Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

3. Dr. K (Paul T. Goldman, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

  • Cholo Dominik (WWE Raw, 09 Jan 23)
  • Bugs, maggots, and roaches raining repeatedly on Kate and Cirie (The Traitors, S01E08)

Stray Observations

  • "Dang, can you blink? Is this one of those stranger things? What's your favorite song, Gregory?!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Your Hotmail account is very brave, Mr. Eddie." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Well, what about the collard greens I planted?"
    "That was spinach, which is not an easy mistake to make." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Gregory, why would you sow secretly? Why would you prune privately? Why would you cull clandestinely, hidden hoe-ing and whatnot?"
    "Are you done?"
    "Barbara, hit him one more time."
    "Why would you be tight-lipped about tilling?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Look, my mom and sister used to fight all the time, and I would mediate. I was both the crisis negotiator and the hostage. I was Jack Bauer and Jack Bauer." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "And if I pick up his back-up first, like a Black woman on The Voice, he has no chance of winning." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Do you two want to watch Toy Story tomorrow?"
    "Which one? I can't do 3 again." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "You look like you're trying to mute a smile." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Hey! Hey! Relax. This is designer." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Shame to see my queens fight." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "Mr. Eddie, I accidentally dropped my seed into my mouth and then I accidentally ate it. Am I going to have a lemon tree grow inside my belly?"
    "Well, let's think about it. Did you also swallow a wet paper towel?"
    "Yes."
    "Alright, let's go to the nurse." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • "♪ You've got a friend in me / You've got a friend in me / Just reme… ♪ I don't… I don't know the rest of the lyrics." (Abbott Elementary, S02E12)
  • </The Traitors, S01>
  • "She has no brain! I am not dissing her. She has no brain." (Velma, S01E01)
  • "I can't get banned for your thoughts on South Asian desserts again."
    "I know, it's okay. Like the dessert course at an Indian restaurant, just forget it." (Velma, S01E02)
  • "According to TV, it's morally okay to deal drսgs if your life is just kind of crappy. Like, your kid's sick, you're a widow with a mortgage, you have to live on a lake in Missouri." (Velma, S01E02)
  • "Oh, God, he looks like Hitler! And not just because we compare everyone to Hitler these days." (Velma, S01E02)
  • ♫: Unidentified song at 6:03 (BMF, S02E02)
  • "Mail Order Guns!!" (BMF, S02E02)

Cache-22

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Adam Riff™'s 2022 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of playlists.

First, Everything From the Year All at Once, my 19th year-end audio pastiche:


cover art by our mate Jon Wilcox

I finally ditched skits and custom tracks in order to share what I curated in its entirety outside of Adam Riff™ dot com. While a tad less sui generis, I think it still slaps.

[1 hr 50 min]

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

2. Fast as you can, slam the man (Paul T. Goldman, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "I couldn't remember what the name of the movie was, but I felt like I was in it." (Paul T. Goldman, S01E03)
  • </Welcome to Chippendales, S01>
  • "What's an Ira Glass?"
    "Ira Glass? The godfather of podcasting? The podfather?"
    "Oh, you mean Joe Budden." (Abbott Elementary, S02E11)
  • "Yeah, I checked out some of those podcasts you were telling us about. It's like listening to school."
    "Don't waste your time. Those nerds speak like a bow tie came to life." (Abbott Elementary, S02E11)
  • "But she would never cheat on an actual competition."
    "Yeah. What am I, the USC athletic director?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E11)
  • "There's a new episode of Below Deck that I got to review for my podcast, Small Deck Energy." (Abbott Elementary, S02E11)
  • "I wanted to be like Sarah Koenig; you know, a graceful hand to hold through gripping stories. And instead, I tried to force my agenda onto impressionable listeners. I Rogan'd." (Abbott Elementary, S02E11)
  • "I'm like a tall Simone Biles." (Abbott Elementary, S02E11)
  • </Mythic Quest, S03>
  • "Hey, y'all come eat. Boyardee done laid it out. Got shrimp, salad, garlic mashed potatoes, lamb chops, broccoli, and asparagus."
    "Oh, hell no. Y'all can have that last one. Shit, I'm trying to get my dick sucked. I don't want no smelly piss." (BMF, S02E01)
  • David Schwimmer (Shark Tank, S14E10)

The 2022 Draft

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

—

There was an idea… To bring together a group of disparate people… To see if we could create something more…than a year-end list.

12 people select 10 things they loved from 2022 without any overlap, creating a "best of 2022" list unlike any other.

The League
> What is your Top Gun call sign?
> Which grifter are you?
> Which Taylor Swift era are you?

