Adam Riff™

47. Republican or Not (Saturday Night Live, S47E07)

Honourable Mention

• Simu and Bowen (Saturday Night Live, S47E07)

Stray Observations

• Kyle Chandler! (Mayor of Kingstown, S01E01)

» Eminem as White Boy Rick (BMF, S01E07)

• "I looked it up and rabbits aren't supposed to eat bagels."
  "Okay, Bianca. Let the rabbit have some bagel. Those rules are for fuckheads who're gonna go to Tampa and leave a rabbit with a Big Gulp and a dozen cinnamon raisin." (Succession, S03E05)
• "Eagles Aerie out!" (Succession, S03E05)
• "And now I hear that you've dispensed with Roger's services, presumably to throw your lot in with my brother and his gang of crapulous shills?" (Succession, S03E05)
• "Because, Greg, your life is not a bagatelle." (Succession, S03E05)
• "Just call our doctor."
  "But the doctor does, uh, people?
  "Yeah, if he can do people, he can do rabbits." (Succession, S03E05)
• "First, they came for the PJs, and I said nothing. Then they come for the outsized compensation payments, you know?" (Succession, S03E05)
• "You guys off to the bathroom?"
  "What fucking business is it of yours?" (Succession, S03E05)
• "We are a complicated coalition. And Sandy is the angriest fucking vegetable."
  "All right, listen. I can salvage this. I'm on my way to talk to them."
  "Good luck. The fucking belligerent zucchini here is set to close the negotiations for good."
  "Okay, just, just hang tight, dude. Puppet Master's on it." (Succession, S03E05)
• "Okay. Uh…he's got a fucking UTI."
  "What? Seriously? Well, is that—I mean, no. It's not that fucking serious, right?"
  "What? At his age, that can make you crazy. Reagan had one and nearly nuked Belgium." (Succession, S03E05)
• "We actually don't know when he went piss-mad."
  "No, no, I suspect that he's been piss-mad for quite a while."
  "Oh, do you? The fucking Hercule Poirot of fucking piss over here." (Succession, S03E05)
• "I'm the only one who's allowed to be nasty." (Succession, S03E05)
• "Dad said no deal!"
  "No, he didn't! His urethra had wrested control from his brain!" (Succession, S03E05)
• "Gerri, we need someone sensible to talk to the, uh…President right now…urgently on an urgent personal matter."
  "I'll talk to him, the little bitch, here." (Succession, S03E05)
• "I'm just most horny when you're the most fertile, you know. I'm just vibing to your sexy window." (Succession, S03E05)
• "He's not even wearing a tie." (Succession, S03E05)
• "You're going to sue Greenpeace?" (Succession, S03E05)
• "Shiv being a bitch?" (Succession, S03E05)
• "'We need to talk.' Words you never want to hear from your doctor or your girlfriend." (Dexter, S09E02)
• "Now look at you. You're the queer Kamala." (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
• "You got it?"
  "Got six words for you, my friend. Lucy…in the Sky…with Diamonds."
  "That is, like, the least efficient way to say that." (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
• "If you come inside me, I will raise the baby out of spite and train it to become a killing machine that eventually hunts you down." (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
• "Tell me you love me. I won't hold you to it, okay?" (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
• "I wear a size nine."
  "Why you proud of that? Also, round up, nigga. Round up in public, shit!" (Insecure, S05E04)
• "And I'm just like, what does that mean? If your pussy a ghost, is my pussy a ghost?" (Insecure, S05E04)
• "You a fan of Derulo?" (Insecure, S05E04)
• "You got tattoos? Okay, so what's this one mean?"
  "The Chinese symbol for 'good dick.'" (Insecure, S05E04)
• "Should I fuck him?"
  "If you want to. What that 'nani say?"
  "'It's a yes from me, dawg.'" (Insecure, S05E04)
• "She said come around back, but hurry, because Jason just started doin' close-up magic." (Insecure, S05E04)
• "Even Black people don't like to see Black people eat fucking watermelon." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
• "There are no ties in optometry." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
• "When the exam was over, she dropped a Pirate's Booty on the floor." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
• "Pick up the fucking grape, Woody!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
• "Those second fridges area giant waste of energy, like Las Vegas." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
• Eating spaghetti out of a cooler (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
• "No more Spotify Premium until you start acting like a good kid." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
• "I wish there was something I could tell Nicole, but, unless you're an adult who gets it, like, say, Billie Joe Armstrong, it will fall on deaf teen ears." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
• The doll from Cult of Chucky with burnt fingers (Chucky, S01E06)
• Jennifer Tilly playing poker (Chucky, S01E06)
• Cape Fear (Chucky, S01E06)
• R.I.P. every character's mother (Chucky, S01E06)
• "They have the Au Cheval burger here." (South Side, S02E04)
• "You know, inspiration can strike you at the oddest time, just like your mother." (South Side, S02E05)
• "It's okay. It's okay, Vic Mensa." (South Side, S02E06)
• I went home with this big-ass nigga, LaCarver. He said he was named after LaDainian Tomlinson and George Washington Carver." (South Side, S02E06)
• "Oh, snap. Scottie Pippen is kicking it with Da Brat."
  "I wanna see him."
