Adam Riff™

Previously on Adam Riff™:
1. The Real World Homecoming: Los Angeles
2. Monday Night Football
3. Peacemaker
4. The Righteous Gemstones
5. The Afterparty
6. Pam and Tommy
7. The 2022 NBA All-Star Game Draft Show
8. jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy
9. Euphoria
10. Wheel of Fortune
11. Bust Down
12. Minx
13. Severance
14. The 94th Academy Awards
15. WWE WrestleMania 38
16. Tokyo Vice
17. The First Lady
18. 365 Days: This Day
19. Outer Range
20. Atlanta
21. Jackass 4.5
22. That Damn Michael Che
23. The Boys
24. Girls5eva
25. Obi-Wan Kenobi
26. Flatbush Misdemeanors
27. WWE Friday Night SmackDown
28. Only Murders in the Building
29. The Rehearsal
30. The Rehearsal
31. Paper Girls
32. What We Do in the Shadows
33. This Fool
34. The Rehearsal
35. Chad and JT Go Deep
36. What We Do in the Shadows
37. A League of Their Own
38. Reservation Dogs
39. Best in Dough
40. Ramy
41. Welcome to Wrexham
42. She-Hulk: Attorney at Law
43. House of the Dragon
44. Chucky
45. Andor
46. Andor
47. Chucky
48. Chainsaw Man
49. Saturday Night Live
50. Ziwe
51. The White Lotus

52. Cotillionaires: Chicago (South Side, S03E05)

Stray Observations

• "I got cocaine."
  "What?"
  "Yeah, hold on."
  "Wait, why?"
  "Because it's fun and we're rich." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E06)
• Claire Danes ugly crying (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
• "Toby could set up a playdate, sure. He could offer to take the kids to the doctor. But he wasn't a mother. The system was run by mothers, for mothers. People talk about the expectations that are heaped upon mothers, but the expectations come from the mothers themselves – the moms' nights out, the fundraisers, the book drives, the yoga classes, the friendships." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
• "Anyone who has ever been to just one session of couples therapy could tell you that beyond your point of view lies an abyss with a bubbling cauldron of fire, and that just beyond that abyss lies your spouse's point of view." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
• "Rachel thought about her college roommate who had an eating disorder and who would, once a week, order beef lo mein, because that's the food you eat when you've just given up." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
• "So I was able to make you all some fabulous dresses with my transplanted arms!" (South Side, S03E05)
• "Some dolls are hos. Slumber Party Barbie? That's the bitch who only had one change of clothes and a gym bag. What the fuck was she doing in the evenings?" (South Side, S03E05)
• "Ungrateful heifers! Do y'all know how hard it is to sew with somebody else's arms?" (South Side, S03E05)
• "No, you not trying to throw bread at me." (South Side, S03E05)
• "None of you sluts wore you clothes except for José."
  "Oh, don't get it twisted. I'm a slut, too." (South Side, S03E05)
• "That's why I'm going to kill her, with a bomb." (South Side, S03E05)
• "Don't trigger Barbados!" (South Side, S03E05)
• "What's up, 50 Cent?" (South Side, S03E05)
• "Smells like TBD."
  "To be determined?"
  "No. Tits, butt, and dick." (South Side, S03E05)
• "Guys! Stop fucking!" (South Side, S03E05)
• "Put the damn chair down with your buy-Ross-looking ass." (South Side, S03E06)
• "This is exactly the reason why we started our program U Run Ur Hooo. We got to work on this D." (South Side, S03E06)
• "But first, I would like to address the reckless rumors that are spreading online at Fake Shore Drive." (South Side, S03E06)
• Officer Goodnight singing a song about Blade in the shower (South Side, S03E06)
• "The code is 6169. Don't ask why."
  "I'm not."
  "It's because me and Kitty said we're gonna 69 when we're 61." (South Side, S03E06)
• "Did you turn the air-conditioning back on?"
  "No, I didn't touch it."
  "Well, then why can I feel air blowing around?"
  "Well, that's because I programmed a gentle breeze. Because the office is Web3, it has the capability of adjusting for minor changes in the microclimate." (Mythic Quest, S03E08)
• "You feel me?"
  "I feel you. Can I say that?" (Mythic Quest, S03E08)
• "Some of these numbers we see every day. Game systems, movie titles, brand logos. [69] Easy associations." (Alice in Borderland, S02E06)
• </Alice in Borderland, S02>

51. Overboard (The White Lotus, S02E07)

Stray Observations

• "Well, he was kinda…fucking his uncle."
  "What?"
  "I didn't have the heart to tell you before." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
• "You don't have to know everything to love someone." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
• Jennifer Coolidge's walk to run (The White Lotus, S02E07)
• "Hey. Do you know these gays?" (The White Lotus, S02E07)
• "These gays, they're trying to murder me." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
• "Our Achilles' heel is an Achilles' cock." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
• </The White Lotus, S02>
• "I hate chess."
  "Why?"
  "The whole point is to protect your king, but…it's the queens doing all the work." (Let the Right One In, S01E10)
• </Let the Right One In, S01>
• "I've become the thing I hate. It's like a Netflix drama down here, and I don’t mean an accidentally good one, I mean a regular ass Netflix drama." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
• "Let's get your embarrassing ass lightsaber back so you can swing it around instead of kissing girls." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
• "If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy an Alexa!" (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
• "It's Christmas for God's sake, and you look like Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
• "Well, that is definitely not amore."
  "Italian Prime Minister on line one."
  "Put him on hold. We can pin this on the Saudis. This is something they'd do. They may as well have done it. They did do it." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
• "This franchise raised me. Trained me, taught me good from evil, made having a bad father empowering. I own Star Wars. Not you. Not that bubble throat pompadour fuck, not some Mickey Mouse shit machine." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
• </Rick and Morty, S06>
• "No, I have plenty of invitations. But they do require me being wantable, you know? And I'm saying that that is not the same thing as belonging somewhere. I have no unconditional invitations in my life." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
• "Do you remember when Facebook first came out and you, like, looked up every single person that you ever knew, only to find out that they all became the same basic adults as their parents? Like, they all had these…inevitable conclusions, to the point that the only people who were interesting were the ones who were smart enough not to diminish their own legends by going on fucking Facebook in the first place. How did we all get this way? How do we all get put on this trajectory where we all ended up with the same boring life, you know? I miss longing. I miss…desire. And it's not Adam. Adam is great, okay? Like, Adam's the best case scenario in a very flawed system." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
• "I used to blow smoke on him so his wife would know where he'd been. I didn't realize that the real power I had was that I had no obligations. I could do whatever the hell I wanted. How was I supposed to know that, one day, in seeking the safety of a grown-up life, I would lose that power? I am 41 now. I can't believe how briefly I held that power. I can't believe how briefly I held it and how quickly I gave it away. I thought about that thing Seth said about how people have affairs not because they're betraying their spouses, but because they're trying to remember who they were in the first place." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
• ♫: Aimee Mann – "Wise Up" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
• [HA HA HA]
  "It looks like Tic-Tac-Toe and mountain tops." (South Side, S03E03)
• "Okay, I know limericks are supposed to be fun and saucy, but what the hell was that?" (South Side, S03E03)
• "So you want to hear about a binder full of holographic Pokémon that got stolen from an auction? I heard they got a Mewtwo, arguably the thickest Pokémon."
  "Okay, well, see, that's where you're wrong, because, clearly, Jigglypuff is the thickest Pokémon. 'Jiggly' is in the name." (South Side, S03E03)
• "It could also be the person you least suspect. Christina Milian." (South Side, S03E03)
• "Stop right there, Romany Malco." (South Side, S03E03)
• Chance the Rapper (South Side, S03E03)
• "And that's when he found it, a remnant of the urban legend."
  "Come on, man. Just say 'legend.'" (South Side, S03E03)
• "Dill weed!"
  "Oh!"
  "Dude, that's how they say 'yo momma' in the suburbs." (South Side, S03E03)
• "At least we going out together."
  "Oh, that's the worst part."
  "Asshole."
  "That's what you smell like right now." (South Side, S03E03)
• "But a financial titan from the Chicago Ideas Festival lives here." (South Side, S03E04)
• "What about that time you went to Indianapolis and then came back smelling like a man's cologne?"
  "I use Irish Spring."
  "Oh, well, that's right. Damn. My bad. Now I feel stupid." (South Side, S03E04)
• "You basically let the man E.E. Cummings all over your brain."
  "Oh, my God. I never let his 'Emily dick in, son.'"
  "I'm not gonna go pun for pun with you right now." (South Side, S03E04)
• Final Fantasy IX (Mythic Quest, S03E07)
• "There's nothing more tiresome than a melancholy slave." (Kindred, S01E07)
• </Kindred, S01>