In randomly-generated snake draft order:

Noelle
Puff > Anna Delvey > 1989

Drew
Catfish > Elizabeth Holmes > Speak Now

DV
Shadow > Simon Leviev > Late Registration

Stan
Soup > Anna Delvey > Folklore + Evermore

Jon B
Horizon > Elizabeth Holmes > Red

Jon Y ‹ commissioner me
Highroller > Adam Neumann > 1989

Jeff
Diablo > Elizabeth Holmes > Folklore + Evermore

Ben
Harvest > Anna Delvey > 1989

Adam
Ashtray > Travis Kalanick > Red

Aaron
Colt > Anna Delvey > Red

Russell
Argus > Travis Kalanick > Reputation

Molly
Vapor > Elizabeth Holmes > Red

Alright.

With the first pick in the 2022 Draft, Noelle selected…


R1 > Noelle
1. Abbott Elementary
Television Series > S01 + S02 > ABC


R1 > Drew
2. Everything Everywhere All at Once
Film > Dir: Daniel Kwan + Daniel Scheinert


R1 > DV
3. Barry
Television Series > S03 > HBO

R1 > Stan
4. Andor
Television Series > S01 > Disney+

R1 > Jon B
5. The bedroom kill scene in Terrifier 2
Film > Dir: Damien Leone > killer clown


R1 > Jon Y
6. The Rehearsal
Television Series > S01 > HBO


R1 > Jeff
7. The Bear (but specifically, "Review")
Television Series > S01 > E07 > FX + Hulu > Single Take

Jeff: Would have been Andor if it was still available.
Jon: But specifically, "One Way Out"?


R1 > Ben
8. Severance (but specifically, "The We We Are")
Television Series > S01 > E09 > Apple TV+ > Season Finale


R1 > Adam
9. Barbarian
Film > Dir: Zach Cregger


R1 > Aaron
10. Beyoncé's album Renaissance
Music > Club Dance

R1 > Russell
11. The unbroken, 11-minute opening shot of Athena
Film > Dir: Romain Gavras > paris banlieue powder keg


R1 > Molly
12. Top Gun: Maverick
Film > Dir: Joseph Kosinski

Molly: Given that Noelle picked Abbott Elementary, can I select Sheryl Lee Ralph's Emmy speech?
Jon: Negative.

R2 > Molly
13. Jenifer Lewis and Molly Shannon in I Love That for You
Television Series > S01 > Showtime


R2 > Russell
14. This Fool
Television Series > S01 > Hulu

Adam: Good for This Fool going in the second round.


R2 > Aaron
15. God of War: Ragnarok
Video Game > PlayStation


R2 > Adam
16. X and Pearl
Film + Prequel > Dir: Ti West > just a murderous small-town girl

R2 > Ben
17. The Righteous Gemstones' pukefest cold open
Television Series > S02 > E07 > HBO

R2 > Jeff
18. Wet Leg
Music Band > Indie Rock

Drew: What the fuck is Wet Leg? I literally have never heard of them. Not even once. This draft is the first time I have ever seen that combination of words.

R2 > Jon Y
19. Atlanta, and Van Lathan's podcasts on each episode
Television Series > S03 + S04 > S04E06 + E08 > FX • The Prestige TV Podcast: Atlanta Recaps


R2 > Jon B
20. The return of Saga
Comic Book Series


R2 > Stan
21. Naatu Naatu! [from RRR]
Film > Dir: S. S. Rajamouli

Jon: And here I thought RRR could slip to me.
Stan: I was surprised that both my selections were still available where I took them. Truthfully, I wanted to pick something else for 2, but didn't feel like RRR would make it back around.

R2 > DV
22. Bayonetta 3
Video Game > Switch

R2 > Drew
23. Prey
Film > Dir: Dan Trachtenberg > Hulu > predator prequel

Noelle: Is Atlanta off the board completely?
Jon: As completely as can be. Sorry. 🤷‍♂️

R2 > Noelle
24. The Woman King
Film > Dir: Gina Prince-Bythewood

R3 > Noelle
25. Jerrod Carmichael: Rothaniel
Sit-Down Comedy Special > Dir: Bo Burnham > HBO

Jon: Dammit, this was gonna be my next pick!
Noelle: Sorry. 🤷🏾‍♀️
Stan: This was the first pick this year I was truly jealous of.


R3 > Drew
26. Gordy's storyline in Nope
Film > Dir: Jordan Peele

Drew: Usually, I wouldn't wanna do three movies in a row, but since there are so many options I like in other categories, secure top movie things now and pivot after.

R3 > DV
27. Smiling Friends
Television Series > S01 > Adult Swim

R3 > Stan
28. TÁR's ending reveal
Film > Dir: Todd Field > 21st century icarus


R3 > Jon B
29. Better Call Saul (but specifically, Gene's storyline)
Television Series > S06 > AMC


R3 > Jon Y
30. The opening credits of Peacemaker, After Yang, and Pachinko
Television Series > S01 > HBO Max • Film > Dir: Kogonada > a man grieves the loss of his family's lifelike android • Television Series > S01 > Apple TV+

Adam: Well, fuck. You two [Jons] cooked my next picks.

R3 > Jeff
31. Jon Bernthal's Sergeant Wayne Jenkins in We Own This City
Limited Television Series > E04 > HBO

R3 > Ben
32. For All Mankind
Television Series > S03 > Apple TV+

R3 > Adam
33. Reservation Dogs (but specifically, Tim Cappello capping the season playing sax)
Television Series > S02 > E10 > FX + Hulu

R3 > Aaron
34. Heartstopper
Television Series > S01 > Netflix

R3 > Russell
35. The Don't Worry Darling press tour
Film > Dir: Olivia Wilde

Stan: GREAT pick.

R3 > Molly
36. John Lithgow and Amy Brenneman's quietly devastating performances in The Old Man
Television Series > S01 > FX

R4 > Molly
37. Hustle
Film > Dir: Jeremiah Zagar > Netflix > an nba scout bets everything on an unknown talent

R4 > Russell
38. Toni Collette acting everyone off the screen – and dying repeatedly – in The Staircase
Limited Television Series > HBO Max

R4 > Aaron
39. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Film > Dir: Ryan Coogler


R4 > Adam
40. Elon Musk showing his ass
Wack Twitter

R4 > Ben
41. The Brooklyn Nets, LOL
Sports > NBA Team > Harden dips > Ben sits > first-round exit > KD decommits > Kyrie the omnist > Nash dismissed

R4 > Jeff
42. The Sandman: "24/7" and "The Sound of Her Wings"
Television Series > S01 > E05 > Diner • S01 > E06 > Every 100 Years > Netflix


R4 > Jon Y
43. The end credits of Dashcam, Chainsaw Man, and White Noise
Film > Dir: Rob Savage > a chaotic anti-masker fights zombies • Television Series > S01 > Crunchyroll + Hulu • Film > Dir: Noah Baumbach > don delillo book adaptation

R4 > Jon B
44. Catwoman: Lonely City
Comic Book Series

R4 > Stan
45. Aaron Chen: If Weren't Filmed, Nobody Would Believe
Stand-Up Comedy Special > YouTube

R4 > DV
46. Attack on Titan
Television Series > S04 > Part 2 > Crunchyroll + Hulu

R4 > Drew
47. Desus and Mero's break-up, as a juicy story
The Brand Is "So Long"

R4 > Noelle
48. Rihanna dropping a baby before dropping an album
ASAP Family

R5 > Noelle
49. The absolute disaster that was Love Is Blind, and the subsequent relationship fallouts on TikTok
Television Series > S03 > Netflix

R5 > Drew
50. Connor Ratliff finally landing Tom Hanks for the series finale of Dead Eyes
Podcast > E31

R5 > DV
51. The Batman
Film > Dir: Matt Reeves

Stan: November 17th – the night we thought Twitter was dying.
Jon: See pick 40.
Stan: Dag, okay.


R5 > Stan
52. Decision to Leave
Film > Dir: Park Chan-wook > the magnetic pull between a detective and a beguiling murder suspect

R5 > Jon B
53. The birthing sequence at the end of Men
Film > Dir: Alex Garland > a traumatized widow in an escalating nightmare


R5 > Jon Y
54. Fire of Love
Film > Dir: Sara Dosa > married volcanologists

Jeff: Pachinko S01.
Jon: Try again.

R5 > Jeff
55. The Worst Person in the World
Film > Dir: Joachim Trier > millennial unrest

R5 > Ben
56. Fred Again..'s Boiler Room set, and his ascent in general
Music Performance > House

R5 > Adam
57. The Boys' dick explosion
Television Series > S03 > E01 > Prime Video

R5 > Aaron
58. Stranger Things introducing Kate Bush to a new generation
Television Series > S04 > Netflix


R5 > Russell
59. The rise of Goblin Mode
Neologism

R5 > Molly
60. David Lynch, Judd Hirsch, and Jeannie Berlin in The Fabelmans
Film > Dir: Steven Spielberg > Childhood Memoir

Molly: The overdue ascendence to the A list for Keke Palmer.
Jon: Ineligible due to Drew selecting Gordy's storyline in Nope.
Molly: We need to give Keke her due! But fiiiiiiiiiine.

R6 > Molly
61. Normal Gossip
Podcast


R6 > Russell
62. Vince McMahon going out like that
Vince Screwed Vince

R6 > Aaron
63. Our Flag Means Death's love and plunder
Television Series > S01 > E09 > HBO Max

R6 > Adam
64. The discourse around A.I.-generated art and writing
Are we human, or are we cancer?

R6 > Ben
65. Secret Base's Captain Ahab: The Story of Dave Stieb
YouTube Series

R6 > Jeff
66. Ambulance! – and the start of Michael Bay's "small budget" era?
Film


R6 > Jon Y
67. Sami Zayn sports entertaining his ass off
Wrestling > WWE Superstar

R6 > Jon B
68. Deadly Class ending perfectly
Comic Book Series

R6 > Stan
69. Ethel Cain's album Preacher's Daughter
Music > Gothic Pop Americana


R6 > DV
70. Elden Ring
Video Game > PC + PlayStation + Xbox

R6 > Drew
71. Andrew Garfield in Under the Banner of Heaven
Limited Television Series > FX + Hulu

R6 > Noelle
72. Draymond Green's blunt-rolling station at his wedding
Light Years?

Noelle: No, I did it first in 2016, lol.


R7 > Noelle
73. Corn Kid
Viral Video > Recess Therapy > YouTube


R7 > Drew
74. House of the Dragon making everyone generally okay with incest
Television Series > S01 > HBO

R7 > DV
75. Ramy
Television Series > S03 > Hulu

R7 > Stan
76. Amanda Seyfried dancing to "How to Love" by Lil Wayne in The Dropout
Limited Television Series > E05 > Hulu


R7 > Jon B
77. Ryan Browne's backgrounds for Eight Billion Genies
Comic Book Series

Adam: It was my next pick. Fuuuuu.

R7 > Jon Y
78. Matt Berry's pronunciation of "New York City" on What We Do in the Shadows
Television Series > S04 > E09 > FX

R7 > Jeff
79. The White Lotus
Television Series > S02 > HBO

R7 > Ben
80. John Fetterman's masterful social media campaign
Pennsylvania Senator-Elect

R7 > Adam
81. Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty's kinetic video and film emulation switching
Television Series > S01 > HBO

R7 > Aaron
82. A League of Their Own
Television Series > S01 > Prime Video

R7 > Russell
83. Seth Green's NFT ape being stolen and sold to someone else, jeopardizing the television show it was set to star in
Owned

R7 > Molly
84. Somebody Somewhere
Television Series > S01 > HBO

R8 > Molly
85. Jennifer Lopez's performance of "Church" in Marry Me
Film > Dir: Kat Coiro


R8 > Russell
86. Austin Butler ripping it in Elvis' "If I Can Dream – '68 Comeback Special" sequence
Film > Dir: Baz Luhrmann

R8 > Aaron
87. Tinykin
Video Game > PC + PlayStation + Switch + Xbox

R8 > Adam
88. The collapse of Sam Bankman-Fried's crypto empire
OMGFTXBBQ

Ben: Ahhh FTX went right before me.

R8 > Ben
89. Taylor Hawkins' son Shane playing "My Hero" with Foo Fighters at Wembley Stadium
Music Performance

R8 > Jeff
90. Horsegirl's album Versions of Modern Performance
Music > Indie Rock

R8 > Jon Y
91. Tunic
Video Game > PC + PlayStation + Switch + Xbox

R8 > Jon B
92. Grand Crew
Television Series > S01 > NBC

R8 > Stan
93. Vince Staples' album Ramona Park Broke My Heart
Music > Rap

R8 > DV
94. Viola Davis' Michelle Obama on The First Lady
Television Series > S01 > Showtime

R8 > Drew
95. Reacher
Television Series > S01 > Prime Video

R8 > Noelle
96. "Tití Me Preguntó" by Bad Bunny
Song > Hip-Hop Dembow

Noelle: Let the record show that I wanted this pick to be Tanya falling off that damn boat instead of taking the stairs.

Noelle: ChatGPT and our impending doom.
Jon: See pick 64.
Noelle: Gahhh okay!

R9 > Noelle
97. Bad Sisters
Television Series > S01 > Apple TV+

R9 > Drew
98. Pusha T's album It's Almost Dry
Music > Rap

R9 > DV
99. My Chemical Romance reunited
Music Band


R9 > Stan
100. Aftersun
Film > Dir: Charlotte Wells > a woman recalls a holiday with her struggling father

R9 > Jon B
101. The "sonic catering" in Flux Gourmet
Film > Dir: Peter Strickland > performance art satire

R9 > Jon Y
102. J.I.D.'s album The Forever Story
Music > Hip-Hop


R9 > Jeff
103. Alvvays' album Blue Rev
Music > Power Pop Rock

R9 > Ben
104. The Banshees of Inisherin
Film > Dir: Martin McDonagh > the abrupt break-up of lifelong friends sparks violence, suffering, and self-reflection

R9 > Adam
105. On Cinema
Internet Series > S13 > HEI Network

R9 > Aaron
106. Wordle's brief world domination
And Lingo was his game-O

R9 > Russell
107. Industry
Television Series > S02 > HBO

R9 > Molly
108. Fire Island
Film > Dir: Andrew Ahn > Hulu > gay pride and prejudice

Final Round Wild Card Pick
Along with your final pick, please select something from 2022 that you have yet to experience as of 16 December 2022 but are keen on.

R10 • Molly
109. Good Luck to You, Leo Grande
Film > Dir: Sophie Hyde > Hulu > a repressed widow hires a sex worker

+ Women Talking
Film > Dir: Sarah Polley > female members of a mennonite colony sort out their response to years of sexual abuse


R10 • Russell
110. Brian Windhorst's cryptic Utah Jazz report
Viral Video > First Take > 01 July 2022 > ESPN

+ This Place Rules
Television Special > HBO

R10 • Aaron
111. Bros
Film > Dir: Nicholas Stoller > gay rom-com

+ I Wanna Dance with Somebody
Film > Dir: Kasi Lemmons


R10 • Adam
112. Soul Glo's album Diaspora Problems
Music > Hardcore Punk

+ Adult Swim Yule Log / The Fire Place
Film > Dir: Casper Kelly > HBO Max > a couple's romantic weekend is spoiled by a deadly flying log, among other things

R10 • Ben
113. "Past Life" by Arkells and Cold War Kids
Song > 1980s Pop

+ Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Film > Dir: Rian Johnson

R10 • Jeff
114. Station Eleven: "Unbroken Circle"
Limited Television Series > E10 > HBO Max > Finale

+ Babylon
Film > Dir: Damien Chazelle > a feverish look at hollywood’s transition from silents to talkies

R10 • Jon Y
115. The chess grandmaster anal bead conspiracy
The Meme Gambit

+ Alice in Borderland
Television Series > S02 > Netflix

R10 • Jon B
116. Rogues
Comic Book Series

+ Something in the Dirt
Film > Dir: Justin Benson + Aaron Moorhead > two burnouts lose their minds after discovering a floating rock

R10 • Stan
117. Slow Horses
Television Series > S01 + S02 > Apple TV+

+ Return to Seoul
Film > Dir: Davy Chou > an adoptee's uneasy exploration of her korean roots

R10 • DV
118. Elmo's unhinged rant about Rocco
Viral Video > Sesame Street > PBS

+ Mob Psycho 100
Television Series > S03 > Crunchyroll + Hulu

R10 • Drew
119. Kamala's family in Ms. Marvel
Television Series > S01 > Disney+

+ Emily in Paris
Television Series > S03 > Netflix

Jon: I feel like you pick Emily in Paris every year.
Drew: Did I pick it previously? If I did, goddamn right.
Jon: You picked season one…
Drew: I'm the Osiris of this shit.
Jon: And I coulda sworn you picked season two last year.
Drew: I regret that I didn't.


R10 • Noelle
120. Will Smith slapping Chris Rock and winning an Oscar 10 minutes later
Mr. Relevant

+ Kindred
Television Series > S01 > FX + Hulu

Undrafted!
Aaron Judge
The Acclaimed
Avatar: The Way of Water
Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers
Confess, Fletch
Dream's face reveal
"Emmanuel, don't do it"
Euphoria
GloRilla
Horizon: Forbidden West
Ice Spice
___ is him
Kai Cenat
Kendrick Lamar
Lionel Messi
LIV Golf
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
Marvel Snap
Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Morbius
Neon White
Pickleball
Pink Sauce
Pokémon Legends: Arceus
Rizz
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law
Smile
Spy x Family
Steve Lacy
Stray
Swedengate
Wednesday
When We Were Young festival

Click to view the draft by team.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


1. Q Family (This Place Rules)

Stray Observations

  • "Hey, it's Wet-Ass Bussy. Tune in after the break." (Ziwe, S02E12)
  • </Ziwe, S02>
  • "Himeno, can you hear this up in heaven? We're playing a requiem for you." (Chainsaw Man, S01E10)
  • </Chainsaw Man, S01>
  • Chips Aboard! (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E07)
  • "I am not gonna be the prisoner of my mistakes. This is what our ancestors died for, the right for us to be middle-aged and bored and miserable." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E08)
  • "I could tell you that after weeks of starts and stops, that was the moment that the Fleishmans understood that a divorce was an earthquake for two people who used to be in love, but it was a chronic condition for the children who had to somehow survive it." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E08)
  • "I think that the men of this generation, they're all, like, really good feminists, but they haven't actually thought about what it means to be equal, so they're so fragile all the time. We have to spend all of our time on reassuring and fellating every insecurity out of them." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E08)
  • "That was the problem. You were not ever going to be young again. You were only at risk for not remembering that this was as good as it would get in every single moment. That you are right now as young as you will ever be again." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E08)
  • </Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01>
  • "So I went to the kitchen, and I put the bandana on a banana because I wanted to have a peanut butter and Juelz Santana bandana banana sandwich." (South Side, S03E07)
  • "I'm going through some shit right now, and I just feel like if I could listen to some Dipset on vinyl, it would just really lift my spirits."
    "Well, I feel you, because Dipset usually lift my spirits, too, but I can tell you that we're all checked out at the moment. Hold on, it do look like we have Diplomatic Ties, though."
    "No. No, I'm not that sad." (South Side, S03E07)
  • "I'm looking up Bob Jobs right now, and all I gotta say is ain't shit scientific about this."
    "You've got one too many Os in there." (South Side, S03E07)
  • "This is an A-list production. Simon's fucked."
    "Wait, who's playing me?"
    "Rhymefest."
    "Hmm. Hmm. Wouldn't be my first choice, but…" (South Side, S03E08)
  • "I was on set when Reginald VelJohnson got the role for Die Hard. I heard the call. He said, 'Oh, I'm playing the same character, but in a movie.'" (South Side, S03E08)
  • "I am obsessed with the chronological order of Reginald VelJohnson's career." (South Side, S03E08)
  • "Meet me at Lollapalooza."
    "Okay, what's going on?"
    "I don't have time to explain. Just, the robots are about to attack Cordae." (South Side, S03E08)
  • "And, Gil, I told you a million times, you can't barehand a brain, okay? Gloves." (South Side, S03E08)
  • Cordae's mutton chops at Lollapalooza 2022 were for South Side (South Side, S03E08)
  • "So I lost everything."
    "Yeah."
    "Wait."
    "Yes?"
    "Am I a good boss?" (South Side, S03E08)
  • "No, no, no, don't even try it, Rhymefest." (South Side, S03E08)
  • </South Side, S03>
  • </Slow Horses, S02>

Looking forward:

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:
1. The Real World Homecoming: Los Angeles
2. Monday Night Football
3. Peacemaker
4. The Righteous Gemstones
5. The Afterparty
6. Pam and Tommy
7. The 2022 NBA All-Star Game Draft Show
8. jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy
9. Euphoria
10. Wheel of Fortune
11. Bust Down
12. Minx
13. Severance
14. The 94th Academy Awards
15. WWE WrestleMania 38
16. Tokyo Vice
17. The First Lady
18. 365 Days: This Day
19. Outer Range
20. Atlanta
21. Jackass 4.5
22. That Damn Michael Che
23. The Boys
24. Girls5eva
25. Obi-Wan Kenobi
26. Flatbush Misdemeanors
27. WWE Friday Night SmackDown
28. Only Murders in the Building
29. The Rehearsal
30. The Rehearsal
31. Paper Girls
32. What We Do in the Shadows
33. This Fool
34. The Rehearsal
35. Chad and JT Go Deep
36. What We Do in the Shadows
37. A League of Their Own
38. Reservation Dogs
39. Best in Dough
40. Ramy
41. Welcome to Wrexham
42. She-Hulk: Attorney at Law
43. House of the Dragon
44. Chucky
45. Andor
46. Andor
47. Chucky
48. Chainsaw Man
49. Saturday Night Live
50. Ziwe
51. The White Lotus