  "I know. Look, you can watch The Last Dance again." (South Side, S02E06)
• "We were going to finally prove that giardiniera was invented by a Black man."
  "I knew it!"
  "Here's here today. His name is Gil Cousins."
  "Alright."
  "He did not bring any giardiniera." (South Side, S02E06)
• "And on that corner where y'all shot Lil' Reese…"
  "Yes."
  "…you gon' make a left." (South Side, S02E06)
• "Get him out of here! Take him out in the alley! Beat his ass. Pour pineapple Ciroc on his wounds, okay?" (South Side, S02E06)
• "Mr. Trinidad James! Alive and okay." (South Side, S02E06)
• "They played their song 'Take Her Out Tonight' on Fake Shore Drive, and people love it, man." (South Side, S02E06)
• "You remember when I was gonna be the hood's answer to Tim McGraw?"
  "Yeah, of course I do. You wore those beautiful chaps, man." (South Side, S02E06)
• "Man dem, Top Boy, run dat choon!" (South Side, S02E06)
• "Is this real D'ussé? I specifically said that I wanted Evan Williams in D'ussé bottles." (South Side, S02E06)
• "It was cool, but, you know, at the end of the day, I was still a little bit like, 'Please stop blowing up my phone every five minutes, Jesse Jackson!'" (South Side, S02E06)
• "Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you all been waiting for. Get ready to say 'nigga' way too many times. Put your hands together for Mr. Trinidad James!" (South Side, S02E06)
• [sniffing] "Evan Williams?" (South Side, S02E06)
• "What's a casino? Are you kidding me? It's like, um, if the happiest place on Earth had a baby with the saddest place." (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E03)
• "Stop using grooming as a weapon!" (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E05)
• "Who's Tom Petty? I mean, he's like if, uh…if weed as a person." (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E06)
• ♫: Michael Nau – "While You Stand" (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E08)
• "I got to the afterlife, and it was an awesome place. Fire everywhere. Super dramatic. Uh, you know, little bit like Reno, but better. Slayer playing. Dragons everywhere." (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E10)
• Marvel's Hit-Monkey Season Grade: C
• "I just don't want an accident. Some loyalist in the hallway grabs you, smacks your delightfully shaped skull against a wall until it shatters and caves in, killing you and Paul. You know, can you imagine how upset I'd be? I'd fuck your dead body for days. I want you to know that."
  "Jesus."
  "Exactly. My love is strong." (The Great, S02E01)
• "Oh. You're doing the frog?"
  "Yes, I'm doing the frog."
  "It is discredited hocus pocus. Instead I will insert this sage bundle into the royal cunt and that will do what the frog purports to." (The Great, S02E01)
• "Don't be a blamer, George, or I will never fuck you with my tongue so that you literally melt in my mouth again." (The Great, S02E01)
• "I thank you, but I have dirt to eat and my own counsel to take."
  "Head not heart, Catherine."
  "Reason not rage, Orlo."
  "There's a worm in that clump." (The Great, S02E01)
• "But the way she was cruel to him broke something in him. A child should float in a bubble of love so that nothing can touch them, at least while they're young."
  "Was that what you did with Igor?"
  "I did. I at least know I did that."
  "How did he die?"
  "Drowned in the lake." (The Great, S02E01)
• "I'll make a little weed salsa verde." (The Great, S02E01)
• "The more you toy with me, the harder my cock gets. There are softer oak trees." (The Great, S02E01)
• ♫: Perfume Genius – "Queen" (The Great, S02E01)
• "Oh, let us kill him slowly until he realizes he's been abandoned by God." (The Great, S02E02)
• "Are you crying?"
  "If it will help, yes." (The Great, S02E02)
• "'Give her your fear as you gave it me. Fuck with her, you fuck with me.'" (The Great, S02E02)
• "I assume you came with a question, as I know you would have the good grace not to interrupt a man who has a bowl of wine." (The Great, S02E02)
• "Are you sucking on a nail?"
  "I am, and I will not be shamed." (The Great, S02E04)
• "If it precipitates war, I'm all for it."
  "What a surprising position for you to take." (The Great, S02E04)
• "Call me when you feel the need for masturbation." (The Great, S02E04)
• "I say each wall different. You know, green for the love of nature. That one will be yellow for the sunshine of a new day, then this one dark red as blood for his future. Then one, whatever the color of crispy pork is." (The Great, S02E04)
• "Out of bounds, Tatyana. He's on cum patrol!" (The Great, S02E04)
• "He has us in a pincer movement. We can wriggle, but how do we break free?"
  "I thought the answer was next."
  "More a summation of the position." (The Great, S02E05)
• "You used to eat crotch bread yourself." (The Great, S02E05)
• ♫: Angel Olsen – "Shut Up Kiss Me" (The Great, S02E05)
• "I see, you are to toy with me longer. It is a mean streak I do not appreciate, even though I appreciate them generally, and it is dull, as we could be having more fun, and much varied fornication and good times eating chocolate‐dipped grapes while we bathe together and I toe‐fuck you." (The Great, S02E06)
• "One never forgets one's wet nurse. Half the people in this room have drunk her milk." (The Great, S02E06)
• "A boy should not see his mother fucked in the face." (The Great, S02E08)
• "We just need to ride her out. She will get bored of venison schnitzel and leave." (The Great, S02E08)

