Adam Riff™

29. Racial Chat Room (Dave, S02E06)

Stray Observations

• Steve Zahn's penis (The White Lotus, S01E01)
• "It's just…so disturbing that it's in my balls, and that they get big like this. It's very Gogol." (The White Lotus, S01E01)
• "Like she actually cared about the working poor. She was a neoliberal war hawk."
  "She was a neolib and a neocon."
  "I'm sorry, did you say Hillary Clinton?" (The White Lotus, S01E01)
• "Just sneak out the back with your art guy. You can finish the meeting at, like, a Golden Krust? I don't know, there's, like, three in walking distance." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• "Yo, but didn't he get expelled? How he get inside? So they just letting anybody in the school?"
  "He's white." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• "(kevin's been listening to t.i. interviews)" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• "It was also the perfect medium to capture the subject's, uh, chura-scaro, so…"
  "Chiaroscuro."
  "I've heard it both ways." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• "She told me if she catch me hanging out with you again, she's sending my ass to Nigeria, and I'm not trying to end up like Donovan." [pan to Donovan's shirt] (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• Clip-on tie (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• "Dan, the kid didn't sneak through a crack door. He walked through the entrance. He's white." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• Callback to "Bro, I bet nothing is even about to happen to White Marcus. Like most cops probably just going to take his ass to Burger King or some shit." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E07)
• "Okay, let's go see this latest piece of Marvel shit you kids are jizzing over." (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "You're not being very scientific, Morty. Measure twice, cut once. Especially with semen." (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "Now, how do we deal with these…orgasogoblins? No takers? Okay. These…cumplestiltskins? No? Dumb? These, uh, skeet boogins?"
  "Oh, yeah, yeah, skeet boogins."
  "Really? Skeet boogins? We'll use it as a placeholder and beat it later." (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "Are you out of your mind bringing an armed sperm in here?" (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "The sperm made a catapult? Are they getting smarter?"
  "No, you're getting dumber because that's a trebuchet."
  "Nobody knows the difference!"
  "They're reloading that textbook trebuchet!" (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "Fools! You can't beat me! You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox!" (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "Take three steps back, Amazing Johnathan." (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• Easy button (Rick and Morty, S05E04)
• "Oh, I've been dubbed many names by many people. A ruler, a conqueror, He Who Remains, a jerk." (Loki, S01E06)
• "Why aren't we seeing this the same way?"
  "Because you can't trust…and I can't be trusted." (Loki, S01E06)
• "I'll see you soon." (Loki, S01E06)
• Loki Season Grade: B
• "But I'm telling you, I will not be eating there."
  "You think the IKEA recipe says 'onions, carrots, celery, and horse'?"
  "I'm not saying that it's part of their recipe, but I think there's clearly
  a lack of oversight."
  "Hey, Siri, are IKEA meatballs made of horse?" (Dave, S02E06)
• "Honey, if you think it's gonna make you happy dating women in the industry, let me tell you, you've got another thing coming."
  "Another think coming."
  "What?"
  "Another think."
  "What are you talking about?"
  "You said 'another thing.' It's another— The expression, 'another think coming.'"
  "Think?" (Dave, S02E06)
• "This bitch…" (Dave, S02E06)
• "Is my body acne on camera?" (Dave, S02E06)
• "This the third fucking revelation of Sremm! We used to work at fucking Olive Garden, eating breadsticks and drinking fucking…water!"
  "We came all the way up." (Dave, S02E06)
• "@ChampagnePapi is following you" (Dave, S02E06)
• "Dude, Maya's a professional actress."
  "No, she's not. She's a model. Also, she's barely even a model. She just did one ad for Sprouts." (American Horror Stories, S01E01)
• "Whose blood is this?"
  "I don't know. Hers, maybe? Time of the month?"
  "Oh, right. It would also explain how bitchy she's been."
  "You want to get blitzed on Xanax and edibles and watch The Crown?" (American Horror Stories, S01E01)
• A Netflix show in a Hulu show (American Horror Stories, S01E01)
• "I really think we should have a session about this. I got some time between 4:00 and 6:00. There's another therapist here, so I'm just fighting for office hours." (American Horror Stories, S01E01)
• "Unless it's free, we don't have the money to pay him. We have almost no extra cash. And while you may be great at sucking dick, with all the work we have left to do, a couple BJs aren't gonna make up the difference." (American Horror Stories, S01E02)
• "I want in on that too."
  "What?"
  "Your marriage. I don't want to sleep in the same bed as you guys, or put my toothbrush on the counter next to yours, but I want mouth and ass privileges." (American Horror Stories, S01E02)
• ♫: Yeah Yeah Yeahs – "Heads Will Roll" (American Horror Stories, S01E02)
• "I'm sorry. I'm possessive." (American Horror Stories, S01E02)
• "I've been whoring all morning and the whistle's dry." (The North Water, S01E01)
• "The money does what it wants to. Doesn't care what we prefer. Block off one passageway and it carves a new one." (The North Water, S01E01)
• "It is a grave mistake to think too much. Why board the Volunteer? Why sealing?
  Why whaling? There is no reason and that is its great genius, the illogic of it, the near idiocy. Perhaps life cannot be puzzled or blathered into submission, but should be lived through and survived in whatever fashion a man can manage. Maybe cleverness will get you nowhere. Maybe it is only the stupid, the brilliantly stupid, who will inherit the earth." (The North Water, S01E01)
• "I am not on no Mother Teresa type shit, all right? I'm actually the most selfish person you'll ever meet. For real, for real. Check it out, check it out, check it out. A. I love cooking. B. I adore Black folks. C. I get to do what I like to do, all day every day. Now tell me what's not more selfish than that right there." (Betty, S02E06)
• Betty Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