50. NFT adverts / Blake Griffin (Ziwe, S02E09)

Stray Observations

• "I'll throw this artichoke at your head!" (The White Lotus, S02E06)
• Aubrey Plaza furiously eating toast and pineapple (The White Lotus, S02E06)

(Rick and Morty, S06E09)

• "Where can I get this hеrοin?"
  "I'm not telling you that."
  "No matter. I'm seeing from most of your song lyrics that I can get it anywhere." (Rick and Morty, S06E09)
• "We're gonna make your dick so fake, buddy." (Rick and Morty, S06E09)
• "And that's when King Morty and Rick were left with no choice but to leap into the Sun. We even checked with a royal ladle to ensure it was real sun, not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun." (Rick and Morty, S06E09)
• "Steve, people are loving these calendars."
  "That's amazing. Women love to know what date it is, and naked men." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E04)
• A blank holiday cookie for the Jehovah's Witness (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• Vince Staples (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "Sorry, I don't speak line." (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• ♫: DMX – "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "Oh, I don't dance to songs I don't like. I don't want the DJ to get the wrong idea." (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "I will turn that ass up!"
  "That's right. Now go ahead and make Juvenile proud." (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "You can't lie to a janitor. Plumbers, on the other hand…" (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "What the…? Not my work husband grinding on my work nemesis…" (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "How'd you know that?"
  "I drink a lot of Snapple, so I kinda know some facts." (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "What are you doing out here? You know short people freeze the fastest." (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• Ava dating Andre Iguodala (Abbott Elementary, S02E10)
• "Being divorced doesn't make you any less married." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E05)
• "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
  "Actually, in my experience, it's divorce that means never having to say you're sorry, yeah." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E05)
• "I'll miss you as I float yo shit down LSD." (South Side, S03E01)
• "Oh, well, I'm surprised you're not taking the kitchen sink too."
  "Uh, not the kitchen sink."
  "Hurry up! Go brush your teeth, Demerio! Quick! Just do the front! Don't even worry about the back." (South Side, S03E01)
• "Might be going by his alias Greg Tangerine or Michael C. Jordan or Scottie Pippen of the Shire, Dennis Rodman Clinton, Steve Kerfluffle, Tony Two Cock." (South Side, S03E01)
• "You see, there you go again showing me that you're not from Chicago because blue is a fucking flavor."
  "So is red." (South Side, S03E01)
• "Hey, what's good around here?"
  "What you prefer, blue or red?" (South Side, S03E01)
• "That's enough, Judrith." (South Side, S03E01)
• "Wheyland and I were just discussing the urgent need for more Black-owned businesses right here on the South Side."
  "Mm. This ain't the South Side."
  "What is this, 1 South Michigan? So technically, this is the South Side."
  "22nd is usually what people think the South Side is."
  "I believe they call this the Wild 1s." (South Side, S03E02)
• "I'm not drinking that."
  "It's frosting and water."
  "I just want something regular with dinner. Kitty, this is madness."
  "Please, you're upset. Just eat your food, please."
  "I'm gonna eat my food. I'm gonna have some— Are these mashed potatoes?"
  "It's frosting."
  "Okay." (South Side, S03E02)
• "Look, Rache, do you think Poppy liked when I used Playpen to create new games? She yelled at me. She told me to shove Tim Tams up my bogan shit-maker." (Mythic Quest, S03E06)
• "Bud, I don't know how many оrgіеs you've been to, but this is definitely not an orgy vibe."
  "Sooo not orgy." (Mythic Quest, S03E06)
• "You're gonna bust the door down?"
  "Yeah. What do you want me to do? Suppress a primal instinct?" (Mythic Quest, S03E06)

49. Kenan and Kelly (Saturday Night Live, S48E07)

Honourable Mention

• Arby's (Saturday Night Live, S48E07)

Stray Observations

• "You have a bad case of something called mimetic desire."
  "What's that?"
  "If someone with higher status than you wants something, it means it's more likely that you'll want it, too." (The White Lotus, S02E05)
• "Are you in favor of Elon Musk's buying Twitter?"
  "No."
  "You don't support African-American entrepreneurship?" (Ziwe, S02E08)
• "Damn, hashtag #FlamingoDad is everywhere!"
  "Buzzfeed made an odd-numbered list of other people's observations about you, and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter."
  "Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence that you're a bad person. That is their highest honor!" (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "Riddle Hitler me this…"
  "I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?" (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• ♫: "Y'all ready for piss?" (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien?"
  "He obviously Avatar'd it." (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi." (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans."
  "Oh, I hear he controls the police." (Rick and Morty, S06E08)
• "My kid is in the other half. I want to see my kid!"
  "God, um… Do you have another kid that you could focus on?" (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Ooh. Cleaning vinegar. You soak one inch of cloth, honey, it becomes semi-edible tofu!"
  "No more cooking, Frank. Really. I feel like I've eaten six bathrooms." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "It's like negotiating with an evil doll." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Uh, I'm gonna read out some tributes to Spike."
  "Hope this doesn't turn into a roast."
  "No, that comes later!" (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Do missiles go for flashing lights? I thought that was moths." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "We want all the mustard." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Well, you're not a real man, Ryan. You're just a coat hanger for despair."
  "You're a shoe tree for twat!" (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "It's wonderful that you're in touch with your vulnerable side. Having said that, you do absolutely have to fuck¡ng kill yourself." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Two minutes to total eradication."
  "Unnecessary addition of 'total.'"
  "Uh—oh, yes. Tautology at a time like this, it's insane." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• "Oh! Oh! Adulation? Not unpleasant." (Avenue 5, S02E08)
• </Avenue 5, S02>
• "I love cocaine!" (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E03)
• "Some people are not meant to be rich." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E03)
• "Ladies are gonna be flickin' their beans to this one, boss."
  "What did you say?"
  "Flickin' their beans."
  "Is this a Spanish thing?" (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E03)
• "Filling in for Ms. Teagues?"
  "It's no Christopher Wallace. No Biggie." (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• Creativity mix featuring Jazmine Sullivan (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Why'd you draw the Babadook?"
  "That's my mom!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Insidious, you got Ms. Teagues' phone number?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "There's a reason why we build a routine. Each step builds upon the last."
  "Like a Beyoncé playlist."
  "Sure."
  "You wouldn't put 'Love on Top' in front of 'Church Girl.'" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Amelia Bedelia? Who wants to read about an annoying woman that can't follow simple instructions?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "What about Eloise?"
  "That little girl at the New York Plaza? She's alright, but I got some real Plaza stories for you. You ever heard of Ghostface Killah?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "Come on, y'all. This ain't some white concert. Make some noise!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• "I think I'll start ordering my chicken medium rare." (Abbott Elementary, S02E09)
• Jesse Eisenberg using Facebook (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)
• "Toby had sworn off Facebook following his divorce because just looking at it made him despondent. Facebook was a landscape of roads not taken and moments of bliss, real or staged, that he couldn't bear. Yeah. Best to stay off Facebook." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)
• "The laws are freighted for the husbands, and there's nothing to be done about that."
  "Really? It doesn't exactly feel like it's freighted to me. In fact, it feels like pretty much the opposite here."
  "No. In this case, you're the wife." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)

» "I! Love! Beef! Lo! Mein!" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E04)

• "Aw, we're like Lucy and Ethel."
  "I can't keep up with all your gay, throuple friends."
  "I mean I Love Lucy."
  "I'm not hip. I don't know queer culture." (Mythic Quest, S03E05)