» Gillian Anderson licking a fig (The Great, S02E08)

• "However, the indelible imprint of the royal cunt cannot be faked." (The Great, S02E08)
• "I bless this ground. May it be left empty and the sounds we hear in a few days' time are the insane pained shrieks of woman giving birth to a wailing, shitting child, gifted by God with health and wealth…rather than the images of the dead grey carcasses of your beloved." (The Great, S02E08)
• "Who a woman marries defines her life, only kings for mine." (The Great, S02E08)
• "What tree are you imagining us against?"
  "Oh, uh, the birch." (The Great, S02E08)
• "You have the most beautiful skin. Sitting here, I was overwhelmed by a desire to razor it off and make wallpaper from it." (The Great, S02E08)
• "Killing, pillaging, and they will eventually take it if we do not respond. It‐it‐it's like a pie. You take a bite, you want to keep taking another."
  "Well, the pie analogy is quite telling." (The Great, S02E08)
• "You are fond of Peter. And why not? Handsome as hell. He's a taste one wants in one's mouth." (The Great, S02E08)
• "I gave him a small bit of foie gras before. He made a sound like a dove coming." (The Great, S02E09)
• "I insert this in you. You hold it up there until your walls naturally contract around it, re-tightening the royal cunt." (The Great, S02E09)
• "We can beg. Well, Agnes can. I have this knee that clicks when I get on my knees."
  "Whereas I love getting on my knees."
  "You used to." (The Great, S02E09)
• ♫: Love – "Everybody's Gotta Live" (The Great, S02E09)
• "In case you can't see, I am in the middle of fucking this solider while he is being slightly asphyxiated by a macaron." (The Great, S02E10)
• The Great Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

