Adam Riff™

15. History Potpourri (Jeopardy!, 05 Apr 21)

Honourable Mention

• All three nights have featured the same lame joke about CNN (Gutfeld!, 05-07 Apr 21)
• Cat in a bag (Them, S01E05)
• Bad Bunny hits a Canadian Destroyer (WWE WrestleMania 37, night one, 10 Apr 21)

• "This literally tastes like shit. And I know. Ah, the park." (Birdgirl, S01E01)
• "That vag attacked my client." (Birdgirl, S01E01)
• "You say 'faux' instead of 'fuh.'" (Birdgirl, S01E01)
• ♫: "This Love" parody (Chad, S01E01)
• "Hey, Marjorie. I…got your feminine napkin." (Chad, S01E01)
• "Are you wearing leather shorts?" (Chad, S01E01)
• ♫: Punky Brewster theme (Chad, S01E01)
• "What happened, Chad?"
  "I was tricked into being a booty call and I'm freaking out now and I want— I want my mommy."
  "It's okay, Chad. Your mommy is kissing right now, but I am here for you." (Chad, S01E01)
• "What happened?"
  "Chad's booty was called tonight." (Chad, S01E01)
• "Please turn on my Fortnite light." (Chad, S01E01)
• Josh Hartnett (Exterminate All the Brutes, S01E01)
• ♫: Bunny Wailer – "Dream Land" (Exterminate All the Brutes, S01E01)
• ♫: Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings – "This Land Is Your Land" (Exterminate All the Brutes, S01E02)
• "The Times sent this over. It's, uh, champagne."
  "It's Korbel." (Snowfall, S04E08)
• "DEAD SHOW Tonight in SF" (Snowfall, S04E08)
• "I realized you either join the system and become what you hate, or fight it and let it destroy you."
  "So, what's it gonna be?"
  "Well, that's just it. Now I don't have to choose. I've found the best of both worlds. Their system, my way." (Snowfall, S04E08)
• "I'm putting all you bitches on notice right now." (Snowfall, S04E08)
• "I'm done getting caught between the two of you. No longer a mother and wife first. Start taking care of myself." (Snowfall, S04E08)
• Jerome's rings (Snowfall, S04E07)
• "Tomorrow you'll wake up. Next time you won't." (Snowfall, S04E07)
• Reginald VelJohnson voicing Principal Winslow of Reginald VelJohnson High School (Invincible, S01E05)
• "The very concept of a Super Soldier will always trouble people. It's that warped aspiration that led to Nazis, to Ultron, to the Avengers."
  "You're talking about our friends."
  "The Avengers, not the Nazis." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "The desire to become a superhuman cannot be separated from supremacist ideals." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "Your TT would be proud of you." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "When I was young, we used to come here for fabulous dinners and parties." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "Don't engage him. He's just gonna extort you and do that stupid head tilt thing." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• Ayo literally disarming Bucky (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "I can't believe he pulled an El Chapo." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "Power just makes a person more of themselves, right?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• "My world doesn't matter to America, so why should I care about its mascot?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E04)
• ♫: Försent – "Cuz × Greekazo" (Snabba Cash, S01E01)
• Snabba Cash Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

14. Orgasm Review (Made for Love, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• Matt Riddle forgets his lines (WWE Raw, 29 Mar 21)

Stray Observations

• "Take this shit and get the fuck out of here."
  "Uh-uh— Nuh-uh. We did a lot of work to set this motherfucker up and drug him."
  "Yeah, I broke my nails putting him in the trunk, so…"
  "Come on. How about four grand? Okay. Three grand? Uh, we got babysitters for this. $500?" (Snowfall, S04E07)
• Pouring malt liquor on grilling burger patties (Snowfall, S04E07)
• "You looking…not as bad." (Snowfall, S04E07)
• "Thwarted, nigga." (Snowfall, S04E07)
• "The thing is, everybody talks when they're drowning." (Snowfall, S04E07)
• ♫: Frank Ocean – "Bad Religion" (Genera+ion, S01E08)
• "All of my knowledge of love is drawn from things you'd definitely judge me for."
  "Like what?"
  "Do you know Anju and Kafei from Legend of Zelda?" (Genera+ion, S01E08)
• ♫: Lullaby "Savage" (Genera+ion, S01E08)
• "I mean, I'm assuming whichever one we choose, whoever's gonna adopt them is someone local, and sentencing this kid to a life in Anaheim just seems straight-up criminal." (Genera+ion, S01E08)
• "'Jesus is the reason for the season'? Are we sure we want to leave the baby here? I'm getting homeschooling vibes." (Genera+ion, S01E08)
• "'Sunny beaches and secluded coves, Laguna is Southern California's most alluring beach town.'"
  "I don't know. Like, what kid's, like, 'Life ain't perfect, but at least I got secluded coves'?" (Genera+ion, S01E08)
• Genera+ion Season Grade: C
• Ray Romano fucking a sex doll (Made for Love, S01E01)
• "Give me the bitch, bitch!" (Made for Love, S01E02)
• "I'm crying."
  "You're not, actually, though." (Made for Love, S01E03)
• ♫: Tim Heidecker – "Say Yes" (Made for Love, S01E03)

(Top Chef: Portland, S18E01)

• Halo-halo (Invincible, S01E04)
• ♫: Bazzi – "Paradise" (Invincible, S01E04)
• "Do you know who I am?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)
• "If I may…"
  "No!" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)
• "It is a masterpiece, James. Complete. Comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience."
  "He's out of line, but he's right." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)
• "What's up with Madripoor? You talk about it like it's Skull Island." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)
• "We have to fix this. I'm the only one who looks like a pimp."
  "Only an American would assume a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)
• The writer of John Wick wrote John Wick (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)

(The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)

• "I came out first. You're supposed to follow me. […] It's in every action movie!" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E03)
• "I'm such a Forgetful Frankie Muniz. That's not a joke, he had a serious head injury." (Solar Opposites, S02E03)
• "She tried to save the Na'vi while making smoking look cool again. What the fuck did you ever do?"
  "You will never be strong enough, cool enough, or confident enough to get a woman like Sigi Weave." (Solar Opposites, S02E03)
• "Terry, for the last time, salsa is not a real apology. And you know the only food I like eating at those Mexican restaurants are those sliced radishes!" (Solar Opposites, S02E03)
• "Wait, didn't Shlorp blow up like a new Lizzo single? Topical."
  "Yes, but this uses a temporal address that can send the letter back in time to before Shlorp went boom‐boom‐pow. I was trying to piggyback on‐on‐on your, on your reference to music." (Solar Opposites, S02E03)

(Solar Opposites, S02E03)

• "Pete Davidson" (Solar Opposites, S02E03)

(Solar Opposites, S02E03)

• "Are you threatening me, Idris Elba?" (Solar Opposites, S02E03)

(Solar Opposites, S02E03)

• "I don't wanna change! I like who I am now! I like wearing women's eye shadow and murdering you!" (Solar Opposites, S02E03)
• "It's worse than the nightmare on Helms Street, which is what they call the time a Port‐a‐Potty emptying truck tipped over on Ed Helms' private drive." (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "You're not an executive story editor on the hit Fox drama Bones anymore. This is real life." (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "I'm gonna work in finance because I've always wanted to be a shit head." (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "It's not a blow job, sweetie. It's a blow career." (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "Okay, what if I did fuck crack cocaine?" (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "Yeah, I have a really important sales cum— I mean, conference balls— no, I mean a team skeeting— uh, shaftholder meeting— I mean, my shattered ass is healing—" (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "They had a really good Arby's…to get fucked in." (Solar Opposites, S02E04)
• "This is from Samuel by Sam Jackson for Kangol. It's the exact model he wore to the premiere of his Capital One commercial." (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "We gotta be careful, too. 'Cause according to VeggieTales, cheating will make you a gay potato." (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Where do you shop, T.J. Minimum?" (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Can't you read?"
  "Of course I can."
  // Ron Howard: "He can't." [Arrested Development sting] (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Come out, Jen. We can go to a coffee shop that has a painting of wings on a wall, you can pose in front of it, so fun." (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Oh god, we're so sorry. A homeless guy in a Hulu sweatshirt made us do it!" (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Ooh, that's right, it's the entire series of Terriers on Blu‐Ray." (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Someone's gonna find out we're big cheaters and then they're gonna kill us just like they did with Lance Armstrong."
  "He wasn't killed, they just took one nut." (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "Joe Rogan is our generation's Maya Angelou."
  "Our generation already has a Maya Angelou. It's Mark Cuban!" (Solar Opposites, S02E05)
• "According to Peter, the, uh, Okja‐type character…" (Solar Opposites, S02E06)
• "The prosecution claims Korvo created a giant pig thing that self‐cooked racks of award‐winning ribs out of its chest, whose blood tasted like delicious barbecue sauce, and when struck 'shat out all the fixins.'"
  "Dammit, that does sound like something I would do. Right down to the 'fixin" shits." (Solar Opposites, S02E06)
• "He spent a few nights in the woods, then he moved on with his life, got his MFA in interpretive dance, couldn't find work, duh, so he got a job at the Apple Store with all the other people who have MFAs." (Solar Opposites, S02E06)
• "Oh no, Magic Shell!" (Solar Opposites, S02E06)
• "I bought some Solar Opposites masks from the Hulu Store's going‐out‐of‐business sale. I also got 15 PEN15 pens that are also dildos." (Solar Opposites, S02E06)
• "Don't you dare mansplain the Predalien to me." (Solar Opposites, S02E07)
• "Please, don't touch my dick when I'm dead." (Solar Opposites, S02E07)
• "This alien is educating my things!"
  "Stop right there, you dirty alien!"
  "Oh God, I can read? What if I gain empathy? What if I learn things that force me to re-evaluate my hardline conservative opinions?" (Solar Opposites, S02E08)
• ♫: Ke$ha – "Die Young" (Solar Opposites, S02E08)
• Midsommar (Solar Opposites, S02E08)
• "Holy shit, I guess we're in a 'there-can-only-be-one' Highlander-type situation."
  "Wait, I thought that show was about a hot nurse who goes back in time to get her ass eaten out?" (Solar Opposites, S02E08)
• Solar Opposites Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

13. Justice League Dark (Invincible, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• Great Moments In Sports Television (NCAA March Madness, 21 Mar 21)
• Soul-gazing exercise (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)

Stray Observations

• Jerome wearing a fur-collared leather robe in Little Rock (Snowfall, S04E06)
• "Damn. Fucking my shocks up." (Snowfall, S04E06)
• "You jelly roll motherfucker!" (Snowfall, S04E06)
• "Hey, hey, somebody help me! I've been kidnapped by these two crazy hos!" (Snowfall, S04E06)
• Leon struggling to slam the table (Snowfall, S04E06)
• "Alright, looks like we are all inside the bussy." (Genera+ion, S01E06)
• "A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
• "A little time in Wakanda and you come out White Panther."
  "It's actually White Wolf." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
• "Look, I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than Lemar Hoskins." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
• "So are you, like, Black kid?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
• "Freaky Magoo" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
• "If he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
• Guardians of the Globe voiced by Walking Dead cast members (Invincible, S01E01)
• ♫: DJ Shadow – "Rocket Fuel [feat. De La Soul]" (Invincible, S01E03)
• "Oh yeah, they're making Succession cereal with all the shapes: Romans, Logans, and Purple Shivs!" (Solar Opposites, S02E01)
• "Smell my peen! They grow the grapes in Brooklyn in the middle of a Montessori preschool." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• "How the fuck were we supposed to know Debbie Liebling?" (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• "Infant carrots" (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• "Do you know what I just read in this spinning newspaper?"
  "Family Circus is still going? How is that possible? All of those kids should be dead." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• "I grew these Napadoodles using techno‐organic material. They can sense cheese plates and Cards Against Humanity from miles away." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• "Come on, you're a war hero. You've got the stomach for this. Plus, you were an Executive Story Editor on Bones." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• "Quick, grab the scooter made from birds." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
• ♫: Phosphorescent – "Song For Zula" (Can't Get You Out of My Head, S01E01)
• ♫: Nine Inch Nails – "The Worriment Waltz" (Can't Get You Out of My Head, S01E01)
• ♫: The Mekons – "Where Were You?" (Can't Get You Out of My Head, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Looking forward: