Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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45. Mac's Dance (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E10)

Stray Observations

  • "You always log out before outing a log!" (Bob's Burgers, S09E05)
  • "You should have never let me see you act, Larry. Once you showed me that, you showed me everything."
    "How you mean?"
    "Pimp is a role. So is whore. You pretended to be one, I pretended to be the other, and we went on like that for years. You know, pretending. But shit, once you start letting a girl inside the pretend, it's over, ain't it?" (The Deuce, S02E09)
  • The Deuce Season Grade: C
  • Tara Lipinski's throat slashed with an ice skate (Kidding, S01E09)
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Grade: C
  • "Outside of school is the one place kids are supposed to be safe!" (South Park, S22E06)
  • "You can't possibly go all the way back to the snow level again!" (South Park, S22E06)
  • The Romanoffs (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E09)
  • "I keep begging her, 'Give Chicago Hope a shot,' but she won't have it." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E05)
  • Dr. Saunders' throat slashed with a box cutter (Into the Dark, S01E02)


(Homecoming, S01E08)

  • ♫: "Amy's Theme" from The Conversation (Homecoming, S01E08)
  • ♫: Iron and Wine – "The Trapeze Swinger" (Homecoming, S01E10)
  • Homecoming Season Grade: B

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

My man Kevin on the ledge and shit

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// New York City, NY

The first thing I do after entering a hotel room is check the evacuation map on the back of the door to see how the size of my room compares to others on my floor. Did the front desk person fuck me?

The room I write this from is an accessible room designed for wheelchair users. I'm not sure if the front desk person granted me a more spacious room or stuck me with a roll-in shower. Water on the bathroom floor…

[Update: My room has one window, whereas others have one-and-a-half.]

You can now access a hotel room by tapping your phone on a sensor, but we still use flimsy paper door hangers to inform housekeeping not to disturb. Hotel rooms should be like airplane lavatories. If I lock the door to my room, a light outside switches from green to red.

Why do we call washrooms on airplanes "lavatories"?

Billions is filming near my hotel.

Not Bowie Enough

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Z-movie "mockbusters" are everywhere at at this year's American Film Market.

Following The Nun, the $364 million smash that recently became the most successful film in Warner Bros.' Conjuring franchise, smaller-pocketed genre buyers can get in on the (sister) act, too, thanks to such titles as The Bad Nun, Curse of the Nun, The Sinister Nun and, just, Nun.

"Our film wasn't actually called that, it was called The Watcher and then renamed," says Scott Jeffrey, the British writer-director of The Bad Nun, which is being shopped by ITN Distribution. "They came to us in February and said they needed a film with a nun in it. They didn't really care what it was about, it just needed to have a nun basically doing bad shit."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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44. Pretzel Jack (Channel Zero: The Dream Door, S04E01)

Stray Observations

  • "Damn. Y'all murdered the shit out that mothafucka."
    […]
    "What happened?"
    "He talked too much." (The Deuce, S02E08)
  • "We don't live how you live, so we don't know what you know, so we can't move how you move to get what you got. (Kidding, S01E08)
  • "Orvis! Blow your rape whistle if you can hear mommy!" (Camping, S01E03)


(Channel Zero: The Dream Door, S04E04)

  • "Ugh, that is one ugly man!" (Channel Zero: The Dream Door, S04E05)
  • NFL footage (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E09)
  • "Would you like a grape Fanta?" (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E08)
  • "Every Wednesday night, Brad Pitt comes over and fucks me 'til the sun comes up. On Friday nights, I get Ryan Reynolds." (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E08)
  • "Well, I was the chief accountant at Gawker before, you know, that whole thing." (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E08)


(American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E08)

  • "We bang Victoria's Secret models every Tuesday."
    "Fuck yeah! …Thursdays, we get Ryan Reynolds." (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E08)
  • Channel Zero: The Dream Door Season Grade: B
  • "There are plenty of other people I could help, like my good friend Ben Affleck and his crippling addiction to back tattoos, or my other good friend Matt Damon and his crippling addiction to my friend Ben Affleck." (The Good Place, S03E07)
  • "When the time comes, she will rip this guy off and disappear like Keyser Söze, right after he admitted to groping all those people." (The Good Place, S03E07)
  • "Well, it was the first Hooters ever made out of brick, sort of inspired by Monticello." (The Good Place, S03E07)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Channel Zero: The Dream Door
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Crotch-Rot Fishglue

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[checks work e-mail]

Hi Jon!

Here's the message I just received-
"Your 710am United flight to Denver is delayed because we're looking for a new crew. Your original crew has not had sufficient off-duty/rest time required by federal law. We value your time and we're sorry for the inconvenience. UA866 now departs Raleigh/Durham at 746am and arrives at 925am"

Just say it's a mechanical issue.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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43. Single Take Prison Break (Daredevil, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Those Who Can, Dle Candles" (Bob's Burgers, S09E04)
  • "Money is just candy that hasn't been born yet." (Bob's Burgers, S09E04)
  • "Who are you dressed as?"
    "I'm Andre 3000 the Giant."
    "Oh, so fresh and so Gene. Who are you, Louise?"
    "I'm a dragon with a girl tattoo." (Bob's Burgers, S09E04)
  • "Who are you dressed as, by the way?"
    "Paul Rudd in I Love You, Man."
    "Oh. It's, um…"
    "Iconic? Yeah." (Bob's Burgers, S09E04)
  • "There's a gorilla in our midst!" (Bob's Burgers, S09E04)
  • "We are a family who loves from afar."
    "But loving others from afar means what they give you in return is always at a distance." (Kidding, S01E07)
  • "You know, I had the best blow job of my life on the bullet train to Kyoto. Sucky, sucky. Train, train." (Kidding, S01E07)
  • "There's no chemo for dengue!" (Kidding, S01E07)


(Kidding, S01E07)

  • "Should I be continuing to home palpate?" (Camping, S01E02)
  • "Who sends you black emojis?" (Camping, S01E02)
  • "And by the way, I boom-opped the Robert Downey Jr. episodes of Ally McBeal, so I'm pretty sure I know what drug withdrawal looks like." (Camping, S01E02)
  • Pixel 3 Top Shot product placement (Black-ish, S05E02)
  • "I suppose, for you, taking a shit is a form of reproduction." (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E07)
  • "Hey, Mac! I'm going through your stuff! I got your…sticky Bible!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Eater's Digest: Toronto 5

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

September 2018
ku-kum / feasTO / resto boemo / short and sweet / death in venice / dufflet pastries / omaw / aloette / chubby's jamaican / richmond station / hanmoto / soso food club / general assembly pizza / bar isabel / fargo's snack bar / bake shoppe / patois / le gourmand / pow wow cafe / yogen früz / big smoke burger / pinky's ca phe / egg bae / white lily diner / wong's ice cream / pinkerton's snack bar / kanpai / r&d

(Ku-kum) serves Indigenous food.


Seal Trio (Ku-kum)
pan-seared seal loin, seal tartare, and seal paté; served with a bannock crostini and house-made preserves

^ I should've just ordered the Seared Seal Loin entrée. The texture of the seal tartare was bizarre, and the seal paté was unpalatable.


Venison Gravlax (Ku-kum)
herb-rubbed venison loin with fresh heirloom tomatoes, drizzled with sweetgrass oil

^ Fine, but gravlax-ing meat doesn't work as well as pastrami-ing fish.

Wild Terrine, Mousse, and Rillette Trio (Ku-kum)
chef selection served with warm baked bannock
—Red deer and elk terrine, rabbit liver mousse, boar and rabbit rillette.

Pine Needle Tea (Ku-kum)

Scone Dog (Pow Wow Cafe)
cranberry mustard, sage ketchup
—An Indigenous corn dog. The scone/batter is bannock.

(Pow Wow Cafe) is known for its Ojibway-style Indigenous tacos, which substitute
bannock for tortillas.


Beef Chili Taco (Pow Wow Cafe)
cumin sour cream

^ It's more of a pile of food that tastes like Taco Bell.


Hot Turkey or Club (White Lily Diner)
smoked turkey, "stuffing" french toast, rhubarb chutney, gravy, butter

^ Anemically Thanksgiving-y.

Seaside Bae Sandwich (Egg Bae)
soft scrambled eggs, house-cured citrus pepper salmon, potato chips, pickled shallots, arugula, herbed mayo
—Canadian (Eggslut).

Boemo Double B Burger (Resto Boemo)
—Named Toronto's best new burger of 2018. [shrugs]

Aloette Burger and Fries (Aloette)
beaufort cheese, onion, lettuce, pickle
—The runner-up for Toronto's best new burger of 2018. Did we eat the same burgers?


Iceberg Wedge (Aloette)
chive cream, avocado, parmesan, wild rice

^ I did not expect to love this.


Tuna Tartare (Aloette)
green goddess, yuzu kosho, rice pearls, lime


Agnolotti (Aloette)
ricotta, manila clam, smoked butter, potato

Mac and Cheese (R&D)
satay sauce, smoked cheddar, indonesian breadcrumb
—I couldn't pinpoint its Southeast Asian flavour.

Lamb Biang Biang Noodles (SoSo Food Club)
xi'an house-made spinach noodles with new zealand lamb shoulder in chili cumin spice mix
—The closest I have found to matching the godlike N1 at (Xi'an Famous Foods) in New York City.

Jerk Chicken Chow Mein (Patois)
crispy egg noodles, pulled jerk chicken, shiitake, bok choy, oyster sauce
—Mediocre on both fronts.

Jerk Chicken Poutine (Fargo's Snack Bar)
—I am not surprised that (Fargo's Snack Bar) has since closed.

Jerk Chicken (Chubby's Jamaican)
chubby's slaw
—Good clean slaw.

Spicy Jerk Chips (Chubby's Jamaican)
plantain, taro, jerk spice dust
—Deceptively plain-looking.

Curried Lamb Bun (OMAW)
mustard, pickles


Rutabaga (OMAW)
coffee granola, basil, sunflower

^ A vegetarian fever dream.


Squid (OMAW)
green tomato, peanut mayo, scallion

^ Fried calamari sui generis.


Hanger Steak (OMAW)
tallow, broken rice, ginger/scallion

^ The best thing I ate in Toronto this trip.


Hawker Centre (Richmond Station)
milk tea ganache, fish sauce rocks, pandan coconut sorbet, barley granita

^ I could have used another dry element.


Better Than Sundae (Chubby's Jamaican)
coconut sorbet, rum caramel, banana cotton cake, candied cashews, sugar cone tuile, guava gel


Banana Cake (OMAW)
cocoa nibs, jasmine tea


Chewy Chocolate Loaf (Short and Sweet)
cocoa crumble

^ I wish bread featuring chocolate was more widely available.

Neapolitan Ice Cream-Inspired Bread Pudding (Egg Bae)
—I think it was a vanilla bread pudding with chocolate and strawberries?

Black Sesame with Salted Duck Egg Cookie (Wong's Ice Cream)
—Maddeningly crumbly.

White Rabbit Candy Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)
Ovaltine Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)

Toasted Ramen Miso Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)
—Miso ice cream with bits of toasted ramen for crunch.

Corn on the Cob Gelato (Death in Venice)

Previously on Adam Riff™ [Oct 2013]:
(Oddseoul) was the best place I ate at in Toronto.

(Hanmoto) is (Oddseoul)'s Japanese sister snack bar.


Miso Ice Cream (Hanmoto)
condensed milk base flavoured with sweet white miso then decorated with nori powder and crunchy puffed rice balls


Moto Eggs (Hanmoto)
chicken skin chips, ikura, pickled chilies, nori powder

^ Devired eggs.


Surf n' Turf Handroll (Hanmoto)
steak tartare, tako wasabi, shiso, japanese hickory sticks, quail egg yolk

^ Raw beef, octopus, and egg.


Dyno Wings (Hanmoto)
pork dumpling-stuffed chicken wings, tare

(Pinky's Ca Phe) is (Oddseoul) and (Hanmoto)'s Vietnamese/Cambodian sister snack bar.


Marrow Beef (Pinky's Ca Phe)
cilantro, shiso, fried garlic and shallots, sweet soy and pat chun vinegar reduction

^ A play on butter beef.

Pho Beef Dip (Pinky's Ca Phe)
shaved beef brisket, asiago, bean sprouts, thai basil, red onions, cilantro, hoisin, sriracha
—A play on a French dip. The cheese in the sandwich turned me off.


The Grill Platter (Pinky's Ca Phe)
chicken legs, charcoal-smoked and -grilled, lemongrass marinade; pork jowl, charcoal-grilled, lemongrass marinade; luc-lac beef short ribs, charcoal-grilled, black pepper and hoisin sauce marinade

(Pinkerton's Snack Bar) is unrelated to (Oddseoul), (Hanmoto), and (Pinky's Ca Phe).


Laab-Style Beef Tartare (Pinkerton's Snack Bar)
cassava, lotus, quail's yolk

^ Asian-ish beef tartares typically miss for me, but this one hit big.


Pork Neck Pancake (Pinkerton's Snack Bar)
sticky braised pork on kimchi chijimi, scallions, chili, candied peanut


Korean Meatball Ssam (Pinkerton's Snack Bar)
rice, ginger, scallion sauce, gochujang, pickles, lettuce

^ An odd hybrid of ssam and khao man gai.

Sous-Vide Espresso Cheesecake (Pinkerton's Snack Bar)
dark chocolate, shortbread

MISSED CONNECTIONS

Quesadilla Americana (Grand Electric)
beef cheek, mayonesa mexicana, avocado salsa verde, lettuce, sesame

Popcorn Sud Sud (Little Khao)
butter, caramel, corn, chilli


Reyna's Famous Lamb Baklava (Reyna)
kataifi, lamb shank, saffron, burnt honey aioli

Silken Tofu Guacamole (Cold Tea)
avocado, green sauce, taro chips, nori powder


Banh Xeo Broccoli (Pinky's Ca Phe)
smoked oyster aioli, shiso, cilantro

Bae Don't Kale My Vibe Sandwich (Egg Bae)
fried egg, chunky avocado, kale, slow-cooked onions, muenster cheese, fried tofu, bae sauce


(Canteen)

Golden Melon Hot Chocolate (Eative Film Cafe)
golden melon purée, homemade chocolate, ice

Pine Needle Sorbet (Ku-Kum)