28. Insider Trading (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

• Blues Brother (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E04)

Stray Observations

• Blake Anderson (Blindspotting, S01E04)
• "I would say we could hit up that diner by the Fox, but they turned it into an arcade now. They got these wack-ass bowling alleys with these, like, weird, tiny balls."
  "Bocce."
  "Bocce? Where's that at?" (Blindspotting, S01E04)
• "Let's find you a gig, my nig." (Blindspotting, S01E04)
• "Those Zen Diagram meditation checks seem to be coming slow in the mail. How were your dates?"
  "Also slow males." (Blindspotting, S01E04)
• "You let him watch Reservoir Dogs?"
  "Isn't it a nature doc?"
  "The nature of man."
  "You know, he just kept crying and saying, 'Don't take my ear!'" (Blindspotting, S01E04)
• "Nobody cares how I'm driving. We're in Vermont."
  "Live free or die, right?"
  "That's New Hampshire."
  "Same thing." (Kevin Can Fuck Himself, S01E04)
• "Mother Nature has enlisted the help of four young adults from each major ethnicity." (Rick and Morty, S05E03)
• "Great. My little brother's dating a phase four superhero." (Rick and Morty, S05E03)
• "Do you have any good memories?"
  "Just one, really." (Loki, S01E05)
• Thanos-copter (Loki, S01E05)
• Throg (Loki, S01E05)
• Polybius (Loki, S01E05)
• Ecto Cooler (Loki, S01E05)
• "All that time, I really believed we were the good guys."
  "Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls, classic hero stuff." (Loki, S01E05)
• ♫: Gata – "Check Up" (Dave, S02E05)
• "'I am Queens Boulevard!' Do you get that?"
  "Nah. It sounds like a corny Broadway, though."
  "A corny Broadway? It's a… Do Black people watch Entourage?"
  (Dave, S02E05)

(Dave, S02E05)

• Justice Smith's penis (Genera+ion, S01E16)
• ♫: San Holo – "bb u ok?" (Genera+ion, S01E16)
• Genera+ion Season Grade: C
• ♫: Aska Matsumiya – "Dream Together" (Betty, S02E05)
• Coffin Flop (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E01)

(I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E01)

• "What are sloppy steaks?"
  "It's a steak with water dumped on it. It's really, really good." (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E02)
• ♫: Ezra Koenig – "Dangerous Knife [The Night Is a Knife]" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E02)
• calicocutpants.com (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E04)
• "So what happens if you try to buy the pants on that website?"
  "They all say they're out of stock. That also makes it seem like it's a hot item. It's the same thing Supreme does, wouldn't you agree?" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E04)
• "Don't send me videos of loud wrestlers!" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E04)
• "Oh, my God. Johnny Carson just fucking hit me." (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E05)
• "She drank diarrhea!" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E05)
• "Do you understand the tables are my corn?" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• "What does she do?"
  "Tables!"
  "But how is tables a job?" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• "That's right, girls. Start packing on those pounds. The only doll that poops, then lies about it doesn't have farts in her head anymore." (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• "We were joking around again, sir. And it went too far. Just like it always does. Someone always gets hurt. Just like when I almost killed myself when Julie gave me chode jeans."
  "What?"
  "Like when I turned 45, and I said, 'No gag gifts,' and Julie gave me chode jeans and I almost killed myself."
  "What are cho jeans?"
  "Chode jeans. They're jeans for a chode. A size 54 waist, 10-inch legs, fucking junk." (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• "I had Chloe. She was really cool. She stood outside the bathroom and assured me no one could hear the splashes." (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• "A couple of years ago, I ordered my wife a Sybian." (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• "Sometimes I put my dad in JibJab videos so he's alive again. I showed it to my mom. She said, 'Where is he? This is so boring.' I go, 'Mom, it's not real. It's a JibJab.'" (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, S02E06)
• I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

