Our Band Is Crisis

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Written by, directed by, and co-starring Darren Doane.

Darren Doane… That name sounds familiar.

[looks up "Darren Doane" on Wikipedia]

Ah. He directed Blink-182's videos for "Dammit" and "Josie," as well as videos for Guttermouth and Pennywise.

From Guttermouth and Pennywise to Saving Christmas and The Free Speech Apocalypse.

Jon: Who is our generation's Kirk Cameron? Like, a total lost cause.
Rory: Tom DeLonge.

You know those videos of children reacting to old gadgets and video games and shit?

I wonder how Ace Ventura: Pet Detective plays to millennials. How do they react to Jim Carrey decontaminating himself after realizing that he kissed a transgender woman?

Clintons, Patriots, OJ

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After Ted's opening weekend.


After Ted 2's opening weekend.

imsoshive:

Weed man informs Justin that his appendix burst.

Justin: Sorry.

Idea: A parody of Adele's "Hello" that begins Mulder, it's me.

Idea: A joint set by Will Smith's family at Coachella – Will, Jaden, Willow, and Jada's shitty metal band. If The Smiths won't re-unite, then unite the Smiths.

I just now realized that Will and Jada named their children after themselves.

Also just this year, I realized that Waymond Womano on Workaholics is Ray Romano with "W"s.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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43. Man Zone (Nathan for You, S03E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Angel hair? That's the least scary pasta." (Bob's Burgers, S06E03)
  • "Who wants to be a Yoda?" (The Simpsons, S27E04)
  • "Grown-up Halloween seemed pretty fun."
    "I saw an areola!" (The Simpsons, S27E04)
  • "We only solve misdemeanors, wieners." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • "Women love planning parties. It's in the Bible." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • "Not today, nibs!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • "This preamble is making me nibby." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • Eating raw turtle (The Walking Dead, S06E02)
  • "Who wants a hug?" (The Leftovers, S02E03)
  • ♫: Tangled Eye – "Jesus I'm Calling" (The Leftovers, S02E03)
  • "Cheese will make you feel better." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E04)
  • "Their friendship is worth way more than this cheese." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E04)
  • The Merc, the warehouse where all the local criminals buy their weapons (Gotham, S02E05)
  • "Can we get a price check on brass knuckles in toxic green?" (Gotham, S02E05)
  • ♫: Burl Ives – "One Hour Ahead of the Posse" (Fargo, S02E02)
  • ♫: Jeff Wayne – "The Eve of War" (Fargo, S02E02)
  • "Enjoy your childhood, because when you grow up, the world will be out of water." (Grandfathered, S01E04)
  • "I love Space Mountain, but I love my penis more." (Scream Queens, S01E06)
  • A quartering! (The Bastard Executioner, S01E07)
  • Jake Tapper (Empire, S02E05)
  • "The only commandments I want followed here are mine." (Empire, S02E05)
  • "You're asking me to come and watch somebody dunk you in tap water." (Empire, S02E05)
  • "We're CEO churchgoers at best."
    "What does that mean?"
    "Christmas and Easter only." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • "I don't want to go to a place worse than hell. I've already been to a WNBA game." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • "God's everywhere – except WNBA games. Nobody goes to those." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • "Is it crazy that this is one of the best Sundays I've had in a while? I mean, ever since Jack made me give up those WNBA tickets." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • WNBA joke overkill (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • Bernie Madoff swindled Lady Gaga (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • ♫: The Jesus and Mary Chain – "Just Like Honey" (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • ♫: The Cure – "Siamese Twins" (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • "No pity party in my bar!" (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • Denis O'Hare referencing Lawrence Harvey, his character in S01 (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • Chris Geere's pronunciation of "hakuna matata" (You're the Worst, S02E07)


(Nathan for You, S03E02)


The gun shop clerk's text tone is the "uh oh" notification noise from ICQ (Nathan for You, S03E02)


Flying scarecrow (Nathan for You, S03E02)

  • "As the evening fog rolled in over the Malibu hills, I couldn't help but feel like it might just be the white breath of God opening his mouth to say, 'Nice work.'" (Nathan for You, S03E02)


(Nathan for You, S03E02)


(Nathan for You, S03E02)

  • "Virginity is a man's idea, meant to shame." (The Knick, S02E02)

#clipoftheweek

Irusu

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[Tim Allen curious grunt]
[click]

Amid the bustling world of Central Oregon's wild mushroom hunting camps, the lives of two former soldiers intersect. [source]

THE BUSTLING WORLD OF CENTRAL OREGON'S WILD MUSHROOM HUNTING CAMPS.

A 75-year-old sniper with the US Special Forces in Vietnam and a 46-year-old platoon leader of Cambodia's Khmer Freedom Fighters come together each fall to hunt the elusive matsutake mushroom, a rare mushroom prized in Japanese culture and cuisine.

Told over the course of one matsutake mushroom season…

Unsabotage our shared, competitive, free market!

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SMH, Oregon.

The West Coast: We hate gluten, but we looove corn syrup!

Look at Arizona being cultured.

Toblerone, to me, is an old people candy, like Werther's. Toblerone is what you eat when no other snacks are left in a hotel mini-bar.

Oreos are not candy?

Appalachia: Swedish Fish, Oreos, Whoppers, and Candy Corn – yeesh.

Vermont and New Hampshire: The Oregon of New England.

Jon: I think this is the year that I finally distribute candy canes to trick-or-treaters.
Jon: K-Cups are too expensive.

Rory: You should distribute candy canes dressed as the Easter Bunny.
Jon: Heh.

Jon: Do red, white, and blue candy canes exist?
Rory: Probably. Or just mix in Hanukkah candy canes.
Rory: Or distribute candy hearts.
Rory: Then erect a Halloween display for Christmas.

Jon: Patriotic nativity scene: Jefferson, Lincoln, and Roosevelt as the Magi. Washington as Joseph. Lady Liberty as Mary. Jesus clothed in army fatigues.
Rory: Decorate the barn with a Fathead of Brett Favre.
Jon: Uncle Sam-ta with a sack full of guns riding a mobility scooter being pulled by bald eagles.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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42. Boogers and Cum (South Park, S19E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "I want people to think I'm spicy and fun and dangerous."
    "Like a bullet made of chorizo?" (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
  • "'See you soon, baboon.' Wait, spice it up. 'See you soon, bitch.' Too spicy, too spicy." (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)


(Bob's Burgers, S06E02)

  • "How do you explain this? I found it in your room."
    "A bandana – flair for your microphone stand? [gasps] You're joining Aerosmith!" (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
  • "Oh my god, they're fife-ing toward us!" (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
  • "It's not harassment unless you can prove intent to fart." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E03)
  • "This one says 'die pig,' and worst of all, they didn't put the comma between 'die' and 'pig.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E03)
  • "We'll do it live." (The Walking Dead, S06E01)
  • Mary Steenburgen has now played both Will Ferrell's mother and his lover (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • "Just as I was about to become yet another canyon handstand statistic…" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • "This is him dead. And this is him dead closer. This is Tandy dead as close as I could bear to draw." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • Tandy shooting Skittles out of his nose, trying to land them in a top hat (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • "I want you to… 'I'm gonna burn your fucking pricks off, you pieces of shit.'"
    "'Burn your dicks off.' I'm saying 'dicks,' is that all right?"
    "You should say 'pricks.'"
    "Why do you like 'pricks' better than 'dicks'?" (Project Greenlight, S04E05)
  • Vic Mackey forming a strike team (Gotham, S02E04)
  • "You're the comic in a piece of bubble gum." (Fargo, S02E01)
  • ♫: Fargo's showrunner covering the Sirens' song in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (Fargo, S02E01)
  • "Cream of pork? In the summer?"
    "It was chilled!" (Grandfathered, S01E03)
  • Jeremy Lin (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E04)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E04)

  • Orange Is the New Black (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • "Spit-roasting you caused my brother and I to fall in love with you. Neither of us are content with sharing you anymore."
    "You need to choose one of us."
    "Pick a side of the Eiffel Tower." (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • "You shouldn't worry about me. I'm like black Die Hard." (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • Oakland nachos = chocolate syrup drizzled on tortilla chips? (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • "I must confess, I am more legend than lore." (The Bastard Executioner, S01E06)
  • "How'd you get in here?"
    "What are you talking about? I slept in the guest room with the twins." (Empire, S02E04)
  • "What is that?"
    "It's your basic corpse detection system." (Empire, S02E04)


Hey, it's where I lived during college! (Modern Family, S07E04)

  • "Basically, it's [Father's Day] the Hanukkah of Mother's Day." (Black-ish, S02E04)
  • "If we cannot sell this idea stateside, how on Earth are we gonna sell Ramadad?" (Black-ish, S02E04)
  • "Yelling is caring." (Black-ish, S02E04)
  • "But the street parking wasn't that great. Two-and-a-half stars." (South Park, S19E04)
  • Chloë Sevigny's stern lecture to an anti-vaxxer mother (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • The Shining much? (Scream Queens, S01E05 / American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • "Ponchos are forever." (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • "What a glorious stain." (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • "You know what I can't wait for? To hunt Kendall Jenner. Bitch blew me off once at Coachella." (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • The Countess dancing (American Horror Story, S05E02)




(American Horror Story, S05E02)

  • "We'll figure it out together. We both aren't in relationships. We don't have a love life."
    "That's true."
    "So you have time to do this." (Nathan for You, S03E01)
  • "In my efforts to take down Best Buy, I became the worst guy." (Nathan for You, S03E01)
  • Larry David as Bernie Sanders (Saturday Night Live, S41E03)

#clipoftheweek

Fetty Ruxpin

on

A Will Ferrell-themed bar called Stay Classy just opened in New York City.

The space at 174 Rivington Street is decked out with posters of Ferrell's movies and portraits of the actor. The bar will host an Anchorman-themed Halloween party and an Elf holiday celebration later this year. [source]

How can you be a Will Ferrell-themed bar and not have a plum cocktail with a bluish hue?

So now there is a bar in New York City themed after Will Ferrell, and a restaurant in San Francisco named after a Will Ferrell film.

Idea: A MacGruber-themed "escape the room" attraction.

Will Ferrell's next three films, as listed on IMDb:

Tom's Dad
A dad tries to re-connect with his estranged 12-year-old son.

The House
A dad starts an illegal casino in his basement after he and his wife spend their daughter's college fund.

Daddy's Home
A step-dad's life is turned upside down when his step-kids' father comes back into their life.

High-Value Millennial Male

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John Carpenter headlining a music festival #welcometo2016

Your move, Coachella.

This is Trent Reznor in 10 years, right? Quake, Lost Highway, The Social Network, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Call of Duty: Black Ops II, Gone Girl…

Topical Halloween costumes are the lowest form of humour.

I think the Burger King Kids Club Gang would be a nifty group Halloween costume.

An oral history of why there was no Asian kid in this seemingly very inclusive gang. All they had to do was colour the nerd's hair black!

In a 2015 incarnation of this gang, Kid Vid would be wearing an Oculus Rift, Snaps would be Snapchats, Boomer would be riding a "hoverboard," and either Jaws or Lingo would be gay.

Rory: 2015 Burger King Kids Club Gang:

Hold on to me like a parasite or an endless fever dream

on

Marc Summers: When we tested physical challenges, all of our inside jokes became sexual. Everything became a dick joke. "If you do this, the fountain will erupt," y'know? It got ridiculously filthy. We never said "penis," "vagina," or "cum," or anything in front of the kids. But when we looked at each other, or got over to a corner, it was, "Look at that gigantic penis! It looks like a mountain just cumming!"

Summers: They initially wanted Soupy Sales to [host]. I was told they had offered the job to Dana Carvey on the same night he got the SNL offer. He took SNL.

We were up in the writers' suite. We looked out this window, and there was this huge slice of Swiss cheese being carried across the street. We said, "What are we doing?"

Summers: The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I was playing a theme park in San Jose, and I would always go through the audience and pick out people, just spontaneously. So I'm doing the show on Saturday, and there's a grown-up, like in his 30s, wearing this gigantic swastika around his neck. So I'm doing the first show at 1 o'clock, and he's jumping up and down — "Marc, pick me! Pick me!" — I don't pick him.

The second show, I go out, and he's in the same seat somehow, jumping up and down with his flapping swastika — "Marc, pick me!" — and I didn't do it. When I come back for the Sunday shows he's in the front row, and I don't pick him. He stands on his chair and yells, "You dirty fucking Jew! I'm going to kill you, you motherfucker! I come here for three shows and you don't pick me?!"