Adam Riff™

10. No Cap (Wheel of Fortune, 01 Mar 2022)

Stray Observations

• "Wait, are you on Instagram or Twitter?"
  "Hell no." (Euphoria, S02E08)
• "Get the fuck off of the horse." (Euphoria, S02E08)
• "I have a lot of 'I'm sorry's' to do, but not a lot of 'I forgive you's.'" (Euphoria, S02E08)
• ♫: Dominic Fike and Zendaya – "Elliot's Song" (Euphoria, S02E08)
• "Jules was my first love. I'd like to remember it that way. I don't know if that's actually true, though. I think I was high for too much of it." (Euphoria, S02E08)
• ♫: Labrinth and Zendaya – "I'm Tired" (Euphoria, S02E08)
• </Euphoria, S02>
• "So why don't you be a good boy and fuck off out of my Airbnb?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "We still want to be parents and child with you." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• John Amos (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Lissons Kiddo Ranch" (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Look at Joe Jonas! He likes it!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Let's touch tips." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "I had baby Lionel, but he fell in the toilet." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

• "No, you're fuck¡ng privileged!"
  "Hell I am! You're privileged!"
  "You're privileged the most." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "I'm so sorry I told everybody that you have a tiny pecker and that you don't provide for me and the girls, 'cause you do provide. You're a real good daddy."
  "I am? And I got a big pecker? Bigger than Waylon's?"
  "You provide for the girls." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "Remember, Aunt Tiffy, what I told you about when you bathe."
  "ABC."
  "That's right. Angles, butthole, coochie." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)
• "BJ, if we ever had a baby, do you promise you'd still want to fuck me even if my sh¡t got played out by the kid?"
  "Judy, I'd love nothing more than to bang your played-out mother pussy for the rest of my days." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S02E09)

• </The Righteous Gemstones, S02>
• "Gay sleepover." (Better Things, S05E01)
• ♫: Bloodhound Gang – "Fire Water Burn" (Better Things, S05E01)
• Marty Krofft (Better Things, S05E02)
• "Welcome to Van Nuys." (Better Things, S05E02)
• "That was not… You-you're too young to know it."
  "I'm 54." (Better Things, S05E02)
• ♫: Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats – "S.O.B." (Better Things, S05E02)
• "♪ Young dick, get out of my life / My love for you is way out of line / You better run, dick / You're much too young, dick ♪"(Better Things, S05E02)
• "We in a screensaver, y'all. The simulation is real."
  "Mamma mia, I feel like I'm in the hillsides of Italy."
  "Ray Liotta." (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• "So this one is our 2015 estate Syrah, one of our trademark wines from one of our best vintages."
  "Oh, okay. See, this, this one is, um…free." (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• "Now, I'm not a rom-com guy like you, but shouldn't you be meeting her halfway with this running stuff?"
  "Oh, snap, you're right, but she's so close, it's too late." (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• ♫: Tkay Maidza – "Where Is My Mind?" (Grand Crew, S01E09)
• "You are to cause no drama, no conflict, do nothing that complicates things for me, screws things up for me, such as beating up Jay Leno." (Pam and Tommy, S01E07)
• </jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy>

(The Goldbergs, S09E15)

(South Park, S25E04)

• "Mr. Mackey, we were just here to try and give that pony diarrhea by feeding it Erewhon." (South Park, S25E04)
• </Next Level Chef, S01>
• "How much you hear?"
  "Sounded like Old Testament this time."
  "Fuck." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Get your ass up and get that blood off my floor." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "And make sure he don't bleed all over my baby's balloons." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "I'm sorry for…shooting you and all. I'm glad you didn't not make it." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Uh-uh, nigga." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Jerome Saint, how's it going?"
  "It's your world, nigga." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "2PCE187" license plate (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "What if she know?"
  "What if who knows what?"
  "She's supposed to be psychic, right?" (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Rest your spirit." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Look, take as much time as you need. But not too much time. Bitches is broke." (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "What would you like, Queen Louie?" (Snowfall, S05E03)
• "Talk like a wooden boy."
  "Do the wooden boy voice."
  "Do the wooden boy voice!" (Our Flag Means Death, S01E01)
• "I'm forming a small search party to retrieve the hostages from their pee." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E02)
• "No, look, I'm incredible at keeping secrets. My mom thought I liked girls for years." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E02)
• "All right, it's a bit gentrified, but it's still the Republic of Pirates." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "Man for sale! Healthy, sturdy, obedient man for sale!"
  "Listen, I think you might wanna adjust the pitch because it's quite unclear what you're selling." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "Uh, please bring us a round of your finest wine."
  "We're out of wine."
  "Well, then what's this all over my boy?"
  "That's blood. I mean, we serve that. Do you want blood?"
  "I think we'll go for something stronger." (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "My noses!" (Our Flag Means Death, S01E03)
• "What are you doing?"
  "His ego's pissed 'cause Helly called him out for boot-licking." (Severance, S01E04)
• </The Afterparty, S01>

9. Dick, Dick…Boom! (Euphoria, S02E07)

Honourable Mention

• Waves (2022 NBA All-Star Game, 20 Feb 2022)

Stray Observations

• ♫: Alex North – "Spartacus – Love Theme" (Euphoria, S02E07)
• "Am I everything you wished for? I would love for you to fuck me whenever and however you want. You can control what I wear, what I eat, who I talk to. I want every guy you know to wanna fuck me, but they can't, because they know I'm yours. I belong to you, and I will never complain because I trust you know what's best."
  "Aren't you afraid people are gonna look down on you?"
  "At least I'm loved." (Euphoria, S02E07)
• ♫: Riz Ortolani – "Cannibal Holocaust [Main Theme]" (Euphoria, S02E07)
• "Kelvin, you and Queef have been such a help." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E08)
• "I know you may be a backwoods simpleton who scrubs her dresses on tree bark and stinks up the entire house with roadkill stew, but goddamn if I wouldn't miss the pitter-patter of your filthy-ass bare feet, or the way you chew shrimp tails with ice like an animal. You're family, and the thought of you running away on this bus right now is making my gooch pucker." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E08)
• "No one re-cages Keefe." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E08)
• Bearing a cross in leopard-print shoes (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E08)
• Macaulay Culkin (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E08)
• "Love you too, Jesse Smollett." (The Righteous Gemstones, S02E08)

(Arthur, S25E04)

• "You can't just say 'oops' when you do something intentionally bad."
  "Tee-hee-hee?"
  "'Tee-hee-hee' is lateral." (Grand Crew, S01E08)
• "What do I even say as I rip up these offers in front of him?"
  "You'll find it in the moment."
  "Rip."
  "Wow, he went with 'rip.'" (Grand Crew, S01E08)
• "Who gave you permission to put this on my wall? Is this Comic Sans?" (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "Do you like pie?"
  "Fruit should not be hot." (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "Why don't you just leave me and my boiled chicken sandwich alone?!"
  "Oh, boiled?! That's the worst way to cook it, man!"
  "Oh, I'm sorry. I could salt it—you know what? I don't have to explain anything to y'all, okay? I'm a grown-ass man!" (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "You know, I applied to Morehouse." (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "What, are you waiting for an Uber Black to take you to an Uzi Vert concert?"
  "You know that man don't come out during the daytime." (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "And they say UPenn students can't step." (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "Great job."
  "Better than Morehouse." (Abbott Elementary, S01E09)
• "Dave Chappelle didn't want to be Jesus." (jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy, S01E02)
• Len Bias (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "Niggas that work the hardest always make the least." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• Jordan 1s (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "Ma'am, do me a favor and please shut the fuck up." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "The fuck you looking at, nigga?" (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "Tell mama what you want me to do with that big cock. You want me to…slap it? Uh, okay, baby. I'll slap the shit out of that dick." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "I tried to keep him on the line, but these niggas come on ready to blow."
  "Course they do. That's why they're calling. It's your job to tease them out, keep them on the line. You know, you got to hold the cream to make the green." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "You used to be that fool." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "For real, it's the shape of Marie Antoinette's titty." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "It's your world, man. I just sell dope in it." (Snowfall, S05E01)
• "They update the mouth wall? Damn, they took down the chick I like." (Severance, S01E03)