27. Dr. Flowers (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "Security, we have an angry BIPOC in my building." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "Slap him."
  "Whoa, not in 2018, sir. You can't beat your kids like that, bruh."
  "You can't beat kids, but you can technically spank kids, which is just a slap. And when does a spank become a slap, you know? It's like a spanking of the face." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "This ain't Cirque du Ho-leil."
  "Did you say it just like that?"
  "Babe, maybe the bank isn't the problem. You get kind of excitable."
  "No, no, no, no, no. No, I do not get excitable, okay? I am just naturally a passionate person, shit."
  "Well, I feel your passion leans ratchet." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for your San Francisco State dropout advice, okay?" (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "I– I just need you to add value." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "(nitrous is a white drug)" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "Oh, damn! That's the internet! One minute! I'm gonna be right out! Don't go anywhere, internet!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "Hey, yo, can you hear us?"
  "No, she can't. It's frozen."
  "How you know?"
  "That's just how technology works."
  "Control, alt, delete?"
  "No, what are you doing?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "You not gonna do this to me, all right? I'm not gonna be your whipping post, all right? I'll call that drug dealer nigga and have him do something to you. I know all the Black people in the world. You'll have a Million Man March all over your ass." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "Whenwolf."
  "Dracula."
  "You know why I'm here."
  "I'm safe here, Ian. Christianity hasn't been invented yet. Crosses are just baby Ts to me now. I got out. Please, don't invite me back in." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Password: 8, equal sign, equal sign, capital D." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Can you whip up a Starfox boss season four callback?" (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Mr. President, I think the point of the electoral college is–"
  "To preserve slavery? That's right, Steve. I have the internet, too. Now take your white ass to the kitchenette and bring me a Diet Coke." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Christianity again? After cowboys? You went all the way back around?" (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "You know, it occurred to me that you're not really the God of Mischief."
  "Oh, here it comes. The folksy, dopey insult from the folksy dope. What am I? The God of Self-Sabotage, yeah? The God of Back-Stabbing?"
  "Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend." (Loki, S01E04)
• "What a incredible seismic narcissist. You fell for yourself." (Loki, S01E04)
• "Why did you bring me in?"
  "What does it matter?"
  "It was enough to take my life from me, lead to all of this. Must have been important. So, what was it?"
  "I don't remember." (Loki, S01E04)

(Loki, S01E04)

• "Well, these days I spend a lot of time writing."
  "Players' Tribune?" (Dave, S02E04)
• "'Race.' 'Privilege.' 'Lena Dunham'?" (Dave, S02E04)
• "You know, I was just gonna write a blurb on you about my name in your song."
  "Oh."
  "But, uh, if you want to do a deep dive, that's fine. That'll give me a chance to dig deeper."
  "Cool. That's great. Hope you like…Jews." (Dave, S02E04)
• "My mom sends me, like, a summary of, like, the current events, because, like, CNN.com, the format is just unbearable. I don't know how people read that website. Like, get better art direction." (Dave, S02E04)
• "I thought he was made of silk, but it's more like uncooked pasta." (Dave, S02E04)
• ♫: London Grammar – "Strong" (Genera+ion, S01E14)
• Top Chef: Portland Season Grade: C
• "And I'm just trying to make some money, because I'm, like, homeless right now."
  "Are you kidding me? You're crashing with Camille."
  "Homelessness is a spectrum." (Betty, S02E04)
• Amy Sedaris (Betty, S02E04)
• "I know what I'm doing. I just castrated a beaver." (Betty, S02E04)
• ♫: Unidentified Robbie Williams "Feel" cover (Betty, S02E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva