Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


7. Fun with Dick and Warren (Dick Tracy Special: Tracy Zooms In, 10 Feb)

Stray Observations

Stray Observations


(The Last of Us, S01E04)

  • "He's got a kid in Jacob's class, and he's handsome. He looks like men do before they have kids." (Abbott Elementary, S02E14)
  • "If you think about it, underpaying a white teacher to teach Black history is almost reparation." (Abbott Elementary, S02E14)
  • "I never liked school. Got in the way of college." (Abbott Elementary, S02E14)
  • "What's wrong? You don't like it?"
    "Um, no, I-I just… I think you forgot to put the gift in the gift bag, so…"
    "No, the gift is the bag."
    "Oh! Oh, my God. It's so shiny, I thought it was a shopping bag. But this is… This is to put stuff in."
    "Yeah. Classic bag technology." (Abbott Elementary, S02E14)
  • "Created by Matt Stone" (South Park, S26E01)
  • "Assistant to Mr. Stone: Trey Parker" (South Park, S26E01)
  • "Theater people are so strong." (Poker Face, S01E06)
  • "Who is pumped for the best VD ever? I mean, ugh, you know what I meant." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "I'm on all the dating apps, but haven't swiped right once. I can't get past the profiles. Does no one understand correct grammar, dangling modifiers, sentence fragments, using the word 'anyways' as a transition… It's 'anyway'! There's no 'S'! And as you know, nothing turns me off more than reckless disregard for language." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • Etrigan on a swan boat (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "My place or yours?"
    "Hmm… Let's do yours. My place is a pit." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "But I suppose we can still love each other and never touch. It is the way of the American marriage." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "I'll be reading selected works of Lord Byron, the Brett Goldstein of the 19th century." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "Brett Goldstein, you deserve someone who makes you feel like you've been fucked by lightning." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "I will make BAFTA-winning love to you, Brett Goldstein!" (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "Okay. Bane has to have listed some turnoffs on his dating profile. Favorite TV shows: The later seasons of The Office?"
    "What the fuck? What a psycho. If he liked the Dexter series finale, I'm, like, through with him." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "You will be bent into positions you did not know possible, Brett Goldstein." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "Hey, quick question. Can you grow to a giant-sized version of Brett Goldstein, then start shouting some of Bane's turnoffs at him so he stops trying to fuck you?"
    "First of all, not a quick question." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "If Ian Somer-halder could continue filming season five of Vampire Diaries after his breakup with Ni-na Dobrev, you can do this." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "I mean, what is horny, if not love persevering?" (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • "Anyways, I digress."
    "It's 'anyway.' It's not 'anyways.'"
    "It is? 'Anyways' sounds right to a boy born and raised in salt-of-the-earth Sutton, United Kingdom. That really begs the question: Why isn't it 'anyways'?"
    "No. No, no. God, that's not the correct usage of 'begs the question.' You're not supposed to just use it in place of 'raises the question.' It is to be used only to identify flawed premises, as in, 'The American public's acceptance of 'anyways' because 'everyone does it already' really begs the fucking question." (Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special, 09 Feb)
  • Harrison Ford singing ♫: Sugar Ray – "Every Morning" (Shrinking, S01E04)
  • "This is the worst day of my life. You know, it used to be shitting my pants in a Whole Foods, and I mean it went everywhere, okay? But now this is it." (Shrinking, S01E04)

Darkness Retreat

on

iMordecai?

When Mordecai, a Holocaust survivor, is given a new iPhone, an unexpected series of events upends his world. [source]

"u up?"
"new phone who dis?"

Wanda and Jamal: Miami.

Erinem is an American rapper from Tyler, Texas, but musically influenced by Detroit hip-hop.

Erinem?

Born Erin Emily Wheeler, Erinem gets her artist name from a combination of her first and middle name.

eWheel.

Erinem is often asked if her artist name has any relationship to Eminem. She states that the similarity between her name and Eminem's is a product of coincidence, not design.

She's influenced by Detroit hip-hop, but her name is a coincidence?

She also had the privilege of working with D12's Bizarre.

She worked with D12's Bizarre, but her name is a coincidence.

Her previous EP, Y.B.A.L.A., received rave reviews.

Clearly, nomenclature is not one of her strengths.

Erinem is a member of American Mensa; paradoxically, after failing out of ninth grade, she went on to graduate from The New School, receiving an MFA. [source]

Erewhon.

Twink Death

on

Florida and Ohio, because of course.

You're So Father Period

on

And a critical piece of the sponsorship puzzle for the WWE in recent years has been brand integrations. At the Royal Rumble last week, there was a "Mountain Dew Pitch Black Match" which took place in (near) darkness, and Stimmel suggests that there will be "surprises" at WrestleMania as well, specifically calling out a new sponsor, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. [source]

A Cinnamon Toast Crunch match?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


6. Lisa From Temecula (Saturday Night Live, S48E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "There's this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "If I feed you, then every bum you talk to about it is gonna show up here lookin' for a free lunch, and this is not an Arby's."
    "Well, Arby's didn't have free lunch." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • ♫: Linda Ronstadt – "Long Long Time" (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "So, who's the girl? Girl you're singing about?"
    "There is no girl."
    "I know."
    "What's your name?"
    "Bill."
    "Go take a shower, Bill." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "But before I do, I want you to know that I'm not a whore." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "Paying attention to things, it's how we show love." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "There's stuff we have in the QZ that you don't have here. Books, medicine, machine parts. We can help each other, and get that gun outta my face." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "I'm sorry."
    "For what?"
    "Gettin' older faster than you."
    "I like you older. Older means we're still here."
    "What?"
    "I was never afraid before you showed up."
    "Not on the strawberries."
    "Right." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "Well, I'm not gonna give you the 'every day was a wonderful gift from God' speech. I've had a lot of bad days. I've had bad days with you, too. But I've had more good days with you than with anyone else. Just give me one more good day. Starting now. Make me some toast. Then take me to the boutique, where I'll pick outfits for us. You'll wear what I ask, and we'll get married. And you'll cook a delicious dinner. Then you will crush all of these up, put them in my wine. I will drink it. Then you will take me by my hand, bring me to our bed, and I will fall asleep in your arms."
    "I can't."
    "Do you love me?"
    "Yes."
    "Then love me the way I want you to." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • ♫: Max Richter – "On the Nature of Daylight" (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "This isn't the tragic suicide at the end of the play. I'm old. I'm satisfied. And you were my purpose."
    "I do not support this. I should be furious. But from an objective point of view, it's incredibly romantic." (The Last of Us, S01E03)
  • "Is that a Skarsgård?"
    "You think everyone is a Skarsgård."
    "Well, everyone is a Skarsgård."
    [starring Wolfen Skarsgård] (Poker Face, S01E05)
  • "You talc'd me, you fucking whore." (Poker Face, S01E05)
  • "I miss straight Brian."
    "Yeah."
    "He used to say things like, 'Aren't vulvas gorgeous?'"
    "…Are they not?"
    "I mean, they're all right." (Shrinking, S01E03)
  • ♫: Nine Days – "Absolutely [Story of a Girl]" (Shrinking, S01E03)
  • "Fuck you, Phoebe Bridgers!" (Shrinking, S01E03)
  • "Paul, you can't just be running around Pasadena getting in Black women's Teslas." (Shrinking, S01E03)
  • Playing Mortal Kombat on NES (BMF, S02E05)

The briefcase, the door, and the salad

on

Instead of forcing new subscribers and driving current but disillusioned subscribers away…

Idea: Pay-as-you-go Netflix.

$1.00 for every cumulative 24 hours streamed using your account. If three devices concurrently binge an eight-hour series using your account, that's $1.00.

Share your account with as many people as you want, but beware the cost.

Discourage password-sharing indirectly.

The poor, the mentally ill, and the French

on

1. Avatar
$2,923,706,026

2. Avengers: Endgame
$2,799,439,100

3. Titanic
$2,194,690,964

4. Avatar: The Way of Water
$2,117,086,137

5. Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens
$2,071,310,218

6. Avengers: Infinity War
$2,052,415,039

As of this writing, Zoe Saldana features in 4 of the 6 highest-grossing films of all time worldwide.

With Avatar 3-5 and Avengers 5-6 confirmed, it's conceivable that Zoe Saldana will feature in 9 of the 10 highest-grossing films of all time worldwide.

Need an Infinity War re-release to push it above The Force Awakens, though.

In America, Avatar is only the fourth highest-grossing film of all time.

1. Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens
$936,662,225

2. Avengers: Endgame
$858,373,000

3. Spider-Man: No Way Home
$814,115,070

4. Avatar
$785,221,649

5. Top Gun: Maverick
$718,732,821

6. Black Panther
$700,426,566

That Force Awakens domestic gross is absurd.

Whereas international box office composes 70+% of total gross for James Cameron's films, almost half of The Force Awakens' total gross was Americans.

