I mean, Mom's given you a white first name. Use it better." (Starstruck, S02E02)
• "He fucking Alan Rickman'd me." (Starstruck, S02E02)
• "It's very bassy!"
  "You said your old one wasn't bassy enough!"
  "This is too much bass! Nobody needs this much bass!" (Starstruck, S02E02)
• "'To Caleb. Dr. Kapoor wet the bed 'til he was 16."
  "Yeah, you know what? I'm actually not embarrassed by that, and understanding why that happened is actually what pushed me into medicine, so…" (Starstruck, S02E02)
• "I-I-I'm sorry, Felix, but it sounds like George Clooney was bullying you." (Starstruck, S02E03)
• The guy in the hat (Starstruck, S02E03)
• "I want to be in the glass room alone." (Starstruck, S02E03)
• "What do you want the tie to say?"
  "I'm sorry for your loss, and I can only stay for an hour max." (Starstruck, S02E04)
• "Well, yeah, it is my taste. It is nice. So I guess that makes me a fucking kook. I guess that makes me goddamn Helena Bonham Carter." (Starstruck, S02E05)
• "And stop saying 'feelings' so much. You sound so American." (Starstruck, S02E05)
• "Why is it raining now? I hate your country!" (Starstruck, S02E06)
• </Starstruck, S02>
• "Town full of Black folk. They were almost white."
  "They were almost white?"
  "White's not a real thing, right? There's no scientific basis for it. People just…become white. It's social. White is where you are. It's when you are. Armenians are white as hell 'til they ain't. When they dammed the Chattahoochee, some refused to leave. They thought they were safe. They'd paid to be white. With enough blood and money, anyone can be white. It's always been that way. But the thing about being white is, it blinds you. It's easy to see the Black man as cursed because you've separated yourself from him. But you don't know…you're enslaved just like him. Cold whiteness. You're hypothermic. You lose logic. You see the blood…and you think someone else is bleeding. Everyone is screaming at you to turn the machine off, but you can't hear them. You can't even hear yourself saying, 'We're cursed, too.'" (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "Since you love to dance so much, go 'head. Shoot it. Come on, shoot! You got these people up here thinking you retarded. Your ass gonna end up in them SPED classes. Now whip. Mm-hmm. Ay. Ay. Ay. Nae Nae. Come on. Hit it. Hit it! If you don't start using your common sense and acting right, these white people, they gon' kill you. Kill…you. Now do the worm." (Atlanta, S03E01)
• Frying chicken in a microwave (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "Um, where's the washcloth?" (Atlanta, S03E01)

(Atlanta, S03E01)

• "Why don't you try singing a song while you work? It might make you feel better."
  "♪ I feel like I'm Gucci Mane in 2006 / All these diamonds dancing on… ♪"
  "N-No, not like that. Sing something silly, like, um… ♪ I don't want to work no more. ♪" (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "Aw. Is Hugs your father?" (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "All four of our children are Black, so we always make sure to tell them that the police are their friends."
  "Yeah. Hey, you know who he reminds me of in that hat? Aloe Blacc." (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "I know being here isn't easy for you, but I am gonna love that right out of you." (Atlanta, S03E01)
• ♫: Wilson Phillips – "The Dream Is Still Alive" (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "These white women are gonna kill us."
  "Yeah nigga, we know!"
  "Sweet release." (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "This city is my Jesus." (Atlanta, S03E01)
• "All right, uh, can I get some ice with that, too?"
  "Uh, yes. Uh, cubes?"
  "Yeah, oh, cube, man. Not crushed. I don't want to…chew my water." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "What's with all the blackface?"
  "Blackface?"
  "Oh, nigga, stop acting like you don't know what…"
  "Ah. That's, uh, Zwarte Piet. That's, uh, for the children. It's a long tradition passed down for many generations, so… Actually, he's black because he fell down the chimney, uh, helping, uh, Saint Nicholas."
  "Okay, well, feels like Santa's slave, but I respect the rebrand." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• Tupac (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "Love your songs, man." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "Hello. Please, may I help with your…"
  "Nigga, if you don't get the fuck out my face…" (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "Is this a nice welcome to my country?"
  "Oh, hell yeah. Holland slaps." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "Same ratchet-ass hoes, different-ass city." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "Hey, I'm-a wash my ass. You good?" (Atlanta, S03E02)
• ♫: 2Pac – "Hail Mary" (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "Turn the clogs around, bro, we ain't doing this sh¡t." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "You fuck me? I will destroy you." (Atlanta, S03E02)
• "I need 300 pieces of fried chicken. All legs." (Atlanta, S03E02)

(Severance, S01E07)

• "The Music Dance Experience is officially canceled." (Severance, S01E07)
• "If you're not satisfied, I'll make them grovel until you are." (Pachinko, S01E02)
• "Americans love games. Everything becomes one." (Pachinko, S01E02)
• "America. I went there once."
  "How was it there?"
  "Everything. And nothing." (Pachinko, S01E02)
• "Don't look down on her tears. She earned the right to those." (Pachinko, S01E03)
• "I'm not under any illusion about my fate. I understand my child and I will be outcasts, that I'll have to leave the boarding house so as not to ruin my mother's business. I know all this. And yet…I…I was loved by an outcast." (Pachinko, S01E03)

Looking forward:

Ludovico Technique.

12. Tenacious D (Minx, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• Succession's Brian Cox Now Starring in Euphoria (Jimmy Kimmel Live, 14 Mar 2022)
• Seth Rollins vs. Leprechaun (The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, 16 Mar 2022)
• Elizabeth Holmes Dancing to Lil Wayne (The Dropout, S01E05)

Stray Observations

• Jerry West sex scene (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "You ever had a blow job with champagne in her mouth? You're going to love it." (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "Hey, why don't y'all hit me with a business plan? Then, we can see what's what."
  "We-we just told you the business plan. People's gonna eat ice and give us money." (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "What you readin'? Good book?"
  [Nigger: An Autobiography by Dick Gregory] (Winning Time, S01E02)
• [car sex]
  "Hoo… Come on. Church about to let out." (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "I'm not with her for her body! That's the difference between you and me."
  "Oh yeah, that's right. You think about her soul! Well, quiet as it's kept…I fucked that, too." (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "Damn! You look like our girl down there!" (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "I thought I could waltz in here and spend my way to victory, have a grand old time along the way. But you got me thinkin' about what I really needed. I need to cut your heart out." (Winning Time, S01E02)
• "Please come in here with me."
  "I can't. I can't fuck with antique malls and all those energies in there. It's dangerous for somebody like me."
  "Okay, Theresa Caputo." (Better Things, S05E04)
• "I hope you all enjoyed hang gliding over Los Angeles. Now did any of you notice Ellen DeGeneres smiling at the top of Runyon? That was added digitally. The smile, I mean." (Mr. Mayor, S02E01)
• "Fine, you can keep Jayden, but are you also gonna fight me on the dude with a sugar glider in his desk?"
  "If you mean Leslie and Deputy Zoomer, it's a service sugar glider." (Mr. Mayor, S02E01)
• "Absolutely not. I already announced it to the L.A. press. Do you have any idea how savagely Americana at Brand Memes will come for me?" (Mr. Mayor, S02E01)
• "Hey, Jayden, you seen my daughter?"
  "Yes. She's beautiful, sir."
  "What?" (Mr. Mayor, S02E01)
• "Conciliatory egg?" (Mr. Mayor, S02E01)
• </South Park, S25>
• "Who is bleeding in my house?" (Snowfall, S05E05)
• "Can't be too careful around blood lately. A nurse at the hospital, she caught HIV from a patient. Can you imagine getting HIV without the fun?" (Snowfall, S05E05)
• "I used to have this fantasy as a girl. A guy goes down on me, after I've just knocked his teeth out. I always thought it was a bit weird, so I hid it. I never told anyone. But I don't hide anymore." (Snowfall, S05E05)
• "Oso, man. He gon…he gon' stuff you." (Snowfall, S05E05)
• "So, we're up in Lake Havasu, and we're shooting these two chicks for the cover of Asian Asses…" (Minx, S01E01)
• "There is an eye-opening section on vulvas, page 93." (Minx, S01E01)
• "Guys, am I draping my pen¡s over the fire pole or…?" (Minx, S01E01)
• "People like me, we don't discuss…vaginal lubricant."
  "Don't be such a snob. The world does not begin and end in Pasadena." (Minx, S01E02)
• "Yes, but our pen¡s is for political purposes, okay?" (Minx, S01E02)
• "Oh, my god. I could have done anything with my life. I did quite well on the GRE." (Minx, S01E02)
• "Clubs are a gas. JP Getty and I used to make love on the golf course at Maidstone."
  "Mm. And I love mingling with the colonizers." (Minx, S01E02)
• "Oh, my god. Your lives seem so fun. All I do with my mouth is yell." (Minx, S01E02)
• "A little bird has told us that you've got it in for Stede Bonnet. So do we."
  "He broke my nose jar, and one of his crew murdered my favorite husband."
  "I didn't follow any of that." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E07)
• </DMZ, S01>
• John Turturro and Christopher Walken (Severance, S01E06)
• "You never smile at me."
  "He's right, Mark. You are sparing with the facial encouragements." (Severance, S01E06)
• ♫: Central Cee – "Loading" (Top Boy, S04E05)
• </Top Boy, S04>