Some men use maxi pads for excess gooch grease

HEY YAHOO! (GSN)
Premieres Monday, June 12, 2023

DESCRIPTION:
Two teams compete to guess what millions of people are searching for on Yahoo!.

Contestants are given the first half of a search, and then have to fill-in-the-blank based on what they think America is searching for.

Clearly, Google and Microsoft passed.

Missed opportunity for iWon.com.

Game Show Network feels like it's programmed by Mormons.

Tranny semen in the frosted lemonade

Previously on Adam Riff™ (Nov 2016):


Updated for 2023:

Musical guest: "Boycott Target" rapper.

And your host: Elon Musk.

Babylon Bee-kend Update.

AI-generated digital short.

Ronnie Downer: Disney World.

Donald S. Trumpkins.

"Greene's World / Greene's World / Tea Party time / Excellent."
"Tea Party on, Gaetz."
"Tea Party on, Marj."

Stefon Crowder.

"I'm on a Boat," but "I'm on the Court," with Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett rapping.


Equal time:

Saturday Night Left.

Musical guest: Halle Bailey as Ariel.

And your host: Dylan Mulvaney.

Weekend Update with Trixie and Katya.

A shot-for-shot remake of "Schmitts Gay," but Bud Light.

Kristen Wiig reprises Target Lady.

Dianne Feinstein joins the Five-Termers Club.

The Lady Man.

The Ambiguously Blue Duo: Manchin and Sinema.

"Uh, I think I'll have Bernie Sanders and Maya Wiley."
"Uh… Bernie Sanders?"
"No Bernie Sanders."
"No Bernie Sanders."
"Uh, Joe Biden and Wiley."
"No Wiley. Adams."
"Okay, uh, Adams and Jessica Cisneros."
"No Cisneros. Cuellar."


Rory: Azealia Banks should be the musical guest for both.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