We were fiending.

In America, The Force Awakens even outgrossed the highest-grossing Chinese film of all time in China [The Battle of Lake Changjin – $913 million USD]. And that's with one-fourth the population!

Fixes on fixes.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

5. Vigilantes (Extraordinary, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "There is a lot of people that would say that a woman has a right to do with her body what she likes."
    "I get it."
    "So we have to be careful."
    "Be careful. Don't disparage hookers." (Paul T. Goldman, S01E06)
  • </Paul T. Goldman, S01>
  • [banging on door]
    "We ain't voting." (Poker Face, S01E01)
  • "I've been rich."
    "Yeah, how was it?"
    "Easier than being broke, harder than doing just fine." (Poker Face, S01E01)
  • "God. It is crazy the things that people stick up their asses."
    "Yeah. What are you reading?"
    "'10 craziest things people have stuck up their asses.'" (Poker Face, S01E01)
  • "She's a regular little Michael Westen." (Poker Face, S01E01)
  • "Tomorrow morning, you come by 8:00 a.m., put a bunch of cash in my hands, 20 minutes later, I'll have you on the road."
    "Dude, 20 minutes. Can't you just, uh…"
    "Well, you know, it's Top Chef tonight. Sorry." (Poker Face, S01E02)
  • "Yo! Employees only. Come on. That's like Subway sanctum sanctorum." (Poker Face, S01E02)
  • "MAGA dog. Perfect." (Poker Face, S01E03)
  • Okja twist (Poker Face, S01E03)
  • John Darnielle (Poker Face, S01E04)
  • "Geez, where'd you get this kid?"
    "Juilliard."
    "Really?"
    "Fucking Craigslist. Where do you think?"
    […]
    "Self-taught, huh?"
    "No, Juilliard." (Poker Face, S01E04)
  • John Darnielle tapped Jamey Jasta of Hatebreed for help crafting "Staple Head" (Poker Face, S01E04)
  • "And where are we gonna find a recording studio in Kenosha, Wisconsin 'right fucking now'?"
    [Kenosha Ko-Work] (Poker Face, S01E04)
  • "You ripped off the theme song to Benson and didn't think nobody would notice?" (Poker Face, S01E04)
  • You Must Remember This easter egg (Poker Face, S01E04)
  • "You know, Virginia Woolf tried to drown herself too." (Shrinking, S01E01)
  • ♫: Wolfmother – "Remove Your Mask" (Extraordinary, S01E01)
  • "My tits turn cats into men." (Extraordinary, S01E02)
  • "Yeah, and I went somewhere every day, so I must've had a— It's, like, sadness but money?"
    "A job?"
    "Yeah." (Extraordinary, S01E02)
  • "You can't imply a customer is pegging their husband as Margaret Thatcher." (Extraordinary, S01E03)
  • ♫: Fidlar – "By Myself" (Extraordinary, S01E03)
  • ♫: Headless Heroes – "True Love Will Find You in the End" (Extraordinary, S01E03)
  • "What are you doing in here?"
    "I was having a really quiet poo." (Extraordinary, S01E05)
  • "An insurance broker in the Netherlands owns the copyright on my arse." (Extraordinary, S01E06)
  • "I am his next of kin. Yeah. I-I am his aunt."
    "Oh. The aunt that collects Bigfoot erotica?"
    "Um…"
    "Or the aunt that thinks Israel did 9/11?"
    "[sighs] It's gonna have to be the first one, isn't it?" (Extraordinary, S01E07)


(Extraordinary, S01E07)

  • ♫: Love – "Everybody's Gotta Live" (Extraordinary, S01E08)
  • </Extraordinary, S01>

My Year of Dicks

on

RackaRacka, the twin enfants terribles behind one of my favourite YouTube videos ever —

"Our Epic Childhood" (exhumed for posterity)

— just sold their Sundance-selected feature directorial debut to A24.

[Talk to Me] asks: What if Flatliners was rendered as a Monkey's Paw for the teenage audiences that fuel today's viral videos?

Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes
A cafe owner discovers that the TV in his cafe suddenly shows images from the future, but only two minutes into the future.

Microwave
After a time-rift offers a glimpse exactly one minute into the future, four college-bound kids try to salvage their failing friendship as their perception of free will begins to fall apart.

Saturday Night Live: Robin Williams/Adam Ant (1984)
Nighttime talk show Patty's Place welcomes a woman who lives 30 seconds ahead in the future and a man who lives 30 seconds behind in the past.

Dead Poets Society
Live in the present.


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