Adam Riff™

17. "Laffy Taffy" (Atlanta, S02E09)

Honourable Mention

• Fenway Park gallows (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E01)
• Paige and Philip sparring (The Americans, S06E05)
• Gas Mathematics? (Inside the NBA, 04-26-18)

Stray Observations

• "140 characters is far more than anyone needs to make a point."
  "They actually upped it to 280."
  "Oh, good God…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E18)
• "I've started saving $200 a month just by buying John Wick instead of renting it every two nights." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E18)
• Drone host (Westworld, S02E01)
• "Even now, you all still talk in code?"
  "Everything is code here." (Westworld, S02E01)
• "Up next: The conversation every parent dreads: How to talk to your kids about the blockchain." (Silicon Valley, S05E05)
• "People loved it, including Adrien Grenier."
  "From Devil Wears Prada!" (Silicon Valley, S05E05)
• "I'm just the parsley around here. Richard is the meat and the potatoes and the rice pilaf." (Silicon Valley, S05E05)
• "You don't say 'no' to Adrien Grenier's edutainment webseries. You just don't." (Silicon Valley, S05E05)

(Silicon Valley, S05E05)

• "You didn't kill those Bolivians yet, did you? I really wanna kill them with you." (Barry, S01E05)
• "This is Ramón." (Barry, S01E05)
• "If you started a cult, I would leave mine and join yours."
  "Don't leave your cult for me. You love Weight Watchers." (LA to Vegas, S01E14)
• "Parents, you'll be watching from two-way mirror, which is a generous gift from a family that is too powerful to name. [whispering] It's Tate Donovan." (New Girl, S07E03)
• "The doctor at the hospital said that Benjamin will have a permanent smile, like The Joker." (New Girl, S07E03)
• "Do you know what love is? It's a hot bath. What happens to things when you leave them in a bath for too long? Huh? They get soft, fall apart."
  "I read that story collection, the one in your book. At first, I was confused. You know, why is she carrying around this sordid tale of sex clubs and drug addicts and… And then I read this: 'Junkies and masochists and hookers and those who have squandered everything are the ring of brightest angels around heaven.'"
  "It's a war, baby. This life, the things we endure… You said you saw the future, and it's an apocalypse. Who survives that: the lovers or the fighters? They sell us this lie that love's gonna save us. All it does is make us stupid and weak. Look at me. Love isn't gonna save us. It's what we have to save. Pain makes us strong enough to do it. All our scars, our anger, our despair – it's armor. Baby, God loves the sinners best 'cause our fire burns bright, bright, bright. Burn with me." (Legion, S02E04)
• She's still in Boston? (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E02)
• Marisa Tomei (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E02)
• Joe Buck's 2013 World Series final out call (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E02)
• "What are we gonna do with him now?"
  "Concierge is sending up a power drill." (Riverdale, S02E19)
• "Which gift basket does she get?"
  "Chantal? Oh, the Jeter. Oh, my God. She earned it."
  "You know, iPads don't grow on trees. Maybe you should consider not giving the Jeter to every woman you bring home?"
  "No, Charles, I'm afraid I can't, because I'm sexually generous in all the ways that one could possibly be. Besides, those Piazza baskets that you designed, Charles, they're confusing, and they're unpopular. There's an element of sadness to them."
  […]
  "There is one Piazza for you right there."
  "A Squatty Potty and olive oil?"
  "He's an Italian catcher. It's so obvious." (Brockmire, S02E01)
• ♫: Kodak Black – "Patty Cake" (Atlanta, S02E09)
• "Nigga, are you eating chocolate chips?" (Atlanta, S02E09)
• "You're, like, one of my two favourite rappers. Yo, you and Post Malone." (Atlanta, S02E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

16. "I Want It That Way" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E17)

Honourable Mention

• Glengarry Glen Ross (Barry, S01E04)
• Text adventure (Legion, S02E03)

Stray Observations

• Jay Chandrasekhar (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E16)
• "You're a muscler, I'm a boner." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E17)
• "Look, cutting all ties to Deedee and FirstSight will definitely send a strong message to Colin, and it might be the only way, like killing somebody to prove you're not a narc, or showing a john your genitals to prove you're a legitimate male prostitute and not an undercover cop."
  "What?"
  "Because cops aren't allowed to do that, and worst case scenario, the john walks off with a free peek." (Silicon Valley, S05E04)
• Donald Duck callback (Silicon Valley, S05E04)
• "Hey! Francine! This crazy man know Judd Hirsch!" (Barry, S01E04)
• "Can I get one of those with cheese?"
  "Absolutely, Jon Hamm."
  […]
  "Can I take a shit in your house?" (Barry, S01E04)
• "If that Chicken à la King is not the best piece of poultry you've ever had in your mouth, you can kick me right in the genitals. I mean, where are you going at this time of night anyway? Gonna throw your fedora up on a hat rack? Share a warm beer with your parakeet?" (Barry, S01E04)
• ♫: Little Richard – "Hurry Sundown" (Trust, S01E04)
• "Are you seriously streaming ESPN+ right now?" (Black-ish, S04E20)
• "You may invite your gaggle of Kelseys and Callies and other girls whose names pumpkin when they turn 30." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
• "Artem ate all the blankets off the pigs."
  "Now I'm full and you are cold." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
• "Try to make it look like a salad."
  "Avocado, honey, oatmeal – where'd you get all this from?"
  "I raided your beauty drawer."
  "My quail eggs!"
  "I also raided your earthquake kit."
  "My preserved quail eggs!" (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
• "Okay, Bernard, what do you think?"
  "It needs more eye cream." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
• "Special thanks to Bernard for allowing this many carbs and saturated fats into his home."
  "Yes, I've always enjoyed eating foods that are given out for free if a team makes free throws." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
• "A little room fire? That seems safe."
  "Oh, don't worry, I got this. [sniffs] Oh, I should've known that was whiskey." (New Girl, S07E01)
• "Keep your eyes out for a cow." (Legion, S02E03)
• "I lost custody of my kids last time I got arrested."
  "What'd you get arrested for?"
  "Beating my kids." (The Last O.G., S01E03)
• "Nobody wants somebody famous to look just like them." (Atlanta, S02E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

15. Oh, farts (Andre the Giant, 04-10-18)

Honourable Mention

• Clancy the Robot Dog (The Last Man on Earth, S04E14)
• David and Farouk battle on the astral plane (Legion, S02E02)
• Conan and Jordan Schlansky's Italian Wine Tasting (Conan Without Borders: Italy, 04-11-18)
• White girlfriend confrontation (Atlanta, S02E07)
• Diner Lobster (Saturday Night Live, S43E18)

Stray Observations

• "In a garbage bag in the middle of the woods. My horoscope was right." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
• "See? This is why we're a great team. I have sugar, and you, you know about breathing." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
• "Ooh, maybe I confessed something fun in my sleep, like I'm really a Russian agent, like, like Felicity." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
• "He let me stay on his couch when Anna Kournikova and I broke up."
  [scoffs] "Well, I mean, she never won a major, so…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
• Will Shortz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
• "So, it would seem that we have become frenemies. Do you know what that means?"
  "Are you trying to imply that I'm too old to understand a portmanteau? I am not, but I am too dignified to use one, friend-enemy." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
• Mike (The Last Man on Earth, S04E14)
• "You'd tell me if you harboured nativist feelings, wouldn't you?" (Silicon Valley, S05E03)
• "Consommé!" (Barry, S01E03)
• "I hear that TNA is hiring." (WWE Raw, 04-09-18)
• "I do not want another lizard situation." // "What is your purpose?!" (Black-ish, S04E19)
• "How do we know that one of these dogs isn't just gonna snap on somebody?"
  "Oh, Duke would never snap at anybody. Would you, David Duke?" (Black-ish, S04E19)
• "Sorry, no speak English." (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 04-10-18)
• "What is that?"
  "A Bakersfield mimosa. Sparkling wine and orange Jell-O mix." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "What's a Jayden?" (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "Wow, it is rough out here. No one will even look at us."
  "I know. Is this what it feels like to be a seven? Answer me, Ronnie." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "I'll make Bakersfield Marys. It's just vodka and ketchup." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "You guys look like I feel. Well, not you, Bernard. You're always a stunner." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "Also, from my time as a roadie for The Huh?, a Who cover band. (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
• "Where'd your shin go, man?!" (New Girl, S07E01)
• "This party is a disaster. Our guests have no questions for the panel." (New Girl, S07E01)
• "Try playing musical chairs with no music! It's just chairs!" (New Girl, S07E01)
• "Cake beats mail." (New Girl, S07E01)
• Guest starring Brian Huskey as Merle Streep (New Girl, S07E01)
• Directed by Ana Lily Amirpour (Legion, S02E02)
• Juniper (The Last O.G., S01E02)
• Malik Yoba (The Last O.G., S01E02)
• "Things are changing back home, opening up. And it's not just politics, it's, it's the young people, it's music, it's, it's different. I mean, they're talking about opening a Pizza Hut in Moscow. You see the papers."
  "What, the Washington Post?" (The Americans, S06E03)
• "I got an IUD to block them K-I-Ds." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "First of all, my breasts are already on Tumblr." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "This pizza has to go inside him." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "Mm-mm. Chew." (Atlanta, S02E07)

(Atlanta, S02E07)

• "Drake's nutritionist is my cousin." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• Bostrom's simulation argument (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "It's all fake. There's no Drake. So don't ruin your high and just enjoy yourself." (Atlanta, S02E07)
• Walking home in Puma slides (Atlanta, S02E07)
• "Drake's Mexican!" (Atlanta, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

14. Obamacare (Legends of Tomorrow, S03E17)

Honourable Mention

• Bushworld Adventures (Adult Swim, 04-01-18)
• Delusions (Legion, S02E01)
• Owl's Casket (Atlanta, S02E06)
• Black Jeopardy (Saturday Night Live, S43E17)

Stray Observations

• "This is not the time for stories about your digital squash, Peralta." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
• "I can't believe you thought I was the dumb cop. I mean, I've watched Planet Earth – with the British narrator!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
• Counterpart Season Grade: C
• "Your lower back hair is catching the light in the most beautiful way. It's like I'm seeing it for the first time."
  "Must be some residual push sweat. I don't know if you heard, but I just took a pretty aggressive dump."
  "I did hear." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E13)
• "Look at the last guy to create a new internet: Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn. Look, the point is, you need to lead with passion. When you set your mind to it, you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met, and I have met Ira Glass." (Silicon Valley, S05E02)
• "Now I wish I could say that this was the first time that one of my students was gunned down in the street, but it's not, and as much as it pains me to say it, it is most likely not the last." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Brought to you by wolf attacking a horse." (Barry, S01E02)
• "I'd love to play a priest that's molesting little boys." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Siri, what is 'off-book'?" (Barry, S01E02)
• "I thought this was, like, supposed to be funny."
  "A man molesting children?"
  "Yeah, like how Family Guy is funny." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Are you doing Doubt? Oh, let's not do Doubt." (Barry, S01E02)
• "Webster's Dictionary defines 'death' as 'a permanent cessation of all vital functions.' It defines 'remember' as 'to bring to mind or think of again.' So, even though Ryan's vital functions have ceased, if we think of him, he will always be with us." (Barry, S01E02)
• "He could be a legacy kid at my Zamunda."
  "You mean, the fake country that Eddie Murphy left when he wanted to go work at McDowell's?"
  "You watched it?"
  "No, I, I read about it on Wikipedia. You know I can't watch Eriq La Salle!" (Black-ish, S04E18)
• "You can pick one of three reasons to break up with me: I'm too jealous, I'm too clingy, or I didn't laugh enough at Rick and Morty." (LA to Vegas, S01E11)
• "The force of the bolt exiting her body blew off her big toe." (The Mick, S02E20)
• The Mick Season Grade: C
• Waffle boat (Legion, S02E01)
• "Wait, were there women with mustaches singing?" (Legion, S02E01)
• "So I'm supposed to find the Shadow King from inside a daiquiri?" (Legion, S02E01)
• ♫ Legion Cast – "White Rabbit" (Legion, S02E01)
• Gay little niggas (The Last O.G., S01E01)
• "Why everything with you gotta be about dick?"
  "What?! The phallus is the number one piece of universal comedy gold. Everybody love a good dick joke. You know it's like Tom, Dick, and Harry. You heard about that, right? Nobody gives a shit about Harry. Everybody wanna know who Dick is." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
• "You don't want your rectum turned into a parking garage, man." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
• "What are you doing?
  "What Prometheus did."
  "Whore-crotching."
  "Horcruxing." (The Magicians, S03E13)
• The Magicians Season Grade: C
• Donald Glover as Teddy Perkins (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Oh, I don't have a butler. I just use this to remember things. 'Finish that hat for Dionne Warwick. Wash your hands, immediately.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "I have Fiji, and Evian. I'll mix it with some Poland Springs. Maybe a Voss?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "And let me get a 5 Cheese Krystal combo, no fries."
  "It's cheaper with fries."
  "No fries."
  "That's rich nigga shit, man!" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Look, man, if I leave, I'll regret it, and I got a two regret life limit pact. Somebody gotta take me out if I go over two." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "The nigga look like somebody left Sammy Sosa in the dryer." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "'Sammy Sosa hat.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Yo, why this nigga the same color as his fuckin' hat?"
  "Yeah, man, this nigga looks like a white man's penis."
  "Yo, man, why this nigga look like what's under a scab, though?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "Feel free to Twitter or Blogspot any of it." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "I want this wing of the museum to be dedicated to great fathers: My father, Joe Jackson, Marvin Gay Sr., Tiger Woods' father, Serena Williams' father, the father that drops off Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club…" (Atlanta, S02E06)
• Darius' phone background (Atlanta, S02E06)
• "You know, not all great things come from great pain. Sometimes it's love. Not everything's a sacrifice." (Atlanta, S02E06)
• ♫ Stevie Wonder – "Evil" (Atlanta, S02E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

• Finally, someone has charted the exact path of the creature in It Follows