Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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3. Backpack Kid Dance (The Good Place, S03E12)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Cassandra Wilson – "Death Letter" (True Detective, S03E01)
  • "I've got some big news."
    "Oh. What's up? Did you get a modeling job with, uh…doing some Icelandic panties or something?" (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S02E02)
  • "Which ones would you like to watch? A Meat and Two Sides? The Beef of Wall Street? The Wolf of Wall Beef? Slumdog Beef-ionaire? Beef to the Future and Beef to the Future 3? Or Three Beef-boards Outside Ebbing, Missouri?" (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S02E02)
  • "I guess, uh, my seed had the longest and strongest ride on the waves of her uteral wall, am I right?" (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S02E02)
  • "We just got an email from Nikolaj's 15-year-old brother in Latvia that he's never met. Yeah, his name is Dragomir."
    "Oh, my God. That is a 42-year-old fur trapper."
    "What? You don't see the resemblance?"
    "Yeah, to Matisyahu." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E02)
  • "How are you smiling?"
    "'Cause he's one of those friendly villains, like the Verizon guy who defected to Sprint." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E02)
  • "Shawn, I have reason to believe that humans might be, on average, better than the point system suggests they are."
    "Counterpoint: Humans are terrible. Limp Bizkit, slavery… The prosecution rests." (The Good Place, S03E12)


(The Good Place, S03E12)

  • "When you fail, and you will, I've got something special cooked up for your four little friends."
    "Let me guess, they're gonna be tortured with penis flatteners and bees with teeth. You are so predictable. Why don't you at least switch it up once in a while? Try using…teeth flatteners and bees with penises." (The Good Place, S03E12)
  • "It's going to be so amazing watching your four BFFs look so sad and betrayed and confused as you, their reformed demon daddy, unleash a swarm of…penis bees. I invented those. That was me." (The Good Place, S03E12)
  • "I have to buy groceries so you can eat, return your 'white people are bad at jumping' video before we get charged…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E11)
  • Insane Clown Posse concert (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E11)
  • "Doesn't he remind you of someone?"
    "Adam?"
    "No, I was thinking more like a boiled Ryan Gosling." (Sex Education, S01E02)
  • ♫: The The – "This Is the Day" (Sex Education, S01E03)
  • "I had a sex dream about Maeve."
    "Oh, my God. Tell me everything. Was it ALS Challenge or just your basic dick sneeze?" (Sex Education, S01E03)
  • "Why don't you start by telling me your earliest memory of your scrotum?" (Sex Education, S01E04)
  • "We're not doing the clinic as much, so I got plenty of time to get on with my normal life and do normal things."
    "Like feel sad and play Smash Bros.?" (Sex Education, S01E05)
  • "It… [sighs] It cannot be all your vaginas."
    "I also have a vagina!" (Sex Education, S01E05)
  • ♫: Ezra Furman – "The Good Book" (Sex Education, S01E06)


(Sex Education, S01E08)

  • Sex Education Season 1 Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Ready Playlist One

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Adam Riff™'s 2018 retrospective festivities conclude with my 15th audio almanac.

Hear ye hear ye Monsters of Wak.


artwork by Jon Wilcox

Everyone is here: New Kanye; old Kanye; Sting; Backstreet Boys; a transgender pop star; Smashing Pumpkins; black, queer, atheist punks; Japanese post-hardcore legends; jazz trumpeter Roy Hargrove; Backstreet Boys again; Elton John…

Despite running an ungodly 02:03:31, I think it's a lean mix.

  1. Wild Wild West Who Is America? 0:28
  2. 4th Dimension (feat. Louis Prima) KIDS SEE GHOSTS 2:33
  3. Danny Nedelko IDLES 3:25
  4. Lucid Dreams Juice WRLD 4:00
  5. Built on Ashes Zeal and Ardor 4:35
  6. Weezer Saturday Night Live 4:08
  7. VENGEANCE | VENGEANCE (feat. JPEGMAFIA and ZillaKami) Denzel Curry 4:00
  8. Picking You Young Fathers 3:05
  9. The Ending of Halo 3 Barely March 3:15
  10. I Want It That Way Brooklyn Nine-Nine 1:08
  11. VERIZON Smino 3:28
  12. Arrows Holy Fawn 6:40
  13. High Hopes Panic! at the Disco 3:11
  14. One Week Nirvanna the Band the Show 0:06
  15. Nonstop Drake 3:59
  16. Heart to Break Kim Petras 3:46
  17. Leave Me Alone Flipp Dinero 3:16
  18. Manic Depression Laura Jane Grace and the Devouring Mothers 3:49
  19. Rap Sorry to Bother You 1:53
  20. The Rage Kid Cudi 4:22
  21. Germany, 1991 Great Wight 2:47
  22. Guile Stage [edit] Yuzo Koshiro 2:58
  23. Mine The 1975 4:07
  24. ASMR Teenage Riot Mostly 4 Millennials 0:35
  25. Infrared Pusha T 2:50
  26. Dawn and Gaze Envy 6:45
  27. Drive Slow / Taste Like Heaven (feat. Xian Bell) REASON 4:42
  28. 1950 King Princess 3:46
  29. Songwriter Under the Silver Lake 5:35
  30. Gmail Sheck Wes 3:37
  31. Pain of Infinity The Dirty Nil 2:57
  32. High (feat. Elton John) Young Thug 3:15
  33. Anything Junior Retreat 3:34
  34. Not Rap Champaign ILL 1:52
  35. SICKO MODE Travis Scott 5:13
  36. We're Not Done (End Title) Mogwai 4:15

No external stream because I still include skits.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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2. Remembering Steve Cirbus (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S02E01)

Stray Observations

  • "I thought piña coladas might be too festive, so I got two super depressing coconuts filled with merlot." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E01)
  • "Clearly, the pineapple is the slut." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E01)
  • "Look, I wanted to say I'm sorry."
    "Yeah? Maybe find someone who gives a hoot. Try an owl cage."
    "Oh, honey, I love you, but not your best." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E01)
  • "I'm a very private person."
    "I know. I haven't seen your chest in years." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E10)
  • "Guys, we got company."
    "No shit. Everywhere we land is like a fuckin' championship parade."
    "No, we got bad company."
    "You better be talking about Paul Rodgers, Simon Kirke, Mick Ralphs, and Boz Burrell."
    "No, not the band Bad Company. I'm talking about the police."
    "You better be talking about Stewart Copeland, Andy Summers, and Sting."
    "Why would two classic rock outfits be waiting for us on the tarmac?"
    "Speaking of classic rock outfits, what's with your lace-up leather pants, you fuckin' dork?"
    "You look like Steven Tyler's mic stand."
    "You look like you do close-up magic." (Champaign ILL, S01E09)
  • "You know what I don't need? My waiter at Sugarfish taking my order like he's auditioning for Speechless. Is everybody an actor?"
    "Trust me, bro. Nozawa way you're gonna make it." (Champaign ILL, S01E09)
  • "This is the actual gun that Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton and Lou got into that Mexican standoff with." (Champaign ILL, S01E09)
  • Champaign ILL Season 1 Grade: C
  • "I heard she bit Simon Furthassle on the scrote, and now it's all wonky, like a discount avocado." (Sex Education, S01E01)
  • "I feel lightheaded and…I can taste scampi." (Sex Education, S01E01)


(Sex Education, S01E01)

  • "I'm owning my narrative!" (Sex Education, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Impotent! Change It!

on

Actual storylines from the current season of Bob's Burgers:

• The kids get entangled in a deep-rooted sibling rivalry between two pilots.

• Bob agrees to drive professional quilter Edith around town.

• The kids attend a lavish "Gatsby"-themed birthday party.

• Gene is livid when his best friend Alex ditches to be Courtney's roller-dancing partner.

• Bob attempts to sell mini coat racks.

• Bob steps in to help Linda, who's in a time crunch to get three scarves knitted.

• Linda's new friend introduces her to essential oils.

Were there any people of colour on its writing staff?

No solace in heaven, no solace in hell

on

This is an actual children's game – from Mattel, no less:

Flush the handle on the toilet to roll the die, and when a number comes up—you have to plunge the toilet that number of times. But be careful, after any given push of the plunger the poop may COME FLYING OUT OF THE TOILET! The first player to grab the poop earns a token. If you’re quick enough to catch it in midair, you earn TWO tokens!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

It's year 10 of this already?!


1. Undertale creator made a wrestling promo for Kenny Omega (NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 13, 4 Jan 19)

Bending the rules for a slow week.

Stray Observations

  • "Derek Jeter was hitting on you? I know you don't like men, Nicole, but you could've at least gotten a gift bag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E09)
  • "Let's crack open those Case Logics." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E09)
  • "Maybe you're not even Will Smith. You're Carlton." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E09)
  • "Okay, Grandma, let's kick this off big Willie style."
    [Grandma slaps cassette out of Eddie's hand]
    "Hey! What was that for?"
    "You're tougher than I thought. You have graduated to Mase." (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E09)
  • "Maybe Topher's just out there raiding Cheesecake Factory dumpsters for breakfast."
    "[sigh] I'd even settle for Islands." (Runaways, S02E05)
  • "She is beautiful and smart. Yes, I know I'm talking about a computer."
    "No, I get it. Kinda how I felt about my first lacrosse stick. I spent hours just…taping the shaft. I even strung the pocket myself. [pause] Stringing the pocket is very personal."
    "Well, not to take anything away from your…taped shaft, but my lady here is gonna help me take down that construction site once and for all. Crack this open for me?"
    [pause]
    "It really is called a 'shaft.'" (Runaways, S02E05)
  • "There's no 'I' in team, Alex. [pause] Coach Alphona told me that one." (Runaways, S02E09)
  • Runaways Season 2 Grade: C
  • Single take bottle episode (Champaign ILL, S01E07)
  • "We didn't jack each other off! We showed each other our own cum!" (Champaign ILL, S01E08)
  • "I know that everything that comes out of my mouth sounds like a joke, and that's a gift and a burden." (Champaign ILL, S01E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

on

1. The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
2. The Magicians
3. Desus and Mero
4. The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story
5. Riverdale
6. NBA: Hornets at Trail Blazers
7. Area 21
8. Ellen
9. Atlanta
10. Ash vs. Evil Dead
11. Saturday Night Live
12. WWE Raw
13. Ash vs. Evil Dead
14. Legends of Tomorrow
15. Andre the Giant
16. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
17. Atlanta
18. Saturday Night Live
19. Patrick Melrose
20. Trust
21. Joe Pera Talks with You
22. The Americans
23. Succession
24. Legion
25. Desus and Mero
26. World Cup: Nigeria vs. Argentina
27. Mostly 4 Millennials
28. Mostly 4 Millennials
29. Who Is America?
30. Who Is America?
31. Who Is America?
32. Who Is America?
33. The $100,000 Pyramid
34. Who Is America?
35. Random Acts of Flyness
36. Better Call Saul
37. American Vandal
38. Maniac
39. Maniac
40. WWE Raw
41. South Park
42. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
43. Daredevil
44. Channel Zero: The Dream Door
45. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
46. Kidding
47. NBA: Jazz at Lakers
48. Conan Without Borders: Japan
49. Saturday Night Live
50. Saturday Night Live
51. Champaign ILL

52. Ouroboros (Black Mirror: Bandersnatch)

Stray Observations

  • "I couldn't shoot tight enough to avoid these tchotchkes if I tried. I mean, who am I, Janusz Kaminski?" (Champaign ILL, S02E05)
  • ♫: Kid Cudi – "The Rage" (Runaways, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

2018 AR™TV World Drama Championship Reigns
The Deuce – 44 weeks [carried over from 2017]
Succession – 6 weeks
Snowfall – 7 weeks
Channel Zero: The Dream Door – 1 week
Homecoming – 8 weeks and counting

2018 AR™TV World Comedy Championship Reigns
Nathan for You – 24 weeks [carried over from 2017]
Atlanta – 5 weeks
Barry – 7 weeks
Joe Pera Talks with You – 8 weeks
Who Is America? – 22 weeks and counting

Looking forward:

The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2018

on

Previously on Adam Riff™: The 2018 Draft

And now, a more conventional list:

10. I'm Upset • Mandy

9. Look Alive • Ash vs. Evil Dead

8. Nice for What • Shadow


7. In My Feelings • Legends of Tomorrow

6. Walk It Talk It • Upgrade


5. Nonstop • Daredevil

4. Mob Ties • The Night Comes for Us

3. God's Plan • Bleach

2. Diplomatic Immunity • Mission: Impossible – Fallout

1. Sicko Mode • The Night Comes for Us

see also: