Adam Riff™

11. Bishop BJ Burger (Bust Down, S01E03)

Stray Observations

• Dick Enberg's son playing Dick Enberg (Winning Time, S01E01)
• ZAZ (Winning Time, S01E01)
• "You want one, Jack?"
  "No, I'm enjoying my sand dab." (Winning Time, S01E01)
• "I used to drink a lot of bourbon. I switched to vodka. You can smell it less." (Winning Time, S01E01)
• "Have some champagne before the coke. It's much better that way." (Winning Time, S01E01)

(Winning Time, S01E01)

• "Damn, you're right. Her dad's gonna see me thrust." (Grand Crew, S01E10)
• "So what you thinking about for these photographs? I already got some poses. You want the honey, the bunches, or the oats?" (Grand Crew, S01E10)
• Freaking to Michelle Branch's "All You Wanted" (Grand Crew, S01E10)
• "I'm sorry I put you and your buttocks through that for nothing." (Grand Crew, S01E10)
• </Grand Crew, S01>

(Pam and Tommy, S01E08)

• "All right, so what's going on with the Bond spoof?" (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• "They bumped us off the broadcast for fuck¡ng Beck." (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• "Who the fuck is Elizabeth Hurley?"
  "That's what I said."
  "Fuck Mike Myers." (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• ♫: Dial-up noise score (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• "Oh man, I feel terrible for women. They got to deal with us."
  "Yeah. You are not the greatest gender." (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• "It's my dick on that tape too, just the same as her pussy." (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• "Do not compliment me on my d¡ck, you fuck!" (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• ♫: Dolly Parton – "I Will Always Love You" (Pam and Tommy, S01E08)
• </Pam and Tommy>
• "I-I just wanted to shoot my friends, dad." (South Park, S25E05)
• "Seems pretty dangerous. What if the police thought that gun was real?"
  "No, it's safe. See? As long as your gun has a red tip and you're white, police won't shoot you." (South Park, S25E05)
• "What you do to Jergens lotion isn't right." (South Park, S25E05)
• Benjamin Earl Turner (Snowfall, S05E04)
• "No, you just got to open the panels up. Stuff these mοtherfuckers in there like I stuffed my dick in your mama's pussy last night."
  "My mama don't even like niggas…" (Snowfall, S05E04)
• "Don't debase yourself for a man who hasn't a single tureen on board." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E05)
• "Plus, I only know shanties, which are probably a little beneath the fancy britches crowd like you."
  "Oh, no! We love a good shanty." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E05)
• "Mark, would you help me hang the kelp?"
  "Hang the kelp? Why?"
  "Do you really want me to explain it?" (Severance, S01E05)
• "I'm here to observe Helly R. I am to watch her for signs of sadness, and verbally encourage her to forgo further suicide attempts. Upon request, I can also perform a hug." (Severance, S01E05)
• "But what happens when those parents discover their kids didn't get the big-ticket powers, like flight or laser eyes? They dump 'em here, a shit home for kids with shit powers. There's Boombox. He's got a speaker for a face, but all he can play is 'Only Wanna Be with You' by Hootie and the Blowfish. Picante Balls. He can melt anything with his testicles. Ranch Dressing Cum Squirter. That one's self-explanatory. Boobie Face." (The Boys: Diabolical, S01E02)

(The Boys: Diabolical, S01E02)

• "Shrimp girls, wait! Help me!" (The Boys: Diabolical, S01E02)

(The Boys: Diabolical, S01E02)

(The Boys: Diabolical, S01E02)

(The Boys: Diabolical, S01E08)

• "Okay, I've explained this to you all many times. I am not a custodian. I'm the head of Custodial Operations and Services."
  "Okay, so you head doo-doo man. That's still a custodian, dog. Even after Mario eats the star, that nigga's still a plumber." (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "But can they make the shrimp Impossible?" (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "And, as the functionary leader of this group…"
  "Function this dick."
  "Ha ha. Oh, damn, that was a good one." (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "And just as soon as that gorilla dunked from the free-throw line…" (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "Cuba Gooding Jr. spent years getting called 'white-washed,' and now he yells at white women with a chicken bucket on his head." (Bust Down, S01E01)
• Freddie Gibbs (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "Brandon T. Jackson. Who the fuck is Brandon T—"
  "You know Brandon T. Jackson! Don't you dare pretend not to know his work!" (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "Oh, my God, for the last time Nina, I didn't pee in the bed that night. I was out in the streets and peed on myself, then went to bed. Just 'cause you weren't around for the conception of the pee pee doesn't mean you can judge."
  "No, okay, I'm not debating pee pee." (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "The biggest problem with the phrase 'sexual assault' is it makes you feel all yucky, like when you found out why Martin ended." (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "Enough of that shit. No one cares you're 53 with ferrets. I have something un-ferret-related to say. Male molestation. What is it?" (Bust Down, S01E01)
• "Asian people are saying the N word now? Oh, we gotta remaster all the Rush Hours. Jackie, gun. 'Can't you see I'm hanging off a chandelier doing kung fu, nigga?'" (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "But why cheat? Right? Were you, were you unhappy? Was Nina making you lift stuff?" (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "I can feel her walls closing in on me."
  "And not her pussy walls?"
  "No, Chris, not her pussy walls." (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "Chris."
  "What?"
  "This isn't a real bank. That's why you see all these pictures of urethras on the walls." (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "And besides, you don't think I could provide for my kid? I'm not some down and out single mom. I got a good job, I only eat hot dogs by choice, and I mind my damn business. Unlike you. Me and my baby good over here."
  "But your baby is eating steak in the sun." (Bust Down, S01E02)
• Watchmen (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "Psst, I got this cum."
  "Sorry, I don't have any cash."
  "Come on, y'all. Step right up. Get the seed from a man who can bench 140. Easy. Three AP Psych credits. Bald by choice. Come on, y'all. No over-jack fees, huh? No over-jack. First taste is free. Hey, you want that Chris P. cream, baby? Chris P. cream. Not the donut, but my nut." (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "It's almost as if me and that baby are meant to be together. Like crackheads and shopping carts, or The-Dream and sunglasses." (Bust Down, S01E02)
• "Chris! Go back out, and come back in better."
  "Oh, was that no bueno? 'Cause I was gonna wear all white, you know what I mean, stand on your roof like a Boyz II Men member or Shawn Michaels at the WrestleMania, you know what I mean, but I don't wear white after my birthday because of all the loose period sex I had. I ruined all the mattresses."
  "No. No, no, no." (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "Okay, negro illiteracy is funny to you now? Fantasia would roll over in her grave." (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "These are the shoes that Jesus wore when he gave everybody tilapia." (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "I'll 9/11 your face!" (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "I'm a Maybach – Black on the outside, but you best believe that interior is butterscotch." (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "Ayesha Curry!" (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "We don't pick on you 'cause you're light-skinned. We pick on you because you're Langston."
  "Yeah. Like, like, if Slim Thug came in right now and said, 'I need some honey mustard,' we'd just give him the honey mustard."
  "Exactly. But if I ask for it, you go, 'Oh, her highness wants some mustard with her honey.' That's crazy."
  "Yeah, but that's because Slim Thug is 6'6" and you wear Toms, bro." (Bust Down, S01E03)
• "I am a connoisseur of bitches. A sommelier of snatch, if you will. I've been fucking bitches a long time, all kind of bitches. Goth bitches, equestrian hoes, administrative shorties that pretend to know Excel, but they do not." (Bust Down, S01E04)
• "Anyways, men fuck broke bitches all the time. How is what Chris doing any different?"
  "That's exactly right, Dr. Sam. How is that any different, huh? I was broke. I was throwing dick in exchange for asylum. Now, why can't these ladies suck on me for survival, nigga?"
  "Because they need money and food for survival, not a nigga who stands on his tippy-toes in his pictures."
  "If a bitch tall, what you gonna do?"
  "Mm, well, people want what they want, dude. Like, do you think Toni Braxton knew she was gonna end up with Birdman when she sang 'Unbreak My Heart'?" (Bust Down, S01E04)
• "I watch all his IG Lives and his videos at the gas pump." (Bust Down, S01E04)
• "Why don't you just give everybody their money back, so they can spend it on something better, like honey buns or playing kickball, instead of making us look at this…I don't know, fucking Pac-Man."
  "Nigga, that's a pie chart."
  "It ain't better than honey buns! Who want to play kickball? Hat. Hat. Little Mr. T. hair. Come on. Old man that's all in brown." (Bust Down, S01E04)
• "Oh, okay, so just because I'm homeless, I can't have an aesthetic? You are very pretentious, Hermit Miller."
  "[laughter] She called you a crab with a last name." (Bust Down, S01E04)
• "Me and my mom are cool, bro. We like Young Thug and Gunna. Like, she birthed me, but we be fucking the same hoes." (Bust Down, S01E05)
• "Everybody knows only two places Black people get on. It's the church and the strip club, and since I'm banned from Smokey's on the east side, church gonna have to do."
  "Ah, you got banned again, huh?"
  "Man, they was tripping, okay? Remember when Nelly slid that credit card down a girl booty for that video?"
  "Uh, yeah."
  "I did the same thing. I used the chip, though, 'cause I'm in the future."
  "So…so Chip Drill?"
  "Mm-hmm."
  "Yeah, Chip Drill will get you banned."
  "And make your credit card all dirty. Smelled like different stuff for a loooong time." (Bust Down, S01E05)
• "My BMI is perfect, bitch." (Bust Down, S01E05)
• "He buttery as hell." (Bust Down, S01E05)
• Naruto run (Bust Down, S01E05)
• "Come on. We're Seinfeld. You're the lady, and we're all Kramer yelling 'nigga.'" (Bust Down, S01E06)
• "Mirror Klay Thompson?" (Bust Down, S01E06)
• "And that means you've won a free trip to the mall with Indiana back-up guard Justin Holiday."
  "Jrue Holiday's brother? Damn, that's dope."
  "That's right, Mr. Locker Room himself. You've seen him almost play." (Bust Down, S01E06)
• "Yo, Sam, what you think of these? 'Injustice.' 'Reparations.' 'Oppression.' You know, "FernGully.' 'Voter Suppression.'" (Bust Down, S01E06)
• </Bust Down, S01>

10. No Cap (Wheel of Fortune, 01 Mar 2022)

Stray Observations

• "Wait, are you on Instagram or Twitter?"
  "Hell no." (Euphoria, S02E08)
• "Get the fuck off of the horse." (Euphoria, S02E08)
• "I have a lot of 'I'm sorry's' to do, but not a lot of 'I forgive you's.'" (Euphoria, S02E08)
• ♫: Dominic Fike and Zendaya – "Elliot's Song" (Euphoria, S02E08)
• "Jules was my first love. I'd like to remember it that way. I don't know if that's actually true, though. I think I was high for too much of it." (Euphoria, S02E08)
• ♫: Labrinth and Zendaya – "I'm Tired" (Euphoria, S02E08)
• </Euphoria, S02>
• "So why don't you be a good boy and fuck off out of my Airbnb?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "We still want to be parents and child with you." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• John Amos (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Lissons Kiddo Ranch" (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Look at Joe Jonas! He likes it!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Let's touch tips." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "I had baby Lionel, but he fell in the toilet." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

• "No, you're fuck¡ng privileged!"
  "Hell I am! You're privileged!"
  "You're privileged the most." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "I'm so sorry I told everybody that you have a tiny pecker and that you don't provide for me and the girls, 'cause you do provide. You're a real good daddy."
  "I am? And I got a big pecker? Bigger than Waylon's?"
  "You provide for the girls." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Remember, Aunt Tiffy, what I told you about when you bathe."
  "ABC."
  "That's right. Angles, butthole, coochie." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "BJ, if we ever had a baby, do you promise you'd still want to fuck me even if my sh¡t got played out by the kid?"
  "Judy, I'd love nothing more than to bang your played-out mother pussy for the rest of my days." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

• </The Righteous Gemstones, S02>
• "Gay sleepover." (Better Things, S05E01)
• ♫: Bloodhound Gang – "Fire Water Burn" (Better Things, S05E01)
• Marty Krofft (Better Things, S05E02)
• "Welcome to Van Nuys." (Better Things, S05E02)
• "That was not… You-you're too young to know it."
  "I'm 54." (Better Things, S05E02)
• ♫: Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats – "S.O.B." (Better Things, S05E02)
• "♪ Young dick, get out of my life / My love for you is way out of line / You better run, dick / You're much too young, dick ♪"(Better Things, S05E02)
• "We in a screensaver, y'all. The simulation is real."
  "Mamma mia, I feel like I'm in the hillsides of Italy."
  "Ray Liotta." (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• "So this one is our 2015 estate Syrah, one of our trademark wines from one of our best vintages."
  "Oh, okay. See, this, this one is, um…free." (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• "Now, I'm not a rom-com guy like you, but shouldn't you be meeting her halfway with this running stuff?"
  "Oh, snap, you're right, but she's so close, it's too late." (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• ♫: Tkay Maidza – "Where Is My Mind?" (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• "You are to cause no drama, no conflict, do nothing that complicates things for me, screws things up for me, such as beating up Jay Leno." (Pam and Tommy, S01E07)
• </jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy>

(The Goldbergs, S09E15)

(South Park, S25E04)

• "Mr. Mackey, we were just here to try and give that pony diarrhea by feeding it Erewhon." (South Park, S25E04)
• </Next Level Chef, S01>
• "How much you hear?"
  "Sounded like Old Testament this time."
  "Fuck." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Get your ass up and get that blood off my floor." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "And make sure he don't bleed all over my baby's balloons." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "I'm sorry for…shooting you and all. I'm glad you didn't not make it." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Uh-uh, nigga." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Jerome Saint, how's it going?"
  "It's your world, nigga." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "2PCE187" license plate (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "What if she know?"
  "What if who knows what?"
  "She's supposed to be psychic, right?" (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Rest your spirit." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Look, take as much time as you need. But not too much time. Bitches is broke." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "What would you like, Queen Louie?" (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Talk like a wooden boy."
  "Do the wooden boy voice."
  "Do the wooden boy voice!" (Our Flag Means Death, S01E01)
• "I'm forming a small search party to retrieve the hostages from their pee." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E02)
• "No, look, I'm incredible at keeping secrets. My mom thought I liked girls for years." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E02)
• "All right, it's a bit gentrified, but it's still the Republic of Pirates." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "Man for sale! Healthy, sturdy, obedient man for sale!"
  "Listen, I think you might wanna adjust the pitch because it's quite unclear what you're selling." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "Uh, please bring us a round of your finest wine."
  "We're out of wine."
  "Well, then what's this all over my boy?"
  "That's blood. I mean, we serve that. Do you want blood?"
  "I think we'll go for something stronger." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "My noses!" (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "What are you doing?"
  "His ego's pissed 'cause Helly called him out for boot-licking." (Severance, S01E04)
• </The Afterparty, S01>