Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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50. Weezer (Saturday Night Live, S44E09)

Stray Observations

  • "Puerto Ricans drink rum, not tequila." (Escape at Dannemora, S1E04)
  • "I feel really bad for Bryce Harper."
    "What, for being a fuckin' faggot?" (Escape at Dannemora, S1E04)
  • "I wish every night that that piece of shit Pablo Sandoval would choke on one of those fuckin' lobster rolls he's been inhaling since he came down to Boston. Fuckin' Panda should go down to the Nationals so him and Bryce Harper can blow each other so we can get a real third baseman like Kevin fuckin' Youkilis." (Escape at Dannemora, S1E04)
  • "Alexa, kill Kenny." (South Park, S22E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: D
  • "Nicole sent me an ornament that tells a story too, how there's no truer common ground between a lesbian and a 15-year-old boy than the movie Wild Things."
    "We're not hanging that on the tree."
    "Fine, I'll just put it over my bed."
    "Why?"
    [pause] (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E08)
  • "L'Atelier again? It's like every time we're in Paris, brah. What about La Bernadette? What about La Cordonnerie? Get out of your little bubble."
    "First of all, Robuchon is a friend, all right? I like to support Joël whenever I can. Second, tell me la boule de boeuf at L'Atelier is not bomb. Try to tell me that la boule de boeuf at L'Atelier is not bomb."
    "That la boule de boeuf at L'Atelier is not bomb."
    "Lou, will you please settle this la boule de boeuf beef?" (Champaign ILL, S01E01)
  • Fat Keith David (Champaign ILL, S01E01)
  • "Have you considered the possibility that, you know, maybe our detour was good for us? 'Cause before you pick the ice cream you want to buy, it's smart to, like, try all the different flavours. You know, from chocolate to vanilla to… I'm trying to think of a yellow ice cream flavour, like… Banana custard? Yes? My point is, Asian girls." (Champaign ILL, S01E02)
  • "The dating apps use math to link you up with the one girl in the entire universe that you have the most in common with. That's how Bella Hadid met The Weeknd, and how Selena Gomez met The Weeknd." (Champaign ILL, S01E02)
  • "One of my superpowers is my girth."
    "Yeah, man. Not that long."
    "Yeah, very short, but very fat."
    "So thick it's almost round."
    "Yeah. Yep. It's a disk."
    "It… It's true. You don't have a dick, you have a disk."
    "I have a disk. A misspelling turned into an opportunity for me." (Champaign ILL, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Toys and Games

on

Dr. Pimple Popper presents Pimple Pete.

Turn the spinner and the arrow will land on his forehead, left cheek, right cheek, or chin. Choose a squishy pimple from that area and ever so carefully twist and wiggle the pimple out. Don't yank too hard or you might set off the Mega-Zit filled with water on his nose.

So it's Operation, but with pimples.

Monopoly: Cheaters Edition.

Fake a die roll, steal some bills from the bank, and even skip out on rent. Complete a cheat to get a reward, but fail a cheat and pay the consequences!

Monopoly for Millennials.

The player who collects the most Experience—not the most money—wins!

Idea: Monopoly for Boomers. Cheat millennials and never pay the consequences!

Mouthguard Challenge – The Original Mouthguard Challenge.

Oh, there are knock-off mouthguard challenges!

Lipless.
Must Say It.
Speak Out.
Watch Ya' Mouth.

Nick's hormone monster.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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49. First Impression (Saturday Night Live)

Honourable Mention

  • Everyone is Janet! (The Good Place, S03E10)

Stray Observations

  • "Where's our frozen yogurt gift card?"
    "You'll get it when the job's done. But may I recommend no toppings? That's how they get you. Yeah, it really weighs down your cup."
    "I use Rice Krispies. It adds crunch and it weighs nothing. Amateur, amateur, amateur!" (Bob's Burgers, S09E09)
  • "If you put wine in a Del Taco cup, you can go pretty much anywhere." (Black-ish, S05E07)
  • "Can I get a beer, please? What you got on tap?"
    "Amazon, Amazon Light, and Amazon IPA." (South Park, S22E09)
  • "Everyone involved in the strike has been dropped down one level from Prime. We're… We're now Amazon USDA Choice." (South Park, S22E09)
  • "Typical rhetoric from a Marxist box." (South Park, S22E09)
  • "Let's all say white people things. Billy Joel. I found it on Etsy. There was nowhere to park. Did you refill the Brita?" (The Good Place, S03E10)
  • "I just got 700 new Weird Sex Thing files in the last one second."
    "Oh, yeah, Burning Man just started." (The Good Place, S03E10)
  • "Hi, Chidi. I'm Eleanor. I'm Arizona shrimp horny." (The Good Place, S03E10)
  • "Your favourite movie is that clip of John Travolta saying 'Adele Dazeem.'" (The Good Place, S03E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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48. Conan's Japanese Etiquette Lesson (Conan Without Borders: Japan, 11-28-18)

Stray Observations

  • "If you give Alex hot sesame squirts and he finds out, he may never forgive you." (Bob's Burgers, S09E08)
  • "These names are kind of bland. 'Tuna melt'? 'Turkey pot pie'? Maybe we can give these dishes new urban names."
    "Ahh… Like 'Charlie'. 'Charlie"s an urban name. 'Ooh, these Charlies look delicious.' 'Don't put no hot sauce on my Charlies!'" (Black-ish, S05E06)
  • "He's not ready for the real world."
    "Oh my god. Wait. Did, did he have tree nuts?" (Black-ish, S05E06)
  • "Bow, I fight racism every day! When I first got to Stevens and Lido, it was like Boston in the '70s. Now because of me, it's like Boston in the '90s!" (Black-ish, S05E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Eater's Digest: New York City 5

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

November 2018
xi'an famous foods / comfortland / olmsted / ample hills creamery / milk bar / empellon / mah ze dahr bakery / atla / comfortland / sugar freak / mimi cheng's dumplings / otto's tacos / ice and vice / supermoon bakehouse / ho foods / earl's beer and cheese / b&b restaurant / arepa lady / chez ma tante / brooklyn cupcake / bunker @ dekalb market hall / arepa lady @ dekalb market hall / steve's authentic key lime pies @ dekalb market hall / cuzin's duzin @ dekalb market hall / a&a bake, doubles, and roti shop / peppa's / supermoon bakehouse / uncle boons / levain bakery / breads bakery / num pang / pearl's / xi'an famous foods

I visited (Olmsted) the last time I was in New York City, but it was closed for a holiday party.

Well, the wait was worth it. A stellar meal beginning to end.


Lamb Chakna (Olmsted)
red lentil naan, pear chutney

^ The best thing I ate in New York City this trip. Make your own pouches.


Carrot Crepe (Olmsted)
little neck clams, sunflower

^ Like an open-faced raviolo.


Long Island Duck Roasted and Confit (Olmsted)
radicchio, sunchokes, pecans

^ I hate when people say that meat was cooked perfectly, but the roasted duck breast [left] was cooked perfectly.


Dan Dan Späzle (Olmsted)
szechuan chile oil, bok choy

^ The best play on dan dan noodles I have tried this year.

(Chez Ma Tante) is another Brooklyn standout.


Kedgeree (Chez Ma Tante)
curried rice, poached cod, celery salad

^ The second best thing I ate in New York City this trip.

Alas, I can't seem to find kedgeree in the San Francisco Bay Area, home to only a zillion Indian people.


Tortilla Española (Chez Ma Tante)

^ Eating this feels like dying by orgasm.


Pancakes (Chez Ma Tante)

^ Co-chef Jake Leiber was inspired by ones he had at a Mexican diner in Oceanside, California that he says came out of the kitchen looking almost burnt.

Hm.

Mr. Leiber should visit (Du-par's) in Los Angeles, California.

I like (Empellón)'s ideas, but find many of its finished products lacking. Also, its prices… Alex Stupak think he Mario Carbone.


Crab Nachos (Empellón)
with sea urchin "queso"


Sticky Rice Tamal (Empellón)
with red chile duck

^ $17.


Smoked Black Cod (Empellón)
with potato-chorizo vinaigrette


Hash Brown Tacos (Empellón)
with tomatillo ketchup

^ $16.


Corn Ice Cream Taco (Empellón)
masa shell, corn ice cream, masa crema, freeze-dried corn streusel

^ $8 each.


Avocado (Empellón)
with lime, olive oil, and eucalyptus yogurt

^ A parfait in disguise, blended with the namesake fruit for richness, and spray painted with an edible black exterior. The flesh is as soft as a ripe avocado, but the flavour is closer to key lime pie. The salt turns out to be a tart, citrus-y ice.


Apples for the Table (Empellón)

^ Apple Turmeric Cider
Lemongrass Ice
Apple Sorbet Capsule
Quince with Rose and Saffron
Apple Hoja Santa Gusher
Seckel Pear with Black Currant
Apple Confit
Star Fruit with Red Chile

This should come with a key. I had little idea what I was eating.


I was craving jollof and, in searching for it, discovered ( B&B Restaurant), a bustling 24-hour African/Caribbean cafeteria. I had little idea what I was filling my take-out container with, but it all tasted good.

Bake and Saltfish (A&A Bake, Doubles, and Roti Shop)
—They were out of shark. [sigh]

Festival (Peppa's)

Huu Muu Sawan ["Heavenly Pig Ears"] (Uncle Boons)
whiskey and chili-glazed with sawtooth herb and scallion
—Decent crispy pig ears.


Yum Kai Hua Pu (Uncle Boons)
spicy rotisserie chicken and banana blossom salad with cashew, crispy shallot, and roasted chili dressing

^ A very hot cold salad.

Is banana blossom digestible? Because I seemingly shat out a bunch of it the following day.


Herb Guacamole (Atla)

^ Make your own chips.


Fish Milanese, Cucumber (Atla)

^ Make you own fish stick tacos. The ceviche verde makes this dish.


Cashew Cheese, Plum Sesame Tostada (Atla)

^ Make sure you don't order this.


Cacao Tamal, Sesame Sorbet, Nuts (Atla)

^ Make the tamal chocolate-ier!


Deep-Fried Banana Pudding (Sugar Freak)

^ I don't think my balls were fried long enough. Banana pudding needs a crunchy element. As is, it was unpalatably soft on soft.


Banana Split Twice-Baked Croissant (Supermoon Bakehouse)
whole caramelized sous-vide banana, chocolate almond creme, banana caramel sauce, vanilla creme patissiere, chocolate fudge, banana caramel sauce, dehydrated banana, whipped cream bulbs, gold leaf


Super Blood Moon Donut (Supermoon Bakehouse)
red brioche, raspberry jelly, raspberry glaze, dehydrated strawberry, pink meringue, red and white chocolate shards, raspberry dust

Sausage Roll (Supermoon Bakehouse)
pork shoulder minced meat inside a flaky, buttery pastry

Croissant Butter Soft Serve (Supermoon Bakehouse)
crunchy dehydrated croissant crumb, sliced croissant shard
—Like salted vanilla.

Hennessy-Glazed Mini Donuts for Grownups (Cuzin's Duzin)
—Also available in Purple Haze Beer and Pineapple Ciroc flavours.


The La Victoria Swingle (Steve's Authentic Key Lime Pies)
four-inch key lime tart, frozen on a stick, dipped in belgian chocolate, with chipotle purée

^ This ain't it, Steve.

(Ice and Vice)'s current seasonal flavours play on cookies and cream.

Galleta n' C.R.E.A.M. Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
tomatillo, mint, blue corn cookie
—Fascinating. Tomatillo-and-mint-flavoured ice cream works!

Nankhatai n' C.R.E.A.M. Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
kashmiri chai, pistachio cardamom cookie

Kukki n' C.R.E.A.M. Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
okinawa sweet potato, sesame rice crisp


Rainbow Cookie Crumb Cake (Comfortland)
apricot and raspberry jam

The Dirty Bird (Comfortland)
turkey sausage, stuffing, gravy, cranberry jam, herb aioli, on a biscuit

Thanksgiving Dinner Dumplings (Mimi Cheng's Dumplings)
cranberry sage stuffing, house-made gravy, and a side of house-made cranberry sauce
—No thanks.

MISSED CONNECTIONS


Thanksgiving Pie (Supermoon Bakehouse)
house-made graham cracker crust, cheesecake bottom layer, gooey pumpkin caramel middle layer, spiced pumpkin mousse top layer, garnishes: whipped white chocolate cream bulbs, pumpkin seed nougatine, confit lemon, gold leaf, pumpkin caramel sauce, torched meringue, chocolate shards


WTF Waffles (Clinton Hall)


Baked Potato Monkey Bread (Quality Eats)

Mataba (Uncle Boons Sister)
curried lamb pastry with sweet chili sauce


Iced Sichuan Water Pickles (Mission Chinese Food)
fermented cabbage, smoked habanero, caraway, hibiscus

^ Yes, it's literally just $8 frozen water. No, this is not a joke.


The Chuck (Boys Don't Cry)
bk hot dog wrapped in scallion pancake


Shank JB Melt (Little Tong Noodle Shop)
tender spiced beef shank, beecher's cheese curds, spicy mayo, flaky pancake; served with marinated cabbage and signature chicken broth

Grilled Cheese (Henry)
jamaican bread, tallegio

Oxtail Egg Roll (Henry)
sweet chili peanut sauce

Everything Bagel Roti (Henry)
jerk cured salmon, za'atar yogurt, shaved red onion


Mexican Döner (Lalito)
pide bread, white sauce, hot sauce, lamb, chicken, pineapple, red cabbage


Chopped Sandwich (Farmer in the Deli)

^ Go to the deli counter and order a sandwich, including luncheon meat, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, and various condiments and dressings of your choice. The sandwich guy will then take these fillings and vigorously chop them till they're the consistency of tuna salad, then pile them on bun or bread.

Eater's Digest: Philadelphia 5 + NJ/NY

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

October/November 2018
weckerly's / suraya / nunu / r&d / sancho pistola's // the fireplace / heavenly cakes @ brio's pizzeria / peekamoose / phoenicia diner // palizzi social club / american sardine bar / south philly barbacoa / beiler's doughnuts / la divisa meats / goldie / big gay ice cream


Gritty Puckster (Big Gay Ice Cream)
doritos-flavoured ice cream sandwiched between two chocolate cookies and then rolled in crushed doritos

^ The ice cream tasted watered down. Diluted Doritos-flavoured soft serve.

Apple Cheddar Ice Cream (Weckerly's)

(Weckerly's) is as if Chris Ware made ice cream.

Speckle and Scrap Ice Cream (Weckerly's)
chocolate ice cream, raspberry sorbet, vanilla ice cream on chocolate cookies
—Chunks of ice cream sandwich scattered through complementary ice cream. Combinations change.


Turkish Coffee Tehina Shake (Goldie)
turkish coffee syrup steeped in cardamom, raw tehina, pieces of house hazelnut halva candy

^ Instead of milk, ground sesame seeds. I wish its topping was mixed in like a Blizzard.

Fries with Shwarma Spice (Goldie)

Dan Dan Squash Salad (Nunu)
cabbage, mint, peanuts
—I don't think (Nunu)'s chefs have ever eaten dan dan noodles.

// Paramus, NJ

Ginger Honey Mustard Chicken Sandwich (The Fireplace)
—This dive-y restaurant we impulsively stopped at for lunch has an elevated chicken sandwich?

Pickles (The Fireplace)
—It also has delectable pickles. So fresh and so clean.

// Big Indian, NY

Beer-Battered Onion Rings (Peekamoose)
red curry aioli
—Large and light.

Our server sets out lanky grissini in wooden vases on the bar. Not sure if they are decorative or for snacking.

// Philadelphia al fine

Oaxacan Milk Punch (R&D)
mezcal, reposado tequila, passion fruit, falernum, red chilli, cacao, lime, and clarified coconut milk

The D'Amo [Espresso Martini] (Palizzi Social Club)
brown butter-washed amari, espresso, sea salt
—Damn good cocktail.

(Palizzi Social Club) is a members only Italian restaurant located in a quiet residential neighbourhood.


Raviolo Vasto (Palizzi Social Club)
spinach, ricotta, egg yolk

Swordfish Spiedini (Palizzi Social Club)


Spumoni (Palizzi Social Club)
pistachio, vanilla, strawberry

^ The texture of the ice cream was oddly like that of moist cake.

Chocolate Budino (R&D)
laphroaig butterscotch, crumble

MISSED CONNECTIONS


Get Gritty Wit It Sandwich (Joe's Steaks and Soda Shop)
whiz, french fries, raw onions, cheetos

Berry Guacamole (Sancho Pistola's)


Longanisa Dog (LALO)
house-made sweet garlic pork sausage on a toasted monay roll, sauce mariosep, atchara, and purple potato chips

Non-Dairy Chocolate CBD Ice Cream (Little Baby's Ice Cream)