46. Hot Ones (South Side, S02E01)

Honourable Mention

• Kelly Clarkson Covers "Welcome To The Black Parade" By My Chemical Romance (The Kelly Clarkson Show, 11 Nov 21)

Stray Observations

• "Conference call jokes are just the best jokes, huh?" (Succession, S03E04)
• "'Little Lord Fuckleroy'…has left the call." (Succession, S03E04)
• "On Kendall? Woke-ahontas?" (Succession, S03E04)
• "Uh, not today, Roman, I have a date."
  "Fuck off! With who? Montgomery Clift? The Ghost of Christmas Past?" (Succession, S03E04)
• "Rabbit-cam, for the kids." (Succession, S03E04)
• "I'm headed straight to Josh's compound. Tell Dad, 'Meep-meep!' It's from Road Runner." (Succession, S03E04)
• Kendall and Logan awkward silence (Succession, S03E04)
• "Well, you know, Beatles put out some of their best shit when they were suing each other. Right?"
  "Yeah, good band."
  "Uh-huh. Great band."
  "Good band." (Succession, S03E04)
• "And I am going to be down in a dungeon somewhere, sucking off ogres for phone cards." (Succession, S03E04)
• "Nero and Sporus. I don't— That is not IP I'm familiar with." (Succession, S03E04)
• "I'd castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat." (Succession, S03E04)
• "You're so hard to riff with." (Succession, S03E04)
• "But in terms of the temperature?"
  "Uh, it's attritional, huh?" (Succession, S03E04)
• "And I thought, 'What if I forget to burp the toilet wine?'" (Succession, S03E04)
• "There's a line."
  "Nothing is a line. Everything everywhere is always moving forever." (Succession, S03E04)
• More Kendall and Logan awkward silence (Succession, S03E04)
• "You know something, son? I'd sooner get fucked by a spic in a shower block than see you have it." (Succession, S03E04)
• ♫: Drew Love, Loshendrix, and Mike Hector – "Snoring" (Insecure, S05E03)
• "What happened?"
  "Um, I guess my baby was just born?" (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Mom did great. Couldn't have gone smoother. Very little tearing." (Insecure, S05E03)
• Keke Palmer (Insecure, S05E03)
• "You gon' be there when they cut his little tallywacker, right?"
  "I mean, that didn't come up, but hell yeah."
  "You gotta make sure they don't cut off too much. Happened to my cousin. I didn't look, but he told me. Still a stunnin' nigga, though." (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Classic Alarm" feed alarm sound (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Shake my hand, son."
  "Oh, blessed me with a five." (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Oh, so she made an Evite, and you gave up on your baby's soul." (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Ashy Larry strikes again." (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Hey, y'all got Peppa Pig?"
  "No, no, no. That's Pepper Pig with a hard 'R.' You know, there was copyright issues, and the snout's a little off." (Insecure, S05E03)
• "Happy Birthday, Simone, an angel amongst demons." (Insecure, S05E03)
• "I liked it. They liked it."
  "Mm-hmm."
  "They liked it? Or they liked it?"
  "All three of them."
  "I'm not non-binary. I'm only a 'they' when I'm with a group of people." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "Hey, Larry, come for Shabbos dinner one of these weekends. We had Bari Weiss last Friday night." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "They can't fucking middle." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "You couldn't pay me to listen to advice from a stage three. Stage four only!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "Are you saying I achieved Goebbels lying status?
  "Yeah, yeah, you're—"
  "Because Goebbels is the GOAT." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "I take all the elements of an ED pill and I infuse it into a beverage. I call it 'tap water.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "She's practicing her lines and she's gyrating. Look at her. Look."
  "Eat them latkes! [moans]" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "Anyway, if you need any advice about anything at all, he's possessed with stage four wisdom." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
• "Do you think he could work here two or three days a week?"
  "Well… It's 2018 and the economy's booming…" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E01)
• "One time, I almost didn't chaperone a field trip downstate because I accidentally watched Final Destination 5. I was horrified the Mackinac Bridge would collapse when the bus went over." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E02)
• "Pain's a lot easier if you let someone feel it with you." (Chucky, S01E05)
• ♫: Lauv – "Modern Loneliness" (Chucky, S01E05)
• ♫: Yeah Yeah Yeahs – "Heads Will Roll" (Chucky, S01E05)
• "Okay, finally, on page 154. I'm-I'm looking at a legal argument. Here we go: "grounds for impeachment." It… No, it's just more sex." (American Crime Story, S03E10)
• "Nobody deserves Linda Tripp." (American Crime Story, S03E10)
• "Ingraham might know. She's dating Lindsey Graham now." (American Crime Story, S03E10)
• "Ugh, God, another Clinton woman."
  "Aren't the Grammys on?" (American Crime Story, S03E10)
• American Crime Story Season Grade: C
• "You're a hard-working man who wants to eat a steak that he bought off a website. That story is old as the hills." (South Side, S02E01)
• "I don't want to watch BET+. Who is Ayala? Did they reboot the teen summit?" (South Side, S02E01)
• "Martinez has been compiling a complete list. And there's some new gangs. The Slashos, the HKs. The Jerks? That's a gang?"
  "Uh, no, sir. That's a Jamaican spot up the street. I think some of those are lunch places that I wanted to try out."
  "The Chimichangas?"
  "Cold-blooded killers. My cousin one."
  "Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna read this list, and, Martinez, you're gonna tell me if this is your lunch or it is a gang we gotta worry about."
  "10-4."
  "Cold Glass of Water?"
  "That's a gang. They drown people."
  "Death Squad?"
  "That is a, uh, hot-sauce spot off of Halsted."
  "GSAs, aka The Granny Smith Apples."
  "That is a ruthless gang."
  "The Drunken Noodles?"
  "That's my favorite Thai street food."
  "The Gizzards?"
  "That's a gang."
  "The Bridgeport Mashers."
  "That's a mashed potato place."
  "The Banh Mi."
  "Sir, that's a French-Asian fusion gang."
  "Okay, and last but not least is Chicago Style Pizzas. I'm going out on a limb. That's a gang?"
  "You right." (South Side, S02E02)
• "I'm on Tinder, Finder, Blinder, Grindr – nah, just playing with you – Bumble, Stumble, Tumble, and, of course, Negro Search." (South Side, S02E02)
• "Oh, I can cuss. I can cuss with the best of the them. Vagina!" (South Side, S02E02)
• "Distract him, Simon!"
  "Hey, Terry, what did you watch on TV last night?"
  "Eyewitness news."
  "What's your favorite song?"
  "'Summer Breeze.'"
  "Alright. There we go. Who did— Who sings that?"
  "The Isley Brothers. I love Ron Isley!"
  "Who's your favorite member of TLC?"
  "Quietly, T-Boz." (South Side, S02E02)
• "That bartender look like Rhymefest."
  "Yeah. Looks like." (South Side, S02E02)
• "Ooh, girl, Dusty Byfuglien looking at you." (South Side, S02E03)
• "Oh, you're Allen Gayle. Oh, I pictured somebody dark-skinned. Damn. This is as disappointing as the first time I saw Ludacris." (South Side, S02E03)
• "Introducing the RTO-patented Gyrobot."
  "Opa!"
  "Like a lot of you, I thought it was a robot wearing a karate gi."
  "None of us thought that." (South Side, S02E03)
• "He breakin' my heart. I should just throw myself off this couch and kill myself right now!"
  "It would be a light sprain." (South Side, S02E03)
• "We need to lift this word up. We claimed it now. We should make it the new crypto. 'Nigga' as a crypto."
  "I'm sorry. You're hoping to invest and get other people to invest?"
  "I'm just saying, brother—"
  "Buying and selling…"
  "It's— It's—"
  "…niggas."
  "You're gonna monetize that word?"
  "As a coin."
  "I'm just saying there's value in niggas."
  "By reintroducing slavery as a concept." (South Side, S02E03)
• "Allen Gayle waits in line at In-N-Out. For a mediocre burger." (South Side, S02E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

