Adam Riff™

49. Kenan and Kelly (Saturday Night Live, S48E07)

Honourable Mention

• Arby's (Saturday Night Live, S48E07)

Stray Observations

• "You have a bad case of something called mimetic desire."
  "What's that?"
  "If someone with higher status than you wants something, it means it's more likely that you'll want it, too." (The White Lotus, S02E05)
• "Are you in favor of Elon Musk's buying Twitter?"
  "No."
  "You don't support African-American entrepreneurship?" (Ziwe, S02E08)
• "Damn, hashtag #FlamingoDad is everywhere!"
  "Buzzfeed made an odd-numbered list of other people's observations about you, and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter."
  "Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence that you're a bad person. That is their highest honor!" (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "Riddle Hitler me this…"
  "I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?" (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• ♫: "Y'all ready for piss?" (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien?"
  "He obviously Avatar'd it." (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi." (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans."
  "Oh, I hear he controls the police." (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "My kid is in the other half. I want to see my kid!"
  "God, um… Do you have another kid that you could focus on?" (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Ooh. Cleaning vinegar. You soak one inch of cloth, honey, it becomes semi-edible tofu!"
  "No more cooking, Frank. Really. I feel like I've eaten six bathrooms." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "It's like negotiating with an evil doll." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Uh, I'm gonna read out some tributes to Spike."
  "Hope this doesn't turn into a roast."
  "No, that comes later!" (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Do missiles go for flashing lights? I thought that was moths." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "We want all the mustard." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Well, you're not a real man, Ryan. You're just a coat hanger for despair."
  "You're a shoe tree for twat!" (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "It's wonderful that you're in touch with your vulnerable side. Having said that, you do absolutely have to fuck¡ng kill yourself." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Two minutes to total eradication."
  "Unnecessary addition of 'total.'"
  "Uh—oh, yes. Tautology at a time like this, it's insane." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Oh! Oh! Adulation? Not unpleasant." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• </Avenue 5, S02>
• "I love cocaine!" (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E03)
• "Some people are not meant to be rich." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E03)
• "Ladies are gonna be flickin' their beans to this one, boss."
  "What did you say?"
  "Flickin' their beans."
  "Is this a Spanish thing?" (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E03)
• "Filling in for Ms. Teagues?"
  "It's no Christopher Wallace. No Biggie." (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• Creativity mix featuring Jazmine Sullivan (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Why'd you draw the Babadook?"
  "That's my mom!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Insidious, you got Ms. Teagues' phone number?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "There's a reason why we build a routine. Each step builds upon the last."
  "Like a Beyoncé playlist."
  "Sure."
  "You wouldn't put 'Love on Top' in front of 'Church Girl.'" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Amelia Bedelia? Who wants to read about an annoying woman that can't follow simple instructions?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "What about Eloise?"
  "That little girl at the New York Plaza? She's alright, but I got some real Plaza stories for you. You ever heard of Ghostface Killah?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Come on, y'all. This ain't some white concert. Make some noise!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "I think I'll start ordering my chicken medium rare." (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• Jesse Eisenberg using Facebook (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)
• "Toby had sworn off Facebook following his divorce because just looking at it made him despondent. Facebook was a landscape of roads not taken and moments of bliss, real or staged, that he couldn't bear. Yeah. Best to stay off Facebook." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)
• "The laws are freighted for the husbands, and there's nothing to be done about that."
  "Really? It doesn't exactly feel like it's freighted to me. In fact, it feels like pretty much the opposite here."
  "No. In this case, you're the wife." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)

» "I! Love! Beef! Lo! Mein!" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)

• "Aw, we're like Lucy and Ethel."
  "I can't keep up with all your gay, throuple friends."
  "I mean I Love Lucy."
  "I'm not hip. I don't know queer culture." (Mythic Quest, S03E05)

48. End Credits (Chainsaw Man, S01E07)

Stray Observations

• "Uh, but I was just wondering if—if it'd be okay with you if I just hung out with that guy that I met here for a little? He's nice and smart. He went to Stanford and…and he's not non-binary." (The White Lotus, S02E04)
• "So, you're from America then?"
  "Yes."
  "I've never been."
  "Really?"
  "No, I ain't been to shit."
  "Hm."
  "I'm from Essex, so… Well, I've been to Essex." (The White Lotus, S02E04)
• "They got him in a cell made outta of sports because it's the opposite of story."
  "Do I want to ask who he is?"
  "His name is Brett Caan. He has the power to make things always have been other things."
  "I think that's called retconning. But his name's Brett Caan? Rhett's a name too, his name could be Rhett Caan."
  "It is. And always has been, now." (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
• "Meta characters erode reality."
  "But all characters are meta, Rick. All of us are nourished and consumed by chaos, like newborns at the breast of a meth addict in a lifeboat filled with forks." (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
• "When you get home Rick, do some classic adventures. Like season one."
  "I'm so sick of that fucking note, what the fuck does it even mean?" (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
• "You can’t beat me, Rick. I have one million times your motivation!"
  "So do those guys with the cell phone kiosks at the mall." (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
• "Look, we've always given machines the tasks that we can't handle, right? Defuse bombs, reset bowling pins, provide reliable оrgasm." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "Sorry, I'm making bathroom." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "We thrashed Hitler's anus with a brace of eels." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "But just relax and embrace the authentic British smell of abandoned phone boxes and James Corden." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "Did you just tell them their incest children would be plain?" (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "Just accept that I am the king of this ship and you are basically my…"
  "If you dare say 'queen,' I will gouge out your tongue with my thumbs."
  "No, I was going to say my jester."
  "Your jester?"
  "Tongues are too slippery to gouge, you silly jester." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "Sadly, I am a midwife only to disaster." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "If I were to call Matt, as I have many times, a dead-eyed masturbat¡ng parakeet, and then apologize for it, 'I'm sorry, Matt,' I get points for that?"
  "No need to apologize. I mean, I…I'm flattered you think I have the vibrancy of a parakeet or the energy to feather my cloaca to completion." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• "Apparently, my jokes are offensive. I got complaints from bisexuals, people who don't know the meaning of the word 'monosyllabic,' folks who are allergic to watermelon." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
• Gabe Kaplan (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E01)
• "What's going on?"
  "I'll tell you what's fucking going on. Peter fucking Bogdanovich, that's what's going on."
  "I don't know what that means." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E01)
• "No way I'm going home. I need some dick, stat." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E02)
• Pixellated vomit? (Chainsaw Man, S01E07)
• "Someone's lying to you."
  "On that, we can agree." (Andor, S01E12)
• "There will be times when the struggle seems impossible. I know this already. Alone, unsure, dwarfed by the scale of the enemy. Remember this. Freedom is a pure idea. It occurs spontaneously and without instruction. Random acts of insurrection are occurring constantly throughout the galaxy. There are whole armies, battalions that have no idea that they've already enlisted in the cause. Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward. And then remember this. The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that. And know this, the day will come when all these skirmishes and battles, these moments of defiance will have flooded the banks of the Empire's authority and then there will be one too many. One single thing will break the siege. Remember this. Try." (Andor, S01E12)
• "Tell him, none of this is his fault. It was already burning. He's just the first spark of the fire. Tell him, he knows everything he needs to know and feels everything he needs to feel. And when the day comes, and those two pull together, he will be an unstoppable force for good. Tell him… I love him more than anything he could ever do wrong." (Andor, S01E12)
• "There is a wound that won't heal at the center of the galaxy. There is a darkness reaching like rust into everything around us. We let it grow, and now it's here. It's here, and it's not visiting anymore. It wants to stay. The Empire is a disease that thrives in darkness, it is never more alive than when we sleep." (Andor, S01E12)
• B2EMO overturned, Maarva brick bash (Andor, S01E12)
• </Andor, S01>
• "Frankly, with my mother as a role model, it's a miracle I'm not a hooker." (Chucky, S02E08)

(Chucky, S02E08)

• Voodoo for Dummies (Chucky, S02E08)

(Chucky, S02E08)

• "Had you seen the suspect before?"
  "Absolutely."
  "It was Jennifer Tilly."
  "Huh. Damn shame. I always thought she was overrated." (Chucky, S02E08)
• ♪ On the first day of Christmas / My true love gave to me / Liv Morgan killed on live TV ♪ (Chucky, S02E08)
• </Chucky, S02>
• Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris using ♫: Smashing Pumpkins – "Tonight, Tonight" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
• "This is Rachel Fleishman from Matt Klein's office. I'm calling to set up a…"
  "Toby still felt erectile stirrings hearing his name on the back of hers." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
• "Rachel simply didn't like us. When it came to our friendship, Rachel was like an organ transplant that didn't take." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
• "God, you're like the Gestapo."
  "No, I'm, I'm not. That's not really how the Gestapo worked, honey." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
• "What's her problem?"
  "You're annoying."
  "I didn't do anything!"
  "It's your essence. Nothing you can do." (Mythic Quest, S03E04)
• "I'm the Poppy Li. The woman who basically single-handedly built MQ?"
  "Oh, yeah, she's the one who eats outta the garbage."
  "Cat lady!"
  "Shut up! I'm not a cat lady." (Mythic Quest, S03E04)
• "Do you know what I would do if I were a white guy for a day?"
  "You know what I would do if I were a Black woman for the day? Two words."
  "Megan knees."
  "Yeah! I was gonna say Megan knees! How did you know that?" (Mythic Quest, S03E04)
• "I'm sorry. GoBots killed his cousin." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• "We got a picture with the God of War." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• "We are not doing anything wrong. We are just taking the legendary hero Kevin Bacon to give him as a present to a friend who is sad about Christmas." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• John Cena is canon in the MCU (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• "But actors are repugnant!" (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• Batman is canon in the MCU (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• "It's Kevin Bacon. He's not a loser. He's great. We don't hate him at all." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• "I'm gonna let you go, Kevin Bacon. Don't run. You're not gonna run?"
  "No, no. No, no, no."
  "Go get Kevin Bacon."
  "I've got it."
  "Don't, don't kill him…"
  "You can't outrun me, Bacon!" (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• Rocket getting Bucky's arm (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
• "Wow, I guess all actors aren't complete pieces of shit." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)

47. Final Destination (Chucky, S02E07)

Honourable Mention

• Fondor Escape (Andor, S01E11)

Stray Observations

• "Men love The Godfather because they feel emasculated by modern society. It's a fantasy about a time when they could go out and solve all their problems with violence and sleep with every woman and then come home to their wife who doesn't ask them any questions and makes them pasta."
  "Hey, hey, hey. It's a normal male fantasy."
  "No, movies like that socialize men into having that fantasy."
  "Movies like that exist because men already do have that fantasy. We're hard-wired."
  "Mm. Comes with the testosterone."
  "No. Gender is a construct. It's created." (The White Lotus, S02E03)
• "If Ryan is king, I'm Oliver Cromwell, right? If he's Gladstone, I'm Disraeli. If he's A.S. Byatt, I'm Margaret Drabble!"
  "Compare things we know!"
  "Eh, never been a big sports fan."
  "Well, they're not sports stars. They're sister novelists who feuded like rappers."
  "I'm still without a frame of reference." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
• "How do you get hurt in a club exclusively devoted to cuddling?"
  "You told people to deal with him, so he got violently compressed."
  "Well, just find the culprits and have a word with them. Uh, no, that sounds like code for violence too. All right, well, I better go and pay Matt a special visit. Hey, I've done it again. I've got mafia Tourette's." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
• "She was killed by a fatal floor." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
• "See, this is how it goes with autocracies. It starts out, and it's all caviar and wiping your ass on a swan's neck, and then pretty soon, you're perforating dissidents." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
• "Did Judd pay you to do this?"
  "No, I thought I'd wear an outfit that you'd like to get me out of as quickly as possible."
  "Ugh."
  "And I have no imagination, so I copied her." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
• "What just happened?"
  "I believe the old industry term is a 'reverse Soprano.' They're all definitely dead." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
• "What have you done lately?"
  "I don't have lately. I have always. I have a constant blur of plates spinning and knives on the floor, and needy, panicked faces at the window, of which you are but one of many." (Andor, S01E11)
• "The mystery of your former triumphs have been vanquished. I can sleep peacefully now." (Andor, S01E11)
• Syril stealing money from his mother (Andor, S01E11)
• "How many do you think made it? How many of us made it out alive?"
  "Not enough." (Andor, S01E11)
• "Well, I love the holidays, and this year Barbara Howard's Little Helpers will be making the most adorable handprint Christmas trees."
  "And my kids will be doing hand turkey art, and I'll be recycling it to soak up all the snow that gets through the cracks in the windows."
  "Children's hands really seem to carry the holidays." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "Ms. Howard."
  "Yes?"
  "What's S-L…"
  "It is, uh…the Saint Louis University of Technology." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "This one's just an egg." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "You may want to have that children checked out for salmonella." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "I believe that gluten intolerance is just internalized white guilt." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "The parent of one of my students has a very unsavory marking across her bosom."
  "The mom with the 'bitch' tattoo?"
  "Loved that book. Movie was meh." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "How could anyone find this tata tattoo hot?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "Chinese people hate my tattoos." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "You can never upset a professional bitch like myself." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• Ava adding sugar to her coffee (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "Forever Bitch apparel" (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• "Not Ralph Jr.!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
• R.I.P. Jennifer Tilly (Chucky, S02E07)

(Chucky, S02E07)

• "I would never be left to rot like this. There are people who love me."
  It's one thing to be celebrated, Sam. It's another thing entirely to be loved." (American Horror Story, S11E09)
• </American Horror Story, S11>
• "Listen, it's been a hard month. I just need some me time."
  "I-I ha… All of your time is you time, Rachel."
  "These days, he only ever said her name at the end of sentences." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E01)
• "She's a drunk."
  "Phillip.
  "I'm sorry. Alcoholic. A person with alcoholism. An alcoholic-American." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E01)
• Adam Brody playing a character named Seth (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E01)
• "It was best not to think about the block universe. Toby didn't want to think about any theory of life in which the thing you were dealing with was an absolute reality. He couldn't bear the scope of regret and missed chances and alternate choices. He didn't want to think about possibility anymore. Possibility was a trap." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
• "Look at that sunset. It's so pretty, isn't it? You know, but you have to remember, sunsets are also problematic, you know, because they're only for the wealthy. In cities, there are tall buildings so you can't see it. You know, you got to come to a place like this just to catch a glimpse of what would be one of the true, free pleasures in life, you know?" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
• "Can you believe he's the nominee? It's hilarious."
  "Well, at least she'll win, right?"
  "Well, I don't know that she'll win. I don't like her that much, but at least with him, we can keep our money, you know? Also, her voice, drives Rich crazy." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
• Lizzy Caplan in a Ween shirt (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
• "Slice, slice, baby. Slice, slice. Dun-dun dun how the rest of the song goes." (Mythic Quest, S03E03)
• "♪ Every morning there's a halo. ♪" (Mythic Quest, S03E03)