Adam Riff™

18. Grandma watching television (Dave, S03E05)

Honourable Mention

• Grandma grieving (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S03E01)

Stray Observations

• "Anyway, Norway, Sweden, what's the difference? It's all descended from the same rapists." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Sure, they're young and they're fit, but they're European, they're soft. Hammocked in their social security safety nets. Sick on vacation mania and free health care. They may think they're Vikings, but we've been raised by wolves. Exposed to a pathogen that goes by the name Logan Roy. And they have no idea what's coming to them. Okay?"
  "We're snakes on a plane." (Succession, S04E05)
• "I, uh, I metabolize fast because I'm dynamic." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Matsson, pretty cold."
  "Right."
  "When he's fucking randos, he does noise-cancelling headphones."
  "Right."
  "Podcasts. He just lies back, cans on, watches 'em slide the beanpole." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Well, what I, I think what you need to know about, from a, well, from a US news perspective, is that we really…don't give a fuck. Ha ha. US is, US is late imperial, and we don't know. Because we don't really wanna know. You know, we have our own Paris, and when it burns, we'll build another." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Old Lady France? Fucking don't fucking bet against the old fucking, uh…the, the baguette, uh, you know…the, the baguette might be mightier than the bagel." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Sure, but long-term, I don't think news for angry, old people works. I don't. I would fold it in. Fat pipe that shit. Make it more Bloomberg grey. You know? Simple, cheap, huge. IKEA'd to fuck." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Gotta say, I just think fundamentally you're wrong."
  "Yeah, well, I don't care what you think. You're a tribute band." (Succession, S04E05)
• "The majestic stags sparring with their memory foam hard-ons?" (Succession, S04E05)
• "I sent her some of my blood."
  "Oh, okay."
  "Uh…a half-a-liter frozen blood brick. As a joke, obviously."
  "Uh, half a liter?"
  "Yeah."
  "Wow."
  "And then…"
  "Well, I mean, obviously, first of all, good one!" (Succession, S04E05)
• "Your earlobes are thick and chewy."
  "What the fuck?"
  "Yeah, like barnacle meat." (Succession, S04E05)
• "Are you Scooby-Dooing me here? Is that where you went? Hanna-Barbera fucking business school?" (Succession, S04E05)
• "That slalom motherfucker!" (Succession, S04E05)
• Welcome to the Dollhouse (Yellowjackets, S02E05)
• ♫: Danzig – "Mother" (Yellowjackets, S02E05)
• El Toro is Guillermo del Toro (Barry, S04E03)
• Fuches watching Rain Man: "That's us." (Barry, S04E03)
• "Can anyone tell me who this is?"
  "That's Tim Robinson from I Think You Should Leave."
  "No. It is Dutch football legend, Johan Cruyff." (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "Now a central cog of that team was an industrious but brilliant midfielder named Josep Guardiola. AKA Pep."
  "Look at that head of hair. God had to take it away just to balance things out, you know?" (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "How can you tell if a girl likes you or is just being nice to you?"
  "You can't."
  "So now I'm starting to get all these subtle, little hints from Jane. Like, certain magazines left on the coffee table and always hearing about her friends who are doing it."
  "Well, marriage is a big commitment, you know?"
  "No, I'm talking about pegging."
  "Well, still. Wait, what magazines?" (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "I guess marriage and pegging aren't really that different."
  "Yeah, it's all about compromise." (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "And I'm get-away-with-murder rich, so…"
  "Really?"
  "Yeah."
  "Like who else? Name names."
  "Everyone connected to Epstein." (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "'Dicks' on three. One, two, three."
  "Dicks." (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "Don't fight back. Fight forward." (Ted Lasso, S03E07)
• "And to the republic, for which it stands…"
  "A nation."
  "One nation, under God…"
  "Invisible."
  "Yeah."
  "The liberty of justice because."
  "Yeah. Kind of close, but, yeah."
  "Baby, I want you to fuck me to these words." (Dave, S03E05)
• "You're, like, my favorite rapper of all time."
  "Oh, shit. I'm like your Drake." (Dave, S03E05)
• "Uh, this is my friend Gata, short for alligator, and Vatka, which is not short for anything. She's just Trans-Siberian. Not to be confused with transsexual."
  "Uh…"
  "Transgender."
  "Eh…"
  "And there is another guy in another room as well."
  "He's tan…" (Dave, S03E05)
• "Is she too fat?"
  "No! I love fat…" (Dave, S03E05)
• "I'm in the city this summer, just working at the UN."
  "Oh, 'un.' Great, love that." (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S03E01)
• "And to do so, I have identified a brand with mass appeal, the coolest athletic shoe in the world, one destined to reach iconic status and only gain in popularity: British Knights." (Mrs. Davis, S01E05)
• Fast X-sponsored elimination challenge (Top Chef, S20E08)
• ♫: Pharrell Williams – "Cash In Cash Out [feat. 21 Savage and Tyler, the Creator]" (Grand Crew, S02E10)
• "Look, we are not racist. I was raised by a strong Black woman. My nanny." (Grand Crew, S02E10)
• </Grand Crew, S02>
• "Stop! For real? Jacque, is your daddy…"
  "No, no, don't say it!"
  "Ru-fi-o—!" (Blindspotting, S02E04)
• "How could you not tell me your daddy is Rufio?"
  "How has it not come up that you're this obsessed with Hook?" (Blindspotting, S02E04)
• "'Cheese Palace's Cheese Chalice. Complete the Goblet of Cheese Challenge.'"
  "What the fuck is a goblet of cheese?"
  "Fuck around and find out." (Blindspotting, S02E04)
• "Girl, you're pretending to be a blind nun?"
  "Ah, nigga, you got me. Okay, I'm just trying to get to the front of the line. Who does it hurt?"
  "You, 'cause you don't even need to be blind to do that."
  "Why?"
  "Neither of y'all got ADD?"
  "I've just been informed of some interesting news. The boardwalk's website says, 'Our disability program grants guests with qualified impairments special access to our parks.'"
  "What are the impairments?"
  "'ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and PTSD are all accommodated.' Bitch, we only need one person with disabilities, and we have three. Yes, yes, because I do…I do have ADHD. Earl has PTSD. And Ashley…Ashley's depressed." (Blindspotting, S02E04)
• "Plus you're a banker, and, uh, if you two eventually have children, you'll raise the average height of this family by at least two feet. I'd say that's upward mobility in two ways." (Blindspotting, S02E04)

17. Ice Spice (9-1-1: Lone Star, S04E13)

Honourable Mention

• The British Knights Miracle Commercial (Mrs. Davis, S01E01+04)
• Nicholas Alahverdian (Dateline, 21 Apr 2023)

Stray Observations

• "I mean, I'm sick with grief."
  "Oh. You're sick with grief? Well, you might wanna put down that fish taco. You're getting your melancholy everywhere." (Succession, S04E04)
• "Sure, man. I get it. But like, this, this thing is old and you've tried to put him in jail, like, 12 times since then." (Succession, S04E04)
• "You're an addendum of miscellaneous matters in pencil…with a question mark." (Succession, S04E04)
• "He called him the spooky embryo." (Succession, S04E04)
• "Can you believe this shit? He's trying to make Pop into a neoconservative. He wasn't a neocon, he was a paleo libertarian. He was practically an anarcho-capitalist."
  "Yeah, sure. I mean, if you like Benny Hill and Sinatra, does that make you one of those things?" (Succession, S04E04)
• "Oh, God. Oh, she's coming over. Oh, it's so distasteful." (Succession, S04E04)
• "We're calling Kerry a taxi to the subway so that she can go home to her little apartment." (Succession, S04E04)
• "I'm twin track. I'm dead but I'm alive." (Succession, S04E04)
• "Yeah. Right now, I would say considering our dad has just died, we should maybe not shit on Dad." (Succession, S04E04)
• "Just get on it. Unless you want me to pull out the strap-on. [smirks]" (Succession, S04E04)
• ♫: Alanis Morissette – "No Return" (Yellowjackets, S02E04)
• "Oh, let's tell the story of Cinderella, except every character's a train? Ugh. Enough already." (Yellowjackets, S02E04)
• "Sally. Sally! I'm double parked." (Barry, S04E01)
• "When Jim Moss called me and said he was using Gene Cousineau to help capture his daughter's killer, I said, 'Are you telling me jokes? You Caroline Rhea?'"
  "I can assure you he is not Caroline Rhea." (Barry, S04E01)
• "Can I play some music for the table while you have dinner?"
  "Please."
  [rainstick rattling] (Barry, S04E01)
• "Okay, Barry's Splash Brothers of assassins. We need him." (Barry, S04E02)
• "What do you think?"
  "Think only you can get these guys out of their pineapple percussions."
  "Doldrums. Nice." (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• "Now listen, my cousin, Martin Garrix, is DJing at a private all-night party." (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• "Have you got vanilla vodka?" (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• "I have…an ache. An ache for both my lives to be my only life. I don't want to be a spokesperson. I don't want a bunch of apologies. All I want is for when we win a match, to be able to kiss my fella the same way the guys get to kiss their girls. And I know we can't fix every ache inside of us. But I shouldn't have to pretend it's not there either." (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• Chance the Rapper (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• "But the West was liberated thanks to Canada." (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• Piggy Stardust (Ted Lasso, S03E06)
• </The Mandalorian, S03>
• "Everybody I like knows it. Zach and Diego Luna have seen my tweets, so…" (Abbott Elementary, S02E22)
• Jacob's Ketanji Brown Jackson portrait print pajamas (Abbott Elementary, S02E22)
• </Abbott Elementary, S02>
• "Y'all better not be taking no fucking shits back here." (Snowfall, S06E10)
• Boyz n the Hood (Snowfall, S06E10)
• "Y'all ain't gonna win no Oscar." (Snowfall, S06E10)
• "I ain't got no fucking chains on me, man. Hey. I'm free. Free from all of it. In my fucking way. Not yours. And not theirs." (Snowfall, S06E10)
• </Snowfall, S06>
• What race are you?"
  "What?"
  "Are you… I don't want to ask, but I feel like you're Latina?"
  "I'm half-Chinese."
  "Chinese?"
  "Yeah."
  "Amen, sister."
  "Did you say, 'Amen, sister'?"
  "Yeah, I-I wanted to say like, 'Hallelujah' or, like, what's a Chinese, like… I don't want to bow." (Dave, S03E04)
• "No."
  "I'm like… No?"
  "What are you doing?"
  "Kegeling or keegel… I'm making the head just…" (Dave, S03E04)
• "What is this?"
  "Shh. HATCH. Hidden Access Tactical Camouflage Hideout."
  "Those are all the same word." (Mrs. Davis, S01E01)
• "DECK FOR NUN" (Mrs. Davis, S01E02)
• "But you should know I don't move on, Elizabeth. I move towards." (Mrs. Davis, S01E03)
• British Knights (Mrs. Davis, S01E03)
• "Why are you answering his CFC?"
  "Uh, is that a long and stupid way of saying boot phone?"
  "It's an acronym, nun. Concealed Footwear Communicator. Put Wiley on."
  "Wiley's not here. He's, he's MIA, which is an actual acronym." (Mrs. Davis, S01E04)

(Blindspotting, S02E03)

• "God is like the N word to me. Both were given to us unwanted, reclaimed, reappropriated, and now they're whatever Black people need 'em to be." (Blindspotting, S02E03)
• "I love putting my tongue on her tongue and inside her cunt. I absolutely love doing that." (Dead Ringers, S01E01)
• "We just, uh, cut a baby out of a woman's womb. Um, she asked us to. We didn't just, like, do it. But what I'd like to do now, the very next thing that I would like to do, just after I finish these eggs, is fuck my sister in front of you." (Dead Ringers, S01E01)
• "You're framed by labia, Rebecca." (Dead Ringers, S01E02)
• "Raw fermented heirloom gazpacho with razor clam toasts. And here we have mullet roe and squid ink in a wilted greens broth." (Dead Ringers, S01E02)
• "I'm in the wellness industry, and our policy is burn forests and plant trees. Simultaneous. Get there first. We were the first to do raw water, bloodletting. We were the first to do floatation tanks. Trepanning." (Dead Ringers, S01E02)
• "Do you have an issue with money?"
  "She's Pollyanna."
  "Is Pollyanna the orphan with no legs?" (Dead Ringers, S01E02)

(Dead Ringers, S01E02)

• "Fucking dick bunch."
  "As in?"
  "Like a fucking bunch of dicks."
  "Like a bouquet of penises? That's quite beautiful, Tom." (Dead Ringers, S01E03)
• "When this is as good as you think it gets, you haven't got a fucking clue. It's so good. Best fuck. Best drink. Best grind. Best birth. Best nipple suck. Best steak. Best kiss. Best sweat. Best legs wrapped around each other midnight connection. Nothing comes close, Two-face." (Dead Ringers, S01E03)
• </Dead Ringers, S01>

16. Yes! Movement (The Mandalorian, S03E07)

Stray Observations

• "I can't, I can't forgive you." (Succession, S04E03)
• "Oh, man. He never even liked me." (Succession, S04E03)
• "We are highly liable to misinterpretation, so what we do today will always be what we did the day our father died. So let, you know, let's…grieve and whatever, but…not do anything that restricts our future freedom of movement." (Succession, S04E03)
• "We'll get a funeral off the rack. We can do Reagan's with tweaks." (Succession, S04E03)
• "You really don't remember?"
  "Um…no."
  "Tai…you ate her face." (Yellowjackets, S02E03)
• "You keep failing to find what's true about the character."
  "What if I never find what's true?"
  "Then, as my acting coach always says, 'You found the biggest truth of all: We're all made of lies.'" (Yellowjackets, S02E03)
• "Why would you do all of that just to…just to meet me?"
  "Maybe I'm just a…bored Moriarty looking for his Sherlock." (Yellowjackets, S02E03)
• "Man City. I can't believe our white whale has the same name as the strip club where I danced in college." (Ted Lasso, S03E05)
• "Well, you know, a hip-hop song's a great way to get across a message. You know? Just look
  at the hip-hop song 'The Message.'" (Ted Lasso, S03E05)
• "I mean, technically he retired from the whole sport, which makes it feel a little less personal, yeah? You know, like if, uh, your girlfriend runs off with some dude and it turns out they were soul mates."
  "Oh. Yeah."
  "Gina fucking Gershon…" (Ted Lasso, S03E05)
• Brian Gleeson (The Mandalorian, S03E07)
• Skinny Pete (The Mandalorian, S03E07)
• "Damn, America does have talent!"
  "Well, this is light work compared to the real alchemy, Black girl magic."
  "Booo. Shut up and do another trick." (Abbott Elementary, S02E21)
• "I saved enough money to take myself to Ocean City."
  "Jersey?"
  "Maryland."
  "Oooh!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E21)
• "I barely saw your cute self last week."
  "Ugh, I know, PSSA prep has got me busier than Philipps."
  "Now, I told you about them Caucasian references." (Abbott Elementary, S02E21)
• "She plays by her own rules. Made it frustrating to play Uno growing up." (Abbott Elementary, S02E21)
• "Look at where we are, Franklin. What we're becoming."
  "What we're becoming? You think we're the first people in this world to play dirty? Carnegie, Mellon, fսcking Rockefeller?! They were all killers!" (Snowfall, S06E09)
• "The Pentagon spends $250 billion a year on defense. But you needed my pocket change?!" (Snowfall, S06E09)
• "You took it all away from me. You cleaned me out because you wanted me to know who was in charge. You wanted me to feel like nothing, right? Because…you're the hero in your own story. And in your story, the guy that looks like you always wins. But not this time, nigga." (Snowfall, S06E09)
• "I wanted to hurt you so bad…"
  "Why?"
  "'Cause you left me." (Snowfall, S06E09)
• "Like he said, we're willing to—"
  "Shut up!" (Snowfall, S06E09)
• "What prison?"
  "What?"
  "Tell me what prison Alton is in."
  "Are you fucking kidding me? I was lying. He's fucking dead. I shot him twice and dumped his body." (Snowfall, S06E09)
• "Damn. He let you hold the piece like that?"
  "Honestly, I feel a little Malibu's Most Wanted-esque right now." (Dave, S03E03)
• "Niggas need the chain, for sure."
  "Did you say 'for show' or 'fo' sho'?" (Dave, S03E03)
• "No, I don't like to punk people. I'm totally unaffiliated with the show Punk'd. I know that you went on it. And I saw, I watched the Quibi thing. I know that moved to Roku. I know all about that."
  "Fuck Roku." (Dave, S03E03)
• "Okay. It goes on your toes."
  "Oh, like a lube! Cum!"
  "Cum?" (Dave, S03E03)
• "Between me and you, I don't think there's, like, a Black person 14 years or up that I'd feel comfortable fighting." (Dave, S03E03)
• "What's going on?"
  "Bitch, Too $hort is drowning." (Blindspotting, S02E02)
• "Stop the music. Do not shake that monkey." (Blindspotting, S02E02)
• "Damn, y'all bitches done broke Too $hort."
  "It's Todd."
  [crowd booing]
  "Ain't nobody fucks with Todd." (Blindspotting, S02E02)
• "Listen to me! You are not Todd. You are Too $hort. Now, what is your favorite word?"
  "Come on!"
  "I can't. I won't do it."
  [crowd booing]
  "Look, I said, what's your favorite word?"
  "Say it!"
  "I'll say it."
  "It's…it's 'bitch.'" (Blindspotting, S02E02)
• "I'd fuck with him if he wasn't bald." (Blindspotting, S02E02)