Unsuspecting tyrant double-decker beef fort

feature film special: FANTASY FOOTBALL (PARAMOUNT+)
Premieres Friday, November 25

Everything changes when Callie A. Coleman discovers she can magically control her father Bobby's performance on the football field.

When Callie plays as her dad, a running back for the Atlanta Falcons, in Madden NFL 23, Bobby is transformed from a fumblitis-plagued journeyman to a star running back bound for superstardom.

With the NFL Playoffs looming and the pressures of Callie's new commitment to her friends on the robotics team mounting, the two must forge ahead to keep the magic a secret.

The Falcons are up 28-3 in the Super Bowl when Callie is called away by the robotics team.

Alas, it's a Paramount/CBS film, so no Cleatus integration.


SHAQ (HBO)
Premieres Wednesday, November 23

More Lakers-related 2022 programming?!


DEATH IN THE DORMS (HULU)
Premieres Monday, November 21

These are the stories of the kind of danger that no college student is ever prepared for: a life cut short just when it was getting started, not by accident but by foul play.

Each procedural episode of Death in the Dorms will examine a different murder of a college student in the U.S.

[pause]

Tonight: When a shower drain overflows with semen…

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

46. Rael Talk (Andor, S01E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "They'll be coming and going. You see, they're locals. They're my local friends."
    "Oh. They come and go. I see." (The White Lotus, S02E02)
  • "Guess who I am?"
    "Uh…"
    "Watch, watch."
    "Peppa Pig." (The White Lotus, S02E02)
  • "Very sexy. Brava. Brava, Monica." (The White Lotus, S02E02)
  • "'Passengers' contains the word 'ass' 'cause that's how they see us. Well, not anymore. I see people with two eyes. You know what else has two I's? 'Citizens.'"
    "He means the spelling!"
    "All right, opaque wordplay! Never a bad time for it."
    "You know what else has two I's? Whiskey on the rocks." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "Oh my God, will they be tortured?"
    "No. They'll just be held in the same room. So, yes." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "People, the system isn't working. There's too many I's in the citizens' assembly."
    "Oh, he means the spelling, but also the number of people." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "And I will be your Jesus. But without the abdominal strength." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "I'm not cut out for this. I'm just a patent attorney."
    "Oh, come now. There's no such thing as 'just' a patent attorney." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "Power doesn't panic." (Andor, S01E10)
  • "I'd rather die trying to take them down than die giving them what they want." (Andor, S01E10)
  • "One of the indulgences of great wealth is freedom from other people's opinions." (Andor, S01E10)
  • "It's a lot to think about."
    "I'm not thinking about it."
    "That's the first untrue thing you've said." (Andor, S01E10)
  • Chucky eating Andy (Chucky, S02E06)
  • "Maybe I teach you Egyptian Ratscrew." (American Horror Story, S11E08)
  • "Don't brown your whites, Henry." (American Horror Story, S11E08)
  • "It smell like the manager mean as hell." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "This guy Demarcus studied under real sushi masters in Japan." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "I've got a prescription for Eze. It's spelled E-Z-E, like easy, I mean, not like Eazy-E, but E-Z…E?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Sorry, I'm just running late for my float sesh."
    "Uh… I-I'm sorry, I overheard what you were saying. Were you talking about a sensory deprivation session or shitting?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "We used to be a book club. Now, we call ourselves the flo-teps." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "I had to stop going because I got too deep into it. The visions in the tank can be so intense. I started to lose track of what was real."
    "Yes. I… I-I sometimes get into it too much. When-when that happens, though, I found a little trick to help anchor myself."
    "What is that?"
    "A thick Judge Judy."
    "Wait, wait a minute. What in the hell are you saying?"
    "Thick Judge Judy. Yeah."
    "Like, thick thighs and tіts?"
    "Yes, and booty, really, you know, doesn't matter which body part you use, but, uh, the idea is, Judge Judy is always on TV, right? So if I see her and she's thick, I know I'm in the tank." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • Random towels (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Sup!" irasshaimase (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "I'm sorry, this my mama car."
    "Your mother drives a murdered out Nissan Altima?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Step out of the vehicle, ma'am."
    "Act white, just…" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Step over to the curb for me, please. Walk a straight line. Arms out wide. Touch the tip of your nose with your forefinger. How many seasons of Homeboys in Outer Space were there?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Could I interest you on a refill of, uh, hot white Hennessy?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • Kevin Iso (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • A black-owned sushi restaurant playing Asian-sounding rap music (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Not one person ate the blowfish. Not one. Just a bunch of Yelp reviews that all said the same thing: 'This nigga serving poison fish.'" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "This entire dinner, you have been staring across the street at a modern day Coon Chicken, served to you by an Aunt Jemima, who lies to you repeatedly, telling you it is her recipe and that she is benefiting from it. It is not her recipe. You know who owns that recipe? An Italian man and his family, none of which have married Black. I heard some of them even moved from New Orleans to New Jersey. New…Jersey." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Look outside. That's the future. That's our future. Salted and battered. Being sold back to us in our own image." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Food tastes better when you think you're about to die." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • </Atlanta, S04>
  • "I still have it somewhere, if you'd like me to quote verbatim. Off the top of my head, without immediate recourse to the text: 'If you ever fuck¡ng speak to me again, I will scratch your eyes out, you selfish, conniving b¡tch.'"
    "It was 'cunt,' I believe."
    "'Bitch,' I'm quite certain."
    "Well, it seems like I would've gone with the alliteration of 'conniving cunt.'" (The Peripheral, S01E05)
  • "I told them to 'suck my duck,' which obviously isn't what I meant, but autocorrect boned me." (Mythic Quest, S03E01)
  • "'Some time ago I was given a rather unfortunate prognosis, and I decided to script the conclusion of my own story. In a moment, I shall climb into a Ford Thunderbird and drive off into the Grand Canyon, knowing I ended my story like no other. A true original.'" (Mythic Quest, S03E01)

There is no vape in team

Rock isn't dead; it just ossified.

Modern rock in 2022 is mostly modern rock in 2012.

Who played the previous festivals?

Almost Acoustic Christmas 2018: Death Cab for Cutie, Chvrches, The Interrupters…
Almost Acoustic Christmas 2019: The Interrupters, Jimmy Eat World, Twenty One Pilots…
ALTer Ego 2020: Coldplay, The Black Keys…
ALTer Ego 2022: Coldplay, Twenty One Pilots, Imagine Dragons, Måneskin…

Half of the ALTer Ego 2023 line-up has headlined Coachella.

Antifa Caramel

Targeted streaming ads amuse me.

While watching Reservation Dogs in August, Hulu served me election ads for sports gambling propositions that featured and were paid for by California Indian tribes. Once season three of Reservation Dogs ended, however, I never saw said ads again. They were replaced by election ads for, like, dialysis and affordable housing.

While watching a particularly gay season of American Horror Story in October, Hulu served me ads for HIV medication and HIV testing. Moreover, immediately following a scene involving a dog, Hulu, out of nowhere, served me an ad for Chewy. It had previously not appeared in the AHS: NYC ad rotation.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. Simp Lord (Andor, S01E09)


Honourable Mention

  • Death Tome (The Simpsons, S34E06)