22. Song for Rachel McAdams (Dave, S03E09)


Stray Observations

  • "He was mean, and he made but a mean estimation of the world. And he fed a certain kind of meagerness in men." (Succession, S04E09)
  • "Wow. Cat food Ozymandias." (Succession, S04E09)
  • "How bad was dad?"
    "He was a salty dog. He was. But he was a good egg." (Succession, S04E09)
  • "You know, Hugo, life isn't nice. It's contingent. People who say they love you also fuck you." (Succession, S04E09)
  • "What, what, what's your philosophy, exactly?"
    "Privacy, pussy, pasta."
    "Anarcho-capitalist parmigiana." (Succession, S04E09)
  • "Oh, what? Kinder Küche Kirche over here?" (Succession, S04E09)
  • Pregnant Shiv drinking champagne in front of Tom (Succession, S04E09)
  • "Just relax, or you'll end up like Adam did, buried in the park, no head, no feet, no hands, skin grated off like a rind of pecorino." (Yellowjackets, S02E08)
  • "This is not Tony Danza trying to fuck with me, is it?"
    "I am not Tony Danza." (Barry, S04E07)
  • "Look at Ken. Boy, he cleans up nice, don't he?"
    "You should see him in drag." (Ted Lasso, S03E11)
  • "Well, I do believe in second chances, Ted. That's why I'm still married, and all my sons are alive." (Ted Lasso, S03E11)
  • "My father went to art school with Freddie Mercury."
    "What?"
    "I mean, everyone always talk about his amazing four-octave vocal range. But my father always insisted that if you actually asked Freddie what his greatest talent was, he would've said flipping straights." (Ted Lasso, S03E11)
  • Pep Guardiola (Ted Lasso, S03E11)
  • "That is the thing about being a parent. Sometimes you lose and sometimes you win, but most of the time you just tie. All we can do is keep playing." (Ted Lasso, S03E11)
  • "Do you know what time it is?"
    "9:30. Or 'half nine' as you folks say over here for some goofy-ass reason."
    "That's just to annoy Americans." (Ted Lasso, S03E11)
  • The Raid (Platonic, S01E02)
  • "There's more television shows about serial killers than there's actually serial killers." (Platonic, S01E03)
  • "I love your hair."
    "Oh, they make me do this." (Platonic, S01E03)
  • "Back up, Alexandria Cortazio-Cortez."
    "Not even almost her name. I don't think you got— I think you got one out of three right." (Platonic, S01E03)
  • "You'd like the cider. Ladies love cider."
    "Dude, Will."
    "I do like cider." (Platonic, S01E03)
  • "I'm not upset that you don't love me, okay? I'm just sad, because I'm pretty sure you do, but you won't commit until you are 100% certain that I am the absolute best that you can do." (Dave, S03E09)
  • "Hmm, there is one movie about porn stars in the '70s. It's Adam McKay, so still prestige." (The Other Two, S03E05)
  • "I don't care about Kiernan Shipka, okay?" (The Other Two, S03E05)
  • "Your move, Gage." (The Other Two, S03E05)
  • "Okay, I've been thinking, and how about this? She's a contest winner. Yeah, there was, like, a contest to come see a Broadway play through, like, Dannon yogurt or some shit and she won."
    "Yes. She's nothin' but a silly contest girl. A yogurt-eater." (The Other Two, S03E05)
  • "The truth is…I'm having sex with Shuli. Yeah, it's a Holland Taylor/Sarah Paulson thing."
    "Am I Holland Taylor?" (The Other Two, S03E05)
  • </Blindspotting, S02>
  • "Some things just move quicker through social media than others. For example, Baby Yoda's still trending. As he should. But nobody's talking about Vin Diesel's dance song 'Feel Like I Do.'" (American Born Chinese, S01E02)
  • "What the hell is he doing?"
    "Trying to be Vin Diesel's dance track." (American Born Chinese, S01E02)
  • "Okay. I've eased the sufferings of millions, calmed oceans. I will not be defeated by Swedish furniture." (American Born Chinese, S01E03)
  • Unrecognizable Jimmy O. Yang (American Born Chinese, S01E04)
  • Ronny Chieng drunken boxing (American Born Chinese, S01E05)
  • "Do you want me to throw away these old soy sauce packets?"
    "Are you crazy?" (American Born Chinese, S01E06)
  • "I'm sorry, can you say that one more time slower? My Chinese isn't super good." (American Born Chinese, S01E08)
  • </American Born Chinese, S01>
  • "Have you ever served on a jury before?"
    "Uh, yes, ma'am."
    "Was that here in Los Angeles?"
    "No."
    "Where was it?"
    "Cannes." (Jury Duty, S01E01)

Source of the Right Arm

CRACK ADDICTS (TLC)
Premieres Wednesday, May 24

[pause]

Even for TLC…

Oh, it's about a chiropractor!

Episode 101
Chiropractor Dr. Colón sees Brenda, an uncontrollable farter.

Episode 102
Dr. Colón helps a constipated baby.

Is Dr. Down Below about…?

Dr. Milhouse helps a man with two pee holes. [source]

Yes. Yes, it is.

Meanwhile, on Netflix:

MERPEOPLE (NETFLIX)
Premieres Tuesday, May 23

Welcome to the whimsical world of professional mermaiding, where people's passion for swimming in fins has exploded into a half-billion-dollar industry.


Dueling raunchy comedies this summer, releasing 30 days apart.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. Eyes Spice (Succession, S04E08)


Honourable Mention

  • Misty's fever dream (Yellowjackets, S02E07)

Stray Observations

  • "Go on. You're lumber. Keep your snout out." (Succession, S04E08)
  • "If we do this…people…people are gonna say shit."
    "Yeah. We'll be in the West Wing. Nothing matters, Ken. Nothing fucking matters. Dad's dead, and the country's just a big…pussy waiting to get fucked. Fucking…action, okay? We can pay for any damages. Let's just jam our fuckin' heads in the bosom of history and just…[gobbles]." (Succession, S04E08)
  • ♫: Nirvana – "Something in the Way" (Yellowjackets, S02E07)
  • "No, Ben. Stop. Look, if you kill yourself right now, we will eat you." (Yellowjackets, S02E07)
  • ♫: Live – "Lightning Crashes" (Yellowjackets, S02E07)


(Barry, S04E06)

  • Bill Burr (Barry, S04E06)
  • "What do we think happened there?"
    "Well, boss, I'm like an incomplete list of Madeline Kahn's best films: I ain't got no clue." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Couldn't imagine being in a different country than my axes." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Your name's on the back there. Uh, I got 'em to change the E to a U." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Each game, an undry dream." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Why is it so granular?
    "Mmm."
    "Oh, my God."
    "Is this garlic hummus?"
    "I like it."
    "Should we, like, switch to tahini or…ketchup?"
    "I think we should, like, uh, abandon all condiment-based hand jobs. Just for a moment." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "This is so much cooler than a hummus hand job." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "MGK! MGK! You got to have a huge cock, right?"
    "Uh…okay." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "Don! What's next for you?"
    "Uh, you know, some Marvel shit." (Dave, S03E08)
  • Don Cheadle farting (Dave, S03E08)
  • "So I'm saying it's like, it's like pickleball."
    "Yeah."
    "But it's better than pickleball."
    "Okay."
    "Because you can, you don't have to be dressed." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "Yeah, uh…I don't think this guy was taking a shit."
    "Wow."
    "And I'm from Kentucky, so I know shit."
    "Mm-hmm."
    "That's facts."
    "Yeah."
    "Yeah, he does."
    "What? What the fuck does that even mean?" (Dave, S03E08)
  • "All right, I'm gonna go hang out with some Black people." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "Oh, hi, I'm here to speak to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez about a job."
    "Oh, well, she's in her office, going live for the next seven hours." (The Other Two, S03E04)
  • "Uh, yeah, he talked to all of them, so the whole jury's gonna have join SAG." (The Other Two, S03E04)
  • "Buffalo Wild Wings?"
    "Buffalo Wild Wings."
    "Are you fucking kidding me?"
    "The company passed. Said my code was too ambitious for their needs, which I knew. But I was young, and I thought, you know, why not shoehorn philanthropy into this app for chicken wings? Everybody loves chicken wings. I'll just Trojan horse that shit right in between the 26 sauces and seasonings. And I thought maybe somebody might use it for good. So I stripped all mention of Buffalo Wild Wings, took my name off of it, and uploaded it to Open Source from Nana's kitchen table, right downstairs."
    "So the Wings were literal? And the Expiration Dates, is that coupons? And why the hell did It send me to find this?"
    "Oh. The fuck is that?"
    "The Holy fucking Grail! So maybe explain to me why a beta version for a Buffalo Wild Wings app sent me on a quest to find it?"
    "Anyone who pitched to them had to embed their employee manual into our code. Page one, golden rule: '100% customer satisfaction is our Holy Grail.'" (Mrs. Davis, S01E08)
  • "Before I leave, may I ask one thing?"
    "Please do."
    "On a scale of one to five stars, how would you rate your experience with me?" (Mrs. Davis, S01E08)
  • </Mrs. Davis, S01>
  • </Shark Tank, S14>
  • "All right, keep it simple. Does he go to Blondie's or Fat Slice for pizza? And don't think. Just answer."
    "I think Fat Slice."
    "He's Black."
    "No, he's just not Blondie's white."
    "And Asians go to Blondie's. Don't be grouping us with white people. Yellow Peril supports Black Power."
    "Well, bring the Asians to Fat Slice."
    "No, go to Graffiti Pizza. A Black woman owns that."
    "Don't be grouping all us Asians together. I'm Taiwanese." (Blindspotting, S02E07)
  • "And let's face it, she is a lot, like Kirstie Alley on Twitter." (Blindspotting, S02E07)
  • "I didn't know what to do with my dog because he gets separation anxiety."
    "[all] Hmm."
    "But you would love him. Chauncey is the world's sweetest pit."
    [crowd mumbling]
    "Luckily, my cousin Meredith, she came over to sit with him. But then driving over here,
    I got pulled over."
    [all mumbling]
    "Thank goodness I knew the cop."
    [all muttering]
    "'Cause he pulled me over last week."
    "[crowd] Ah!"
    "So I pulled out my 'friends and family of a cop' badge again, and he let me go."
    [all chattering] (Blindspotting, S02E07)
  • "You guys are messing with me. How bad could it be?"
    "How bad could it be? Have you seen the movie San Andreas? It's like that. But the earthquake is in your butt." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "So you either help us or you eat your mom's food and waste away like a conquistador getting Montezuma's Revenge."
    "Have you seen The Exorcist? It's like that. But the devil is in your butt."
    "Primo, if we don't stop your mom from cooking, the entire San Antonio metro sewer system is doomed."
    "Have you seen the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan? It's like that. But your butt."
    "That's it."
    "That's it, right? I got it, right? That's pretty good." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "I call it the Trojan horseradish."
    "I love that. Great name."
    "Right? Because it protects everything that goes inside, like a condom." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "Um, I read your diary when we were kids. Do you still wanna marry Aladdin? You don't have to answer." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "I stole your Skechers Shape-Ups because they make me look taller."
    "You wear the same shoe size as Drea?"
    "No, I ball my foot up like a little fist. That's not the point." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "'Pesky by Leguizamo'?" (Primo, S01E03)


» "Check this out. It's Britney Spears for Petco. Technically, it's for holding tiny dogs, but it works well as an everyday purse." (Primo, S01E03)

  • "There's no Bluetooth in here, is there?"
    "Only if you're talking about my dead molar." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Do you like Bad Bunny? He rode on top of a truck into WrestleMania." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Thanks to you, my only chance to impress the girl that I like somehow involves manual labor and bagging squirrel skeletons. And that's two of my worst things." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Hey, so then he like hopped on like a little scooter and he scooted off, so I never saw his full face, but I'm like 90% sure it was Morgan Freeman."
    "Morgan Freeman has never been on a scooter." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Well, actually, no, all is not well, because the universe has also given you Hepatitis B."
    "Hmm, that's the chill one. I'm fine."
    "You also have a virus that's only found in sharks and you have a shark tooth embedded in your thigh. So, I have to ask, have you been intimate with a shark?" (Primo, S01E03)
  • "This deserves a place on the wall of accomplishments and praise. The wall of accomplishments and praise. The WAP."
    "Ma, please. You have to say the whole name now, remember?" (Primo, S01E04)
  • "I feel like you do like to throw that term around."
    "Ugh. Not enough bubbles. Cancel culture. You're breaking up with me just because I took a platonic nap with your sister? That's cancel culture. Cell service canceled for non-payment? You know what this is?" (Primo, S01E04)
  • "Okay, listen, it's my house. It's my WAP."
    "Oh, my god, ma, please." (Primo, S01E04)
  • "Hey, remember that one time you had a stroke while you were having a heart attack?"
    "I mean, probably not, I guess, because it was a massive stroke that badly damaged your brain." (Primo, S01E04)
  • "If you wanna join the financial sector, there are millions of options. You can open a checking account. You can open a savings account."
    "So two options?"
    "Yeah, those are the two." (Primo, S01E04)
  • "I'm a vigilante for justice. That's why I have a tattoo of lady justice."
    "Is that Halle Berry?"
    "Yeah. Yeah, she used to be married to David Justice, so she was Lady Justice." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "Rafa, the girl was excited about asparagus. Now, all you gotta do is be more interesting than a vegetable."
    "Yeah. I can do that. I think I can do that. I mean, asparagus is the most dynamic vegetable, though. Like it starts out one way, and then it gets complicated at the top in a way that you just don't see coming."
    "What's the second most dynamic vegetable?"
    "Tomatoes. You can put it in meats and salads."
    "Tomato is a fruit, though."
    "Yeah. Exactly. Another reason why it's one of the most dynamic. It's unstoppable. It goes: asparagus, tomato, cabbage." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "It's just an old bookshelf. We'll get you a brand new one. I know a place that has great bookshelves. And meatballs."
    "Is it Ikea?"
    "It's Ikea." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "Brown knight rises!"
    "That seems racist."
    "Harris is Filipino, it's close enough." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "Harris, your mom wants you to break down the boxes in the back and then stock the cooler."
    "Ugh. When I inherit this place, I'm getting rid of the cooler. No more ice.
    Catch you guys later."
    "Abolish ice. Hmm. Get it?" (Primo, S01E06)
  • "They heard the theatre kids got busted for butt-chugging."
    "Oh, bummer. Wait, what's butt-chugging?"
    "It's exactly what you think it is."
    "What happened to good old-fashioned heroin? You know?" (Primo, S01E07)
  • "May I hang up, sir?"
    "Were you one of the butt-chuggers? Drink with your mouth, son." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "You date for the job you want, not the job you have." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "I, I'd be…I'd be so happy to give you some of my urine, sir. It would be an absolute honor and a privilege."
    "I don't want your urine, Rafael." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "Why do you think I don't have a girlfriend? I mean, I got the prescription deodorant, so it's not that anymore." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "This revenge had a lot more urine than I was anticipating."
    "How much is it usually?"
    "Zero." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "Here's what you gotta do. You know how when the military, they're like, the first word and the last word out of your mouth needs to be 'sir'? Do it like that, but with 'girl.' Girl, you look so fine, girl. Like that."
    "Has it ever worked for you?"
    "Boy, no, it has not, boy."
    "Just get her a present like a vape pen or a waterbed. Then she'll know."
    "You want me to buy her a waterbed?"
    "Girl, I bought you a waterbed, girl."
    "See? That sounds dope." (Primo, S01E08)
  • "There's only double-decker buses or burgers. How come?" (Primo, S01E08)
  • "This is just Gloria's car, isn't it?"
    "Yeah."
    "Goddammit, Rollie."
    "I thought they were his keys. They were on the table next to his sunglasses."
    "The ones that say 'coffee slut' in rhinestones?" (Primo, S01E08)
  • </Primo, S01>

Emcee Flapchunks the 3rd

I thought the reported surprise would be Gal Gadot.

John Cena vs. The Rock: Thrice in a lifetime?


They should have split the franchise into Fast films led by Vin and Furious films led by Dwayne that build to Fast and Furious event films.


We joke about a Fast XXX crossover, but I'm curious to see who wins a fight between Vin Diesel and Vin Diesel when Vin Diesel contractually can't lose fights on screen.

Rory: "Martha."


Family Feud with Vin Diesel's Guardians of the Galaxy family vs. Vin Diesel's Fast and Furious family.


Dominic Toretto in the Multiverse of Fastness, featuring:

Xander Cage
Riddick
Bravestone
Rain Ocampo
Jody
Ludacris in his video for "Get Back"
Wonder Woman
The Transporter
Missandei
The Doctor of Thuganomics


Fast and Furious film titles ranked:

10. F9: The Fast Saga
9. Fast X
8. Fast and Furious 6
7. Fast Five
6. Furious 7
5. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
4. Fast and Furious
3. The Fate of the Furious
2. The Fast and the Furious
1. 2 Fast 2 Furious

I wish they were more creative with titles.

Great Vengeance and Furious 11.
Live Fast or Die.
A Good Day to Drift Hard.

Oh! The Good, the Fast and the Furious.


The Last Supper, but with characters from the Fast and Furious franchise — The Fast Supper!

Dominic is Jesus.
Hobbs is Judas.

Brian [still alive in kayfabe]
Letty
Mia
Roman
Tej
Han
Shaw
Ramsey
Jakob

…Sean and Gisele? Or Tego and Rico?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


20. Tom and Shiv Clear the Air (Succession, S04E07)


Stray Observations


(Succession, S04E07)

  • "And they want what? ATN to go full 'we're coming to give your guns hormone therapy, all your guns are gonna be ladies'?" (Succession, S04E07)
  • "Oman? Poor man's Saudi Arabia or rich man's Yemen?" (Succession, S04E07)
  • "Point his dick in the direction of some fissile material. Yeah?" (Succession, S04E07)
  • "I'm with you because I love you!"
    "Bullshit! You're fucking me for my DNA." (Succession, S04E07)
  • "I joined after dissolving a subscription horse meat business I started with my brother-in-law." (Yellowjackets, S02E06)
  • "It's a bunch of granola losers, but the food is great, and the BO factor is surprisingly low." (Yellowjackets, S02E06)


(Barry, S04E05)