52. Cotillionaires: Chicago (South Side, S03E05)

Stray Observations

  • "I got cocaine."
    "What?"
    "Yeah, hold on."
    "Wait, why?"
    "Because it's fun and we're rich." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E06)
  • Claire Danes ugly crying (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
  • "Toby could set up a playdate, sure. He could offer to take the kids to the doctor. But he wasn't a mother. The system was run by mothers, for mothers. People talk about the expectations that are heaped upon mothers, but the expectations come from the mothers themselves – the moms' nights out, the fundraisers, the book drives, the yoga classes, the friendships." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
  • "Anyone who has ever been to just one session of couples therapy could tell you that beyond your point of view lies an abyss with a bubbling cauldron of fire, and that just beyond that abyss lies your spouse's point of view." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
  • "Rachel thought about her college roommate who had an eating disorder and who would, once a week, order beef lo mein, because that's the food you eat when you've just given up." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E07)
  • "So I was able to make you all some fabulous dresses with my transplanted arms!" (South Side, S03E05)
  • "Some dolls are hos. Slumber Party Barbie? That's the bitch who only had one change of clothes and a gym bag. What the fuck was she doing in the evenings?" (South Side, S03E05)
  • "Ungrateful heifers! Do y'all know how hard it is to sew with somebody else's arms?" (South Side, S03E05)
  • "No, you not trying to throw bread at me." (South Side, S03E05)
  • "None of you sluts wore you clothes except for José."
    "Oh, don't get it twisted. I'm a slut, too." (South Side, S03E05)
  • "That's why I'm going to kill her, with a bomb." (South Side, S03E05)
  • "Don't trigger Barbados!" (South Side, S03E05)
  • "What's up, 50 Cent?" (South Side, S03E05)
  • "Smells like TBD."
    "To be determined?"
    "No. Tits, butt, and dick." (South Side, S03E05)
  • "Guys! Stop fucking!" (South Side, S03E05)
  • "Put the damn chair down with your buy-Ross-looking ass." (South Side, S03E06)
  • "This is exactly the reason why we started our program U Run Ur Hooo. We got to work on this D." (South Side, S03E06)
  • "But first, I would like to address the reckless rumors that are spreading online at Fake Shore Drive." (South Side, S03E06)
  • Officer Goodnight singing a song about Blade in the shower (South Side, S03E06)
  • "The code is 6169. Don't ask why."
    "I'm not."
    "It's because me and Kitty said we're gonna 69 when we're 61." (South Side, S03E06)
  • "Did you turn the air-conditioning back on?"
    "No, I didn't touch it."
    "Well, then why can I feel air blowing around?"
    "Well, that's because I programmed a gentle breeze. Because the office is Web3, it has the capability of adjusting for minor changes in the microclimate." (Mythic Quest, S03E08)
  • "You feel me?"
    "I feel you. Can I say that?" (Mythic Quest, S03E08)
  • "Some of these numbers we see every day. Game systems, movie titles, brand logos. [69] Easy associations." (Alice in Borderland, S02E06)
  • </Alice in Borderland, S02>

The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2022

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

'Twas a year of vibes more than skill.

10. Reva vs. Darth Vader • Obi-Wan Kenobi

9. Gloria vs. Property Brother Drew • Girls5eva

8. Weird Al vs. Pablo Escobar's Goons • Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

7. Dream vs. Lucifer • The Sandman

6. Doctor Strange vs. Sinister Strange • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

5. Dan vs. CIA Agent • The Old Man

4. Waymond vs. Security Guards • Everything Everywhere All at Once

3. Carter vs. Bathhouse • Carter

2. Mike vs. Oyumi • Accident Man: Hitman's Holiday

1. Bheem vs. Ram • RRR

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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51. Overboard (The White Lotus, S02E07)

Stray Observations

  • "Well, he was kinda…fucking his uncle."
    "What?"
    "I didn't have the heart to tell you before." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
  • "You don't have to know everything to love someone." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
  • Jennifer Coolidge's walk to run (The White Lotus, S02E07)
  • "Hey. Do you know these gays?" (The White Lotus, S02E07)
  • "These gays, they're trying to murder me." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
  • "Our Achilles' heel is an Achilles' cock." (The White Lotus, S02E07)
  • </The White Lotus, S02>
  • "I hate chess."
    "Why?"
    "The whole point is to protect your king, but…it's the queens doing all the work." (Let the Right One In, S01E10)
  • </Let the Right One In, S01>
  • "I've become the thing I hate. It's like a Netflix drama down here, and I don’t mean an accidentally good one, I mean a regular ass Netflix drama." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
  • "Let's get your embarrassing ass lightsaber back so you can swing it around instead of kissing girls." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
  • "If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy an Alexa!" (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
  • "It's Christmas for God's sake, and you look like Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
  • "Well, that is definitely not amore."
    "Italian Prime Minister on line one."
    "Put him on hold. We can pin this on the Saudis. This is something they'd do. They may as well have done it. They did do it." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
  • "This franchise raised me. Trained me, taught me good from evil, made having a bad father empowering. I own Star Wars. Not you. Not that bubble throat pompadour fuck, not some Mickey Mouse shit machine." (Rick and Morty, S06E10)
  • </Rick and Morty, S06>
  • "No, I have plenty of invitations. But they do require me being wantable, you know? And I'm saying that that is not the same thing as belonging somewhere. I have no unconditional invitations in my life." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
  • "Do you remember when Facebook first came out and you, like, looked up every single person that you ever knew, only to find out that they all became the same basic adults as their parents? Like, they all had these…inevitable conclusions, to the point that the only people who were interesting were the ones who were smart enough not to diminish their own legends by going on fucking Facebook in the first place. How did we all get this way? How do we all get put on this trajectory where we all ended up with the same boring life, you know? I miss longing. I miss…desire. And it's not Adam. Adam is great, okay? Like, Adam's the best case scenario in a very flawed system." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
  • "I used to blow smoke on him so his wife would know where he'd been. I didn't realize that the real power I had was that I had no obligations. I could do whatever the hell I wanted. How was I supposed to know that, one day, in seeking the safety of a grown-up life, I would lose that power? I am 41 now. I can't believe how briefly I held that power. I can't believe how briefly I held it and how quickly I gave it away. I thought about that thing Seth said about how people have affairs not because they're betraying their spouses, but because they're trying to remember who they were in the first place." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
  • ♫: Aimee Mann – "Wise Up" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E06)
  • [HA HA HA]
    "It looks like Tic-Tac-Toe and mountain tops." (South Side, S03E03)
  • "Okay, I know limericks are supposed to be fun and saucy, but what the hell was that?" (South Side, S03E03)
  • "So you want to hear about a binder full of holographic Pokémon that got stolen from an auction? I heard they got a Mewtwo, arguably the thickest Pokémon."
    "Okay, well, see, that's where you're wrong, because, clearly, Jigglypuff is the thickest Pokémon. 'Jiggly' is in the name." (South Side, S03E03)
  • "It could also be the person you least suspect. Christina Milian." (South Side, S03E03)
  • "Stop right there, Romany Malco." (South Side, S03E03)
  • Chance the Rapper (South Side, S03E03)
  • "And that's when he found it, a remnant of the urban legend."
    "Come on, man. Just say 'legend.'" (South Side, S03E03)
  • "Dill weed!"
    "Oh!"
    "Dude, that's how they say 'yo momma' in the suburbs." (South Side, S03E03)
  • "At least we going out together."
    "Oh, that's the worst part."
    "Asshole."
    "That's what you smell like right now." (South Side, S03E03)
  • "But a financial titan from the Chicago Ideas Festival lives here." (South Side, S03E04)
  • "What about that time you went to Indianapolis and then came back smelling like a man's cologne?"
    "I use Irish Spring."
    "Oh, well, that's right. Damn. My bad. Now I feel stupid." (South Side, S03E04)
  • "You basically let the man E.E. Cummings all over your brain."
    "Oh, my God. I never let his 'Emily dick in, son.'"
    "I'm not gonna go pun for pun with you right now." (South Side, S03E04)
  • Final Fantasy IX (Mythic Quest, S03E07)
  • "There's nothing more tiresome than a melancholy slave." (Kindred, S01E07)
  • </Kindred, S01>

Bitches love my moustache

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PIÑATA MASTERS! (NETFLIX)
Premieres Friday, December 23

DESCRIPTION:
Which of seven competing teams will be the Piñata Heroes? Their piñatas must be colorful and creative, and impress the picky judges: a group of kids!

If we're not out of ideas for competition series, then we're very close.

related:

COURT 17
An over-the-hill tennis pro, trying to salvage her career, finds herself stuck playing the first round of the US Open over and over again against one of the top players in the world. The only way to stop the loop is to win the match.

BABY BOOM
When her sister's gender reveal party triggers the apocalypse, a woman and her husband have to prove to themselves, and the world, that they're responsible enough to save it.

VIVA MEXICO
When a washed-up superhero gets betrayed by a Mexican government, he must lead a populist social movement to fight the Narcos, topple the government, and free the people.

THE AMERICANO
An everyday guy who accidentally starts working as a barista inside the CIA headquarters building gets lured into a spy mission by a beautiful secret agent, known only to him as Caramel Macchiato.

SUBVERSION
When her family is abducted, a disgraced submariner must pilot a narco submarine to its destination in less than eight hours or her husband and daughter will be killed.

TOTAL LANDSCAPING
A day in the life of the employees of Four Seasons Total Landscaping and its neighboring businesses on November 7th, 2020.

POPULAR
GOP strategist Lee Atwater won the presidency for George H.W. Bush in 1988, and his campaign changed politics forever–and gave him the worst reputation in America. Now, Lee is on his deathbed, and he needs to tell God his side of the story…before it's too late.

WHO MADE THE POTATO SALAD?
A family's Christmas dinner goes awry when a xenomorphic demon starts to duplicate and imitate each member of the family. What does it want? To show them their greatest fears.

AN OAKLAND HOLIDAY
When a neglected and lonely Southeast Asian Princess goes undercover in an Oakland high school to live out her dream of being a normal teen, she discovers that happy endings come with many hard lessons about life, love, and humility.

WILDFIRE
After accidentally starting a wildfire, 7-year-old Lu, mute and from an abusive home, slyly tricks Merribelle, a hardworking trans woman, into kidnapping her – sparking a beautifully unexpected bond with a devastating expiration date.

MARRIAGE BRACKET
Ten years after a group of girlfriends bet on which of them would be the last to get married, their adult lives and relationships are completely upended when they discover the $80 they drunkenly invested in Bitcoin is now worth $5.2 million.