Stray Observations

  • "She's one fast slut." (The White Lotus, S02E01)
  • "Yeah, I think we're their diverse friends. Their White-passing diverse friends." (The White Lotus, S02E01)
  • "That kid's Arturo Sandoval's son." (Let the Right One In, S01E04)
  • "Oh! Did you see his face? I'm using that next time I need to climax." (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "Why are you marking it red?"
    "Because it's only got two toddlers and a pregnant woman in it."
    "Right, so you mark it green."
    "Green? No, red. Red means I've eliminated the room."
    "No, Rav. Red, red means danger. There are beetles that understand that!"
    "What? So, you want me to change all of these?"
    "So that green doesn't mean 'may contain cannibal'? Yes, please. If you wouldn't mind." (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "The Flesh Prince is a stowaway, right?" (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "His skin color?"
    "Average."
    "So, he's brown?"
    "Huh?"
    "Well, if his skin was the average of the human race, it must be pretty fucking brown."
    "Uh, yeah. Yeah."
    "Oh, my g— Frank! We know he's White. You'd rather let a cannibal loose than admit to being casually racist?" (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "Relax, Iris, timing is my middle name. Actually, it's not. It's Twam." (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "He's a liberal and a cannibal!" (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "Put him in the brig! Welcome to your vegan years, my friend! Was that right?" (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "Herman Twam Judd, what have you done?" (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "Well, I'll tell you what I don't want from you, yodeling away in my ear, is you being the power behind the throne, pissing on the throne, and then complaining that the throne smells of piss!"
    "What a phallocentric metaphor."
    "Okay, Ryan, I am not pissing on your throne. And, Rav, I could totally piss on a throne." (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "Why is it red?"
    "Oh, uh, red for not recording, right?" (Avenue 5, S02E04)
  • "The very worst thing you can do right now is bore me." (Andor, S01E09)
  • Bix screaming, cut to drilling (Andor, S01E09)
  • "I find you a job, I press your uniform, I prepare two meals a day, I move mountains to scrape you off the floor and put you back on your feet, and what do I reap? What is the return on my investment?"
    "We were talking about you snooping on me."
    "The shadow of a son, a tenant, a stranger." (Andor, S01E09)
  • "Find yourself a husband?"
    "Wasn't on my list of things to do."
    "Well, you need a widower at this point. Who's left of any value at your age?" (Andor, S01E09)
  • "At least you've not gone political, Vel. All the interesting people are getting very tedious these days." (Andor, S01E09)
  • "Dragon Ball Z, Gundam figures, Attack on Titan. A lot of anime. Wait, I think the last one was manga?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "I saw the commercial about the school on Hulu when I was watching One-Punch Man." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "Wait, so you are saying that we're just gonna have to see this commercial forever, and there's no way we can get it off the air?"
    "You could pay for Hulu without commercials." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "If we stoop to their level, we're no better than they are. They go low, we go high."
    "Yeah. Eyes, nose, throat." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "Ayo, talent manager, what you doing hanging out with that dirt?"
    "Oh, nothing. I just like coming out to the garden. I don't ever touch it or do anything to make it better." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "We gotta put a stop to this. Parents are calling me names. A couple of them said that I look like somebody who I definitely do not."
    "Deuces, Squidward." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "I cannot escape that commercial. It's like T-Pain in '08." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "Barb, you taught that doorknob? You just a secret Sith, huh?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "I just put out my album, METH-od to My Madness, on Reeq Reqords. Yup. That thing went double mahogany. Yeah. It's on top of The Chartz, which is a Spotify playlist that I made." (Abbott Elementary, S02E07)
  • "We need to get those remains in our bag and bury them somewhere safe."
    "Safe? Wh-what is safe for a rotting twink, Patrick?" (American Horror Story, S11E06)
  • "My parties were the place to be. No fatties, no fems." (American Horror Story, S11E06)
  • "Hey, guys. It's your boy, These Backhoes Ain't Loyal. Thanks for coming out to my channel today. If you want to see more backhoe tractor content, make sure you hit that 'subscribe' button." (Atlanta, S04E09)
  • Bacon fake-out (Atlanta, S04E09)
  • ♫: Ray Charles – "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying" (Atlanta, S04E09)

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. Bound 2 (Chucky, S02E04)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Dreams didn't make us kings; dragons did." (House of the Dragon, S01E10)
  • "Heedless ambition has always been a Velaryon weakness." (House of the Dragon, S01E10)
  • </House of the Dragon, S01>
  • ♫: Bon Iver – "Blood Bank" (Let the Right One In, S01E03)
  • "You should meet Frank. Frank is our you."
    "Sad eyes. Phenomenal omelets." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Eel Patrick Harris is dead." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "'Wore his mother's wedding dress and her head.'" (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "My eyes have just shat themselves." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "The guy that Frank just left with is the Denver Cannibal. He ate 19 people. They found 36 thumbs in his basement."
    "Oh, my God, Frank is petrified of cannibals."
    "That's 38."
    "What?"
    "What?"
    "19 people, that'd be 38 thumbs. You said 36."
    "I don't know! I can't do the fucking thumb arithmetic."
    "Well, he might've used the last two as, uh, like wine stoppers." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "She bludgeoned her mother to death with her father."
    "She bludgeoned a parent with another parent?"
    "Yes, yes."
    "Okay, well, at least they died in each other's arms." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Okay, I'm sorry to always be the corporate stiff, but I cannot allow a sexual predator to roam free among vacationing families. I'm a libertarian, but there's a line." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "What if the predator punctures this hamster run? You know, he could have a blade concealed in his mud pipe."
    "Then we're leaking pedo." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Great! Death or pedo? Sounds like fun." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Vacationing families, atmosphere of dread, predator with good teeth. It's like psychosexual Jaws." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "The nonce is requesting liquids." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Inflate the deviant." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Thank you for your service, we'll remember you complexly." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Try to get the hammer in his head!" (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • "Now, this is a teachable moment."
    "You were so focused on the pedo, you forgot all about the cannibal. Tale as old as time." (Avenue 5, S02E03)
  • !!! (The Patient, S01E10)
  • </The Patient, S01>
  • "I'll cut you a check for the mattress. Anything under a queen. I didn't mean you."
    "I'm usually on top." (Reboot, S01E08)
  • </Reboot, S01>
  • "I told you upfront the struggle will always come first. We take what's left. I'm a mirror, Vel. You love me because I show you what you need to see." (Andor, S01E08)
  • "I am the only one with clarity of purpose."
    "Well, anarchy is a seductive concept. A bit of a luxury I'd argue to a man who is hiding in cold caves, and begging for spare parts." (Andor, S01E08)
  • "Mm. Vision. I love it."
    "Lil Uzi Vert." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Happy Halloween, Gregory. Or, uh, should I say…Kareem Abdul-Jabbar from Airplane!?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Ooh, ooh! Guess mine."
    "The Hamburglar?"
    "Clearly, you're wage theft."
    "Ah! Exactly!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • Mr. Johnson costume (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Ah. Black Frank Abagnale Jr.?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "That is a good costume."
    "Thank you."
    "Yes, millennial Tuskegee airman." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "I truly hate candy unless it's 96% cacao." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Well, thank you to your donation to my mouth. Sorry, no. Ooh, Werther's!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Truth zone? I'm feeling a little conflicted about the constitutionality of stop and frisk, okay? I feel like Eric Adams." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Guess she has a thing for Kevin Hart in Soul Plane."
    "One, he did not play a pilot in that. Two, we, as a society, do not talk about Sully Sullenberger enough."
    "I'd say he's had his time."
    "He landed an Airbus of 155 people safely on a river!"
    "Okay, I'm just saying that, as a pilot, like, half his job is landing, so he kind of was just doing his job. Shouldn't have had a movie before Harriet Tubman."
    "Tom Hanks can't play her." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "But Jacob did take me out to a drag Settlers of Catan brunch, and that was fun." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "I am inedible!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Mm, Baby Theranos is in Ava's office!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • Ava's Storm contacts (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "I'm going to a screening of Rocky Horror at my church. They take out all the cursing, all the references to sеx and sexuality. It comes in at just under 26 minutes, and it is a hoot! It's a yearly tradition. We've watched Nightmare Before Christmas, but only the Christmas parts; Practical Magic without the witchcraft; and Hocus Pocus without Sarah Jessica Parker." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Dude, I traded an eighth grader for that!"
    "What did it cost?"
    "Everything." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • Baby Thanos removing Mr. Johnson's mind stone and Melissa's reaction (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "Oh, you do have a sexier costume, though, right?"
    "Oh, for sure. I have an Eric André wig…" (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • "This one doesn't work, we should try that sexy Walmart greeter costume." (Abbott Elementary, S02E06)
  • Bound reunion (Chucky, S02E04)
  • "Isn't that your Oscar dress?"
    "No, but thanks for reminding me when I lost to that bitch Dianne West."
    "Oh, it's Wiest."
    "Whatever." (Chucky, S02E04)
  • "What about you, Gi-na?"
    "Oh, please do not call me that." (Chucky, S02E04)
  • "We go by they/them."
    "Yeah, but they/them have always been plural. Strunk and White, the Holy Bible of the English language, dictates that."
    "Why don't you drag yourself into the 21st century, ass wad?"
    "Language evolves, taint breath."
    "Besides, Strunk and White have been dead for years."
    "Please show my niblings the simple respect they deserve."
    "Hear, hear."
    "Your niblings?"
    "Yeah, other acceptable, gender-neutral terms for niece and nephew are 'niephling,' 'chibling,' and 'sibkid.'" (Chucky, S02E04)
  • "Hey, hey, how about this?"
    "Basic Instinct."
    "No one wants to see that, Joe."
    "You didn't mind at Cannes." (Chucky, S02E04)
  • "Who do you think killed the butler?"
    "Well, I have a theory. It's always the person you least suspect, so I'm gonna have to go with Meg. I mean, did you see Agnes of God?" (Chucky, S02E04)
  • "Thomas used this text as the center of a piece of a series he called Goofy, Please." (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • The Lil' Prince (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • "He said, 'I want you to be lead director on this.' And I said, 'On what?' And he said, 'The Blackest movie of all time.' "He said he wanted to make a movie about Black fatherhood. Man, he wanted to tackle everything in this movie: Segregation, single parenting, low-income career trajectories, fear of gang violence, incarceration, the amount of cheese in African-American diets." (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • "To give you a little context, when A Goofy Movie came out, Black masculinity in the media was in a really weird place. So on one hand, you've got men doing, kind of 'faux queer' comedy, and on the other end of the spectrum, you've got these hypermasculine portrayals. And, by contrast, Goofy is a nuanced portrayal of a Black man whose priority is his family." (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • "At one point, he said he didn't want Mickey in the movie. And, um, I kept saying, 'But it's Disney. What are you talking about?' I can remember Thomas ranting in his office, 'They're trying to make me put this white boy in my movie.'" (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • Brian McKnight (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • "Everybody used to be up there: Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, Kadeem Hardison, Harrison Ford, it was crazy." (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • Sinbad (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • "That Powerline concert at the end, it wasn't supposed to be all hunky-dory, dancing-dancing. Nah, it wasn't supposed to be like that at all."
    "I heard Goofy was supposed to get shot at the concert. You know, a Black man runs on stage like that at a major venue?" (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • "It was the Bigfoot stuff that put him over the edge."
    "They'd added it without his knowledge. He'd wanted Goofy and Max to wander into a thrift store and discover Huey Newton's rattan throne. And once they sat in it, Max would finally understand what Goofy had been fighting to make him understand all along. Instead, they took out the thrift store and the throne and put in that Bigfoot bit. It's like they were saying, 'What you were after, your message, it's a fantasy as elusive and unreal as Bigfoot.'" (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • Crime scene photos of Goofy shoes and glove (Atlanta, S04E08)
  • John Snow (The Peripheral, S01E03)
  • </High School, S01>

Super Kick Party

Many passengers are skipping the seatback screens for their phones and laptops. Experts say that's not the way of the future, as in-flight Wi-Fi can't support hundreds of personal devices at once.

Erm…

@snopes

"We're heading toward a world where the seatback screen in front of you is fully connected to the internet, where the airlines and studios push content to you as an individual passenger, and where all of the systems are designed to tie in to loyalty programs and studio subscriber platforms."

"If the airline knows that you're a Paramount+ subscriber and they have a special deal going with HBO Max, you might get an HBO Max-heavy set of content. The airline knows a lot about you that they can use to work with the studios to make money. And, from your perspective, you interpret it as targeted content that's more enjoyable."

The future of air travel is seatback screens that know which streaming services you subscribe to, but still only feature games like blackjack and trivia.