45. Still unfallen but about to fall (The Love Trap, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• Beulr (Shark Tank, S13E05)

Stray Observations

• "What is it with you and this damn gun? You almost look like you dating it."
  "Oh, this saved my mother from an abusive relationship. Watched over me countless nights crossing enemy territory. Shit. sealed countless deals. This ain't a gat. It's family." (BMF, S01E06)
• "Poverty is not a scapegoat for immorality." (BMF, S01E06)
• "That rat sets one foot inside this building, I'll punch him in the nose, okay?"
  "Well, I think that's the grown-up solution that keeps everyone happy." (Succession, S03E03)

Ratioed (Succession, S03E03)

• "Should I give 'em something?"
  "Yeah."
  "Fuck the patriarchy!" (Succession, S03E03)
• "I've always been self-conscious about my wrists."
  "You have normal wrists."
  "Thanks, that is very nice of you to say. You have some nice wrists yourself." (Succession, S03E03)
• "I'm gonna need to give it back."
  "No, no, no, no. It has your patina now."
  "No, I don't have patina." (Succession, S03E03)
• Ziwe (Succession, S03E03)
• "Mondale's not well. Mondale's unsettled." (Succession, S03E03)
• ♫: Nirvana – "Rape Me" (Succession, S03E03)
• Kendall giving the peace sign (Succession, S03E03)
• "You would have to say it's accurate."
  "Yeah, accurate like Oswald was accurate." (Succession, S03E03)
• "It's a Times New Roman firing squad." (Succession, S03E03)
• "I would like some consideration. I would like some suck-suck on my dicky-dick."
  "Same. I'm feeling brutally un-suck-sucked right now." (Succession, S03E03)
• "I never figured you for a faggot." (Succession, S03E03)
• "Paranoid Kendroid" (Succession, S03E03)
• "I'm-a embrace it, Kelly Rowland." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Oh, girl. I had to get out the house. My roommate and her man be fuckin' too loud. My roommate is my mama, and her man is my daddy." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "I rework trap songs for the Lord." (Insecure, S05E02)
• ♫: "Jesus Gang" (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Yeah, I don't know how you show perseverance without lowriders." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Girl, I could never be friends with somebody whose dick I've seen." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "You know, I saw him when we had beach day at the church. Jesus, be a thigh." (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Uhh, bitch, have you lost your mind? Dasani?" (Insecure, S05E02)
• "Fuck. I'm all cryin' in your mouth." (Insecure, S05E02)
• Dylan O'Brien and the Entrails (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "Pee before you leave. That's my credo." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "So let's just agree to disagree."
  "No, I don't agree to disagree. I disagree to disagree." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• ♫: The Presidents of the United States of America – "Peaches" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "I started a restaurant where you can sit and eat a meal with your dog next to you outside. First of its kind."
  "You didn't start the first one. I see people sitting outdoor…"
  "Show me one place. Name one, name one other restaurant that does that, where you can bring your dog outside."
  "Burger King." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• "So what's your little guy's name?"
  "Oh. Oh, uh, Dumpster."
  "Dumpster? Right. 'Cause you found him…"
  "Found him in a dumpster!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E02)
• Y: The Last Man Season Grade: C
• "Junior, you like cross-country, right?"
  "What?"
  "You're not just doing it 'cause I want you to?"
  "No. No."
  'Cause I wouldn't want that. You gotta do it 'cause you love it. I wanna hear it."
  "I love cross-country." (Chucky, S01E04)
• "The world's gonna be better off without her. Just one less little vicious Karen on training wheels." (Chucky, S01E04)
• "From the minute I first saw you, you know, I couldn't stand your fucking face. I don't know. Maybe I'm just projecting." (Chucky, S01E04)

