Adam Riff™ got 49 guys in his living room

No Achomlishments

C+C Music Factory is performing at Gathering of the Juggalos, and Village People are performing at Riot Fest.

I keep conflating this June's Shaft film with last June's Superfly film.

The Incels Getting Extreme Plastic Surgery to Become 'Chads'

On the incel forum Lookism, users regularly Photoshop each other's selfies to show what they would like if transformed into Chads.

In forum posts, incels classify Chads by phenotype ("Keltic Nordid," "Gracile Mediterranid") and style (jock, lumberjack, vampire, pretty boy).

Netflix Show Idea: The Chads, a motley crew of Alpha men.

Pokémon Virgin and Pokémon Chad.

In Virgin, you can evolve your monsters via microtransaction. In Chad, your starter begins at level 100.

Eater's Digest: Sydney, NSW, Australia

on 28 May 19 28 May 19

Previously on Adam Riff™:

April 2019
mcdonald's / black star pastry / biang biang / gelato messina / ms. g's / bourke street bakery / acme / marrickville pork roll / paper bird / kurtosh / butter / aqua s / bl burgers / ciccone and sons / ester / saga / general chao / bills / yomie's rice × yogurt / saint peter / edition coffee roasters / mary's / grill'd / m.r hot dog / nomad / gelato messina / dutch smuggler / chef's gallery / banh xeo bar / black star pastry

THE GOOD

(Ester) was the best restaurant I tried in Sydney.

★ Potato Bread (Ester)
kefir cream, trout roe

★ Blood Sausage Sanga (Ester)

★ Hanger Steak (Ester)
anchovy, harissa, onion

★★ Leftover Sourdough Ice Cream (Ester)
blackened sourdough crumb

★★ Mi Goreng Toastie (Dutch Smuggler)
mi goreng noodles, free range egg, cheddar, magic sauce

^ Southeast Asian fried noodle sandwich.

★ "Stoner's Delight Part 3" (Ms. G's)
doughnut ice cream, peanut dulce de leche, peanut and pretzel brittle, crispy bacon, mars bar brownie, raspberry curd, potato chips, deep-fried nutella

★ The General's Fried Chicken (General Chao)
too many herbs and spices served with house fermented sriracha, kewpie mayo

★ Thai Green Curry and Rice (General Chao)
salted coconut rice pudding with roasted rice, mango, chilli, and thai green curry ice cream

^ A dessert featuring curry.

★ Yomie's Purple Rice Yogurt (Yomie's Rice × Yogurt)
—Instead of tea and tapioca pearls, drinking yogurt and rice.

★ Chongqing Popcorn (Paper Bird)

★ Shallot Pancake (Paper Bird)
jamon and shiitake

★ Chocolate and Murray Cod Fat Caramel Slice (Saint Peter)
—A dessert featuring caramel made with fish fat.

THE BAD

While (Ester) was the best restaurant I tried in Sydney, it also produced the worst dish I tried in Sydney:

✕✕ Squid Ink Noodles (Ester)
caramelized yoghurt, potato

^ Utterly unpalatable.

✕✕ Korean Caesar Salad (General Chao)
lettuce, pork crackling, pickled ginger, fried garlic, seaweed seasoning, with kimchi buttermilk dressing

^ Limp cracklings, oppressive ginger…

✕ Flame Canada Burger (BL Burgers)
beef pattie, american cheese, maple glazed bacon, chilli maple aioli, jalapeños, habanero poutine, on a chilli milk bun
—Eh.

✕ Traditional Pork Banh Mi (Marrickville Pork Roll)
—Tasted off.

✕ "Mapo Tofu" Agnolotti (Ms. G's)
tofu- and stracciatella-filled pasta, mixed mushrooms, mapo sauce
—At least you tried.

✕ Richard's O Couto Peppers and Esperance Bass Grouper Taramasalata (Saint Peter)
—I expected a dip, but not a dip for blistered peppers.

✕ Smoked Mushroom and Bone Marrow Empanada (Nomad)
—Waste of $8.00.

✕ Sweet Corn Fritters (Bills)
roast tomato, spinach, bacon, avocado salsa
—This is a signature dish?

✕ Sea Salt Soft Serve (Aqua S)

^ Bland ho.

THE OTHERS

Strawberry Watermelon Cake (Black Star Pastry)
two layers of almond dacquoise, watermelon, strawberries, garnished with pistachios and dried rose petals

^ Impossible to eat without a knife. I stuck a fork in and couldn't pull it out.

Mini Cake "Peggy" (Saga)
passionfruit bavarois, chocolate fudge cake, baked cheesecake, passionfruit curd, salted caramel, candied hazelnut, torched meringue

Choux Buns (Saga)
pecan pie filling, salted caramel chantilly

Banana Cream Pie (Saga)
chocolate biscuit base, salted caramel, banana cream, jack daniel's gel, vanilla chantilly

Nutella Laces (Butter)
shoestring fries covered in nutella and crushed hazelnuts

^ Too much, even for me.

Chicken Skin Gelato Sandwich (Butter)
crispy chicken skin, peanut butter, salted caramel gelato, peanuts, on wonder white bread

Frog Skin Melon Sorbet, Yoghurt Mousse (Acme)
—Not frog skin and melon, but frog skin melon, also known as Santa Claus melon.

M.R Original Hot Dog (M.R Hot Dog)
—My first experience with a Korean myungrang hot dog – basically, a corn dog with a chewy rice batter shell that you can opt to roll in sugar before enjoying with ketchup and mustard.

Japanese Soufflé Pancake (Edition Coffee Roasters)
cascara jelly, lemon thyme cream, ume and cascara sugar
—My first experience with Japanese soufflé pancakes.

Miso Banana Bread (Edition Coffee Roasters)
yuzu curd

Ricotta Hotcakes (Bills)
banana, honeycomb butter

Coconut Sorbet (Ester)
cloudy sake
—Served in a pool of nigori.

Burrata "Strange Flavour Style" (Ms. G's)
sesame sauce, chilli oil, spinach, peanuts

^ Needs to be served with something dry.

Macaroni, Pig's Head, Egg Yolk (Acme)

Roast Pig Head Banh Xeo (Banh Xeo Bar)

Mooloolaba Albacore Eye Chip (Saint Peter)
—Raw fish served in a chip made out of fish eyes.

Albany Bar Cod Stomach XO Crumpet (Saint Peter)
—Not a crumpet made out of fish stomach, just one topped with it.

Hoedeopbap (Paper Bird)
a rice bowl of cured kingfish and salmon roe, rice, scallion oil, seaweed

^ Korean poke bowl.

Shrimp-Brined Chicken Karaage (Paper Bird)
mussel emulsion, beer-pickled daikon

^ Gentrifried chicken.

MISSED CONNECTIONS

Vego Burger (Peanut Butter Jelly)
dorito-crumbed cauliflower patty, mac 'n' cheese and romesco sauce, lettuce, slaw
—For unhealthy vegetarians?

David Chang's Ramen Gnocchi (Mr. Miyagi)
wagyu bolognese, salted buffalo ricotta

Japanese Forest Cake (Black Star Pastry)
hōjicha sponge, choya confit ume fruits, umeshu infused cream, matcha moss, leaves and bark of dark chocolate, confit whole ume
—Black Forest cake with green tea and plum instead of chocolate and cherry.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on 26 May 19 02 Jun 19

21. Céline Dion Carpool Karaoke (The Late Late Show Carpool Karaoke Primetime Special 2019, 05-20-19)

Stray Observations

Game of Thrones Season Grade: C
Barry Season Grade: C

(Chernobyl, S01E03)

Black-ish Season Grade: C
"Bat codpiece." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
"Did you ask about the jade buttock eggs?"
"No, I did not."
"Butter cakes."
"Buttock eggs made from jade that you put inside your butt."
"I don't think they have them."
"I'd have to check on that, for sure."
"They don't have to be made of jade. They can be made of anything. But not silver, because, you know, otherwise…ouch."
"He's joking."
"There's a silver egg in my butt." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)

"If you saw a man dressed in this mask, would you think it was a mood killer, or would you come?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)

"There was a girl, though, right?"
"Oh… Yeah. Oh, I just started seeing this woman."
"There you go. Yeah, I thought so."
"It's for my nosebleeds." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
"Half the bats you see, they are just vampires that have thrown terrible orgies and they are too ashamed to regain their vampire form. They just flit around. Shame bats. Bats full of shame." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
"Chinese jumping vampire."
"Brought my cousin."
"Is he a Babadook?"
"No, actually, I'm a Badabook. You know, like, uh, 'bada-bing, Badabook.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
"Is that fur?"
"Yes, but it's okay because it had a stroke." (Fleabag, S02E01)
"Just get your hands off my miscarriage!" (Fleabag, S02E01)
"'Scuse me, I've got dry forearms." (Fleabag, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

And as my body aged, the feeling, it never did

on 24 May 19 24 May 19

Here it is, your moment of Zen:

The 20 Craziest Movie Posters at Cannes 2019

A boy is a gun

on 22 May 19 22 May 19

Hot cocoa over cayenne?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on 19 May 19 09 Jun 19

20. Duel to D'spayre (Cloak and Dagger, S02E08)

Stray Observations

"I don't have love here. I only have fear."
[…]
"All right, then. Let it be fear." (Game of Thrones, S08E05)
"I'm the man who killed Jaime Lannister." (Game of Thrones, S08E05)
"I just hate to see smart women throw away their political careers on powerful men who only see them as the gash of least resistance." (Veep, S07E07)
"I'm not gonna die, 'cause I got the heart and the twat of a high school cheerleader who's only done anal!" (Veep, S07E07)
Sue (Veep, S07E07)
Veep Season Grade: C
Shark Tank Season Grade: C
"We are asking for your permission to kill three men."
"Comrade Legasov, all victories inevitably come at a cost." (Chernobyl, S01E02)
"What's wrong, Dre? Did another thing ruin Empire?" (Black-ish, S05E22)
"You seduce me. I am just stupid human man. 'Oh, ouch, ouch, my balls. …I'd love to drink beer.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E08)
♫: Horny Toad – "Vampire Ska" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E08)
"Now I can pay for Showtime. Find out who or what 'SMILF' is." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
"Obvious fake name."
"Or is it so insane that there's no way it's fake? If you're trying not to draw attention, why not go with something like 'John Smith'?"
"From Pocahontas?! Uh, yeah, way to fly under the radar!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
"Let's see this tip, this groundbreaking tip that threatens to blow the case wide open."
"Okay, I know this tone. Here comes petty Holt."
"Nah, bitch, I'm not being petty."
"You just said 'nah, bitch'!"
"Show me the tip."
"[sigh] Title of your sex tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
"I've been sitting in my office wallowing in my hopelessness and eating the saddest food known to mankind: ice cream."
"Okay, well, it's time to put that aside and pull out whatever food you eat when you're happy."
"Dry beans?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
"Are you friends with the Fyre Festival guy?"
"Best friends. He got a bum rap. You can learn about it when my documentary comes out." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E18)
Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
Better Things Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

I'm a boat, I'm a wolf, I'm noon

on 17 May 19 17 May 19

Last month, my car of 21 years died.

Kars4Kids is hauling it away today.

While cleaning my former car out, I realized that because it died, I can't eject its CD changer cartridge.

Fuck! Which CDs were inside?

Smash Mouth – Astro Lounge.
The Ataris – End Is Forever.
Elliott Smith – XO?

As I no longer own a CD player, I shouldn't feel exasperated, but as a completionist, I do – intensely.

The cheapest End Is Forever CD on Amazon is $16.09?!

$6.08 on eBay…

Eater's Digest: Melbourne, VIC, Australia

on 15 May 19 30 May 19

March 2019
supernormal / super ling / american doughnut kitchen / sunda / lune croissanterie / goldie canteen / ides / wasshoi / sweet greek / queen vee's / polēpolē / super ling / navi / don't hate, appreciate bake sale / south melbourne market dim sims / simply spanish / the moor's head / congress

THE GOOD

★★ Fresh Housemade Noodles (Super Ling)
braised pig's ear, shin

^ Served with a wonderfully fresh housemade hot paste.

I didn't realize until eating this that this cut of meat that I have been enjoying all my life as an appetizer is shin meat.

★★ Jaffle with Mapo Tofu (Super Ling)
tofu, pork, water chestnuts, sichuan pepper

^ A spicy Uncrustable.

★★ Vegemite Curry (Sunda)
buttery roti

★★ Kangaroo Pastrami (Congress)
cultured cream, fried onions

★★ Peanut Butter Parfait (Supernormal)
salted caramel, soft chocolate

★ Peanut Butter (Ides)
sesame sourdough
—Peanut-infused butter.

★ Morgan McGlone's Breakfast Sandwich (Don't Hate, Appreciate bake sale)
—Egg salad in a fried chicken sandwich? Works!

★ Neil Perry's Strawberry Mascarpone Cake (Don't Hate, Appreciate bake sale)

★ Szechuan Noodle Salad (Supernormal)
sesame, pickles, chilli oil

★ Poached Lion's Mane (Navi)
crayfish bisque caramel, autumn herbs, egg yolk

^ A play on a lobster bisque. Lion's mane is a mushroom with a texture similar to that of lobster.

★ Cheviot Royale (Navi)
salted honey macadamia, apricot, loquat

^ A play on a cheese course.

THE BAD

✕ PS40 Smoked Lemonade
smoked water, lemon and lime juice and zest, murray river salt, rosemary
—Stop. Smoking. Beverages.

✕ Smoked Jerk Chicken Jaffle (Queen Vee's)
jamon, gruyere cheese
—Why does this jerk chicken sandwich contain ham?

✕ Corn Bread (Queen Vee's)
jerk butter

THE OTHERS

Black Garlic, Trout Roe Macaron (Navi)

^ Works!

[left] Wallaby, Egg Yolk, Preserved Flowers (Navi)
[right] Smoked Eel, Apple, Native Thyme (Navi)

^ This white block is eel?

Pig's Head and Green Mustard Sanga (Congress)

New England Lobster Roll (Supernormal)
sesame, pickles, chilli oil

^ [pause]

Peking Duck Toastie (Goldie Canteen)
noodles, hoi sin

Duck Bao (Supernormal)
twice-cooked duck leg, vinegar, plum sauce

^ The duck meat is served in a bizarre hard shell.

Fried Chicken Ribs (Polēpolē)
whipped honey, zhoug aioli, smoked dukkha

Ugandan Curried Potato Rosti (Polēpolē)
—A rosti made with Ugandan curried potatoes, not a Ugandan rosti.

The Bosphorus Pide (The Moor's Head)
tomato, garlic prawns, black chilli, coriander

^ A cheese-less Lebanese pizza.

Chinese Mille Feuille (Super Ling)
crisp wonton, sichuan custard, pineapple

Hot Jam Doughnut (American Doughnut Kitchen)
—Light on the jam filling, just how I like it.

The Black Box (Ides)
blackberries and coconut, blueberries and cream cheese

^ A chilled chocolate box.

MISSED CONNECTIONS

White Chocolate Tiramisu (Bar Carolina)
coffee, savoiardi, mascarpone

Eggplant and Lavender Ice Cream (Weirdoughs)

Vegemite Scroll (Attica)

Lasagna Roll (Tony's Pies)
—Puff pastry filled with lasagna.

Pepper Beef Tartare (Super Ling)
garlic stem, spring onion mayo, fried potatoes, sesame seeds; with rice crackers

Eater's Digest: Byron Bay, NSW, Australia

on 14 May 19 14 May 19

March 2019
barrio / the sun bistro / raes dining room / bella gelato / sustainable sunday bakery / crusta woodfired pizza / beach kitchen / locura / baskin-robbins / light years / balcony bar and oyster company

★★ Cuttlefish, Fennel, Chili Mojo Verde (Barrio)

^ The best potato salad ever. So fresh and so clean.

★ Potato Scallops (Raes Dining Room)
seaweed salt
—If I have to eat thick-cut fries, I want them to have astoundingly crunchy exteriors like these.

★ Daintree Chocolate Cake (Raes Dining Room)
ripe banana ice cream