» "Uncanny Pictures Releases Teaser for First All AI Generated Feature Length Film, 'Written, Created, and Produced Complete With AI,' Says Studio Head" (Barry, S04E05)

  • "'Stairway to Heaven' is a glorified fingering exercise, and you all know it!" (Ted Lasso, S03E09)
  • "Coach, did you just compare being gay to being a Denver Broncos fan?" (Ted Lasso, S03E09)
  • "Bro. Come on, man. [scoffs]"
    "Oh, yeah. I will come on. I'm gonna come on strong."
    "Bro…"
    "I'm gonna come on myself when I nut on myself."
    "[quietly] Tell me to suck the pepper spray."
    "What?"
    "Tell— Tell me to suck the pepper spray."
    "[growls] I'm gonna make you suck the pepper spray!" (Dave, S03E07)
  • "And I don't have work today since I quit my meaningless job, so let's go ahead and make those bottomless."
    "The nachos?" (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "Ellen is throwing herself a big birthday bash and has agreed not to go so people can enjoy it." (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "Unfortunately, they went with Dylan O'Brien."
    "What? Fucking O'Brien." (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "What did DaBaby do?" (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "I can't even fucking believe I still gotta audition. I'm the fucking Maze Runner, bro." (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "Cary? Oh, thank God it's you. It's not Ellen. We're fine." (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "This is a sitcom pilot for Paramount+, so we're seeing tons of no-names." (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "Uh, Julia, tell Brooke what you learned senior year, spring break of college."
    "That Emile Hirsch's dick is wonk?"
    [harp plays] (The Other Two, S03E03)
  • "Go ahead, Pat. Tell her what you did to us."
    "I drugged them with tea."
    "And because of that, now what happened?"
    "I have a general with JoJo Siwa." (The Other Two, S03E03)


(The Other Two, S03E03)

  • "Is that?"
    "Is what?"
    "Are you quoting the speech from, uh, Miracle?"
    "I'm not quoting anything. That's a 100% JQ original."
    "It s-sounds like Miracle."
    "Fuck you! Shut the fuck up!" (Mrs. Davis, S01E07)
  • Daveed (Blindspotting, S02E06)
  • "Fuck the police." (Blindspotting, S02E06)
  • "I once rode naked in teeming rain in circles outside Peter the Great's windows, singing bawdy folk songs, hoping he would look out."
    "Did he?"
    "He did, and I rode three more hours waiting for him to emerge."
    "And did he?"
    "Not that day, but I got pneumonia, and while I was convalescing, he came to me, and I gave him a hand job as he fed me soup. It was so tender." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "You fired something in me, and when I look at you now, I must have you again. I suggest immediately, and possibly hourly after that."
    "Well, flattered, of course, but I really keep things like that on a high rotation. A man, then a woman, two men and a woman, then something with wood. My own hand, in a forest setting, an unwilling guard, and a serf touching themselves as I eat cake. Maybe in a month or two, sweep my feet from under me and demand my compliance with some hair pulling and a tongue dipped in black opium, and we have a deal."
    "I may be deeply in love."
    "Not something I do." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "Her love betrayed her, her best friend lied to her, her team abandoned her, her philosophy broke in a Turkish blood spray, and her reason collapsed under the weight of it all. Her optimism, her arrogance, her belief in humans as good."
    "Well, she did describe it as a bad day." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "What if she dies? Tatyana? My kids are fucking annoying. I don't wanna have to bring them up." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "'The price of love is grief.' My wife used to say that. I used to think it was a personal attack, but now I think she meant it more generally. Most of her attacks were, in fact, physical rather than metaphoric." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "I wasn't escaping. Th-there was some bramble on the path I was avoiding. In an L-shaped movement." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "Champagne with a twist of lemon for you. A negroni with cheese curds in it for you." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "So he gets forgiven, and I don't."
    "He is my fate. You are my choice." (The Great, S03E01)
  • "Your mother has a silver tongue, Paul. As do I, in both wit and on clit." (The Great, S03E01)
  • ♫: Wet Leg – "Being in Love" (The Great, S03E01)
  • "The American ambassador is here. I mean, they're not a country, so what the fuck is he doing calling himself that? 'A guy from America is here' might be better." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "Gambling, coffee, Bloody Mary-infused foie gras." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "We in the USA love passion. A fuck, a fight, a fortune, life!"
    "Suck the marrow!"
    "Great idea. Roast some marrow, and I shall lemon-salt it." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "No, you can't fuck England over for a fucking colony of upstarts who apparently eat tubes of undefined meat product in bread on the street." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "Oh, we're changing everything, my friend, including how you spell 'colour.'"
    "You wouldn't dare."
    "We're taking the 'U' out of it. Rumor, tumor, and humor. No 'U,' just us." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm not praying, relax." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "'Color'? Motherfucking animals." (The Great, S03E02)
  • "Hey, you have three nipples."
    "Royal blood, thins at the top." (The Great, S03E03)
  • "No murder? You did come out strong."
    "Attacked our greatest and most loved pastime." (The Great, S03E03)
  • "Remember, there is only now, and now is us, fizzing drinks and fucking horses." (The Great, S03E03)
  • "Nature: All the questions and all the answers in a delightfully chaotic form." (The Great, S03E03)
  • "You thinking throat or heart?"
    "I'd always imagined eye whenever I thought about it."
    "Eye. Nice. You see the startle close up." (The Great, S03E03)
  • ♫: The Streets – "Double Vision" (The Great, S03E03)
  • "I'm torn."
    "How so?"
    "I want to keep listening, but I want to listen whilst you suck my cock. Yet that would make it hard for you to talk. It's…a conundrum." (The Great, S03E04)
  • "I imagine sometimes if you were castrated and could focus only on ideas, how great you would be, Voltaire."
    "And sad, no? Voltaire without a cock. No. No, no, no." (The Great, S03E04)
  • "I had the chef make madeleines stuffed with cantaloupe." (The Great, S03E04)
  • "Come here. Get on all fours. Smell me, and wail like a buffalo." (The Great, S03E04)
  • "It's horrible to die with many things unfucked and unwon. My heart breaks for you." (The Great, S03E04)
  • "We had rules, Marial."
    "I love you too much for rules." (The Great, S03E04)
  • "Only God can control destiny."
    "Well, have a word, then, will you?" (The Great, S03E04)
  • "We were raised as men and ended up vulva with hands." (The Great, S03E05)
  • "I want more of me. Me as I am is not enough."
    "That is mad. You are the most enough I have ever met." (The Great, S03E06)
  • Peter! (The Great, S03E06)
  • ♫: Pixies – "Mr. Grieves" (The Great, S03E06)
  • "Look at me. I fucking love you! You have changed me! You have torn out the old George and dumped her compliant body and mind on the side of the road and made me new!"
    "Hmm. It's funny you once ate my pussy, isn't it?" (The Great, S03E07)
  • "I put grapes in my hair. Try one." (The Great, S03E07)
  • "Or…we leave in the morning, like we actually are, and you grow some meatballs by the morning."
    "Culturally insulting and personally belittling." (The Great, S03E08)
  • ♫: Yaz – "Only You" (The Great, S03E08)
  • "And we have Catherine the fucking Great, a woman of destiny."
    "Of fierce intelligence and wit."
    "Packed into a delicious body."
    "Her mind's the thing, you whore. You're so cunt-forward, aren't you?" (The Great, S03E09)
  • "And I've always wanted you, you're…peaches and cream on a summer's day."
    "Oh, yeah, talk food! Yes! Yes!"
    "Uh… Mushroom…stroga-stroganoff."
    "Yes, yes!"
    "Soufflé…" (The Great, S03E09)
  • "Perhaps this black hole you have in you could be filled with the love of a good doctor."
    "I will only ever love one man."
    "Peter the Great is dead. You are alive. I am alive. And if I fix the circular motion problem and attend to the pliancy issue, I think we're well suited." (The Great, S03E09)
  • "What do you want? Other than clearly, and also logically, my body." (The Great, S03E10)
  • [Castrati singing, Catherine moaning] (The Great, S03E10)
  • ♫: AC/DC – "You Shook Me All Night Long" (The Great, S03E10)
  • </The Great, S03>