(Chucky, S01E04)

• "And I hate Linda Tripp."
  "I know that's right!" (American Crime Story, S03E09)
• "You think I liked moving to California, where I've never seen so many people who smile while they hate you…?" (American Crime Story, S03E09)
• "H-he raped her."
  "We can't be cluttering the report with all the various sexual experiences from his past."
  "So, should we not put her in the report at all?"
  "It can be an appendix if you want. Put her in a footnote." (American Crime Story, S03E09)
• "My God, this flat Earth nonsense."
  "After years of being ridiculed for our beliefs, it's so nice to have someone on our side that's a respected scientist and not just a respected NBA player." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "Did I tell you guys about my RPG tournament in high school? It was…"
  "High-stakes Elder Scrolls." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "They got guns?"
  "They're adult men who still use chat rooms. Of course they have guns." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "All right, Glenn, the best way to prove you're not fat is to kill people." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• "Harold, YouTube and Joe Rogan are lying for your money and attention. Most conspiracies are just capitalism." (Inside Job, S01E06)
• Marilyn Manson (Inside Job, S01E07)
• "No! Reagan! I loved her, and she fell in garbage and exploded." (Inside Job, S01E07)
• "Whoa, look out, Michelangelo. A cyberbully. On fleek."
  "Whoa, Leo's TikTok is deadass lit!"
  "Jesus, they're still making these?"
  "Yaass, Krang!" (Inside Job, S01E08)
• "And I'll replant the American flag."
  "Brett, that's a flag of Rasta Garfield."
  "Damn it, CafePress." (Inside Job, S01E08)
• "Thanks, bros. Sacrificing yourself to the state is bae." (Inside Job, S01E09)
• "You are acting cheugy right now, Reagan." (Inside Job, S01E09)
• "I don't think any of you even know what my damn last name is."
  "I wanna say 'Luigi'?" (Inside Job, S01E09)
• "Bear-o is supposed to make Reagan happy."
  "I'm not unhappy, Bear-o. I'm just… How do you explain resting bitch face to a robot?" (Inside Job, S01E10)
• "Why don't you go to homecoming with a book?"
  "Literacy burn. Nice!" (Inside Job, S01E10)
• "Glenn, if I look down, you better not have a war boner right now."
  "He's got one. I'm boner height." (Inside Job, S01E10)
• Inside Job Season Grade: C
• "Are we there yet? Because if we don't stop soon, I'm gonna pee in my Nalgene." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "Welcome to Schwimmer's, Dale, the dopest deli on Fairfax."
  "Awesome. What's good here?"
  "Nothing. They got a 'B' rating, and everything's, like, $40." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "No disrespect, Phyllis, but Guns N' Roses sucked ass."
  "No, sir, they ate pussy, and lots of it! ♫ Sha-na-na-na-na-na-knees, knees! ♫" (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "All right, so a drop is… How do I put this in Caucasian?" (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "What's so special about Latrine?"
  "Bro, it's the holy grail of streetwear. They make everything from hoodies to fire extinguishers."
  "So, like an expensive Walmart." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "Sorry about your drone, Tru."
  "Untitled Shit Project, shelved once again." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "That's right, I googled her. A-And Benny. What about Travis Scott, a.k.a. Cactus Jack, a.k.a. Jacques Bermon Webster II? Yep, googled him, too. And Truman, I'm sorry, I fell asleep after googling Travis, but the point is, the only way you're gonna become a world-renowned filmmaker is by taking a risk." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "Never underestimate the power of a galbi fart." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "My life is over. I'm never gonna be an influencer and all my friends hate me."
  "Oh, your life ain't over, honey. You're white. You're gonna get a million second chances."
  "Well, I-I don't know how to piggyback off that." (Fairfax, S01E01)
• "What the hell are you doing? I haven't talked on the phone since the fourth grade." (Fairfax, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows